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How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 7:50:53 AM

lavinia

Posts: 3
Status: offline

Hi all!
I'm completely new here, but was recommended this place on another board.
My problem is this: I would dearly like to enjoy discomfort, even pain. I am a wimp, a worse wimp than any I know. But recently, I saw the idea of feeling pain in an erotic context, and it rocked my world. It was only when I actually introduced the pain in my masturbation that I went cold and dry. It was such a disappoitnment.
So can anyone help me find a way to bridge the gap? I am quite submissive by nature, always dreaming of a big strong man gathering me up in his arms, and taking away all my fear and doubt. I really want to be able to give myself over to that fantasy (and maybe some day that man).
Sorry if I'm being terribly trivial or making no sense, but where else do I ask? Is there anything I can do to learn to appreciate physical discomfort, even pain?

Post #: 1

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 7:54:04 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

Greetings lavinia,

Being submissive has nothing to do with being a masochist~

Why do you feel you need to learn to enjoy pain to attract a dominant?

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to lavinia)

Post #: 2

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 7:56:54 AM

windmeup90

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/7/2008
From: Florida
Status: offline

I don't personally think pain has to be part of he D/s lifestyle. It usually comes with it, but it is not a prerequisite for saying you are in such a relationship.

However, if you really want to deal with pain, I think it takes time. Personally, I've always loved pain, and do enjoy torture play, and hard spanking and the like. I think enjoying the pain is all about the mindset, though. If you're scared because you don't like it, ask for gentle training. Discuss these fears with your Dominant. Learn to associate small pains with erotic situations and move on from there. Disassociate the pain from the negativity.

Just my advice. :) Hope you find the answers you're looking for.

(in reply to lavinia)

Post #: 3

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 9:08:43 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

The difference I see is masturbating (self pleasure) versus doing it for someone else (pleasing one's dominant). The idea of suffering discomfort for someone I have a submissive connection with is far more appealing that suffering it for myself. I would have gone cold, too. I always enjoyed the look on my former owner's face as I physically suffered for him...it propelled me to take more and more.

What motivates the suffering is critical for me.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to lavinia)

Post #: 4

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 9:13:06 AM

swan70

Posts: 47
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline

I do not enjoy inflicting pain on myself. I have NO sadism in me. I get dry if doing it during masturbation. I get hot and wet when reading erotic lit or seeing porn about it though.

I LOVE feeling pain for another though. It isn't the pain itself--but the enjoyment i am giving to the other person--that i like. It is their reaction that i focus on.

(in reply to windmeup90)

Post #: 5

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 10:42:00 AM

BeIgnited

Posts: 191
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

completely new here, but was recommended this place on another board.
My problem is this: I would dearly like to enjoy discomfort, even pain. I am a wimp, a worse wimp than any I know. But recently, I saw the idea of feeling pain in an erotic

After switching medications recently, my pain tolerance was shot to shit. I too was a wimp... A few measly slaps to the bum would have me balled up sobbing in the fetal position when I could take a couple hundred before.

My advice: Keep your dom, or potential dom informed (In my opinion, if he's any good, he'll be understanding). And Go slow.... start with a warm up, a few light whatevers and work your way up with your partner to something harder. Keep him informed of how you're doing throughout and try to go a little bit further each time.

(in reply to lavinia)

Post #: 6

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 12:25:44 PM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

Towards lavinia,
it takes time to have your body react to pain as others here have told you, but it becomes pleasurable when you are the recipient, not only would they train you but you might find out more about your self than you realize.

Now this might relate,
Reply to BeIgnited,
It is true what you say, medication can alter your sensitivity. Girl is much the same way, slap of hand several times gets me wanting to get away. (on the flipside, the leather belt has me wanting more)

(in reply to lavinia)

Post #: 7

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 12:26:06 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

I don't think there is anything to change about yourself. Enjoy what you enjoy, and leave the rest behind. You're not a masochist. It's fine. I am not one either. I do like 'certain' pain, but being beaten black and blue would leave me so freaked out I'd need a mental hospital. It doesn't make me less submissive and I have nothing against anyone who loves that. It's just not my thing. It may not be yours either. It's OK!

Dreamer

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to lavinia)

Post #: 8

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 12:37:44 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

I am not very good in receiving pain either...and now I am likely to submit to a sadistic one on here who will have to increase my pain tolerance (so to say *lol*)...I experienced for me that it is important to me to feel the sparkles between the Dom and me. If I don't feel them, then it is pretty dull for me and I get pissed off. Whereas when I feel some sparkles in the chemistry between the Dom and me then I enjoy to explore my boundaries...and am much more willing to face the consequences (though I could do well without facing them, too). Nevertheless for me the key is that I really feel attracted to him, as otherwise it just does not work for me...as then I develp hate against him which won't get us very far...and when I didn't feel such a certain minimum connection then I declined in the past to submit, as then I neglect myself with choosing the wrong Dom for me...

A previous Dom, who pushed me a lot into this lifestyle, with him I enjoyed to explore it as I could feel safe. I still remember that the first session where it wasnt expected at all from me left me quite shaken...but then I accepted to explore it and enjoyed meeting him...it was painful and my backside was bruised for 2 weeks (I get already bruised by staring hard at me...) but I knew I was safe and he responded straight away when I needed a drink due to feeling dizzy at times...and then the fun begun once I knew I was in good hands

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 9

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 2:24:04 PM

lavinia

Posts: 3
Status: offline

Thank you everyone for your answers and thoughts. You've pointed to a lot of new stuff for me, and I will be needing to let this settle a bit before I move on from here.
There was, I think, a direct question from Dawntreader, which I guess I ought to answer.
"Why do you feel you need to learn to enjoy pain to attract a dominant?"
Well, I don't think I do. You may have some insight in my submissive soul that I don't have yet, but the immediate thought to me is that I don't think I'll need this to attract a dominant.
I did think (but having read the thoughts of all of you, I'm less certain than I was) that to fully embrace this strange new erotic state of mind I have found, would require me to be able to live out those fantasies I've mentioned. I thought that to be a good submissive, I must be able to accept pain. And I do so want to be good at my role, whatever it is.
I've read up on some other threads here, and a word that struck me was "pain slut". It certainly touched something inside me. The word itself excites me and embarrasses me. When I first thought of this word being spoken about me, I literally shuddered, and my belly was filled with butterflies.
Why do I feel like that? I don't know. But I have a lot to think about now, and I will. And I welcome any further thoughts, of course.
Thank you all!

(in reply to Phoenixpower)

Post #: 10

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 3:33:44 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lavinia

Well, I don't think I do. You may have some insight in my submissive soul that I don't have yet, but the immediate thought to me is that I don't think I'll need this to attract a dominant.

I agree - you may need a Dominant who is not a sadist - they definitely exist. You may need to explore this side of yourself before fully understanding what it is exactly you need.

quote:

I did think (but having read the thoughts of all of you, I'm less certain than I was) that to fully embrace this strange new erotic state of mind I have found, would require me to be able to live out those fantasies I've mentioned.

If you've just started exploring, you can be assured there are fantasies that you would never even have dreamt of that exist, and some have nothing to do with pain or discomfort, but with obedience or some other expression of submissiveness or kink that a Dominant and you desire. Keep reading. ;-)

quote:

I've read up on some other threads here, and a word that struck me was "pain slut". It certainly touched something inside me. The word itself excites me and embarrasses me. When I first thought of this word being spoken about me, I literally shuddered, and my belly was filled with butterflies.

It's a cool term; I love it. Funny thing is - I've been with two Dom who were fairly sadistic who definitely thought I was one, and I orgasmed with from the pain, and I was with another briefly, who thought I failed at taking any level of pain - though the level of pain he dished out was very high. If I hadn't been confident of who I am as a submissive, I could have been disappointed in myself when I couldn't take the pain he wanted; as it is, I saw it as the mismatch it truly was. For me, it's all about the connection, the feeling between the two people, and whether it works or not. It's incredibly subjective, and understanding yourself puts you a far way towards a satisfying relationship.

Good luck to you - keep reading the forums and asking questions!

(in reply to lavinia)

Post #: 11

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 4:25:29 PM

MasterTslave

Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

Master T started very slowly and built his way up to more and more pain. Being a sub/slave isn't just about pain..it is about being without control, but having all the power..I know that is hard to understand. Pain turns into pleasure at a point...but I don't think it could if you were making the pain for yourself.

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 12

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 8:38:43 PM

kristileigh

Posts: 1078
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline

i enjoy the pain and can have and do have very intense orgasms from pain, yes i am a masochist, but i can not inflict pain upon myself.
i can take the beatings and needle play and anything else Master dishes out to me with great enjoyment.

slave kristi

_____________________________

proud submissive/slave belonging heart and soul to
Master Chris!

(in reply to MasterTslave)

Post #: 13

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 10:07:59 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lavinia

There was, I think, a direct question from Dawntreader, which I guess I ought to answer.
"Why do you feel you need to learn to enjoy pain to attract a dominant?"
Well, I don't think I do. You may have some insight in my submissive soul that I don't have yet, but the immediate thought to me is that I don't think I'll need this to attract a dominant.
I did think (but having read the thoughts of all of you, I'm less certain than I was) that to fully embrace this strange new erotic state of mind I have found, would require me to be able to live out those fantasies I've mentioned. I thought that to be a good submissive, I must be able to accept pain. And I do so want to be good at my role, whatever it is.

Greetings lavinia,

Thanks for answering my question

Perhaps if you just enjoy the journey and exploration without thinking too hard about labels, roles and "being good at it" you will discover many amazing things about your self. Being a submissive is about your response and reaction to a Dominant, not pain stimuli~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to lavinia)

Post #: 14

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/13/2008 10:20:08 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

But recently, I saw the idea of feeling pain in an erotic context, and it rocked my world. It was only when I actually introduced the pain in my masturbation that I went cold and dry.

In my opionion, doing it to yourself is like hitting your thumb with a hammer, there is nothing erotic about it, I think what you experienced then was perfectly natural.

Guess advice is, start slow with someone you trust.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 15

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/14/2008 12:40:17 AM

XaviersXian

Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline

greetings to all,

OP, I don't find pain erotic in the slightest. Pain is your body's message that something is wrong. The way I "process" my Master's punishments is to breathe through them (as well as I can, anyhow) and pray they end soon. I make no secret of the fact that I don't enjoy pain, and I struggle with the times it is administered to me.

You can learn to be "comfortable" with pain by repeated exposure to certain methods (like I did with having myself pierced and tattooed repeatedly, and the pain I went through with the battery of pregnancy related tests and small procedures, and the pre-op process to deliver my little one). I've found though, that if not exposed regularly to pain, my pain tolerance drops dramatically (I am not sure if this is just me, or if it happens to others...I'd be interested to hear).

You also don't have to be a masochist to attract a dominant individual (I think this is just a common misconception). Some of the best submissives and slaves I know are not into pain in the slightest.

Feel free to shoot me a cmail if I can help you with anything else!

well wishes,

< Message edited by XaviersXian -- 12/14/2008 12:47:13 AM >

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 16

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/16/2008 5:20:41 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Since I don't like pain, and I do like bondage, I looked for a dominant who is a bondage top and not a sadist. It just made sense to me.

In fantasy pain sounds good, in reality, even when it's him doing it, I can only handle little tiny ouchies. And that's fine. That's why I call them fantasies and not goals.

But him pinching my nipples feels good, me doing it is as exciting as watching paint dry. I need the energy exchange between us to ratchet me up to that level. Masturbation is to sex with a partner you really adore as instant coffee is to fresh ground Kona. It just doesn't compare.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to XaviersXian)

Post #: 17

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/16/2008 10:25:08 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I am not into pain so i would never submit to a sadist. Pain (unless it is from a spanking) takes me right out of my headspace. My Master is very sensual, sure i will ger displined if i need it, but he does not like to hurt me. Just because you are into bdsm does not mean you have to like pain.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 18

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/16/2008 11:10:39 AM

bdaile

Posts: 69
Joined: 12/8/2008
Status: offline

OP, I'm in kinda the same boat as you. I do like pain, and definitely fantasize about it, but it's not so great when inflicting it on myself. I do get excited and love receiving pain from the person I am with though, at least from my very limited experience. It is different when in that context. It's like the pain totally opens up my mind to all sensations, so everything else is just that much more intense. I totally agree with the suggestion to find someone whom you trust and let them know that you would like to learn to handle pain. I'm sure they would be willing to help you out, and if you decide that it's better as a fantasy, that's fine too!

_____________________________

~brittany~

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 19

RE: How to cope with being physically uncomfortable - 12/16/2008 6:28:51 PM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lavinia

I did think (but having read the thoughts of all of you, I'm less certain than I was) that to fully embrace this strange new erotic state of mind I have found, would require me to be able to live out those fantasies I've mentioned. I thought that to be a good submissive, I must be able to accept pain. And I do so want to be good at my role, whatever it is.

There's no one model for what makes a "good submissive". Even if you're not a masochist, you could still be a fantastic sub for a Dom/me who doesn't want to beat the crap out of you.

quote:

I've read up on some other threads here, and a word that struck me was "pain slut". It certainly touched something inside me. The word itself excites me and embarrasses me. When I first thought of this word being spoken about me, I literally shuddered, and my belly was filled with butterflies.

Sounds like you find the term humiliating, and it turns you on. Is it just the term "pain slut"? Or do you like the idea of people calling you other sorts of names/slurs as well?

(in reply to lavinia)

Post #: 20

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