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BKSir -> RE: Threatening or encouraging? (12/13/2008 5:04:59 PM)
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How could that even remotely be considered 'encouragement'? It's already been rather well proven that, the more someone hears that they're worthless, the more they begin to believe it, which is anything BUT encouragement. Great way to lead into depression actually, and anyone that has had any experience with depression, either in ones self or people near to them, knows that depression is not exactly a very good way to be motivated toward improvement.
With a sub, it should only have to be stated one time, ONE, that 'these rules will be followed, and there are a couple rules that WILL result in your termination and removal from the household.'. Any half decent sub will understand that and take it to heart fully, and consider that to be a terror possibly beyond all other terrors.
To have to threaten with that course of action, to even consider it as a form of control, after the first time is tantamount to abuse, plain and simple.
As far as telling them that they'll never be a good sub to anyone, is just preposterous. There is no such thing as a bad sub or dom, just the wrong sub or dom for a certain individual. My Dear One has had his issues with owners in the past, they just simply didn't work together. For myself though, I could never desire or even possibly imagine a better pet. So, to tell them that is a horrible thing to do to them. Why would I be motivated to bother changing, if I were told that I'd never amount to anything anyway? I wouldn't. Would you? Would they? Probably not.
Perhaps a better course of action would be to pinpoint the symptoms, then find the core problem, and then work together on finding a solution that is not only mutually beneficial, but helps your sub to advance, to better him/herself. Yes, it does require a bit more work and effort than simply saying "You, out!", but, do you not think that it might just be worth it?
If you took a sub in, you took on a responsibility, at least in my opinion. To me, I have a responsibility to help him grow and learn, just as I do to my four legged fuzzy pets. To care for him, and nurture him. Yes, sometimes to spoil him. Just as an example, many years ago, my partner and I were going through some very tough times financially. We had very limited food, and absolutely no money. Well, we also had our kitties. They were out of cat food, but we were not out of food. They ate before we did, because they are our responsibility and their well being is first and foremost. I view my sub, my pet, no differently. Ones sub is a living, breathing being, with needs and concerns of his/her own, that will sometimes need help, that needs guidance like everyone else. Not just some cheap t-shirt to be wadded up and thrown away because it has gotten a few stains on it.
I'm not saying that this is how every dom views their sub, I know it's not. I'm not even saying that they should. However, I am saying that this is one alternate way to look at the situation.
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