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RE: Chase or be chased? - 12/14/2008 10:58:20 AM

DavanKael

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Assertiveness is different than having to chase someone down. I have no problem in the world with being assertive when on the s- side of the kneel; feeling as if I am having to chase someone is rather different and I would not like that dynamic as I associate it with a more D-type stance.
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RE: Chase or be chased? - 12/14/2008 11:26:30 AM

sobayblackmaster

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both. I want to pursue my game when I cross paths with someone I find fascinating-hunt her , but I also love it when curiosity drives a sub to seek me out. it's like she's laying out bait.

< Message edited by sobayblackmaster -- 12/14/2008 11:28:25 AM >

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RE: Chase or be chased? - 12/14/2008 11:27:11 AM

scottishjason

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You pose a very interesting question. Interesting because from my experience, depending on the way you meet someone the expectations seem to change. So, when I am out at a BDSM party. Which are about once a month where I live. The submissive women very much so chase the dominant men. They go out of there way to meet then and very much so are the pursuers. By the way, I have been told that I am very hard to read as well. This is mostly because when I first meet someone I am really looking at how they react to each conversation and situation. Also I meet a LOT of submissive women. I really try to not get too attached to each one until I am pretty sure that I want to have some kind of relationship with them.

On the web side. This is a completely different world. Online men seem to chase women no matter who is the top and who is the bottom. I think it has a lot more too do with the huge numbers of men who are online compared to the numbers of women. Now I am not going to go into my feelings about online dating… that would be a very long conversation and a very negative one. However it is very interesting that the two methods of meeting have such different dynamics.

My guess would be that your friend has met a dom who is accustomed to meeting women in the real world and not online. If she is interested in him I would recommend that she
“chase” him for a while too see if there is any chemistry. If there is than he will respond by starting to open up and reciprocate.

Good luck in your search.

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RE: Chase or be chased? - 12/14/2008 2:34:32 PM

StormsSlave

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Games are silly. It sounds to me like he's got three or four chat windows going on while he's chatting with her, but that's just what I would think if I were the sub in this case.

My Lord was initially the agressor, but I didn't exactly make him run hard. For us it's a mutual need to be with one another, so we are always both chaser and chasee. We are always going forward together.

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RE: Chase or be chased? - 12/14/2008 3:02:43 PM

LadyHibiscus

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If I am interested in someone, I don't hesitate to make the first move. But, if I don't see a reasonable amount of reciprocal interest, I move on. I am thrilled if someone actually comes after *me* as a person, rather than Large Breasted Owner of Many Toys.

edited for typo.

< Message edited by LadyHibiscus -- 12/14/2008 3:03:11 PM >

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RE: Chase or be chased? - 12/14/2008 3:17:52 PM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
when they chat, she feels like she's interviewing him constantly and says it's like pulling teeth to get him to talk.

This didn't strike me as being about chasing or being chased. I pretty much can talk to anybody about anything. If it feels like I'm dragging every piece of information out of someone, it never gets past the first phone call (you said "chatting", but I originally took that to mean "chatting on the phone", and that's where this is coming from). I don't put alot of stock in someone's instant messenger abilities, but if they can't have a conversation with me on the phone, then forget it... because in my experience, that will not change and the communication will continue to be frustrating.

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Post #: 46

RE: Chase or be chased? - 12/14/2008 3:29:09 PM

sparkyRBF

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quote:

So, here's the question: dominant men, do you want to chase? or be chased? sub women, would you view being assertive as being less submissive?

You can be assertive and be submissive. As a matter of fact, i would think the D would want an s who could share and communicate his/her needs, desires, dreams, likes, dislikes etc.

No, i would not view being assertive as being less submissive.

On a side note, i know you just want the questioned answered, but when starting in a relationship usually both people put their best foot forward. If you friend feels like she is putting forth all the effort now.. does she think it will get better later?

sparkyRBF

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RE: Chase or be chased? - 12/14/2008 3:47:57 PM

windmeup90

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Submissive woman here.

I, personally, love the chase, both giving chase and being pursued. I don't think being assertive in your wants and needs makes you any less submissive. I don't think being the "pursue-r" makes you less submissive either. That may be because I'm bratty and headstrong, who knows. But there is my opinion. :P

As far as your friend's situation, it seems like the man is flaky. If she tries the direct approach and it still doesn't work, perhaps she should move on.

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Post #: 48

RE: Chase or be chased? - 12/14/2008 3:50:47 PM

hermione83

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I love being chased, and being coy, and forced into things.. or coerced, or seduced... etc etc. Sweetly, or aggressively. LOVE IT. Dominant men now think that they are too good to woo a girl and that we don't deserve romance, or on the other hand think forcing is horrible and submissive is all about our choices. Bleh. Take all the fun out of it, it does. I want to be forced every day.. even after we're married.. *sighhh* Yummy. I would never chase a guy. It's not a girl's place. I'm old fashioned. None of it's my fault.... it's allll his fault.. he wanted me.. he took me.. I'm just the innocent little girl..... this... bdsm stuff.. oh my...! He's corrupted me... I'm just.. eternally a little angel.. =)

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RE: Chase or be chased? - 12/14/2008 3:54:00 PM

tornaway

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From what I've seen , when someone truly wants to move foward - shy, awkward , or otherwise , they do .

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RE: Chase or be chased? - 12/15/2008 6:50:53 AM

Metamorph

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
So, here's the question: dominant men, do you want to chase? or be chased? sub women, would you view being assertive as being less submissive?

I would much rather be chased than do the chasing--to a point. For me, it is important that a potential sub or slave not feel bamboozled, as much for them as for me. In other words, to be chased is to be granted a certain token of consent and interest that I find important... it answers the question "do you have any idea what you might be getting into?" and gives me faith to proceed to invest my time and energy, if I so wish.

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RE: Chase or be chased? - 12/15/2008 10:24:03 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

This question is for all, to answer from your own perspective, but I am particularly interested in the answers from dominant men and submissive women.

So, here's the question: dominant men, do you want to chase? or be chased? sub women, would you view being assertive as being less submissive?

No, I wouldn't, and don't view assertiveness as anything to do with submissiveness, less or otherwise.

I'm not easily interested in anyone, for any length of time, so if it came down to it, this situation would wither and die from my angle. If someone is interested in me, it's generally pretty obvious by the type of interaction, not the assertion.

agirl

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Post #: 52