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RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/14/2008 11:50:51 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Wow. This much drama over one can of soda!!!???

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RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/14/2008 12:43:43 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		lol
am so out of diet dr. pepper, anyone have one:)

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RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/14/2008 12:48:32 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		i don't need to lose weight, but sir has limited my cholestrol and high fat foods, so i dont really eat them.

I tend to make mint tea and keep in the fridge, i find it a great pick me up and love the smell. Water with fruit, orange, lemon, strawberries etc is good to when trying to break the soda habit.

One other thing, Sir gets angry if i continue to beat myself up over a mistake that he has corrected me on. Tells me to get over it and do something about it. Maybe if you just forgive yourself for messing up, accept your Master's punishment and look for ideas to not make this mistake again, it would be a help.

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RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/14/2008 2:12:13 PM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: master4swan

So far so good--keep the ideas flowing cuz i really am baffled by it...

Just a side note:  my Master knows that sodas are bad for good health.  i was drinking 6-10 a day.  Cutting down to 1 has been HARD, but i know it will help me in the long run.  And water is my alternative!!

Did i do it for punishment???   NO!  Master makes punishments very punishing.  They are not fun or enjoyable--usually very memorable though.  my punishment was to drink LARGE glasses of water quickly--until i had stomach cramps from it. NO SODA starting immediately.  Enema's 2 times a day until further notice.

Did i do it for His attention??  MAYBE!  Life has kept Him busier than normal the last 2 days.  i didn't do it consciencely for that reason though. 

Did i need it as a coping mechanism?  MAYBE!  Soda, chocolate, and salt are the things i reach for when stressed out.  i AM a stress eater.  

Resentment or manipulation?  NOPE--just not the right motives behind this action.

AND SOME BACKGROUND INFO:
i lost 50 lbs between Nov 2007 and July 2008.  i'm thrilled with my current body--and my Master loves me just as i am.   BUT--i need to lose another 50lbs to be really healthy and in good shape.  i asked for His help cuz my self-discipline sucks! 



Ummm.....one can actually die from drinking too much water too fast....just my 2 cents.

< Message edited by natasha66 -- 12/14/2008 2:13:20 PM >

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RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/14/2008 5:36:24 PM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		       The limiting of soda, is conditioning.   There is nothing wrong with that nor is there anything wrong with being punished for it.    It happens everyday in vanilla situations even.  For example, you might be starting a new job early in the morning and you are used to staying up half the night.   You know you should go to bed, but stay up anyways.   The next day you are tired.   You eventually learn to condition yourself to go to bed earlier so this does not happen again, but it might take awhile for that to happen especially if you are in the habit of being a night owl.  

      I see it like this, you need time to accept the conditioning.    If you are in the habit of drinking tons of soda everyday, it is going to take some time to condition your body to drink something else.   It's is difficult to break any habit, physically and mentally.  

     I do not see that you broke the rule on purpose.    Mentally and physically, you have used soda before for comfort.    It's habit and conditioning, not deliberately disobeying.   On the other hand if you thought, this rule is silly or  had malice intent when you did it, such as I'm drinking this soda because He did xyz, then yes, I see it as on purpose, deliberately disobeying.

    Bottom line is, we are human.   Everyone is going to make mistakes, everyone does not always live up their own expectations or those set by another person, no one is always 100% perfect.    

     Eventually you will find yourself reaching for water or something else when your body adapts to the new conditions.   It just takes times.    I would not beat myself up over it and feel as if I had failed.       

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RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/14/2008 6:07:24 PM   
elleRT


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		With the day you had, I am surprised you didn't have more than that. You are not a failure and you should not see it that way, because it will sabotage your future attepts. It was just a temporary setback. Yes you did disobey but you are not perfect, neither is your dom. You both will make mistakes. You are human. 

Don't be so hard on yourself. Food restrictions are hard as it is and sometimes we don't have the will power to say no. You admited the mistake, got punished for it, now learn from it and move on. It is not the end of the world.

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/14/2008 6:38:24 PM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..

quote:

  ((BTW--got caught by Master...and punished.  i feel like i failed Him.))


This part does not coincide with:

quote:

  You admited the mistake, got punished for it, now learn from it and move on. It is not the end of the world.


It however does bring into light a good question. If you had not gotten caught by your Master..would you have told him?

starshine

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RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/14/2008 7:17:14 PM   
elleRT


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		The way the dynamic is between Master and I, if I had a really bad day, I would have called and ask him to make an exception or break the rule for that day. I would not have went ahead and did it. I would have try to reach him some how, and if I could not, I would have found another outlet to make me feel better.

I am not sure you understood my point. Yes it was a mistake, yes it needed it to be addressed. What I was thying to say (and still believe this) is that it is not the end of the world. Disobedience is a serious issues, however I was trying to say, that it was a mistake, not something that would devastate someone to make them feel worthless and ugly inside. We all make mistakes, part of learning and growing.

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RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/14/2008 10:01:38 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline 		FR

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2008-12/pu-scb120908.php

In attempting to understand the power of a craving for soda, it may be useful to remember that there is more than a passing similarity to the patterns of addiction associated with drugs such as cocaine and heroin.



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RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/14/2008 10:55:11 PM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..

nods..I understood what the jest of your post in entirety meant elle but that segment was a good opposite from how it actually was found out, and depending on how she finds herself answering that very question may help her to understand better why she did it to begin with.

It was just helpful in a contrasting way..nothing more.

starshine

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/15/2008 4:10:58 AM   
swan70


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline 		THANK YOU to all who have posted.  Yes--this is something i had to think through on my own. However--sometimes "talking" it out with other people helps me get to a resolution faster. 

Also--i'm a big believer that you MUST understand the root of a problem if you want to fix it. 

This thread has taken some interesting turns....the pros and cons of diet soda was never in question in my mind.  i AM addicted to caffeine.  Celtic Lord is SOO right in his comments.  Breaking that addiction has been tough....the headaches i suffered when going from 10 pops to 1 a day were horrific.  But--when i was finally free from it--i was more even keeled and i sleep better!

Master did not institute rules for my diet lightly.  W/we really talked beforehand.  He understands my triggers AND my goals.  That is part of why i was so perplexed.  I WANT THIS!!!!  Yet--i still did it.  KNOWINGLY.  DECIDELY.  WITH DIRECT INTENTIONS.    And for me--the issue really isn't about a soda--but it is about WHY would i sabotage something that i want?  But i learn better with specifics--not generalities--so i asked a specific question.

Several have mentioned water toxicity.  YES--that is something real that can happen.  NO--Master did not even come close to causing that. http://chemistry.about.com/cs/5/f/blwaterintox.htm   He DID cause me discomfort. 

i have found it interesting that so many (mostly Dom's) have commented negatively on my punishment.  my purpose of sharing specifics was not to criticize my Master.  i understand WHAT He chose and WHY He chose them as punishments.  my intent was to dispel the notion that i am looking for a "funishment" (love that term!)    Also--this is not the first time i have failed to follow this specific rule.  This punishment was meant to be more extreme and more uncomfortable and longer lasting. my punishment's focus was on WILLINGLY disobeying Master.  Giving me another reason to PAUSE before acting is a bonus.

starshine--you asked a great question.  Would i have confessed on my own?  EVENTUALLY--i would have.  i would have felt guilt and shame until i confessed. 

THANK YOU to all who have jumped into this conversation.  Some realizations that came from it:   FOOD is a coping technique for me.  a bad habit that i must break if i want to be healthy.  i think the why was simple:

my addiction + my coping technique + stress = a bad decision 

THE ROOT that i need to change is the coping technique part.   i must find another way to cope with life stress other than food.  W/we spoke last night. Master and i are going to come up with a few alternatives.   

Will i willingly, knowingly, purposefully disobey Him again????      lesson learned!!!!!!!

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/15/2008 5:08:45 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Your under a lot of stress and you turned to a "comfort" drink/food to help deal with it. Personally if it were my sub, I'd punish him by having him do 20 minutes of exercise. Not only would this help deter him from drinking the soda but the exercise would benefit him in handling stress and weight loss. 

~Lashra


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RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/15/2008 6:42:35 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		I would worry more about ridding of the ex and his drama or at the least getting him to 'get along' for the sake of family sanity.  These things would weigh highly over any bf/dom, food, drink or punishment. Dieting would be like trying to quit smoking, you want to avoid doing so during times of high pressure or major holidays or you have a higher rate of failure.  I agree to eat properly if you are dieting but simple things like an extra diet pop when all those other things are going on in your life? um no., it isn't worthy of the added pressure to worry about drinking it nor the outcome.  Bigger fish to fry.

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/15/2008 8:24:23 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		When I have a goal that I'd like to achieve and ask M to help, we decide together what the penalty will be for not sticking to the agreed plan.
It has to be balanced just so, so that it really works for the majority of the time as a *Hang on, is this REALLY worth the penalty?* type thing. Sometimes, I think it is...AT the time.

I don't ever think that I've let him down at all, it's not his goal, it's mine, and the only person I've buggered is myself when I foul up in these circumstances.

When we are dealing with long term goals, we both KNOW that I'm not going to stick to it all of the time because there are too many variables to do so..and the fact that I've asked him to help me is testament to my own lack of self-discipline in the first place.

Sometimes it's difficult to be realistic about what you want to achieve, and how, especially if you're fired up at the time of asking and full of enthusiasm.....I know that I appreciate M keeping a realistic head on his shoulders when I advocate flaying every inch of skin from my body if I miss a single gym session.....lol. Nowadays I'm much more careful about the help I beseech him for.

agirl













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RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/15/2008 8:49:40 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I wanted to make another comment on breaking a rule on purpose. I know this is probably doesn't speak to the majority of submissives/slaves who are in a committed relationship, but because i am in a relationship without committment/ownership, somedays it is hard for me to not break a rule, because I can rationalize it as, you don't own me. When i get to feeling that way though, i know it is something deeper in me, usually the control issues, and I realize it has nothing to do with being owned or not.

oceanwynds

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/15/2008 8:49:54 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		This has much to do with addiction. Breaking the habit of caffeine or nicotine while under stress isextremely difficult physiologically. Its not a way to get attention. Much like an alcoholic , you pick up and begin again.  To stay wallowing in the misery of self pity is not what you want. Try getting off bing eating, drugs, cigs or recreational drugs...its a bitch you suffer for a while and have your huge set backs, but if your will is there, you will success. I know from first hand experience.  When I attempted to stop smoking, I knew I have to stop diet coke w/ lime.  I went from diet pepsi to diet coke.I replaced the caffeine vice with always handy sugar free (on the go packets you put in water) drinks.  Crystal Light, Wylers, Great Value....etc have their own brands and flavors.My fav right now is cranberry. Cheap at Wally's World. 

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RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/15/2008 9:21:30 AM   
elegantalexis


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I am dealing with my personal caffeine addiction.  I can't drink coffee (makes me sick), yet I can handle diet MD like crazy.  I limit myself to one soda a day, in the mornings when I drag myself out of bed.  I am also addicted to chocolate, but I have been slowly withdrawing from that one.  I still crave a 3 musketeers off and on, but I know that its my comfort food.

I have been placing myself (and Alexis) on a diabetic diet because Alexis is a diabetic now.  We are eating more fruits, cutting our carbs and trying to walk as much as possible.  Alexis has lost 10 pounds already while I lost 5 (that lucky hussy...LOL!).  but our goal is to get back down to 200 lbs by the end of next year.  I want to be able to fit into some fetish clothing for Sir to tease him with...*WEG*

It can be done, but it takes time, patience and a whole lot of willpower.  Speaking of which...time for my morning snack, a whole banana...LOL! (Dinner is my main meal anyway)

Shahar



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RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/15/2008 9:56:28 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

I wanted to make another comment on breaking a rule on purpose. I know this is probably doesn't speak to the majority of submissives/slaves who are in a committed relationship, but because i am in a relationship without committment/ownership, somedays it is hard for me to not break a rule, because I can rationalize it as, you don't own me. When i get to feeling that way though, i know it is something deeper in me, usually the control issues, and I realize it has nothing to do with being owned or not.

oceanwynds


What control issues would they be?

agirl

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/15/2008 11:23:41 AM   
bratnwranglers


Posts: 113
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline 		Back to the original question, breaking rules on purpose, i think it goes back to a basic innocent need to test your boundaries and see if you can get away with it. especially with my type of personality and bratiness, i questioned everything growing up, its one thing to be told this is where the line is, its completely another to be shown that this is where the line is. throw being sarcastic and smartass into the mix, and it makes for an interesting combination, for me i think i really struggle with being mischievous. And also, if your punishment is something you enjoy.....that really doesn't help matters at all.

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? - 12/15/2008 11:35:47 AM   
SteveAndJaz


Posts: 151
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline 		An extra soda is clearly one soda too many.

Do you have control over the soda or does the soda have control over you and more to the point, does the soda have more control over you than your dominant?

Sounds harsh but this is not really about 'an extra soda' because if that's all it was then you will do it again and again, just as 'Ill stop smoking tomorrow' only to wake up and reach out for a cigi whilst promising myself that I will stop smoking tomorrow!

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 60
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