RE: what must i do to be owned?

RE: what must i do to be owned? (Full Version)

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beeble -> RE: what must i do to be owned? (12/14/2008 10:12:55 AM)
quote: beeble wrote: In related news, I tried to send a message to unworthyhuman about something I thought best not to raise in public. ``User has blocked you, mail not sent.'' Obviously, he's not so interested in receiving advice. lusciouslips19 wrote: Maybe all subs are blocked? Or all men or both. But I can't say I've ever had a problem with unsolicited mail here, as a male sub, and what little I have received has invariably come from people claiming to be Dommes or female switches. So I'm not sure why another male sub would feel the need to block large classes of people, especially when soliciting advice here on the forums. beeble

BoiJen -> RE: what must i do to be owned? (12/14/2008 11:33:49 AM)
I for one don't buy the all to common bullshit lines of "My former Mistress passed away XXXX"...it's far too common a line of horseshit. It's not in any way the way to introduce yourself to anyone in anyway. It's the cop out from having to explain why your last D/s relationship failed and /or leads to the idea of "well this one found me attractie, you should too." Even if that one didn't even exist. "poor pittiful me" dosn't work for women who get off on bnding and pushing bundaries for their sadistic fun. They want strong individuals in their lives because it feeds into their own strength in owning strong people. "Unworthy" ain't gonna get ya anywhere. SalveKal's link to his book is my signature line...I HIGHLY suggest you read it and take the advice to heart and incorporate it into your actions and behaviours. You'd be surprised how wildly successful you become if you do so.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: what must i do to be owned? (12/14/2008 12:17:10 PM)
Thank you BoiJen, when I suggested SlaveKal's book to the OP I didn't have the link. Hopefully the OP will read the book- I respect SlaveKal. ordering the book...

BoiJen -> RE: what must i do to be owned? (12/14/2008 12:45:57 PM)
MsM and SlaveKal are a couple of parts of Michigan that MsKitty and I are gonna miss. They're awesome and very inspirational individuals. The OP is also likely to get some insight from their blogs...

Trashbagboy74 -> RE: what must i do to be owned? (12/14/2008 1:23:33 PM)
Well I been Owned Twice and my last Mistress Was the one i should have never left because the Mistress that i was with seems her and i need help but we can betogether because of issuses with our LTR. She knows before i needed help and she told me when i move it will get better but i got worse. I still care and love her but somethings got to give in. I just wish i could meet the right person and be with them for the rest of my life as their Slave/Sub. She also has something against me with being a women when at Partys and outher Events that I go to. She is very Privite Person and i am too but i like to get out with my Lifestyle Friends.

DeferentialBaby2 -> RE: what must i do to be owned? (12/15/2008 4:48:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BoiJen I for one don't buy the all to common bullshit lines of "My former Mistress passed away XXXX"...it's far too common a line of horseshit. It's not in any way the way to introduce yourself to anyone in anyway. It's the cop out from having to explain why your last D/s relationship failed and /or leads to the idea of "well this one found me attractie, you should too." Even if that one didn't even exist. "poor pittiful me" dosn't work for women who get off on bnding and pushing bundaries for their sadistic fun. They want strong individuals in their lives because it feeds into their own strength in owning strong people. "Unworthy" ain't gonna get ya anywhere. Hi, I didn't read his profile so I'm probably taking your comment completely out of context, but I think it bears mentioning (as it can be easy not to expect this if you're youthful or very healthy ) that people's partners do die, especially if we are older and they are much older than us. The bigger the number of your age (or rather, your owner's age) the more statistically likely it becomes that this might happen. You can call it a "lie" if it amuses you, but that won't change the fact that it did happen to me. I am old but he was 13 years older. And sick. And handicapped. And eventually all that stuff conspired against him and me. I want to be owned again, it's the only way I've ever lived that fulfilled me. I tell people about his death right away in my profile because it really fucked me over and I think it only fair that dominants know before any connection is established that my spin's a bit erratic due to this awful blow from fate. Plenty of people don't want to deal with that sort of person, and the last thing I want to do is make them or trick them into getting to know and like me and then drop the little bomb: "Oh! by the way, my master died a few years ago and ever since that happened I'm been almost totally batshit--I hope you can deal with a slave who's been driven slightly insane due to grief. (sweet smile)." That would be like selling a pretty antique dolly on ebay but never showing potential buyers the photo that displays the big crack in the back of her head. ;) Dishonesty through omission is still lying. And some of us are much more uncomfortable with lying than we are with not following the current cultual dictate (you might also call it a "fad") to Be Big! And Strong! And Positive! And Normal! ... to make others want you. I can relate to the threadstarter's name. Losing your owner can make you feel like the most despicable unworthy creature alive. Your reason for living has died, your purpose in life is gone, you feel like a piece of old, outdated machinery that nobody wants, and sometimes, on your worst days, you blame all this on yourself. :( I don't have a screen name that expresses unworthiness, but I've lived with a similar emotion every day of my life for years now. People who've had bad stuff happen to them and who don't hide this fact aren't necessarily weak. Some of us, in fact, have cores of steel. If we didn't we would have wound up in the proverbial red bathtub ages ago. Our strength is perhaps focused in different areas than the obvious, like facing despair day in and day out without giving in. Like keeping one's commitments to those dependent upon us, no matter how hard we want to break free of them them. Like having the ability to watch the person you love best slowly die and try to make him comfortable and happy instead of running away the way most of his "friends" did. But strength is strength (shrug), and, while I could be wrong, it seems, in my experience anyway, to be a highly transferable skill. Don't you think?

BoiJen -> RE: what must i do to be owned? (12/15/2008 5:30:33 PM)
No, I don't think strength is transferable. I think some people are strong in some areas and others are not. It's why people have different jobs and different skills and abilities. Being youthul has nothing to do with anyone's ability to relate to grief nor does it have anything to do with being able judge emotional manipulatin of strangers for it's face value. When this deeply emtional and personal event occurs in one's life...going around to random strangers and saying "poor me this happened, oh whatever am I to do....by the way, I want to do sexual stuff with you and you should want me"...screams bullshit and attention getting. Being honest about a situation after shortly after initial contact to make sure any potential partner, friend, whatever, knows what they're getting into is more likely to be accepted as honesty rather than a ploy to get "sympathy sex" or any kinky equivlent thereof. Especially when the profile in question goes "I'm looking for a mistress cuz mine died and I want you to do x,y,and z." Besides, living for somene else isn't living. It's not healthy nor does that type of desperate behaviour suite a healthy individual. It screams that someone has a huge self-worth/esteem problem and is likely to be needy and clingy and a power drain ("If someone isn't a power soruce, they're a power drain."). It's not a healthy approach to relationships...codependance much? Yeah death of partners is hard...death anyone you're close to is devestating and if somene needs help coping they either need to seek out their established support system or professional help. Grief counselors are great for that. Crazy ain't cool. It's a problem that needs to be worked on and fixed. It sure as hell isn't an attractive feature of any potential real estate.

Lockit -> RE: what must i do to be owned? (12/15/2008 6:24:37 PM)
The oh pity me thing is unattractive, a personal red flag to me and 'sometimes' used by those who are stuck emotionally on pity me... BUT... there are those loves and relationships that you will mourn for, miss, want and need still and I don't see that as a personal weakness. People 'need' other people in healthy ways and can mourn the loss of someone for many, many years, because that someone was just that special. They are hard to replace and god help us, sometimes you can't help but compare what you shared with someone to the things you cannot seem to share with others. I don't see that as a transfer of power or energy or anything else. I see that as loving so well that you are affected by the loss of that person. You go on, you move on... you try to live for yourself and you seek what you lost in another. Does that make one weak? Unhealthy? I think not. Who is to say one cannot be emotionally healthy if they mourn the loss of someone, yet still get on with life? Yes, some do use this in a way that is unhealthy, but because someone mourns does not mean they are unhealthy. People get sick, people die... it is a fact of life. We all know someone or many someone's that have died. It isn't far fetched to believe that someone has experienced it. Edited to add... One day if I am lucky enough to find someone... he just may be one of those emailing someone here saying... my mistress died. I would hope that people might be kind to him... call him on a pity party... but know that whatever we shared was missed and needed and fulfilled something and that I was worthy of being missed.

MsKittyBlack -> RE: what must i do to be owned? (12/15/2008 7:05:58 PM)
I have been in situations where people have lied about thier Domme dying. Car wrecks are a very common fate for the FemmeDomme who is conveniently no longer around to provide a bad reference. For those whose situation is legitimate, the "up-front revelation" of your situation does scream "poor me". It also says I' m so sad about this that I really just want to fill this gaping hole in my soul". Full disclosure is important and respectful of you and the D-type. Too much information, too soon, is a sign of attention getting behavior. While grief is a very valid feeling, and feeling this grief is normal and healthy, it is unhealthy to expect to fulfill this need "too soon". Only the effected person knows what too soon is-until the person whom they have put upon begins to realize that they are not being appreciated for who they are, but being resented for-or pushed into something they are not. And while it is good to know someone's experiences, no D-type wants a list of what the other D-type did and how the new D-type should just step right in and do those things. That expectation would be another sign that the s-type still has some healing to do before they are ready for a new relationship. Of course it takes time-and work. If you are looking for kink or sex to fulfill that need to get by, then be upfront about that. And anyone who takes "damaged goods" and thinks they can heal you or make you "forget" has a ridiculous ego and is supect in thier own rite. MsK-not boi jen who just forgot to sign out. ~Luck is when preparedness and opportunity meet.

Rule -> RE: what must i do to be owned? (12/15/2008 7:19:25 PM)
What qualities do you have other than being a sex object? Do you have skills like building or decorating a house, or repairing the drains of the sink, or negotiating skills in trade, or do you have expert knowledge about art, science, or whatever that might make you interesting, how adept are you at conversation, can you sing or dance, or are you an expert marksman? If you do not have any such skills, knowledge or qualities, then look inside yourself and see which of such you are attracted to and study them. That will make you interesting. (Yes, I know: you will acquire any skill that you are commanded to - but a lot of dom(me)s rather acquire a car that they can step into and drive away at once, than a do it yourself car that they first have to put together.)

elegantalexis -> RE: what must i do to be owned? (12/15/2008 7:25:53 PM)
You have been offered good advice here. I have something to add though. Are you willing to perform knife play without consent and with filthy knives? Be tied down and left alone for hours on end? Hold a job and contribute all of your funds to support a Mistress who desires nothing from you but your money? To being led around on a chain and force to eat dogfood? Deal with a mentally unstable Mistress who could kill you without a single thought? If you say yes to any of the above, you are not mentally stable to seek a new Mistress. You need to take the time to grieve for your departed Mistress and to grow to being dependent on yourself first. Saying that you will do anything for a new Mistress is a sure way of getting yourself trapped into a relationship that can bring harm to you because you take the first person who replied to your email. There are still sociopaths out there that use BDSM as a means to excuse their devaint and illegal behavior. Excuse me for posting such questions, Ladies, but I had to show him how a sociopath can attract people who are weak in detecting the real from the criminal. Shahar

BoiJen -> RE: what must i do to be owned? (12/15/2008 8:27:55 PM)
MsK has been takin Her psych classes...and She believes everything she says. But it doesn't matter cuz I'm gonna be enjoying my "fake" life on a beach (I don't care how chilly it is) in 11 days. <Insert smug-mug>

stella41b -> RE: what must i do to be owned? (12/16/2008 12:37:53 AM)
For someone who's apparently already been owned and is trained and is of such a mature age the only aspect of your profile which is convincing is that you're going to be a lot of hard work and effort for any potential Mistress. The profile would appear to be written by a noob. Is this how you envisage being owned? Like living in a 24/7 BDSM fantasy with a Mistress focussed on your needs? You lost your previous Mistress in a car accident? Yeah right. You have been trained? Yeah right, pull the other one, it's got bells on it. You write 'will do anything and everything for the Mistress who will own and collar me', obviously completely oblivious to the fact that you are the one stating the terms and conditions which you go on further to do by offering yourself as a dress up toy, a pet, and listing all the kinks you're into. As if anybody gives a monkey's at this stage in the game. Trust me, they don't. And what's with the screen name anyway? Your profile is about as attractive and interesting as a bowl of cold grits. It is pedestrian, yawn inducing, and probably only favourited by dommes with insomnia who would read it to send them off to sleep. It suggests that you are one dimensional, self-centred, and prepared to say anything or do anything just to ge a domme to serve you. Slave? Are you taking the piss or something? Time to get with the program. Anyone can claim to be submissive, but are you in reality? Does it show in your attitudes, in your behaviour, can you really cut it as a submissive and live your life as a submissive (we won't mention slave here)? Or is this some sort of fantasy where you get to be a domme's lodger so she plays with your todger and you get to roger her? Okay, so who are you really as a person? Are you attractive? What is it about you that attracts other people to you as a person? You see for a domme to be interested in you you have to have what is known as chemistry, that 'something', do you have a personality? Are you good looking? Do you have a soul? What makes you different from everyone else? Being male and submissive isn't enough here, there's got to be much more, what is it about you that makes you attractive to others? Secondly, what do you have to offer a domme other than submission and a hard on? Can you offer a home? Are you good at domestic work? Office work? IT skills? Are you good at bringing in an income? Good at massage? What can you bring to a relationship? What can you offer which is going to make her life easier? Better? More meaningful? More beautiful? Thirdly, don't tell someone you're a submissive, but simply be a submissive to the right person. Nobody's attracted to a sub who's desperate enough to offer it on a plate to anyone and everyone. Oh and another thing, she makes the rules, sets the conditions, she decides what kinks you are into, not you. You've got to measure up to her standards, not the other way round. This is tied in with fourthly, you need to work on your own self-esteem and self-confidence. Be a man, grow some balls, let your personality and what makes you attractive shine through, stand out from the crowd, and through doing this increase the value of your submission. The doormat strategy doesn't work, not unless you're her personal doormat on her say so, when she wants you to be, if she wants you to be and how she wants you to be. Delete the whole profile and start all over again, new screen name, and put some effort into your profile, spend days on it, give it all the bells and whistles, photos, details of who you are, what you're about, more who you are as a person rather than what you're into. make it a really detailed profile, make your profile do all the work, make it shine, for if you have a profile which shines you shine too. Also learn about empowerment - for it's empowerment which is the currency here. Empowerment is giving someone the power to do something, giving someone the opportunity to do something, making it possible for someone to do something, giving someone a chance to do something... am I getting through? Empowerment means taking things sep by step, read the profile, craft a reply, get her to talk about her - her life, her interests, herself, show an interest in her, keep it up until she feels that she wants to meet you, and keep on taking those tiny small steps, giving her what she wants. Listen to her, share her problems, make her happy, show her that you care, that you are there, that you are her friend, and keep working on that friendship and developing it, make her want more and more of you. As for the rest, well... Bob's your uncle. Best wishes

submgreenbay -> RE: what must i do to be owned? (12/16/2008 10:03:40 AM)
There have been a lot of good suggestions here. I'd start by getting rid of that do-me laundy list on your profile. Just be yourself, design your profile and coorespondace as if you were talking to someone in person.

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