Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (Full Version)

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Dastan -> Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 4:14:12 PM)

Hello Site, distinguished Mistresses, Ladies.

I am going to ask something in a very punctual way. I am no longer in the sport, but I used to do Boxing, also Kickboxing, both in Muay Thai and Savate style and Freestyle Wrestling as well as Mixed Martial Arts and San Shou or full contact Kung-fu. I am now some pounds above, but I was 160 pounds and very much what you call "ripped" with 10% bodyfat so muscles showed tense and taunt as wire and hard as rock.

After some experiences, a Mistress today told me she used to, and her friends as well, who visited my country, to feel intimidated by my appearance and they got even more worried by the record I had since they met me during a championship, first time without knowing I was a participant.

She said that as a Latino, I have the reputation of being a macho hothead as much as a romantic gentleman, so she said it was alluring and also repelling to see a man like I am for one must have this reputation always been judged by it's darker side.

I noticed that there are almost no images of African-American and Latino males in BDSM and that most of the bodies in S/m are fat or slim elderly men which don't fit into a mold of beauty and romanticism, but rather average-looking or slightly "unattractive" males.

¿ Is it that the BDSM world doesn't welcome men of strong cultures and races, judging the book by its cover and seldom looking past it to be surprised by its content ?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 4:23:46 PM)

The lack of diversity in BDSM media has bothered me for a long time.  I have to disagree that most of the male models are unattractive old men!  We are obviously looking at different things.

I admire beautiful strong bodies, but when it comes to choosing a submissive, I look to the person's character and compatibility with me, before his appearance.  If a person is a "macho hothead", and has trouble controlling his temper, he is not likely to make a good companion for me, whether he is small, large or anything else.  A muscular body is no excuse for a bad temper.  One's cultural background is no excuse for a bad temper.  Some of the finest, most good natured men in the local Detroit scene are black men.   To say that being Latino or black or anything at all makes you certain way in terms of personality is only serving to maintain a stereotype.

As to being scared, I am not.  I have had submissives who were bodybuilders, and a slave who was 6'7" and military trained.  He could have overpowered me easily, but I was not concerned.  





RedMagic1 -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 4:30:41 PM)

Southern California is the only USA scene I know of in which people of color equal, or outnumber, whites.  I almost exclusively date -- and play with -- black, Latin and Asian women, and if I didn't have online kinky dating, I'd be pretty much screwed.  Or... make that, "unscrewed."[;)]

It's a self-perpetuating problem.  Women show up at a dungeon, and see nobody who looks like them.  Okay, that happens often enough in vanilla, no big deal.  But then guys come up and act like, "You're Asian so you must be a natural sub," ... or... "Make me your plantation slave, O Negress Goddess."

Nonconsensual race play = lots of women don't go back to the dungeon, but hang out online because they really want the kink.



DragonLadysFire -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 4:32:29 PM)

A strong/fit male would be the only one I would consiter.  Their strength is something I find attractive and the fact that they offer over that strength to my control.



MsStarlett -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 4:39:31 PM)

The majority of the subs who approach me are body builders.  Could be because I'm a lifter also.  However, my favorites are not usually so physically fit, but stronger of mind, spirit and heart.



ShaktiSama -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 5:09:13 PM)

No one is "scared" of physical fitness, and a sizable percentage of the men I've known, kinky or not, have had at least some martial arts training and/or military experience. The stereotypes and images of BDSM photography and film are based VERY MUCH in the models and actors who choose to make themselves available! Far too often, people who are attractive AND kinky are also shy. [;)]

As a photographer I would be delighted to remedy this unfortunate state of affairs, of course. If Black and Latino body builders or martial artists want to model for me in male submissive poses, I'm pleased as punch to work with them! Unfortunately, thus far the only non-white folks who have volunteered to model for me and had the commitment and courage to follow through were women. The best femme domme model I've ever worked with is an African-American woman, in fact...

Anyhoo, I agree that BDSM is much more diverse and far more beautiful than most of the art that is supposed to represent it. If you don't identify with the men in female-dominant BDSM porn, don't feel bad--I don't identify with the women!



yourMissTress -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 5:14:38 PM)

If your question is : why isn't there more diversity in femdom porn? 
My answer is: I don't know, but wish they would get with the program.
 
If you question is: Why does a sub's power/body scare a Mistress?
My answer is: you must be talking to the wrong Mistress'.  I know far too many dominant women who WANT a strong and powerful male sub/slave. 
 
Or, is this a shameless plug for yourself?
If it is, I would put up a pic that includes your face.



thishereboi -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 5:18:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastan

I noticed that there are almost no images of African-American and Latino males in BDSM and that most of the bodies in S/m are fat or slim elderly men which don't fit into a mold of beauty and romanticism, but rather average-looking or slightly "unattractive" males.



There is a club from that comes to Detroit for various events and I have had the extreme pleasure of meeting several of them. They are some of the hottest African-American and Latino males. Totally built and totally into BDSM. Not to say that we do not also have our share of local hotties of all colors. My personal favorite is the local bar owner who is a total bear and gives the best hugs in the world.



Lockit -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 5:25:29 PM)

If these ladies were afraid... as your reputations was that of a hot head... I would think you had a bit of a temper and that is what they were afraid of.  I have never seen a mistress afraid of a lil muscule.  This one sure as hell isn't!



Lashra -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 5:39:36 PM)

quote:

Is it that the BDSM world doesn't welcome men of strong cultures and races, judging the book by its cover and seldom looking past it to be surprised by its content ?


I welcome them and to be my sub he would be obedient and pleasing to me. I like strong men, I own one as a matter of fact. His size nor strength bothers me in any way. Because I know that I am the one in charge, I inspire him to follow me. However if that should ever falter, I'd would show him the door or the end of a gun if he tried to get violent with me.

~Lashra



PsyVamp -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 6:31:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
If you question is: Why does a sub's power/body scare a Mistress?
My answer is: you must be talking to the wrong Mistress'.  I know far too many dominant women who WANT a strong and powerful male sub/slave. 
 
Or, is this a shameless plug for yourself?
If it is, I would put up a pic that includes your face.


Probably the plug, lol

I am not afraid of a strong sub, just as the other ladies on the board have already stated.
And I have a "thing" for latino men, I find them everywhere as a consequence. 
I also see a lot of hard bodies interspersed with the regular folk, so I can only assume you don't see them where you look.

Lady Jag



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 6:33:12 PM)

LOL!  I am surrounded by swarthy Mediterranean types, it's those pale Celtic types that get me excited!



Vendaval -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 6:47:30 PM)

Hello Dastan and welcome to the forums,
 
I checked your profile to see what resources are in your area and you are located in Barranquilla, Columbia.  You mention that finding resources in your country is not easy and I can appreciate that. 
 
There is a group in the San Francisco Bay Area called, Bay Area Women of Color and they have a photo project.  You could contact them and ask about fetish modeling opportunties for Latino men.

http://www.bayareawoc.com/WOC-EVENTS.html

As to you other question about a man's body, well, one of my 2 slaves is a body builder and very masculine.  I do not find his physique intimidating at all.  And a macho attitude is a real red-flag for that someone is not right for me.



Usako -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 8:12:11 PM)

I know here in New York they have special meetings, munches, play parties for people of color. Never been to one but I've heard of it. Of course if you're already in an area populated mainly by one race then the kinky scene will probably reflect that.

As for the body scaring off women, of course it will. Just like it will attract some women. All women like different things, you can't please all of the women all of the time. As said before, a lot of domainant women seem to want a strong man...though usually strong mind comes before body. But to many women, I'm sure a good body is only a plus. I personally prefer the average guy but that's the joy of the world, everyone has a preference.

And I have no idea what this mold of "beauty and romantism" you speak of, plenty of skinny, fat, older guys can be just as suave as some muscle bound guy.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 8:16:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako


And I have no idea what this mold of "beauty and romantism" you speak of, plenty of skinny, fat, older guys can be just as suave as some muscle bound guy.



More so, actually, since they have the experience to back it up.



LadyPact -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 8:54:53 PM)

I've made this same statement on other topics.

My sub is a foot taller than me and outweighs Me by 50-60 lbs.  Absolutely not a weakling.  That's before I even mention that he's military trained.  I'm not afraid of him at all.  It's actually quite the opposite.  In My opinion, he's one of the kindest, most helpful people you'd ever want to meet.

Perhaps, OP, folks are noticing something on your insides, while you are comparing outsides.



DrkJourney -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 9:12:51 PM)

looks to me like you might not want to "place a label" based on the thoughts of one woman and her friends.

Personally, I could give a crap about body type.  I've had all body types, and the body builders that I had (2) were too in love with themselves to pay much attention to anything else...LOL  But I certainly am not going to judge all body builders by them.



AlexandraLynch -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/14/2008 11:25:23 PM)

I don't have a problem with a fit man per se. But extremely ripped means to me that what he can probably talk about is lifting and getting ripped. I want a sub who is not only decent looking, but has other abilities and can talk with me about politics, faith, history, et cetera.

But every mistress has her own criteria.



FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/15/2008 12:26:36 AM)

I've never met or heard of a dominant lady being afraid of a built gentleman...   I myself am not attracted in general to men who look like they spend most of their time at the gym, mostly because they tend to be far too involved with themselves to fit me in, nevermind, be service oriented.   I generally however don't judge them as empty of other virtues until or unless they show me that is the only thing they concern themselves with.    M



Rumtiger -> RE: Why does a Sub's Power/Body scare a Mistress? (12/15/2008 3:38:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama
If Black and Latino body builders or martial artists want to model for me in male submissive poses, I'm pleased as punch to work with them!


Do you pay? lol



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