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IrishMist -> RE: Warning: this has been covered. (12/16/2008 5:12:12 AM)
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Normally, I stick with the ‘I am not a label’ answer, but today I am feeling kind of thoughtful so I am going to go with a more in depth answer.
This question pretty much falls in line with the other thread that came up concerning judgments and biases; and my answer is almost pretty much along the same lines as it was there.
I am the way I am. I know who I am, and I make no apologies to anyone for that. I accepted myself and my particular personality quirks along time ago. I also realized, along time ago, that no matter how much I tried to ‘be the way others wanted me’ , I would never fit into the box that they had for me. So, I basically stopped trying to. I accepted myself, and made the decision that if others could not do the same….accept me the way I was….then it was their loss and not mine.
When I made this realization though, I also came to understand that if I was expecting others to do this for me, I had to extend the same courtesy to them. In other words; accept them as they were; quirks and all, good and bad.
I don’t have to like a person. Liking or disliking is a personal choice. I do however, have to accept that they have the same right that I do to be who they want to be.
I don’t have to like the way they live their life. I do however, have to accept that they have the right to live how they choose.
I don’t have to agree with things that they do or how they do them; I do however, have to accept that it is their choice to make.
In other words; I do not have the right to tell another how they should live, how they should act, or how they should think. All I have to do is accept that they have the right to choose, the same as I do.
My big issues most of the time is not in accepting others; it’s in understanding.
When I come across someone who believes in something that is so strongly opposed to my own thinking, it takes me time to come to an understanding of WHY they do the things they do. Once I can understand, I can accept. I can then look at all angles and come to an understanding of this persons thinking. It’s a trick I learned some time ago, and it’s one that I still use to this day.
I know you placed this question specifically towards those who participate in BDSM, D/s, and M/s; but it’s something that I think should be applied to all walks of life. People are no different here then they are on the street. I treat a stranger the same way I do someone that I have known all my life. I have learned the hard way that the labels that are placed on others do more harm then they do good. It closes my mind to the individual; and when that happens, I no longer make an attempt at understanding them.
I have seen through both life and work how the labeling within ‘communities’ can destroy. Sure, it makes a person feel better when they think they have something to ‘connect’ with; but you are losing a lot more in the long run when you stop looking at others as individuals. When I mess around on the boards here, I do not see Masters, Mistresses, slaves, submissives. I see men and women who all think differently, act differently, talk differently, and feel differently. I see individuals. Not groups. And each individual has the right to their own thoughts, and the right to act upon those thoughts in a way that they see fit. I may not agree; but I sure as hell go out of my way to understand.
And that, in my mind, is all that matters.
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