Unemployment

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apettiger -> Unemployment (12/16/2008 9:29:57 AM)
let me start this by saying i love my Tamer and want to help Him i was in a relationship for almost 20 years where i was the main bread winner. i raised 3 kids on SSI (less than $700 a month) and paid the rent and utilities, bought all the food and incidentals. any time anything was needed or wanted i was the one to provide it, even though i had a husband (useless, shiftless thing that he was). my Tamer has worked the entire time we have been together (with the exception of a couple of weeks where He was out of work) until recently. He lost his job a couple of months ago and is waiting to appeal his unemployment decision (he was denied). i am afraid i am going to find myself back in the same situation as before, paying for everything. i cannot afford that. my Tamer tells me He does not expect me to support Him, but He has been spent a LOT of time at my house on my dime. am i over re-acting? should i wait it out? the economy is in such dire straights and i know this is not ALL on Him. we have been together for about 2 years and He has been taking care of Himself ( i have been taking care of me and mine, alone still for the most part) but now . . . . i don't know. i am frightened and worried. i cannot work as i am legally blind and have severe arthritis, so my only income is the check i get from the gov. and it barely covers MY expenses. god i am so scared.

Lynnxz -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 9:45:45 AM)
Only logical solution would be for someone to get a job.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 9:49:29 AM)
Tell him to man up and contribute to the running of your household if he is going to be there.

came4U -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 9:53:38 AM)
I am not sure what SSI is but holy it doesn't pay much whatever it is. If it is some sort of disability payment ouch it is low. I believe here blindness alone would capture you at least 1600/mo, probably help with homecare/chores too. But, since your guy has been living there rent free I do believe he should take up the slack for a while.

KatyLied -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 9:54:24 AM)
When he says he's coming over, on your dime, tell him you have other plans. Jobs can be had. Perhaps not his dream job, but if he has no one to support him he'll find something to do.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 9:56:41 AM)
Definition of insanity: To do the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

Lockit -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 10:02:15 AM)
I would want to see his paperwork on the denial of the unemployment so that I could know the truth of that situation. The system can be pretty messed up, but there could be reason there that would let you know the truth of things. The truth tends to enlighten and ease your mind. If it is legit, then I would consider other options and see if there was a way through the situation. Jobs may be hard to find, but there is always something one can do even to pick up enough to feed themselves, if they are able bodied. I wouldn't have a problem helping someone out in a tight spot... if it is something they really cannot prevent or do something about. I would even cut my own expenses to help someone if they were in real need. If he is actually looking for work and is willing to take anything, he may be on the up and up. You know him better than we do... so you have to trust your own judgment on this. Maybe you are questioning yourself in being able to judge whether this is a situation like before because you maybe allowed things to happen that could have been avoided. I don't think with what you went through, you would let it go so far again. Just don't get stuck in the fear. Get the facts and go on them, not emotion or fear. We are going to see more of this and people will do what they have to do to survive... say anything, whatever... but you have had two years with him to know what to do. Base what you do on him and your relationship, rather than your past relationship. Let the past be a warning to you... but not a hendrence. Good luck!

myotherself -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 10:23:38 AM)
Having been unemployed myself for a while not so long ago, I can tell you that the biggest incentive to finding work - any work - is having to take responsibility for yourself. If you're picking up the tab for everything while he's with you, then he's going to come to rely on it. That gives him a safety net which means the work situation isn't quite so urgent. Be honest with him - tell him you can't afford to pay for everything, and that your ums are suffering because of the reduced cash. Make him face up to the situation. But at a time when his self-confidence may be low, be prepared to lend a shoulder to cry on. Be his best friend, his partner, his sub/slave, his girlfriend....but not his mom.

Musicmystery -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 10:24:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: apettiger let me start this by saying i love my Tamer and want to help Him i was in a relationship for almost 20 years where i was the main bread winner. i raised 3 kids on SSI (less than $700 a month) and paid the rent and utilities, bought all the food and incidentals. any time anything was needed or wanted i was the one to provide it, even though i had a husband (useless, shiftless thing that he was). my Tamer has worked the entire time we have been together (with the exception of a couple of weeks where He was out of work) until recently. He lost his job a couple of months ago and is waiting to appeal his unemployment decision (he was denied). i am afraid i am going to find myself back in the same situation as before, paying for everything. i cannot afford that. my Tamer tells me He does not expect me to support Him, but He has been spent a LOT of time at my house on my dime. am i over re-acting? should i wait it out? the economy is in such dire straights and i know this is not ALL on Him. we have been together for about 2 years and He has been taking care of Himself ( i have been taking care of me and mine, alone still for the most part) but now . . . . i don't know. i am frightened and worried. i cannot work as i am legally blind and have severe arthritis, so my only income is the check i get from the gov. and it barely covers MY expenses. god i am so scared. you have, apparently deliberately, presented the situation as unsolvable, looking for validation. Validation for what? If everything you've said is spot on, what will you do? What's your proposal? I don't mean to be cold, but victimizing yourself is NOT going to help here, validated or not. Let's say you DO find yourself "in the same situation," which you "cannot afford." Then what? Are you looking to leave the relationship? Then what? Scared I get. Lots of people are, and for good reason, including you. Turning and blaming your "Tamer" for this (and I have no position either way, since I don't know the guy), with no other plan, and doing so publicly, is a sure recipe for combining the most possible negative outcomes from the most foreseeable outcomes. Get ready for your new life alone. Clearly you don't trust the guy, and no relationship can stand that long-term. Whether he finds a job is now irrelevant. What was is over. Next meal ticket.

housesub4you -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 10:26:48 AM)
I agree I don't know what the job market is by you, but up here the only people hiring are fast food joints. Tell him to face the facts and start flipping burgers until someting better comes along. Even if he gets a job it will not effect his unemployment appeal, he can still work and if he is not making more than his unemployment would be they will make up the difference.

soul2share -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 10:28:55 AM)
At the periods of time that I have been job seeking for my primary career goal, I have registered with temporary agencies. Look in the classifieds, register with the employement services offered by the state you live in.....NOT having a job, even in these times, is just an excuse for being lazy. Yeah, it may not be a dream job, but living off someone who is only getting disability money is even lazier. If this sounds harsh, I do apologize, but I have supported someone in similiar circumstances.....take care of yourself and your own, and let him do the same. You DO NOT owe him upkeep! Until he can prove he's working,or his current standing with the unemploment appeal, and is putting money towards the expenses he's generating in your household, then he's on his own......have one conversation with him laying down the law, and then it's his step to make. After being together for 2 years, he shouldn't have to have the sit-down, he should be totally aware of your circumstances.

DomMeinCT -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 12:27:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: apettiger let me start this by saying i love my Tamer and want to help Him i was in a relationship for almost 20 years where i was the main bread winner. i raised 3 kids on SSI (less than $700 a month) and paid the rent and utilities, bought all the food and incidentals. any time anything was needed or wanted i was the one to provide it, even though i had a husband (useless, shiftless thing that he was). my Tamer has worked the entire time we have been together (with the exception of a couple of weeks where He was out of work) until recently. He lost his job a couple of months ago and is waiting to appeal his unemployment decision (he was denied). i am afraid i am going to find myself back in the same situation as before, paying for everything. i cannot afford that. my Tamer tells me He does not expect me to support Him, but He has been spent a LOT of time at my house on my dime. am i over re-acting? should i wait it out? the economy is in such dire straights and i know this is not ALL on Him. we have been together for about 2 years and He has been taking care of Himself ( i have been taking care of me and mine, alone still for the most part) but now . . . . i don't know. i am frightened and worried. i cannot work as i am legally blind and have severe arthritis, so my only income is the check i get from the gov. and it barely covers MY expenses. god i am so scared. If it meant taking from my um's mouths or things they needed, I wouldn't be so scared as to tell him to contribute to the household that he is taking from. My priority would always be my um's needs.

YourhandMyAss -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 12:34:08 PM)
Actually SSI Can pay quite a lot sometimes. I guess though how much iut seems, depends on your needs, I had tons of money left over after bills, because I didn't have many bills. I had about a thoughsand dollars by time my checks came in because I routienly kept 500 dollars in the bank. Course now that I am in debt up to my eyeballs due to vet bills and poor c hoices it's not enough money to live comfortably on, but it was, before I owed 4 k to crediters. SSI is social security suppliment, It can have other meanings but that's basically the main one. quote: what SSI is but holy it doesn't pay much whatever it is. If it is some sort of disability payment ouch it is low. I believe quote: ORIGINAL: came4U I am not sure what SSI is but holy it doesn't pay much whatever it is. If it is some sort of disability payment ouch it is low. I believe here blindness alone would capture you at least 1600/mo, probably help with homecare/chores too. But, since your guy has been living there rent free I do believe he should take up the slack for a while.

BlackPhx -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 12:41:24 PM)
You have three problems that I see Apettiger. Your limited Income on SSI..that should have been converted over to SSD (Disability) which can be based on income your earned, your parents earned ( even at this late date) or your Ex earned as long as you have not remarried. Dependent upon the cost of living in your state you may be eligible for both with SSI supplementing SSD and coverage of the medicare premiums if your income is so low. Your baggage from your ex is bleeding over into this relationship. Your fears may well be justified, only you know that but on one hand you say he has been unemployed once before and was responsible for himself ( inferred) and now he is unemployed and coming over placing a strain on your income. The question becomes have you sat down and talked to him about the strain and asked what he was willing to do to alleviate it. Suggest to him Temp (many turn permanent) or Day labor while he is looking for a new position. Not knowing his skills i can't offer more than that as a suggestion, but while you wait for your appeal to go through, you don't have to wait to file it once a determination has been made that you are ineligible. He can also hit the food banks to help out with groceries and cut his luxuries to the bone. He may also need to evaluate his skills, garner more and look in other fields. He may actually need to lean on you for emotional support. No matter how dominant someone is, how capable finding yourself unemployed in this economy is scary and more men than people think evaluate their value by how much money they can bring to the table. A loss of income can lead to profound depression. if you are seeing signs of this, encourage him to seek some help. Most counties have counselors that are free or work on a sliding scale. Many Unemployment agencies also offer groups on how to deal with unemployment periods. That may be the reason he is coming by so often, touching base with the one stable thing in his life right now. You. You can be supportive without being the supporter. I wish you luck, but we just don't have enough information to be able to give more than generic advice. poenkitten

Lockit -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 12:43:31 PM)
SSI pays a certain amount and I have never heard of it being above $350. SSD on the other hand does pay more and is based on what you earned before disabilty and within the time frame or work hour credits. If you haven't worked in a certain amount of time in the past five years, you get SSI, not SSD. Different states may increase money from a state fund to suppliment either, in food stamps or cash. Some states have a SSI program which can be called different things... General Assistance, etc. Not all states have this. It is typically for adults with no um's and for the disabiled or blind during a time when they are applying for benefits from Social Security. At least that is the way it used to be... It may have changed but I don't think so as of my last research which was last summer.

jeffman1234 -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 2:45:36 PM)
It seems there are two issues here, the relationship and money. What sort of work can he do or is experienced at. Can he lower his standards and get a job washing dishes? Even at minimum wage two can live cheaper than one.Does he pay rent?Jeff

came4U -> RE: Unemployment (12/16/2008 3:22:33 PM)
ok that explains a little bit, but here, you must claim a bf/live in if you collect disability (mental or physical) payments as part of your payment. So if she claimed him, she can boot him and collect her full amount? If it is a family of 3, parent, 2ums, they monthly payment is about 2400ish/month. If your man is holding you back from payments by not claiming him as an unemployable dependant by all means scoot him out the door. Yet, if you are collecting yet he pitches in for food, rent etc, that is fraud anyways. If a guy isn't pulling his own weight or acting like a roommate finacially, he is nor will he ever 'train' me to do anything except be a doormat for a mooch.

chamberqueen -> RE: Unemployment (12/17/2008 9:02:23 AM)
You say he was on your dime, but does that only mean that you are feeding him? Let him know your concerns; if there is not enough food for you and anyone you are still supporting AND him be honest about it. He may be spending additional time with you simply because he has more time available and doesn't realize that you are afraid that his presence may be a financial drain. The job market in my state is terrible now. Temporary agencies have no positions available; the jobs on the market take either very specialized skills or are entry level positions where management is afraid to hire someone that is overqualified. I am sure that moral support is the main thing that your Tamer needs right now. It sounds like you are more than willing to give that.

Raechard -> RE: Unemployment (12/17/2008 9:15:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 Definition of insanity: To do the same thing over and over expecting a different result. No point cutting the grass then.[8\|]

slaveboyforyou -> RE: Unemployment (12/17/2008 9:34:27 AM)
I see we live in the same town, apettiger. I got laid off from a good job in May, and I left for awhile to scout out other locations. I came back, because it is cheap to live here. You don't need much money to be comfy here. I know the economy is shitty, and I know the job situation around here is bad. But there are jobs here. I've had to take a shitty job, and I'm not happy about it. But hey, that's the way it is. I'm always looking for something else. I see jobs in our local paper everyday. The prison in Malvern is hiring a construction/maintenance supervisor, the call center over opn Albert Pike is hiring people at 10 bucks an hour, a couple of places are hiring security guards, the Sheriff's office is looking for jailers, etc, etc. That's just stuff I saw in Sunday's paper. The AR unemployment website has lots of stuff listed.

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