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Please help me be a great submissive. new here. - 12/29/2005 8:17:05 PM

Supershovel83

Posts: 25
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

1. Why does a submissive rebel?
2. As a submissive do you still feel human?
3. How do you face your fears as a submissive?
4. As a submissive how do you see your sexuality?
5. How do you deal with your emotions as a submissive when you fear punishment?
6. How do you learn everything there is to being a true submissive?

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RE: Please help me be a great submissive. new here. - 12/29/2005 11:38:59 PM

newflowers

Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Supershovel83

1. Why does a submissive rebel?
2. As a submissive do you still feel human?
3. How do you face your fears as a submissive?
4. As a submissive how do you see your sexuality?
5. How do you deal with your emotions as a submissive when you fear punishment?
6. How do you learn everything there is to being a true submissive?

1. Rebellion - the small and the large - is the direct result of feeling insecure and testing boundries to determine if i am secure within them. Sometimes that insecurity stems from growing and sometimes it is because i do not feel safe, there is no set power frame in which to reside.

2. I'm not sure i understand this question. Of course i still feel human - i am human. Being in a D/s relationship does not make me less human, it makes me a more joyful and content human at this particular time.

3. Facing fears as a submissive is not much different than facing fears in general. The advantage is that you have your dominant partner on whom you can rely, to whom you can talk. i rarely need him to "fix" me, i usually need him to listen and comment so that i can get my thoughts in order. i still talk to my friends and my favorite sister. i have always been of the mind that i will confront that which frightens me simply because i know what being afraid is and long ago vowed never to live cowering in my mind.

4. My sexuality is part of me. i like sex and that has not changed - the advantage is in having a partner who is sexually compatible - he really likes sex too. Being older and growing more confident in and accepting of myself allows me to be more free and experimental, but i think that is a condition of growing, not of submission. In past relationships where sex was regulated and stifiled, i was very discontent - a part of me that is important was being rejected - but i would feel that way if it were another part of me being rejected or stifiled as well. i say - say more to sex.

5. This is like number three - face it, accept it, and don't do it again. The anticipation of punishment can be much worse than the punishment itself. i am not at all a pain slut and would never be compartible with someone who needed such a one. But punishment is about many things and part of that is maintaining the power frame i referred to earlier. i know my boundries and my partner is strong enough to keep me safe within them; i am an honorable woman and in vowing obedience, i give obedience. i have found the easier way to not fear punishment is to not break rules. In this, you need to talk to your partner -do you have a thousand rules that in trying to remember one you forget another - too much too fast - tell him, let him help and guide you.

6. Don't let any one tell you differently - there is no such thing as a "true submissive." Within your dynamic with your dominant partner, it is the two of you who determine what will and will not happen; what each of you does and does not like; how your lives will progress on a daily basis. Be the best YOU that you can be - that is the be all. Spend time in reflection and introspection and study - know who you are and what you want and do not settle or accept less than. Be yourself. If your partner is with you it is because he likes/loves/cares for/ wants who you are - who YOU are - not a cookie cutter submissive - but you. If that is not the case, maybe you are not in the place that is right for you. i know that you will hear it is the dominant partner who matters, who must be pleased yada, yada. If you are not pleased, you will not be able to please another - you will have no joy in your service, in your sexuality, in your life; you will find that punishmnet makes you resentful and rebellious. Being submissive is about more than spankings and being bound, and giving head, and making another happy. You are still a woman of preferences and likes and dislikes and needs and wants - that has not changed. Not at all a popular opinion, but mine nonetheless. If i cannot find joy and contentment in the significant aspects of my life - then that part is not working and it becomes my responsibility to make changes. Being submissive does mean you you abdicate self-responsibility or self-determination. Please note that there is a difference between happiness and joy and contentment and gratification. i am happy most days, but not always - i am in a space where i am most always joyful in and with my life. it took a very long time and quite a few bumps to get here.

Talk to your partner, have him talk to you; trust him and be trustworthy. When you reach perfection you'll know - you'll being wearing wings and strumming a harp. Being submissive does not mean you are not a fragile human prone to error. What does it mean - i have found my own answer, you must find yours as no one else's definition is going to work for you.

relax and enjoy being a human, being a submissive woman.

-a-

< Message edited by newflowers -- 12/29/2005 11:44:06 PM >

(in reply to Supershovel83)

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RE: Please help me be a great submissive. new here. - 12/30/2005 6:18:05 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Everything pretty much covered, so I will just add a bit more to #1.

Most of our lives, subs and slaves were NOT in secure M/s type relationships. We had to try and MAKE the other person be dominant, whether by asking for it or some passive aggressive maneuvering.

When we get into this in the beginning, we are still IN that mode, and thus when we feel insecure, we resort to our old habits to get what we want. This is not helped by the fact that a lot of dominants are inept and inconsistent to begin with, only feeding into the insecurity.

So you break a habit the same way you break any habit, being aware of it, stopping it when it comes up, and working through a new method (like just being honest).

We rebel because *we* do not feel secure in who we are or the situation we are in. So we try and make someone else put a patch over it and "tug our leash."

Unfortunately leash tugging can get very wearying.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Supershovel83)

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RE: Please help me be a great submissive. new here. - 12/30/2005 6:35:01 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

1. b/c i was testing and scared
2. of course i still feel human
3. by continually looking at fears and facing them and then striving to overcome
4. lol i am a shameless slut under Master's hand

5. punishment sux...there is nothing worse than knowing i have displeased Master or the sound of silence..so i strive to not screw up these days
6. trial and error

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to Supershovel83)

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RE: Please help me be a great submissive. new here. - 12/30/2005 7:44:38 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

1. Why does a submissive rebel?

perhaps they aren't comfortable in their "role" that they are "playing"?

quote:

2. As a submissive do you still feel human?

sure, but sometimes this slave feels canine or equine depending on Master's preference.

quote:

3. How do you face your fears as a submissive?

with Master holding firmly to this slave's hand, protecting and guiding her through anything fearful.

quote:

4. As a submissive how do you see your sexuality?

this slave's "sexuality" is owned and operated by Master.

quote:

5. How do you deal with your emotions as a submissive when you fear punishment?

this slave does not fear punishment. if Master feels that punishment is necessary this slave looks forward to it and THANKS Master for it--not because we "play" punish with spankings and whatnot, but because Master is helping this slave to please HIM by correcting her disobedience.

quote:

6. How do you learn everything there is to being a true submissive?

oh that's the easiest part--you just sign up for the "Master Merc's True Submissive Academy". Master runs a modest clinic, in conjunction with the previously mentioned in other posts and world renowned "Grand Master Academy" One either graduates or sleeps with the fishes!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

seriously, though, that's a good question that this slave has controversial anwers for. these answers are the reason why this slave doesn't understand from a personal experience level the "struggle" to be submissive, the "rebellion" of submissives, the "anger" or "resentment" that some submissives feel towards their Masters, or the need to submit to someone to "balance-out" an otherwise "dominant" life. Not that there is anything wrong with that......just don't get it, personally.

1. this slave was born this way(submissive)
2. this slave's submissiveness was cultivated and strengthened through many years of service to others who weren't necessarily appreciative of the service.
3. some of the above mentioned service expected NOTHING in return, not even a pat on the head--and that was the BEST training this slave could have had to prepare her for an M/s relationship.

Best advice this slave could give is have an open mind and "to thine own self be true".

(in reply to Supershovel83)

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RE: Please help me be a great submissive. new here. - 12/30/2005 7:54:16 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
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Don't make your sexual orientation or your desires more difficult than they have to be. You are who you are and have evolved into your personality and psyche through your personal experiences.
Asking questions is very good, don't get me wrong, but going with your instincts and doing what comes natural to you......is priceless and only you hold the answers.

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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RE: Please help me be a great submissive. new here. - 12/30/2005 8:57:01 AM

Nendarye

Posts: 147
Joined: 12/23/2005
From: Texas
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quote:

1. Why does a submissive rebel?

Insecure, fear of failure, fear of not doing something right, and in some cases...they may still be searching for their place in the relationship...maybe they are not submissive...just something to take into account.

quote:

2. As a submissive do you still feel human?

Of course. I still have feelings, I cry, I laugh, I interact with others on a daily basis, I make decisions everyday, make mistakes, learn from them. In no way does being submissive mean that I have to give up my feelings of humanity :)

quote:

3. How do you face your fears as a submissive?

One step at a time. One fear at a time. And always with Master holding my hand through it all :) He may just be stepping in time with me, or he may be pushing me to go faster...but he is always there with me.

quote:

4. As a submissive how do you see your sexuality?

This depends on the individuals involved and the particulars of their own relationship.

quote:

5. How do you deal with your emotions as a submissive when you fear punishment?

I do not 'fear' punishment. Punishment is given when I have given in to a behavior that is unacceptable. It is not a behavior that I want to repeat, so punishment should be given, as Master see's fit. I fear his disappointment more than a punishment.

quote:

6. How do you learn everything there is to being a true submissive?

Read alot, meet people, talk to people, and listen to what Master tells me about myself, him, and others :) It is an ongoing process, one that can be filled with wonder, joy, and happiness, but only if you are open to the changes that it brings.

_____________________________

" You may be suffering, but you will always suffer with love"

@~~Proud property of Master Michael~~@

(in reply to Supershovel83)

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RE: Please help me be a great submissive. new here. - 12/30/2005 1:32:11 PM

Jennylu48

Posts: 48
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline

1) REBEL - As people, we all rebel when we are told to do something. I think it is the natural reaction of a free willed spirit. But it is something that we learn to control and harness with training.

2) FEELING HUMAN - Yes I do feel human. Because I WISH TO submit, does not make me less of a person. I see that as one facet of a crystal. I also laugh, cry, sing (poorly), have fun, work and do all the things other peole do.

3) FEARS - My defensive system usually makes me cry at first. Then I get internaly mad with myself and just face it head on.

4) SEXUALITY - Yea I am a very sexual and sensual person. I adore my feminity. I am a 100% lady in public; proper in every sense, and the biggest slut in history with my master behind closed doors. I enjoy nilla sex as much as lifestyle play. I don't think I could live with just one or the other. I find completeness in both

5) FEAR PUNISHMENT - This is gonna get me in trouble!!! First is my natural reaction ... crying. Then I think of how weak crying makes me so I get real stubborn ... as he is not gonna get the better of me attitude. By the time I go through that in my mind the punishment is over. Of course he nevers hears that attitude from me. I wouldn't dishonor him in that fashion. But it is in my mind anyway.

6) LEARNING - That to me is a life long process. I don't think it ever ends

< Message edited by Jennylu48 -- 12/30/2005 1:33:43 PM >

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RE: Please help me be a great submissive. new here. - 12/30/2005 1:38:09 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

1. Why does a submissive rebel?

Most often they are fighting being submissive itself. Other times it is just plain fear.

quote:

2. As a submissive do you still feel human?

Every day, every night, every hour, every minute. My orientation in life does not turn on and off with my feelings of humanity.

quote:

3. How do you face your fears as a submissive?

I do not face them at all. However, WE face them one at a time.

quote:

4. As a submissive how do you see your sexuality?

No different than it is when I am at work :)

quote:

5. How do you deal with your emotions as a submissive when you fear punishment?

I do not fear punishments. I fear disappointment, and failure, but not punishments.

quote:

6. How do you learn everything there is to being a true submissive?

I am having some trouble with this one...Please define the word 'true'

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RE: Please help me be a great submissive. new here. - 12/30/2005 4:26:28 PM

ownedjulia

Posts: 218
Joined: 10/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Supershovel83

1. Why does a submissive rebel?

I have rebelled because I felt ignored and pushed aside. I did it to get his attention. I got his attention. i try hard to fight the rebellion inside me and become a better slave

[qoute]
2. As a submissive do you still feel human?

Yes.

quote:

3. How do you face your fears as a submissive?

With fear mostly. My fears vary from the normal "eeeek, it's a spider!" to "eeeek, you want me to do WHAT?" and each one is handled differently.

quote:

4. As a submissive how do you see your sexuality?

However he WANTS me to display it.

quote:

5. How do you deal with your emotions as a submissive when you fear punishment?

I try to quell the knot in the stomach when i *KMOW* i have done something wrong and he will punish me. I know he is doing it to correct something or change something in me and therefore i try to accept it with good grace.

quote:

6. How do you learn everything there is to being a true submissive?

I'm a slave. However, I learn something new everyday about my slavery to Master.

_____________________________

~julia
owned slave and proud of it!

(in reply to Supershovel83)

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RE: Please help me be a great submissive. new here. - 1/2/2006 5:27:05 PM

brigidsub

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/2/2006
From: Washington
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newflowers, and all who responded, it was good to read your advice. It reinforces what i seem to be picking up intuitively from my conversations and actions with my Master.... it seems that is the "key" to this whole very new scene to me. So glad to read and integrate what is going on with Him/me.

(in reply to ownedjulia)

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RE: Please help me be a great submissive. new here. - 1/2/2006 8:57:19 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Supershovel83

1. Why does a submissive rebel?
2. As a submissive do you still feel human?
3. How do you face your fears as a submissive?
4. As a submissive how do you see your sexuality?
5. How do you deal with your emotions as a submissive when you fear punishment?
6. How do you learn everything there is to being a true submissive?

1. IMHO to test how much mettle or commitment or love a Dom or Master has, and this is a childish ploy to find out. Sometimes it may be neccesary to form a limit or express something that really matters, but this won't occur as rebellion to a master or Dom who cares. It is a not-straight way of saying that "something is not working here".

2. I feel MORE human than ever because all my little foibles and all my finest points are fully exposed to another human being. I have never felt more alive or vital.

3. facing fears: OK, I have become a pro at this one. But it has taken years. I am NOT fearless. But what I can do is, stand still in the face of it, and seek the truth of what is going on. There is "what is" and then there is "the stories i make up about what I think it is". With pain, it is willing myself to relax and feel, knowing that resistance adds to the distress. I still get terrified. But after many years, I can say to myself - "Oh, this is just my mind talking". I am not saying it's easy. Learn meditation - it will give you mastery over the inner chatter. The key concept is' "MY RESISTANCE IS WHAT GETS ME IN TROUBLE".

4. My sexuality? After 40 years, I finally see that I was wired this way. I am dominated by my sexuality. But again, resisting it has proved futile and TROUBLEsome. What HAS worked is being painfully truthful with myself about how it is and what I want, and also developing my other fine qualities as well. I accept it, and by that, I can channel it in healthy ways and not let it eat up my ENTIRE life. It will always be in the background anyway.

5. Hmmm. For me, the ONLY way to deal is telling the truth, never blaming, and being willing to deal with consequences. Taking responsibility for my actions. I relate to myself as my word. If I give my word to something, I EXPECT consequences for breaking it. And given that, the break in my integrity had better be worth the punishment. Yes I can be afraid that something will happen that I don't like. But If I erred in an agreed-upon matter, I'm asking for it. I'll sit there and quake in my boots and piss my pants before I'll run, unless the Dom is bat-shit crazy. That's why they call it submission and not "stick and move".

6. Being a sub is something you'll never learn "all there is" to. The best you can do is devote yourself to getting some mastery over yourself, your reactions, your resistance. And deepening your ability to love, to cover the sins and faults of another, to forgive and to serve from your soul. And the good news is, you can't do it alone, so why try?

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

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RE: Please help me be a great submissive. new here. - 1/3/2006 1:56:27 AM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
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1. Why does a submissive rebel?
This submissive rebels, because at the time, i think im in the right, and he's in the wrong. Because i dont want to do what is being asked of me. Because i am protesting. Im not saying that i should feel like this, but this is how i 'feel' when im being a prick.

2. As a submissive, do you still feel human?
Do you know, ive wondered that sometimes. Am i being moulded into something i am not, am i becoming a automatom? Giving up my beliefs to take up another's beliefs. I do still feel human, but i also feel that part of me, is not called for in our relationship, so i must put it away. Is that what you were meaning?

3. Fears? Ive faced my fears alone all of my life, letting someone else assist me to do this, is something i am learning. With regard to play, i have somethings i fear, but either its something i can work on to overcome, or its intractable, and not worth the effort for him when there are other things to distract and occupy him.

4. As a submissive, how do you see your sexuality?
I dont. My sexuality is nothing to do with my submission really. I was sexually active way before i became a submissive, and really enjoyed myself in the bedroom. I like sex. Always have, always will presumably. Having it intensified by the kinky things we do, is fab, not a problem at all. I accept that i enjoy things, that others may not, but so long as the person i am sleeping with can put out what i need, its not a problem. My sexuality is that of a woman. Not a submissive.
I do not need to be dominated to enjoy sex. Im into 'lets have a ball in the bedroom', having imagination, fun, kink, flare, courage is not the domain of bdsm.

5. How do you deal with your emotions as a submissive when you fear punishment?
God i wish i knew how to answer this one. Sometimes i get so upset, it can colour my day/week. I am one of those people that cant stand a atmosphere, i like things out in the open, and dealt with. But im not running this show, he is. And it can go on and on sometimes. I get upset, very upset. Sometimes it makes me want to end it. I dont fear punishment, id welcome it, as a finale to a bad situation. What i read about punishment, is not what happens in our relationship.

6. How do you learn everything there is to being a true submissive?
I can answer this one. Substitute the word submissive, for say partner. What you learn from your ex, wont help with your future partner. You learn how to be submissive to them, and them only. And you never stop learning.
Sure, you can read a whole heap of stuff, and then in the real life scenario, you can compare your Dom, to the one you read about, and get really confused about the difference in approach. You can read about 'positions' that are becoming for a submissive to sit in. and all that jazz. Shit girl, you gotta do something whilst your waiting, to pass the time if nothing else, may as well be this. Or you could: get bloody fit in body and mind ready to submit. Learn to communicate with others, really clearly and honestly. Thats a fab skill to learn and one you will have more use of, than learning to spell Kajira. Finish all unfinished business, drag every skeleton out of your closet and get rid. Deal with your baggage first, dont wait for a Dom to do it for you. And join a gym, start taking cod liver oil now, so you can still kneel at 40, thats the sorta stuff lol. If you havent got carpets in your place, and your going to be playing there, get some!
This 'true' submissive phrase, its bullshit. Put about by pompous jackasses. Ignore it.

i wish you well
little1

(in reply to classykindasassy)

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RE: Please help me be a great submissive. new here. - 1/3/2006 2:53:35 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
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1. rebellion is brought about because of fear on my part
2. of course ..afterall i was a Human long before i became a slave
3.this one is hard for me ...my fears in the lifestyle are far easier to face , because i am pleasing him by facing them. Outside the lifestyle i need pushing on basic everyday life fears, which he is good at doing as well.
4. im very sexual with my Master
5. i get very upset knowing i displease him...It truelly is horrible
6. you learn even with knew partners, the easiest way to learn is by doing it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Supershovel83

1. Why does a submissive rebel?
2. As a submissive do you still feel human?
3. How do you face your fears as a submissive?
4. As a submissive how do you see your sexuality?
5. How do you deal with your emotions as a submissive when you fear punishment?
6. How do you learn everything there is to being a true submissive?

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Post #: 14