quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

90% of Ms relatinships look just like vanilla ones 90% of the time.  It's not what you do, it's the dynamic that flows through everything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrAtAVenture

After several D/s relationships which were confined to occasional meetings and fundamentally play encounters - albeit intense enough in their own way- I met a year ago, and have now lived for sixth months with, someone who aspires as I do to a full scale 24/7 M/s lifestyle. Although our M/s dynamic has continued in one sense to be as successful as it was when we only saw each other at weekends, I would readily admit that I am finding it very challenging to take things to the next level - that is to say, to achieve an all encompassing lifestyle which extends the M/s dynamic beyond the bedroom and play. The potential {and the desire to realise it} is there as it has always been, but whether from inexperience, lack of imagination or the wrong rules or something else I havent thought of we have yet to accomplish what we both wish for. There have been other wholly external pressures in our lives - what new relationship doesnt have those? - but they are in  the end incidental. The problem is ours as we need to solve it.

As her Master of course I accept responsibility for this shortcoming and am more than prepared to listen attentively to constructive advice, comment and ideas about the best way to move forward. Hence this post. I would welcome posts from anyone who has been through a similar transition, whether from a dominant or submissive perspective. Since this is by definition not something one can learn by observing others, it is a serious challenge for us and I would be grateful for any support the collarme community can offer.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

90% of Ms relatinships look just like vanilla ones 90% of the time.  It's not what you do, it's the dynamic that flows through everything.

quote:

Ummmm, that's probably because 90% of Ms relationships are really just ordinary relationships with bedroom bondage, some poly, and really hot outfits.

And...the dynamic that flows through everything?

Huh. I guess. I don't know. everyone is saying right on! to this statement, but I don't find it very helpful.

It looks to me like this guy here is talking about 24/7 slavery. I don't think that's 90% of the M & s relationships out there. Come on now people.

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

quote:

Ummmm, that's probably because 90% of Ms relationships are really just ordinary relationships with bedroom bondage, some poly, and really hot outfits.

And...the dynamic that flows through everything?

Huh. I guess. I don't know. everyone is saying right on! to this statement, but I don't find it very helpful.

It looks to me like this guy here is talking about 24/7 slavery. I don't think that's 90% of the M & s relationships out there. Come on now people.

I don't know anyone whose relationship is based on "bedroom bondage, some poly, and really hot outfits."  Don't know anyone who even has a hot outfit.  None of my close friends have done poly nor have we...and personally we find bondage rather boring.   What relationships include...whether it satisfies anyone's fantasy or not.... are going to work, feeding the kids, getting brakes on the car, washing dishes, visiting with family and friends, washing clothes, scrubbing floors, buying groceries, paying bills.  Sorry that these aren't sexy or erotic activities....but they still need done whether you are M/s, D/s, or vanilla.  These mundane activities will take up the major portion of anyone's day. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint
However, the dynamic does flow through the relationship.  He is always in charge and makes all final decisions.  His word is law.  He just doesn't think it's necessary to micromanage every single minute we're together so that I always feel his Dominance.  His Dominance is a given and is always there without having to shout about it to the world.  Our friends have no idea on what our relationship is based.  It doesn't have to blatantly show.  It really does flow with everything. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint
Now to answer the OP. If you need to reinforce the M/s in your relationship, why don't you try a few simple rituals? They can be very simple ones such as you taking the first bite of any meal...or her asking permission to be in your bed at night...or her standing up when you enter a room. However, don't be tied to your rituals. If one isn't working or becomes habit, get rid of it. Try something else. Also, don't make too many of them. Simple is more likely to fit into your life than any fancy Master/slave rituals.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrAtAVenture

After several D/s relationships which were confined to occasional meetings and fundamentally play encounters - albeit intense enough in their own way- I met a year ago, and have now lived for sixth months with, someone who aspires as I do to a full scale 24/7 M/s lifestyle. Although our M/s dynamic has continued in one sense to be as successful as it was when we only saw each other at weekends, I would readily admit that I am finding it very challenging to take things to the next level - that is to say, to achieve an all encompassing lifestyle which extends the M/s dynamic beyond the bedroom and play. The potential {and the desire to realise it} is there as it has always been, but whether from inexperience, lack of imagination or the wrong rules or something else I havent thought of we have yet to accomplish what we both wish for. There have been other wholly external pressures in our lives - what new relationship doesnt have those? - but they are in  the end incidental. The problem is ours as we need to solve it.

As her Master of course I accept responsibility for this shortcoming and am more than prepared to listen attentively to constructive advice, comment and ideas about the best way to move forward. Hence this post. I would welcome posts from anyone who has been through a similar transition, whether from a dominant or submissive perspective. Since this is by definition not something one can learn by observing others, it is a serious challenge for us and I would be grateful for any support the collarme community can offer.

DrAtAVenture

• The Gorean Lifestyle
• The Victorian Lifestyle

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac
mmmm, that's probably because 90% of Ms relationships are really just ordinary relationships with bedroom bondage, some poly, and really hot outfits.

quote:


And...the dynamic that flows through everything?

Huh. I guess. I don't know. everyone is saying right on! to this statement, but I don't find it very helpful.

It looks to me like this guy here is talking about 24/7 slavery. I don't think that's 90% of the M & s relationships out there. Come on now people.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac



Now I don't mean to take away from the point of what you've said here, because on its own it's a really good set of thoughts and advice. But...again...it sounds like youre talking about relationshps 101 advice, mostly which I don't think is rocket science.

quote:

Now that's getting somewhere, at least. I'm a little confused about "However, don't be tied to your rituals. If one isn't working or becomes habit, get rid of it. Try something else. Also, don't make too many of them." —Why?

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac

Now I don't mean to take away from the point of what you've said here, because on its own it's a really good set of thoughts and advice. But...again...it sounds like youre talking about relationshps 101 advice, mostly which I don't think is rocket science.

If it wasn't rocket science in the doing, then the divorce rate wouldn't be as high as it is. Keeping a relationship strong and healthy is very hard work. Work which most people aren't willing to do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac
Now that's getting somewhere, at least. I'm a little confused about "However, don't be tied to your rituals. If one isn't working or becomes habit, get rid of it. Try something else. Also, don't make too many of them." —Why?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
This falls under rocket science relationship advice apparently. If you do something and it doesn't get you the result you want, then why would you think that it would magically change on the 997th time to give you a different result. As far as not making too many of them, because if you make it impossible for a submissive to be successful as in demanding they flawlessly learn and execute 128 slave rules, the sub will stop trying since what they have learned is that you want them to fail. If you don't want them to fail, if you aren't setting them up to be screamed at as incompetent and punished constantly for the same - then don't do it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac
mmmm, that's probably because 90% of Ms relationships are really just ordinary relationships with bedroom bondage, some poly, and really hot outfits.

I certainly cannot deny that this exists.  However, when I speak of Ms relationships, I mean relationships which are functionally, healthy, and fulfilling relationships which ACTUALLY are based on an Ms dynamic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I agree with Kyra- there's no difference between the two for me.  A slave can certainly be contracted out for periods at a time, months or years or so, but during that slavery, it IS slavery 24/7.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
To put it in other terms- a master is just as much the master on the couch watching tv together, just as much making dinner in the kitchen, just as much whipping on the cross, just as much shining their shoes, as they are at any point.

Not having trouble with that either...and I don't think most people will or do if they take M&s seriously.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
It's not the ACTION that matters, it's where the authority is flowing.  Who is the one making that ultimate decision?  How do things work when a choice is to be made?

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Two kink lifestyles which live it 24/7 as being the background for daily living and which can include live in slaves that you may find worthy of investigating for a better understanding on what living "it" entales (you just modify it to suit your dynamic and philosophy) are the (in alphabetical order):

• The Gorean Lifestyle
• The Victorian Lifestyle

Just remember I did say to look at how they work and live "it". I did not suggest you join either unless you are drawn to it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac
I suppose 24/7 M&s is redundant, but not sure where that rant from Kyra really fits into actually answering the post. I will say the rest of what she said was pretty good though.