I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (Full Version)

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JRiddle -> I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (12/19/2008 8:16:45 PM)

This post could probably be directed toward Doms, subs, Switches, or everyone in general. I decided to direct it towards this group. A label for myself does not matter. Further understanding of myself and others is more important.

I have been a bondage enthusiast for as long as I can remember. I am the shy and quiet type. My general demeanor is neutral. I am neither dominate nor submissive. Me controls me and no one else. Therefore, switch is not correct either. My bondage sessions have always been alone. Not the safest method, but one that works. I enjoy planning the bondage session, deciding how much discomfort shall occur, applying the restraints, and struggling in my scenario.

Here is the dilemma. I have no idea if or how I can fit into BDSM groups. I have stood at the sidelines long enough and desire to be more involved in such groups. Next month, I plan to attend a BDSM munch in my local area. In the future, I would like to find a compatible life partner. Here is my main question, would these factors force me to remain on the sidelines?



SunNMoon -> RE: I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (12/19/2008 8:39:51 PM)

The trick is that there are a limited number of options to choose from on the other side. So you’re kinda stuck picking one (other sites have different choices).  

Now to your question. I don’t see why it would force you to be on the sidelines. Just a different set of people to look for is all. It sounds like what you would like is a relationship with a bondage buddy. More of a top/bottom relationship without the authority/power of ds relationship, where one person ties and the other gets tied up. I’m not sure from what you’ve wrote if you’re a top or a bottom in regards to bondage since you don’t mention wanting to tie someone up. I don’t think you’ll have problems finding this person; a lot of the people I talk to who are switches seem to be more top-bottoms when it comes to kinks. I also tend to talk to people that have a fetish as a focus and not power so much.

No advice for going to the munch since I’m not that social at all.



DavanKael -> RE: I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (12/19/2008 8:54:46 PM)

I don't think that the specificity of your desires relegates you to the sidelines; I think that it may limit some options but, if you're willing to hang in there and continue to be open to and/or search for that which you seek, I suspect you'll find it in some form or another at some point. 
As for munches, I have minimal experience.  I would recommend treating it as you would any other social experience; at worst, you have a meal with a bunch of people you never have to see again.  At best, who knows? 
Best wishes,
  Davan



utopicus -> RE: I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (12/19/2008 11:26:27 PM)

Joining a group does not throw you into play parties - well, not necessarily (unless you feel comfortable), but would bring closer like-minded people who could make understand you better. There's no better support than the one coming from people who can understand.
Moreover, it's possible that you could meet your life partner through a group.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (12/20/2008 12:07:04 AM)

If you want to start with a label others can understand, just say "bondage enthusiast" or "bondage fetishist". Nobody should blink an eye at that. Then, enjoy. You don't have to be other than who you are.

Master Fire



chamberqueen -> RE: I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (12/20/2008 7:08:42 AM)

When you think about yourself being involved, how do you see yourself?  As the one doing to binding or the one being bound?  Or are you equally happy with both?

Someone could be pleased to do bondage play and yet not want to go any further in either dominance or submission.  There is nothing wrong with that, and it you might find a partner with the exact same needs.



JRiddle -> RE: I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (12/20/2008 9:13:00 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

If you want to start with a label others can understand, just say "bondage enthusiast" or "bondage fetishist". Nobody should blink an eye at that. Then, enjoy. You don't have to be other than who you are.

Master Fire


Thank you Master Fire. I shall use "bondage enthusiast" to introduce myself.


To chamberqueen and SunNMoon,

You both are very astute in seeing that no preference was given. This is because I am still confused myself in this area. Since my experience is only self bondage, the top and bottom roles have never been experienced separately. Then again, I may enjoy both roles equally. If I figure it out, I will be happy to post it here as long as this thread is not an ancient corpse.


Thank you everyone for the thoughtful answers so far. My understanding is still hazy, but at least I know there is a place for me in BDSM. It dawned on me after reading through the replies what the first group of letters mean. "BD", bondage and discipline, is another aspect of the big umbrella. Just as S/M and D/s couples exist, so may B/D couples. Bondage and discipline is just more of a spectrum than sides of a coin.

As for the munches and other BDSM groups, I am not expecting anything other than a hello from strangers and a decent meal at a restaurant. Instant involvement in a play party or scene would probably scare me away.

Thanks gain for the responses.


PS: I am unfamiliar with proper D/s protocol and have no intention of implying a M/s interest. If it is wrong for me to refer to Master Fire (his name line) as "Master Fire", please let me know.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (12/23/2008 11:30:48 PM)

You can refer to me in any way you wish...except as "Sir," "him," or "he". I'm female both in body and in gender, hence the "Ma'am" on the end. :-) Master is a gender neutral term, just like slave, in my community. Lots of people abbreviate it as MFM or just call me Fire.

Master Fire



JRiddle -> RE: I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (12/24/2008 6:21:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I'm female both in body and in gender, hence the "Ma'am" on the end. :-) Master is a gender neutral term.
Master Fire


My apologies for missing that, Fire. This will not happen again.

J



MasterFireMaam -> RE: I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (12/26/2008 2:37:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JRiddle

My apologies for missing that, Fire. This will not happen again.

J


It's not something that I get all bent out of shape about. I completely understand where the confusion comes from (short hair, fatigues and a previous association of 'master' with 'male') and appreciate you simply asking about it. I had to ask about it when I first encountered it! If this is the bulk of the confusion we have in life, we're doing REALLY well! LOL

Master Fire



NormalOutside -> RE: I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (12/26/2008 3:41:47 AM)

Hey, welcome.  You bring up some stuff I hadn't considered before, so thanks for posting it.
And I'd love to say that I know how you could integrate with the community, but I can't.  I do think you should attempt, though.  I think you and others like you are similar enough to the kinds of people in this community to learn something from each other, at the very least.



BondageBarbieX -> RE: I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (12/28/2008 2:17:45 AM)

I would say you are a switch but have seen many switch turn dominant once they participate in a playspace.



JRiddle -> RE: I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (12/28/2008 5:28:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

...And I'd love to say that I know how you could integrate with the community, but I can't.  I do think you should attempt, though.  I think you and others like you are similar enough to the kinds of people in this community to learn something from each other, at the very least.


Thank you for the encouragement to go and find out for myself. I carefully considered your words yesterday and made a spur-of-moment decision yesterday evening to do as you instructed. The thought of attending some evening was already there; to do it so soon was not.

I received my answer last night. I went to a local dungeon (closest one at least) and had a great time. It was a slow night and the dungeon team members had plenty of time to answer my questions. I informed them that I had never been to a dungeon before and was curious. They welcomed me and made it clear that my interests, whatever they may be, were welcome there. My medical cuffs did spark some curiosity, but nothing unpleasant.

The group was very eager to explain the furniture and how they are used. I had the pleasure of being tied to 3 items during the night. My favorite was the "sub chair". The table was also very nice to struggle upon for a while. While being tied, the pleasure of becoming helpless and learning how to tie someone was equally exciting. For now, "bondage enthusiast" remains most accurate.


Thank you everyone for responding! The encouragement and wisdom provided has been greatly appreciated.



SirSwitchAlot -> RE: I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (1/22/2009 7:30:36 PM)

First and foremost,I would want you to know that others understand your frustration. Thats important that you know that because who you are cannot really,no should it be,changed in order to gain acceptance.

Noone should have to choose to be something other than who they are. Most who have Switched and who have experienced it for quite some time also know that Switches are inspired and advocates of the benefits received from both sides of the lap..so to speak.

To me,this implies a persons versatility:the ability to see both roles,to understand each role and to recognise the importance of each role.

Personally,I am growing tired and weary of some who admonish those who Switch. To be treated like a BDSM-castaway is a lack of others understanding and others willing to treat someone with a difference with respect and dignity and consideration..much like those redeeming qualities that they so desire and expect.

You as an individual know better than anyone else what Switching means to you. That meaning and significance is no less valued than anyone else's nor should it be.

My heart goes out to you for finding yourself in this frustrating time. I can only offer my hopes and prayres that realization of who you are and what you ascribe to have purpose and meaning.

You see,the truth is that BDSM is not made up of entirely one-track individuals. I would not or never criticise a gay or bi-sexual person just because I happen to be straight. I do not condemn others who inspire to be Dom/Dommes vs Submissives/Bottoms. Nor do I have a tolerance for those who insinuate that Switches are "lost practitioners" who lack a commitment because these allegations and stereotypical myths are unfair.

If you so choose...choose to be yourself...

If you live the BDSM-lifestyle...live it honestly...

Good luck always,

Robert/SirSwitchAlot



StrongSpirit -> RE: I am me. Your thoughts are welcome. (1/26/2009 5:22:22 PM)

I think you may be too restrictive with your categories.  Try adding some more:  (Some, but not all of these are ('paired')

  • Dom/Sub
  • Master/Slave
  • Bondage-artist/Contortionist
  • Pisser/pisse
  • Sadist/masochist
  • Orgy-lover
  • switch
  • foot fetishist
  • role-player
  • rapist/victim (hopefully part of role playing, not real life)
  • Mummifier/mummy
  • Body-Painter/Body canvas
  • Suspender/sunspendee
  • cutter/cuttee
  • electrician/ground



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