How Long to Wait?

How Long to Wait? (Full Version)

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slimon62 -> How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 2:56:07 PM)
First off I've know this girl for a few months now. I really care about her a lot and enjoy just spending time with her. Her and I have talked at great length about D/s and what it means to each of us. Lately though she has asked me for space for reasons I can not share. I know she cares about me because she has told me several times and the reason she wants the space is to figure some things out and does not want to hurt me in the process. I understand everything she has talked to me about. But heres the problem. Being a Dom by nature I feel the need to be there for her when she needs it the most. I want to help her in any way that she needs it, even if it is with giving her the space she requests. Although it has been hard for me to do so. So my question is this...How long should I wait for her? Do I keep giving her the space that she asked me for? Or should I still just drop the occasional message to her that I am thinking about her and hope she is alright? I'm truely baffled about this. I don't want her to feel like I am pressuring her but at the same time I don't like being left in the dark either. Any help would be graciously appreciated.

CalifChick -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 2:59:17 PM)
I don't see a lot of promise when someone wants to move farther away from you (physically, mentally or emotionally) rather than closer to you to deal with and/or solve problems. I'm seeing a lot of cliches here... "I care about you and don't want to hurt you"... "I need to figure some things out"... In my jaded, cynical view, that translates to "she's just not that into you." Cali

YourhandMyAss -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 2:59:22 PM)
That's up to you and you alone. Nobody else can tell you what's right. However when my x said ne needed space we negotiated 5 months with weekly check ins. when I found out he wasn't doing ANY of the things he said he would be to get his head on and was spending all his time hanging out with someone who was supposed to be my best friend I left. quote: ORIGINAL: slimon62 First off I've know this girl for a few months now. I really care about her a lot and enjoy just spending time with her. Her and I have talked at great length about D/s and what it means to each of us. Lately though she has asked me for space for reasons I can not share. I know she cares about me because she has told me several times and the reason she wants the space is to figure some things out and does not want to hurt me in the process. I understand everything she has talked to me about. But heres the problem. Being a Dom by nature I feel the need to be there for her when she needs it the most. I want to help her in any way that she needs it, even if it is with giving her the space she requests. Although it has been hard for me to do so. So my question is this...How long should I wait for her? Do I keep giving her the space that she asked me for? Or should I still just drop the occasional message to her that I am thinking about her and hope she is alright? I'm truely baffled about this. I don't want her to feel like I am pressuring her but at the same time I don't like being left in the dark either. Any help would be graciously appreciated.

KatyLied -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 3:25:46 PM)
quote: I'm truely baffled about this. She has probably moved on.

celticlord2112 -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 3:26:33 PM)
quote: How long should I wait for her? You shouldn't. She's dumped you. Get over it and find another.

slimon62 -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 3:36:58 PM)
I really don't think she has dumbed me. Or has moved on. She just needs some time to think. I can understand where she is coming from. She has had some things happen in the past few weeks that will make you feel that way. I'm a very patient and understanding person. Thank you for your views and advice however. Tis what i'm looking for.

celticlord2112 -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 3:38:48 PM)
quote: I really don't think she has dumbed me. Or has moved on. She just needs some time to think. Keep thinking that.

KatyLied -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 3:42:16 PM)
It is possible that she may want you to think these things because she can't man up and tell you the truth.

CalifChick -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 3:46:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slimon62 She just needs some time to think. Relationship Counseling 101. Rule number 1. Whenever you turn away from someone instead of towards them, you are creating chasms in your relationship. Relationship Counseling 101. Rule number 2. "I need time to think" means "I want distance from you". This is not a good thing. See rule number 1. Cali

SimplyIsaac -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 3:51:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slimon62 First off I've know this girl for a few months now. I really care about her a lot and enjoy just spending time with her. Her and I have talked at great length about D/s and what it means to each of us. Lately though she has asked me for space for reasons I can not share. I know she cares about me because she has told me several times and the reason she wants the space is to figure some things out and does not want to hurt me in the process. I understand everything she has talked to me about. But heres the problem. Being a Dom by nature I feel the need to be there for her when she needs it the most. I want to help her in any way that she needs it, even if it is with giving her the space she requests. Although it has been hard for me to do so. So my question is this...How long should I wait for her? Do I keep giving her the space that she asked me for? Or should I still just drop the occasional message to her that I am thinking about her and hope she is alright? I'm truely baffled about this. I don't want her to feel like I am pressuring her but at the same time I don't like being left in the dark either. Any help would be graciously appreciated. Sounds like she's being polite and doesnt want to start conflict. The more you push, the more in the dark you'll probably be. I say YOU should move on...she's not being forthright with you. She's probably not on the same page with you, even though she may have said she was. Give her some "space" and she might come back. and if not...no big deal.

oceanwynds -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 3:56:19 PM)
She sounds a little bit like me to be honest. If i am going through something major, i will back off so I can get through some thoughts. I also know that I can go into self-sabatoge and blow up anything good between Sir and me. Sir understands this and supports me doing this. I do keep in contact with him a couple times a week while i am sorting things out. In regards to how long to wait, depends what is going on. From what you said, seems just something that just came up. She should be able to get her footing within a couple weeks, so she can then communicate better with you.

slimon62 -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 4:04:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oceanwynds She sounds a little bit like me to be honest. If i am going through something major, i will back off so I can get through some thoughts. I also know that I can go into self-sabatoge and blow up anything good between Sir and me. Sir understands this and supports me doing this. I do keep in contact with him a couple times a week while i am sorting things out. In regards to how long to wait, depends what is going on. From what you said, seems just something that just came up. She should be able to get her footing within a couple weeks, so she can then communicate better with you. yes, that is exactly what is going on. I figured someone would have experianced this before. I do realize that how long i wait is a personal decision, but like i said, i care for her alot. I know she needs someone right now and I've told her several times that I would be there for her when she needs it. I"m a man of my word and when i make a promise, I intend to keep it. Thanks =)

oceanwynds -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 4:25:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slimon62 quote: ORIGINAL: oceanwynds She sounds a little bit like me to be honest. If i am going through something major, i will back off so I can get through some thoughts. I also know that I can go into self-sabatoge and blow up anything good between Sir and me. Sir understands this and supports me doing this. I do keep in contact with him a couple times a week while i am sorting things out. In regards to how long to wait, depends what is going on. From what you said, seems just something that just came up. She should be able to get her footing within a couple weeks, so she can then communicate better with you. yes, that is exactly what is going on. I figured someone would have experianced this before. I do realize that how long i wait is a personal decision, but like i said, i care for her alot. I know she needs someone right now and I've told her several times that I would be there for her when she needs it. I"m a man of my word and when i make a promise, I intend to keep it. Thanks =) You are welcome. You know her situation and know if her request is honorable or not, imo. Sir is great with me when i need to sort out things. It is easier for him as well, but out of courtesy i do keep in touch a couple times a week, so he knows i am still alive and around. Sir has had to also do the same to me, when he needed to straighten things out. We understand this behavior, perhaps crazy to many, but it works for us for 2 and half years. Also worked for my late hubby and me as well. Just got to make sure you know the person to do this, because many will take the polite way to tell you to 'kiss' off. i am not that polite, perhaps that is one good thing about me.. oceanwynds

slimon62 -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 4:27:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oceanwynds quote: ORIGINAL: slimon62 quote: ORIGINAL: oceanwynds She sounds a little bit like me to be honest. If i am going through something major, i will back off so I can get through some thoughts. I also know that I can go into self-sabatoge and blow up anything good between Sir and me. Sir understands this and supports me doing this. I do keep in contact with him a couple times a week while i am sorting things out. yeah, i'm sure if she didn't want me around, i'd get the go piss off message to be honest as well. In regards to how long to wait, depends what is going on. From what you said, seems just something that just came up. She should be able to get her footing within a couple weeks, so she can then communicate better with you. yes, that is exactly what is going on. I figured someone would have experianced this before. I do realize that how long i wait is a personal decision, but like i said, i care for her alot. I know she needs someone right now and I've told her several times that I would be there for her when she needs it. I"m a man of my word and when i make a promise, I intend to keep it. Thanks =) You are welcome. You know her situation and know if her request is honorable or not, imo. Sir is great with me when i need to sort out things. It is easier for him as well, but out of courtesy i do keep in touch a couple times a week, so he knows i am still alive and around. Sir has had to also do the same to me, when he needed to straighten things out. We understand this behavior, perhaps crazy to many, but it works for us for 2 and half years. Also worked for my late hubby and me as well. Just got to make sure you know the person to do this, because many will take the polite way to tell you to 'kiss' off. i am not that polite, perhaps that is one good thing about me.. oceanwynds

marie2 -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/21/2008 5:42:46 PM)
It's hard to take a guess without knowing more details (and I'm not trying to elicit them) I'm just saying it's hard to know. Sure, it could be that she doesn't have the heart to break up with you directly, or who knows, depending on what specifically is going on in her life, it could genuinely be that she needs to deal with something by herself and doesn't want to bring that to your table. You know her, we don't. You can either give her the space she needs and wait it out, or you could become a little more aggressive about being there to support her. Being in limbo sucks, but try to hang in there and just listen to your inner voice on which direction to take. The answer may come to you sooner than you thought.

angelikaJ -> RE: How Long to Wait? (12/22/2008 8:03:09 AM)
I think she is fortunate to have someone who is understanding and patient. And I think you wait as long as you are comfortable waiting. You know the circumstances of her need. Personally, I don't think sending a quick email every 7 to 10 days..saying something along the lines of 'you are in my thoughts' is too intrusive unless she has asked to be left completely alone.

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