RE: Is He really a real Dominant?

RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (Full Version)

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Jeptha -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/23/2008 12:10:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavetoloveDom ... and yes i have compared Him to my other prior Dominants. i know that isn't fair to do, but it is human nature. ... I'm not sure I'd agree with you there. I don't compare my partners, past or present. They are just too different. Different weaknesses, different strengths, different things to offer. I make a decision about whether I am happy right now or not. If not happy, then tinkering or perhaps leaving may be in order.

Focus50 -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/23/2008 1:31:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavetoloveDom my current Dominant sometimes seems to not know what He is doing, and yes i have compared Him to my other prior Dominants. i know that isn't fair to do, but it is human nature. i got along better with my prior Dominants than i do with the current Dominant and i do care for the current Dominant, but always sense that this relationship is not going to last. Is it best to jump ship now or wait for Him to learn more about the lifestyle as W/we all must do from time to time? I think this is less about perceived Dominant "skills" than it is mutual chemistry - or lack of. Your own senses are telling you it won't last but you're deluding yourself to think him learning "more about the lifestyle" will fix anything. You don't "click" - accept it for its limitations or look elsewhere. Focus.

akisha -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/23/2008 1:45:48 PM)
I agree with Celtic and Michael... You have already given up on him so do him the favour of dumping him so he can find someone that wants him for him, not someone expecting him to be someone from their past. My current Master is nothing like my former Dom and if I kept comparing their skills and the way they do things I would never be happy. You have to accept each person as an individual.

DesFIP -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/23/2008 2:04:43 PM)
I presume you have tried talking to him? Moreover did you talk to him about his style versus yours prior to collaring? Why didn't you discover then that you weren't compatible? He may know exactly what he's doing, but it isn't what you prefer in a relationship. If you wanted someone who would micromanage you, or use severe and frequent corporal punishment, then why didn't you make this clear during the dating stage?

slavetoloveDom -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/23/2008 10:36:25 PM)
i am a real slave and i am new to this 24/7 lifestyle but not the BDSM lifestyle; this Dom is new to me by more than 6 months and i do care for Him but can see this relationship falling apart because He is lazy at times and i have gotten away with a couple things that i should not have and He acted as if He was scared or unsure to confront me on them and i know i was wrong when i did it but He didn't say anything until much later; for a long time i didn't date seriously and met this Dom and everything was fine for about the first 4 months and then the "issues" started to show; many times i do not feel i am His main concern; and when He is focused on me i can't seem to shake Him; He's on my back all the time; this is a serious description of what happens between us and it really makes me wonder if He wants this; a slave is supposed to anticipate their Dom's wishes over time and if His wishes aren't clear, what does that mean for me

celticlord2112 -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/24/2008 12:37:36 AM)
quote: i do care for Him but can see this relationship falling apart because He is lazy at times and i have gotten away with a couple things that i should not have and He acted as if He was scared or unsure to confront me on them and i know i was wrong when i did it but He didn't say anything until much later In other words, he didn't beat your sassy ass when you wanted him to. Who's the dominant again? You or him?

rabinyaZharovna -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/24/2008 4:45:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 quote: i do care for Him but can see this relationship falling apart because He is lazy at times and i have gotten away with a couple things that i should not have and He acted as if He was scared or unsure to confront me on them and i know i was wrong when i did it but He didn't say anything until much later In other words, he didn't beat your sassy ass when you wanted him to. Who's the dominant again? You or him? That isn't what I got from that.... I got a lack of both consistency and confidence. To the OP: I haven't read every reply, but I think I'm going against the grain here on one count... comparing. I don't think comparison is entirely bad depending on the comparison. To me, comparison of past relationships and our interactions with particular people is how we learn what matters to us and what doesn't. What parts of that experience made us thrive, and what pieces left us broken. I can look back on one relationship and say, that was great because of a,b, and c.... and now I know that I need a, b, and c in order to be fulfilled. I also know that it wasn't the right one because of d,e, and f. It's where experience pays off in my estimation. So, if you know that something really important to you, something you really need in order to thrive, is consistency, (because you experienced that with Mr. So and So) and this relationship doesn't provide that... well, that, to me, is called learning from past relationships. My second comment would be that I would be wary of waiting for someone to "change" into what you need. Change, in my experience, rarely happens. It's either what you're looking for, or it isn't... rz{PF}

mc1234 -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/24/2008 5:59:56 AM)
quote: many times i do not feel i am His main concern; and when He is focused on me i can't seem to shake Him; He's on my back all the time; Sounds to me like this guy can't win ... he's either ignoring you or too focused on you. Relationships go through growth periods; the bloom fades off the rose and reality sets in and the couple either communicates and adjusts to reality or they move on.

natasha66 -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/24/2008 6:16:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavetoloveDom i am a real slave and i am new to this 24/7 lifestyle but not the BDSM lifestyle; this Dom is new to me by more than 6 months and i do care for Him but can see this relationship falling apart because He is lazy at times and i have gotten away with a couple things that i should not have and He acted as if He was scared or unsure to confront me on them and i know i was wrong when i did it but He didn't say anything until much later; for a long time i didn't date seriously and met this Dom and everything was fine for about the first 4 months and then the "issues" started to show; many times i do not feel i am His main concern; and when He is focused on me i can't seem to shake Him; He's on my back all the time; this is a serious description of what happens between us and it really makes me wonder if He wants this; a slave is supposed to anticipate their Dom's wishes over time and if His wishes aren't clear, what does that mean for me If you're not happy, leave. Pretty simple really.

Focus50 -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/24/2008 12:14:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mc1234 quote: many times i do not feel i am His main concern; and when He is focused on me i can't seem to shake Him; He's on my back all the time; Sounds to me like this guy can't win ... he's either ignoring you or too focused on you. Neither can "win" in this relationship - that's how a lack of compatability manifests.... Focus.

IronBear -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/24/2008 1:49:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 Neither can "win" in this relationship - that's how a lack of compatability manifests.... Focus. This is true only if both people are not interested to do something about it, OR after trying to work on themselves are unable to reach a compatability point.

slavetoloveDom -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/27/2008 12:49:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rabinyaZharovna quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 quote: i do care for Him but can see this relationship falling apart because He is lazy at times and i have gotten away with a couple things that i should not have and He acted as if He was scared or unsure to confront me on them and i know i was wrong when i did it but He didn't say anything until much later In other words, he didn't beat your sassy ass when you wanted him to. Who's the dominant again? You or him? i have wondered the same thing many many times That isn't what I got from that.... I got a lack of both consistency and confidence. To the OP: I haven't read every reply, but I think I'm going against the grain here on one count... comparing. I don't think comparison is entirely bad depending on the comparison. To me, comparison of past relationships and our interactions with particular people is how we learn what matters to us and what doesn't. What parts of that experience made us thrive, and what pieces left us broken. I can look back on one relationship and say, that was great because of a,b, and c.... and now I know that I need a, b, and c in order to be fulfilled. I also know that it wasn't the right one because of d,e, and f. It's where experience pays off in my estimation. So, if you know that something really important to you, something you really need in order to thrive, is consistency, (because you experienced that with Mr. So and So) and this relationship doesn't provide that... well, that, to me, is called learning from past relationships. My second comment would be that I would be wary of waiting for someone to "change" into what you need. Change, in my experience, rarely happens. It's either what you're looking for, or it isn't... rz{PF}

slavetoloveDom -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/27/2008 12:53:33 AM)
< Sounds to me like this guy can't win ... he's either ignoring you or too focused on you. Relationships go through growth periods; the bloom fades off the rose and reality sets in and the couple either communicates and adjusts to reality or they move on. > He's not focused on me; He's focused on what He wants from the school, i think, of do as i say and nothing else matters; i am a person as well as a slave and have needs to as well as to serve Him and i question, does He get it

NormalOutside -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/27/2008 12:53:52 AM)
Everybody is "real", as far as I know. There are zero (0) (aka: nil, none, nada) requirements to call oneself "dominant". The meekest sissy pussy-whipped ball-less wanker of a man can call himself "dominant" and he's still real. That said, take the advice you read here. You asked for it! If you don't like the relationship, either work on it, or scrap it. Asking people who haven't the foggiest idea who you are, who your dominant is, and how your relationship works is pretty much the worst thing you could do.

stella41b -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/27/2008 12:56:39 AM)
I've been reading this OP for a while and all I can get is a man who doesn't know what he's doing and a woman who doesn't know whether she should be with him or not. I don't know why I'm posting here as I don't really know much about the situation about the woman who doesn't know whether she should be with a dom who doesn't know what he's doing. Therefore to conclude... ... I don't know.

yourMissTress -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/27/2008 11:58:36 AM)
[sm=pineapple.gif][sm=pineapple.gif][sm=pineapple.gif] Brilliant! quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: slavetoloveDom Is it best to jump ship now or wait for Him to learn more about the lifestyle as W/we all must do from time to time? Dump the worthless bastard, that way he might actually have a chance of being happy with someone who appreciates him and you will be single and the world will be a better place for all of you. [sm=pineapple.gif][sm=pineapple.gif][sm=pineapple.gif][sm=pineapple.gif]

aggressiveblkdom -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/27/2008 1:08:00 PM)
I have to agree with several of those who have already posted. You have already given up on the relationship. You are deluding yourself into thinking that you are really giving him the benefit of the doubt. The reality is that you are just giving yourself more mental ammo to drop the relationship and make the decision easier on yourself. But at what cost? The guy is human as well. Leading him on to thinking that things are going good and actually have a chance just isnt fair. Do him and yourself a favor and just end it.

bound4more -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/27/2008 1:55:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavetoloveDom my current Dominant sometimes seems to not know what He is doing, and yes i have compared Him to my other prior Dominants. i know that isn't fair to do, but it is human nature. i got along better with my prior Dominants than i do with the current Dominant and i do care for the current Dominant, but always sense that this relationship is not going to last. Is it best to jump ship now or wait for Him to learn more about the lifestyle as W/we all must do from time to time? Just curious. Why do you think we know what you need and want better than you do? (scratching her head).

slavetoloveDom -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/27/2008 10:19:06 PM)
sometimes questions are asked of other in the lifestyle because you can't talk to non-lifestylers about certain things; i do know that in the end i have to make the ultimate decision on what to do; sometimes some of us need advise or understanding possibly from a different perspective

peppermint -> RE: Is He really a real Dominant? (12/27/2008 10:40:36 PM)
quote: He is lazy at times and i have gotten away with a couple things that i should not have and He acted as if He was scared or unsure to confront me on them and i know i was wrong when i did it but He didn't say anything until much later; So when he doesn't punish you immediately you feel he isn't paying attention to you. quote: when He is focused on me i can't seem to shake Him; He's on my back all the time; And when he does give you his undivided attention....you aren't happy either. So....what are you looking for in a relationship?

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