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RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/23/2008 12:10:54 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetoloveDom
... and yes i have compared Him to my other prior Dominants. i know that isn't fair to do, but it is human nature. ...

I'm not sure I'd agree with you there.
I don't compare my partners, past or present.
They are just too different.
Different weaknesses, different strengths, different things to offer.

I make a decision about whether I am happy right now or not.

If not happy, then tinkering or perhaps leaving may be in order.

(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/23/2008 1:31:26 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetoloveDom

my current Dominant sometimes seems to not know what He is doing, and yes i have compared Him to my other prior Dominants.  i know that isn't fair to do, but it is human nature.  i got along better with my prior Dominants than i do with the current Dominant and  i do care for the current Dominant, but always sense that this relationship is not going to last.  Is it best to jump ship now or wait for Him to learn more about the lifestyle as W/we all must do from time to time?

I think this is less about perceived Dominant "skills" than it is mutual chemistry - or lack of.  Your own senses are telling you it won't last but you're deluding yourself to think him learning "more about the lifestyle" will fix anything.  You don't "click" - accept it for its limitations or look elsewhere.
 
Focus.

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(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/23/2008 1:45:48 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with Celtic and Michael...

You have already given up on him so do him the favour of dumping him so he can find someone that wants him for him, not someone expecting him to be someone from their past.

My current Master is nothing like my former Dom and if I kept comparing their skills and the way they do things I would never be happy. You have to accept each person as an individual.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/23/2008 2:04:43 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I presume you have tried talking to him?
Moreover did you talk to him about his style versus yours prior to collaring? Why didn't you discover then that you weren't compatible?

He may know exactly what he's doing, but it isn't what you prefer in a relationship. If you wanted someone who would micromanage you, or use severe and frequent corporal punishment, then why didn't you make this clear during the dating stage?

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/23/2008 10:36:25 PM   
slavetoloveDom


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		i am a real slave and i am new to this 24/7 lifestyle but not the BDSM lifestyle; this Dom is new to me by more than 6 months and i do care for Him but can see this relationship falling apart because He is lazy at times and i have gotten away with a couple things that i should not have and He acted as if He was scared or unsure to confront me on them and i know i was wrong when i did it but He didn't say anything until much later; for a long time i didn't date seriously and met this Dom and everything was fine for about the first 4 months and then the "issues" started to show; many times i do not feel i am His main concern; and when He is focused on me i can't seem to shake Him; He's on my back all the time; this is a serious description of what happens between us and it really makes me wonder if He wants this; a slave is supposed to anticipate their Dom's wishes over time and if His wishes aren't clear, what does that mean for me

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RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/24/2008 12:37:36 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

i do care for Him but can see this relationship falling apart because He is lazy at times and i have gotten away with a couple things that i should not have and He acted as if He was scared or unsure to confront me on them and i know i was wrong when i did it but He didn't say anything until much later

In other words, he didn't beat your sassy ass when you wanted him to.

Who's the dominant again?  You or him? 


_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/24/2008 4:45:03 AM   
rabinyaZharovna


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

i do care for Him but can see this relationship falling apart because He is lazy at times and i have gotten away with a couple things that i should not have and He acted as if He was scared or unsure to confront me on them and i know i was wrong when i did it but He didn't say anything until much later

In other words, he didn't beat your sassy ass when you wanted him to.

Who's the dominant again?  You or him? 



That isn't what I got from that.... I got a lack of both consistency and confidence.

To the OP: I haven't read every reply, but I think I'm going against the grain here on one count... comparing. I don't think comparison is entirely bad depending on the comparison. To me, comparison of past relationships and our interactions with particular people is how we learn what matters to us and what doesn't. What parts of that experience made us thrive, and what pieces left us broken. I can look back on one relationship and say, that was great because of a,b, and c.... and now I know that I need a, b, and c in order to be fulfilled. I also know that it wasn't the right one because of d,e, and f. It's where experience pays off in my estimation. So, if you know that something really important to you, something you really need in order to thrive, is consistency, (because you experienced that with Mr. So and So) and this relationship doesn't provide that... well, that, to me, is called learning from past relationships.

My second comment would be that I would be wary of waiting for someone to "change" into what you need. Change, in my experience, rarely happens. It's either what you're looking for, or it isn't...
rz{PF}

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/24/2008 5:59:56 AM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

many times i do not feel i am His main concern; and when He is focused on me i can't seem to shake Him; He's on my back all the time;


Sounds to me like this guy can't win ... he's either ignoring you or too focused on you. 

Relationships go through growth periods; the bloom fades off the rose and reality sets in and the couple either communicates and adjusts to reality or they move on.  

(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/24/2008 6:16:54 AM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetoloveDom

i am a real slave and i am new to this 24/7 lifestyle but not the BDSM lifestyle; this Dom is new to me by more than 6 months and i do care for Him but can see this relationship falling apart because He is lazy at times and i have gotten away with a couple things that i should not have and He acted as if He was scared or unsure to confront me on them and i know i was wrong when i did it but He didn't say anything until much later; for a long time i didn't date seriously and met this Dom and everything was fine for about the first 4 months and then the "issues" started to show; many times i do not feel i am His main concern; and when He is focused on me i can't seem to shake Him; He's on my back all the time; this is a serious description of what happens between us and it really makes me wonder if He wants this; a slave is supposed to anticipate their Dom's wishes over time and if His wishes aren't clear, what does that mean for me


If you're not happy, leave.  Pretty simple really.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/24/2008 12:14:11 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

quote:

many times i do not feel i am His main concern; and when He is focused on me i can't seem to shake Him; He's on my back all the time;


Sounds to me like this guy can't win ... he's either ignoring you or too focused on you. 


Neither can "win" in this relationship - that's how a lack of compatability manifests....
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/24/2008 1:49:14 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Neither can "win" in this relationship - that's how a lack of compatability manifests....
 
Focus.


This is true only if both people are not interested to do something about it, OR after trying to work on themselves are unable to reach a compatability point.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/27/2008 12:49:32 AM   
slavetoloveDom


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rabinyaZharovna

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

i do care for Him but can see this relationship falling apart because He is lazy at times and i have gotten away with a couple things that i should not have and He acted as if He was scared or unsure to confront me on them and i know i was wrong when i did it but He didn't say anything until much later

In other words, he didn't beat your sassy ass when you wanted him to.

Who's the dominant again?  You or him? 

i have wondered the same thing many many times



That isn't what I got from that.... I got a lack of both consistency and confidence.

To the OP: I haven't read every reply, but I think I'm going against the grain here on one count... comparing. I don't think comparison is entirely bad depending on the comparison. To me, comparison of past relationships and our interactions with particular people is how we learn what matters to us and what doesn't. What parts of that experience made us thrive, and what pieces left us broken. I can look back on one relationship and say, that was great because of a,b, and c.... and now I know that I need a, b, and c in order to be fulfilled. I also know that it wasn't the right one because of d,e, and f. It's where experience pays off in my estimation. So, if you know that something really important to you, something you really need in order to thrive, is consistency, (because you experienced that with Mr. So and So) and this relationship doesn't provide that... well, that, to me, is called learning from past relationships.

My second comment would be that I would be wary of waiting for someone to "change" into what you need. Change, in my experience, rarely happens. It's either what you're looking for, or it isn't...
rz{PF}

(in reply to rabinyaZharovna)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/27/2008 12:53:33 AM   
slavetoloveDom


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		< Sounds to me like this guy can't win ... he's either ignoring you or too focused on you. 

Relationships go through growth periods; the bloom fades off the rose and reality sets in and the couple either communicates and adjusts to reality or they move on.   >

He's not focused on me; He's focused on what He wants from the school, i think,  of do as i say and nothing else matters; i am a person as well as a slave and have needs to as well as to serve Him and i question, does He get it

(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/27/2008 12:53:52 AM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline 		Everybody is "real", as far as I know.  There are zero (0) (aka: nil, none, nada) requirements to call oneself "dominant".  The meekest sissy pussy-whipped ball-less wanker of a man can call himself "dominant" and he's still real.

That said, take the advice you read here.  You asked for it!
If you don't like the relationship, either work on it, or scrap it.  Asking people who haven't the foggiest idea who you are, who your dominant is, and how your relationship works is pretty much the worst thing you could do.


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I won't see your reply, because I don't use this account anymore.

(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/27/2008 12:56:39 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		I've been reading this OP for a while and all I can get is a man who doesn't know what he's doing and a woman who doesn't know whether she should be with him or not.

I don't know why I'm posting here as I don't really know much about the situation about the woman who doesn't know whether she should be with a dom who doesn't know what he's doing.

Therefore to conclude...

... I don't know.

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(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/27/2008 11:58:36 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		  Brilliant!
 


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetoloveDom

Is it best to jump ship now or wait for Him to learn more about the lifestyle as W/we all must do from time to time?


Dump the worthless bastard, that way he might actually have a chance of being happy with someone who appreciates him and you will be single and the world will be a better place for all of you.




_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/27/2008 1:08:00 PM   
aggressiveblkdom


Posts: 127
Joined: 5/21/2007
From: The Dark Side of The Moon
Status: offline 		I have to agree with several of those who have already posted. You have already given up on the relationship. You are deluding yourself into thinking that you are really giving him the benefit of the doubt. The reality is that you are just giving yourself more mental ammo to drop the relationship and make the decision easier on yourself. But at what cost? The guy is human as well. Leading him on to thinking that things are going good and actually have a chance just isnt fair. Do him and yourself a favor and just end it.

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/27/2008 1:55:59 PM   
bound4more


Posts: 128
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetoloveDom

my current Dominant sometimes seems to not know what He is doing, and yes i have compared Him to my other prior Dominants.  i know that isn't fair to do, but it is human nature.  i got along better with my prior Dominants than i do with the current Dominant and  i do care for the current Dominant, but always sense that this relationship is not going to last.  Is it best to jump ship now or wait for Him to learn more about the lifestyle as W/we all must do from time to time?


Just curious. Why do you think we know what you need and want better than you do? (scratching her head).

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You can tell who someone really is by how they act

(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/27/2008 10:19:06 PM   
slavetoloveDom


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		sometimes questions are asked of other in the lifestyle because you can't talk to non-lifestylers about certain things; i do know that in the end i have to make the ultimate decision on what to do; sometimes some of us need advise or understanding possibly from a different perspective

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/27/2008 10:40:36 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

He is lazy at times and i have gotten away with a couple things that i should not have and He acted as if He was scared or unsure to confront me on them and i know i was wrong when i did it but He didn't say anything until much later;


So when he doesn't punish you immediately you feel he isn't paying attention to you. 

quote:

when He is focused on me i can't seem to shake Him; He's on my back all the time;


And when he does give you his undivided attention....you aren't happy either. 

So....what are you looking for in a relationship? 

(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
Profile   Post #: 40
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