SteelofUtah
Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
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** Christmas Day**
It was a Perfectly Good day Until.....
Steel Realized that the 20 times he hit the Snooze alarm had not put them an Hour Behind their Drive to Vegas.
Trying to be a Good Motorist and not a Complete Dunder Head Steel went to Wal Greens (ONLY Place that had oil that was Open on Christmas) and Purchased 3 bottles of Oil, and a Fuel Additive to help clean out the Fuel Delivery System. (At $5.00 a POP for the Oil and $15.00 for the additive) and Intellegently Put Oil in the Great White Trooper preparing for our trip to Vegas.
Off to JB's to have Breakfast, Their Buffett was Over Priced and Consisted of either over cooked Items or Under cooked Items which reminded Me why I said I would no longer eat there two years ago when we had what was a better buffett then however they had gotten worse. I wonder how many more Christmas Breakfasts we will have there before I figure out a better method for Christmas Breakfast.
Then it was OFF to Vegas We go. The Truely Impressive part was that on the way down the UM (AKA Midget) was very pleasent.
RAIN!!!! So just after the Gorge and 10 miles into Mesquite Nevada I have to pull over the car and get out the Replacement Blades for the Winshield Wipes because the ones on there are actually making my ability to see the road worse and resembeled looking through a Kolidescope.
I'm Wet, Trying for 20 minutes to get the back winshield wiper on before finally managing and discovering that it is the WRONG BLADE, and I've had it for 6 months. NO RETURN! So another 20 Minutes getting it Back off and the OLD one back on but being happy because the Back Blade was not as bad as the two fronts. When all the sudden I notice that my Trooper is butting off a Carbon Burning Smell, It seems Familiar but because I am in a hurry it just seems easier to accpet that it MUST be the fuel additive and get back in the car and drive. Now a Full Hour and 45 minutes behind Schedule.
As we arrive in Moapa, (Gateway to the Vally of Fire... You'll get this if you live in Vegas and listen to the Radio) and I decide to hit a Pay Phone and Call my Pops to let them know we are sorry but are running behind. As I walk back out I notice there is a leak under the car. I assume it is because we have been running the heater and it's just a Consensating Drip. Rather than just accept this as being the problem I then kneel down and put my finger in the little puddle. It's DARK?
I don't bother to pop the hood, No Instead I get back in the car and go "Andi we have an Oil Leak you need to check the oil everyday now and make sure we aren't driving on an empty Engine. She gets upset worried that the car is going to explode (No Not over reacting the trip to Vegas 2 years ago left us stranded on the side of the road when the Old Suburban Blew the water pump pully shaft something or other I'm not good with cars as you can see and sent it Through the Raditor) So I assure it as long as we keep an eye on it we'll be fine.
I get about 20 miles from Moapa About 115 miles out of St George where we started when all the sudden I am reminded of putting oil in the car, however cannot remember putting the OIL CAP back on.
Pull Over. Pop Hood. Lift Hood.
Remember Spin Art? This is what my Engine looks like as there is OIL EVERYWHERE.
Like an Idiot, I look for a rag and cannot find one.... WHY you may ask? Because I took everything OUT when we loaded the Car for Christmas.
So we drive the remaining 45 miles to Vegas knowing full well I have no Oil Cap and that I doubt I'll find one.
We stopped at Three Wal-Marts (24 hours My ass) Two AutoZones (AlwaysOpen My Ass) and two truck stops, where they looked at me like I had to be the stupidist person on the planet. No they didn't have them and I was so embarassed it didn't occur to me to purchase the red rags which they did have I just left and drove to my fathers house now a full 2 hours late.
I got fixed up at my Pops Place, Rag for the Oil Take. A Full Oil Refill (Yeah there was nothing on the Dip Stick. Fun right?
We stay and Visit and have a good time and now it is time to drive to our NEXT engagement. My Mothers. As I leave my Father after he says repetedly BE CAREFUL I make a left hand turn onto the freeway on wet roads completely loose Traction Spin a FULL 180 and am now facing the vehicle behind me. I got THREE adams Apples and no balls in my sack.
NO ACCIDENT!!!! God Must like us or something.
Get the rest of the way to My Mothers and Do the Present things there but because we were lat getting to Vegas we had to rush through all of that and hurry to my Aunts Place for dinner.
It is here I get to spend time with family members who only seem to remember me as a Drug Addict and so we (That is andi, Myself, and the Midget) sit in the corner with my Mother asking every 30 minutes "What's Wrong?" Finally I unload how I feel about being the black sheep of the Family when everyone else in my family is WAY more fucked up than I am and then list off exactly why.... Just LOUD enough so everyone can hear:
Cousin 1 is married to an Illegal Immigrant who gets deported three times a year and leaves her and her two anchor babies to live off my Aunt and Uncle whom are both seriously RACIST and so the Idea seems fitting.
Cousin 2 is Pregnant because she decided that a baby is the BEST way to have someone love you unconditionally, No Education Minimum wage Job and No really prospective ways for doing better, she will be on Welfare either for the rest of her life or until she goes on Maurry Povitch tro find out who the Father is because all she can narrow it down too is a Month in which she had 5 different threesomes, a Gang band, and slept with at least 6 different men..... Oh and on the Racist issue with the Aunt and Uncle, yeah about 75% of them were African American.
Cousin 3, Apparently she has decided that she is anarexic now and won't eat. Was arrested on her 16th birthday for apparently robbing a liquor store for what everyone believes is her PIMP. Also African American.
Grandpa has found himself another woman with a pension or collecting on a life insurance policy and expects us all to gall her Grandma. She took a liking to the Midget.
My Uncles Family which could be mistaken for the Town folk on dileverence and no one seems to notice that my Uncles Brother keeping pinching Cousin 3's ass, Apparently no one knows how to discuss boundry issues.
Mom gets Drunk while Step Dad and I (Both in recover) pretend like it's okay because she doesn't do it ALL the time just on hollidays.
And my lovely wife just can't seem to understand how little boys play and is ready to kill Cousin 1's UM because he cannot play nicely with my Midget who is having a Blast, however Andi cannot see that she just sees an older child pushing my son out of the way. I try to explain that the child acts this way because he has Cousin 1 as a Mother and Dysfunctional can be Hereditary.
Finally after what are Honestly and Sincearly the BEST GOD DAMNED Christmas dinner we ever had Andi and I excuse ourselves from the awkward glances we keep gitting and it's off to Andi's Aunts house for the final stretch of our 4 christmases.
That was the HIGHLIGHT of the evening. They are Awsome People and have Wonderful hearts.
Then we drove all the way BACK home all in the same day.
All without an OIL Cap.
Just remember folks Christmas's come in all types if you can accpet that sometimes it's your turn for a messed up one, things can be seen in an accepting light.
Hope everyone else reads this and realizes that their day was not this bad.
As Always
Steel & Family
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Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term
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