RE: New Sub with questions on maintaining lifestyle

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RE: New Sub with questions on maintaining lifestyle - 12/30/2008 3:23:16 AM

CNJDom

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
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quote:

Thank you for your support. Yes we are both pretty new to this and although I do get kind of "pouty" some times when we seem to go for periods of not playing, I also enjoy knowing that we can get really in touch with our selves and each other when we are playing. Its always worth the wait. Thank you for the link for a collar!!

The main thing is that you both strive to be happy in how you both interact, your dynamic is what it is. If you are a little pouty over not playing as much as you like which is very normal by the way, then you can do your part in providing an environment as well to promote more play. It again depends on how you both interact with eachother, and he'll understand how you feel and respond how he will of his own will (yes some of you will think that is topping from below, but this is also a part of reading...though a little more bluntly...a submissive's needs). You both are fairly new to the lifestyle and the energy is usually very high and strong with whatever frequency is relative to how much time you both have to devote to it. Without you going into detail, you may want to look at where your Dominant's mind is concerned with daily demands, as well as stress levels. He may not have a lot of free time and a lot on his mind which will affect his playtime mood. If there isn't any of this happening to take his attention away at times, then this is a different situation to address.

Communicate with eachother, read eachother...it's even ok to ask questions because you both want to make the best of this experience with eachother. Again you are both new to this, it's exciting and fresh and rushes the blood and senses as well as the imagination. Kinda like a kid on Christmas Day when you come downstairs to discover what Santa has brought. It's discovery, and relish every moment of it. You're learning more of what submission and Domination has to offer. And just like every Christmas morning and each Christmas tree, there is something familiar and yet something definitively different about each tree. And what you have you will discover together....

Take your time with the collar...It is up to the Dominant, and I'm sure he is looking for what is best for you and will probably welcome your input as well on this. If you are looking for a play collar, which can be different from a commitment collar, then just be aware of how comfortable it is when you play with eachother...certain movements can and will be restricted and may also compromise safety in some positions, depending on your personal neck proportions. Some widths will conflict with some neck sizes. Just be sure to try collars on and keep in mind that different body positions result in different demands on the neck...standing up with a collar is very different than being on all-fours kneeling as opposed to laying face-down or laying face-up. But above all else: enjoy!

(in reply to willowoman43)

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RE: New Sub with questions on maintaining lifestyle - 12/30/2008 4:06:21 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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He doesn't have to exercise his right to make every decision to be the leader in the relationship. He just has to have the right to make those decisions. So he's still in charge even when I'm deciding what to make for dinner. Just as he is still in charge if he decides he wants to grill burgers tonight.

He is in charge when I am winning at miniature golf, simply because he made the decision that we would stop and play a game of it. It doesn't matter if I suggested we stop while passing or if he thought of it, he makes the final decision.

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RE: New Sub with questions on maintaining lifestyle - 2/14/2010 5:22:13 PM

willowoman43

Posts: 5
Joined: 11/8/2008
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I received a collar for valentines day.
It was my idea- I love being humiliated by my Master.
But I'm concerned that I am soon running out of kink to keep him interested in me. Does anyone have any suggestions where to take it after this?
Is anyone here experienced in FF? I'm sure I can take it, I just don't know if he wants to humiliate me in that manner, as we are use to a butt plug.
I think he might be open to having another man in our bed as we have already had another woman (done that been there). I think he is shy about telling me he would like to try a man.
Please offer some new kink suggestions and share experiences with fist fucking.

Thanks,
A Humbled Kitten!

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RE: New Sub with questions on maintaining lifestyle - 2/14/2010 6:05:05 PM

Kaiel

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: willowoman43

I received a collar for valentines day.
It was my idea- I love being humiliated by my Master.
But I'm concerned that I am soon running out of kink to keep him interested in me. Does anyone have any suggestions where to take it after this?
Is anyone here experienced in FF? I'm sure I can take it, I just don't know if he wants to humiliate me in that manner, as we are use to a butt plug.
I think he might be open to having another man in our bed as we have already had another woman (done that been there). I think he is shy about telling me he would like to try a man.
Please offer some new kink suggestions and share experiences with fist fucking.

Thanks,
A Humbled Kitten!

you're the sub?

Why are you "coming up with the ideas regarding your playtime?"

Maybe you all need to invest in some books???? My advice is the bottoming book, the topping book, screw the roses send me thorns... Just to start. Also, get out to some munches and clubs to gain experience.

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RE: New Sub with questions on maintaining lifestyle - 2/14/2010 8:39:59 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Ask him if he's bored. Don't make assumptions.

Don't assume he wants to invite another man in. And don't do that to shore up a wobbly relationship because it will do the opposite.

What you both can do is make a play jar and write down stuff you love and hate to do. Put all those notes in the jar and shake it up. Then let the jar determine it. "Oh look honey, you get to be tickled tonight" as you try to hide under the bed.

Or invent a game using cards to denote toys and dice to determine number of strokes. It could well be ten times the number of hits. So if the card meaning vibrator comes out with 30 minutes, then that's how long you have to be teased without coming. Or it could be twenty hits with a cane. You could add another color card set to determine where. Ten strokes of the crop on your breasts. And so on. Sometimes even stuff you've done a lot can be new when you aren't expecting it.

Addington, "A Hand in the Bush" is the fisting guide, get it and read it.

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RE: New Sub with questions on maintaining lifestyle - 2/14/2010 8:45:09 PM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
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Do you all enjoy being together when you are not playing?

Sounds odd, but when you say you are "running out of kink"...its like the kink is the only thing holding you together.

Maybe focus on just being happy in each other's company, non-kink, and non-sexually.

Otherwise, you will run out of kink- there are only so many ways to put tab A into slot B and life is a long, long, time.

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RE: New Sub with questions on maintaining lifestyle - 2/14/2010 8:59:29 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
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You first posted this concern in Dec. of 2008. Something must have worked for you in the past year.

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RE: New Sub with questions on maintaining lifestyle - 2/14/2010 9:14:36 PM

kushiels

Posts: 55
Joined: 11/1/2009
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And how can we possibly even begin to suggest anything when we don't know what you've already done, other than been collared?

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RE: New Sub with questions on maintaining lifestyle - 2/14/2010 10:38:57 PM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

The problem is that you are playing roles instead of being yourselves.

He is a Dominant always. He has no need to role play being a Dominant. That means that no matter what we are doing, he is the Dom....and I remain his submissive because that is who I am.

Makes life so much easier that way.

Ditto on this.

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RE: New Sub with questions on maintaining lifestyle - 2/15/2010 4:25:44 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
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I don't know how it works in your dynamic, but in MasterK's and mine I am always his slave even if we are not doing BDSM. That means at the movies, at a restaurant, at the gym, watching TV, etc. Even when we're apart he is the Master and I am the slave.

The M/s dynamic is always in place even if it doesn't show outwardly.

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RE: New Sub with questions on maintaining lifestyle - 2/15/2010 4:58:37 PM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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And what it means here is that he has the right to make all the decisions, not that he has the obligation to. So he doesn't have to draw up a menu for the week, but if when the weather warms up he decides one night he wants to fire up the grill, then I have to provide him with burgers or steak or ribs, that I can't make ropa vieja like I had planned.

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