RE: Cruel...or effective punishment?

RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

Zechriel -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (12/31/2008 5:27:35 AM)
Good morning! My first Master had to leave to "get his affairs in order" told me to wait, which I did. For about 7 months, literally, sitting in my sun room, staring out the window waiting for him to pull up or call. Of course i had other chores to do, what with kids and all but every day for some time i sat there. Most slaves i talked to said to move on, that i had been abandoned. But like a "good slave that I was" I waitied. Finally, I got up the courage to look for another. Afterwards, another 5 months after, he came back and tried to hit me with the guilt trip that i changed and disobeyed by not waiting like i was told to do. But i said, hey-no call, no email, nothing means YOU left. Really how long do we wait without ONE phone call??? 13 months like I did? No way. That's the risk you take when you play these little silence games. a person could chaneg their mind and leave, is it really worth it? Lots of red flags but only you can decide when you are going to leave or stay.None of us here can force you, just tell you or experiences. And yes, laterI found Daddy and he lives inthe next town over, and i love him soo much. We have been together for 10 months now. There is life out there, keep your chin up! Love, Zechriel [sm=couple.gif]

nafakcha -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (12/31/2008 6:22:51 AM)
I have to second this. Regardless of whether or not your Dom is married (and its entirely your choice whether you want that kind of relationship or not) any Dom who truly cares about their sub would find some method of communication to let you know that they cared about you and wish you a Happy Holidays. Also, any decent Dom who has other life commitments would tell you when they are going to be out of communication and why. Not to mention, that cursing at you - no matter how badly you violated a PRE- ESTABLISHED protocol - should not be tolerated. It definitely shouldn't be tolerated if there was no pre-established protocol. quote: ORIGINAL: oSinfullySweeto quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan As a dominant, I would want to know if my sub was having emotional or stress-related issues. I wouldn't get angry if she called, even if the timing was inconvenient. I might say I needed to return the call at another time, but I would make sure she understood I wasn't blowing her off. Quite the opposite; she deserves my undivided attention. I'd also tell her if I was going to be unavailable for some reason, what that reason is (work, family, etc.), and for how long. Even then, she'd still have contact info in case of an urgent situation. I don't know all the details of your relationship, but something doesn't add up here. Cursing at you was inappropriate no matter what the situation. Assuming you haven't left out a sizable chunk of vital info, in your place, I would walk. The words expressed above are perfect. Communication is key and essential for any relationship to remain healthy and to grow. My Master is a high-profile businessman, he is married, has a family and with the extremely heavy and hectic schedule, I am always important and never shut out of his life at any time. (this includes when he travels out of town and country) He always wants to know my thoughts, my wishes and we are fortunate we can converse with each other anytime the desire is there. If for any reason he is unavailable to answer my phone call, my email or my text immediately – within moments he makes the time. Again, all that he does for me is greatly reciprocated! There is much love and respect shared between us. From day one, honesty is paramount, we do not have tolerance for mind games, lying or disrespect. The situation you have encountered has set off alarm bells, any Dominant or submissive will share with you that communication is key. I would seriously re-evaluate the relationship. I don’t feel you were asking for much, a simple text during the holidays would have gone a long way. A short phone call to let you know you were in his thoughts would have brightened your day!! Ask the questions you need to feel resolve and if it the answers are not what you need, you will have your answer. Follow your heart and trust your instincts.... only you know what is best for you! Best of Luck!

corsetgirl -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (12/31/2008 8:44:01 AM)
Good advice from everyone and I can certainly relate to your feelings. I also don't think it was right for him to be cursing at you especially when you desire to spend some quality time with him. I would step back and wait to collect your emotions and as mc1234 states, send this dom an email. It might also be beneficial to meet this dom at a neutral place and discuss your feelings or other areas of concern you might have regarding this relationship. If he fails to respond to you, then it is time to move on. Take it from me, there were times that I have said things in the past that were those foot in mouth disease moments. However, I try to evaluate the situation and have a calm approach when it comes to communication.

servantforuse -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (12/31/2008 8:57:28 AM)
I think he's married. Remember Scott Peterson? He told his girlfriend he was in Paris on New Years Eve. She believed him too......

pixidustpet -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (12/31/2008 11:11:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wideeyedgirl quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly if you did not hear from him during the holidays (when most have time off) that might send up a red flag that he is married. He was out of town..on business. Supposed to be staying in a hotel. But also said he didnt have work to do that say, so I did think I would hear from Him. and when I didnt at all..it hurt. So yes...sirsholly. Now im wondering if Im just...not believing what I want to believe and ignoring the flags. it is possible to be out of town on business, staying in a hotel, and being unavailable. TheEngineer has to go out of town on business. he's scheduled to do that next month, out of country. he doesnt always have net access available, nor is he always available to call. however....i think his getting irritated with you about missing him was kinda off, as was his restricting your access to him even more. i know i would be having a serious conversation about it (i have had that conversation with someone before!) and making sure my needs were clearly understood. i know what i can and cannot live with. and even though i am the submissive portion of the relationship, i need my needs met also, not just his. that's the only way i can be happy. not everyone's relationship is like that and i respect that, but i need to be happy in how i interact with my dominant. kitten

lilgirl2008 -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (12/31/2008 2:24:00 PM)
wideeyedgirl, I didn't read all the posts, but after reading yours I am going to give you my impression. His response as you listed it was totally out of line. You have every right to ask when are we going to see each other. If I was involved with someone and they didn't contact me over the holidays I would be upset as well. Submissive does not mean you don't deserve basic respect. You have a life too. Since you are not living with him, and you don't seem to have a Master/slave relationship, you have every right in the world to simply ask. His response to your asking is clear indication of what you should expect in the future. If this is how he acts early on in the relationship what is he going to be like when you get comfy with each other? YIKES. He should want to see you as much as you do him, and if he doesn't then I am afraid to say he is simply using you. I hate to be so blunt but I see it here all the time. He isn't clearly communicating with you what his intentions are. I would say get rid of him and find someone who wants to spend time with you as much as you do them.

MadamBell -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (12/31/2008 5:51:52 PM)
Theres tooooo many people out there to be sweatin' someone like that unless you have agreed and are on the same page.

kristileigh -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (12/31/2008 6:08:33 PM)
No collar? No commitment? Tell Him you are not looking for online , looking for RT. Start fresh and happy hunting. slave kristi

girlygurl -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (12/31/2008 7:44:48 PM)
I don't believe ignoring, silent treatment, ect. is any kind of punishment. What is the Dom teaching the sub? What is the sub learning from the Dom? IMO... There's NO lesson in it. I think there is something else behind it. He's not into you anymore (sorry to be so harsh), he's married and got caught???? All possibilities... but the silent treatment is for immature people.... Communication isn't easy at times, but it's the only way. girly

bamagirl4u -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (1/1/2009 5:21:07 AM)
Sometimes silence speaks volumes! You are already thinking what most are telling you, sounds like he is married.

subboi3382 -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (1/2/2009 2:52:52 AM)
my master ignores or gives me the silent treatment sometimes

MasterTslave -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (1/2/2009 7:24:14 AM)
I would say he is married or is just having fun making you think he wants a relationship. You should be with a Dom/Master that respects you...as Master T says, i am his most valued property...a respectful Master/Dom would not leave his prized object outside in the dark/cold/rain...would not want it to be ruined...so why would he be such a jerk to you?

MasterLark -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (1/2/2009 9:02:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wideeyedgirl Thank you E/everyone for the info, insite and...reading my mind. and reading my heart - alot of things I didnt want to admit to. But when reading it from someone else...sometimes its hard to ignore. Im going to take a few days and just...think on this and if its worth trying to work on, or if I need to go with my gut and find some another Fish......... Thanks again, I appreciate all the help. I would just add this, in case you may be confused about it: in my view, it is NOT a normal state for a submissive to accept a Master or Dom as routinely rude, arrogant and disconnected from her. Master does not mean the right to be domineering. Master must mean an ability to sense where you are emotionally, mentally, physically, regardless of what is having in His life. He has no right to be a jerk, an asshole, or an overblown egotist...or a liar. you may want to reassess the kind of characteristics you want in a future Master or Dom.

pinkalicious -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (1/2/2009 9:16:36 AM)
yikes ~ i'd leave this Dom alone. red flags = married or otherwise. i'm sorry to say i'd move on.

Driver4golf -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (1/3/2009 12:10:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan As a dominant, I would want to know if my sub was having emotional or stress-related issues. I wouldn't get angry if she called, even if the timing was inconvenient. I might say I needed to return the call at another time, but I would make sure she understood I wasn't blowing her off. Quite the opposite; she deserves my undivided attention. I'd also tell her if I was going to be unavailable for some reason, what that reason is (work, family, etc.), and for how long. Even then, she'd still have contact info in case of an urgent situation. I don't know all the details of your relationship, but something doesn't add up here. Cursing at you was inappropriate no matter what the situation. Assuming you haven't left out a sizable chunk of vital info, in your place, I would walk. I agree with SylvereApLeanan, simply put, something doesn't add up here. There is a right and a wrong way to treat a person... and in my opinion, he is treating you poorly. Again, just my opinion, but it's time to move on. Best of luck.

NorthernGent -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (1/3/2009 2:41:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wideeyedgirl I attempted to reach out again - asking for a date we could see each other when he got back and...He got mad. I apologized but was trying to upfront that - Im not seeking online./phone, and that meetings and seeing each other was important. He got even madder, cursing at me. Then told me not to call or write til tomorrow - and that he would get in touch. and that i earned a severe punishment for being so negative (and I guess..mentally doubting His intensions...?) You've asked a standard question that everyone asks at some point in a relationship - his stance isn't a reasonable one to adopt. In the event you can't obtain a simple answer to a simple question, I'd suggest the reason is of limited importance.

SoulPiercer -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (1/3/2009 3:18:17 AM)
He could be married and it could be much more simple than that. He just isn't that into you and he is hoping you'll go away quietly. Cursing at you when you say you miss him and telling you not to contact him are clear signals. We men often try to avoid hurting ones feelings, the end result is we end up doing much more damage. We will also risk making ourselves look like complete assholes, rather than be honest and say "sorry - I'm really not as into you as I thought I was."

jen182 -> RE: Cruel...or effective punishment? (1/5/2009 11:16:08 AM)
thats a hard one, it seems like you want to work through things but theeres some flags out just take it slow....explore your options...your not owned as of yet but i dont feel he should have blown up over asking to go out

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125