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understanding - 12/28/2008 4:31:51 AM

steviemichael

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does the 'need' to be a 'daddy'because in a person(s) past they had never felt the secure protection of the real Father? and is it also the same that a *girl* looks for a 'daddy to fill the void of the past of not having the loving and protection of a Father role model ?

the context of my post is not a attiude of jugement but trying to understand why one pursues to be someones 'pet' or someones 'object'to be used to fullfill anothers lack of self fullfillment.
is this the direction or the 'path' they choose in the hope they have found the answer to all of their needs ?
I read and notices on the internet people who are 'needy' those who are so unfilled in their real life and seek out other people to fill their void.

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Post #: 1

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 4:33:07 AM

JustDarkness

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nice question... I am curious too.

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 2

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 4:44:36 AM

CatdeMedici

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quote:

does the 'need' to be a 'daddy'because in a person(s) past they had never felt the secure protection of the real Father? and is it also the same that a *girl* looks for a 'daddy to fill the void of the past of not having the loving and protection of a Father role model ?

Some do, some don't.

quote:

trying to understand why one pursues to be someones 'pet' or someones 'object'to be used to fullfill anothers lack of self fullfillment.

I'd say that is a pretty generalist statement--so you think D's seeking s's and vice versa do so because the other has some lack of self fulfillment? Some do, some don't.

quote:

is this the direction or the 'path' they choose in the hope they have found the answer to all of their needs ?

Some will, some won't---this isn't any different than out there. Needs for a relationship don't change because one passed through these BDSM portals.

quote:

I read and notices on the internet people who are 'needy' those who are so unfilled in their real life and seek out other people to fill their void.

Uhm that's kind of why people form relationships isn't it? They need/seek companionship? Just because someone seeks a companion doesn't mean they are needy or unfulfilled----you can't just make generalizations--in relationships there are as many differing reasons as patterns to a snowflake--just because we wear kinky titles doesn't mean that changes-- in fact it probably at times makes it worse.

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Post #: 3

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 4:54:11 AM

steviemichael

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quote:

generalizations

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

does the 'need' to be a 'daddy'because in a person(s) past they had never felt the secure protection of the real Father? and is it also the same that a *girl* looks for a 'daddy to fill the void of the past of not having the loving and protection of a Father role model ?

yes my post is in the manner of generalizations since one cannot use dogma.

Some do, some don't.

quote:

trying to understand why one pursues to be someones 'pet' or someones 'object'to be used to fullfill anothers lack of self fullfillment.

I'd say that is a pretty generalist statement--so you think D's seeking s's and vice versa do so because the other has some lack of self fulfillment? Some do, some don't.

quote:

is this the direction or the 'path' they choose in the hope they have found the answer to all of their needs ?

Some will, some won't---this isn't any different than out there. Needs for a relationship don't change because one passed through these BDSM portals.

quote:

I read and notices on the internet people who are 'needy' those who are so unfilled in their real life and seek out other people to fill their void.

Uhm that's kind of why people form relationships isn't it? They need/seek companionship? Just because someone seeks a companion doesn't mean they are needy or unfulfilled----you can't just make generalizations--in relationships there are as many differing reasons as patterns to a snowflake--just because we wear kinky titles doesn't mean that changes-- in fact it probably at times makes it worse.

_____________________________

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Post #: 4

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 5:48:30 AM

DesFIP

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Some do and some don't. Some have had and still have a great relationship with their parents and simply still enjoy it, in the same way they enjoyed playing Monopoly when young and still find it one of their favorite games. I don't understand why being an adult means you can't still enjoy things you liked when young, to me that's a strange attitude.

About neediness, that's a pejorative word used to cast others in a negative light. There are all different levels of contact possible in relationships. Just because you may on want to talk to your partner once a day doesn't mean that anyone who wants more contact is needy. It just means you aren't compatible with them. After all, to a person whom you categorize as needy, you could well be considered cold and distant. Also a negative way of describing a differing level of contact.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 12/28/2008 5:49:31 AM >

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RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 7:30:09 AM

BondageBarbieX

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I like DaddyDoms best because most are caring ,understanding,wonderful with guidance,teaching and patience.I also am big on being pampered and spoiled.

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Post #: 6

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 9:18:12 AM

daddysliloneds

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when people seek out others to be in a relationship with, it's to fill a need or a void of some sort; why should the daddy/daughter dance be any different than any other kind of relationship?

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Post #: 7

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 9:24:34 AM

oceanwynds

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Thanks for posting the question. It is one area that i have difficulty personally with. I do not know why or what makes a person call another Daddy. When I was young, my neighbor's mother called her husband Daddy, yes they were 'vanilla'. It always sounded odd to me.

Personally i dont seek a relationship to fill a void but to compliment me as a human.
oceanwynds

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 8

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 9:45:30 AM

utopicus

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You are absolutely right - there had been a void in one's childhood that is addressed now

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Post #: 9

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 9:49:07 AM

lally3

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i think people seek lots of different things to fill voids. my son and my horse fill huge voids in me to give love freely - unconditional love.

unconditional love is what many people seek and maybe in a Daddy/daughter relationship that touches on it. the need to give unconditionally, recieve unconditionally from each and both in their own way.

the thing is we all go through life collecting baggage of some sort. dealing with it, processing it, abreacting it out is healthy - i dont see it as filling unfulfilled needs, i see it as working with it, accepting who you are and turning it into something positive for two like-minded people - a symbiosis of need.

a tree grows tall - on it live thousands of creatures that require that tree to live, a horse will stand under it for shade and to get away from the flies. we all turn to something in some way for whatever reason that suits us best.

much worse to have a need and not reach out for it and live with a void that could otherwise be filled.

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Post #: 10

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 11:23:03 AM

Jeptha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3
...unconditional love is what many people seek and maybe in a Daddy/daughter relationship that touches on it.

My first reaction to the original post was that the daddy/daughter relationship probably has in general similar goals as other relationships and differed mostly in the details, but you make a interesting point about unconditional love having (hopefully) been a part of that original dynamic, lally3.

I've played with this dynamic some and maybe it's a thing where my partner got to play with things that scared her when she was little.

Mostly though, she got to live out some pretty "dirty" fantasies and remain basically innocent while being corrupted by the bad daddy (even though daddy might have gotten most of his ideas from her originally.)

So maybe it was a means of being able to go for it, circumventing guilt or embarrassment or something.

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 12/28/2008 11:32:38 AM >

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Post #: 11

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 11:40:32 AM

yourMissTress

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FR to the OP

There are healthy people and unhealthy people in every walk of life. BDSM is no different, neither is the internet. Lots of people look outside of themselves for answers and fulfillment some of the other places they look to find external answers for internal problems are drugs, alcohol, religion, gambling, sex, relationships and hundreds of others.

As for the "need" to be a daddy, daughter, or any other label available to you here, everyone is here for their own reasons, and those reasons will vary with each person. Some of those needs will be healthy and others will be unhealthy. And what looks healthy to you, maybe very unhealthy for the person in the relationship and vice versa.

Why are you here? What labels do you place on yourself? What do they mean to you? What do they fulfill in you?

Once you have the answers to those questions, you may begin to better understand and accept others.

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"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

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Post #: 12

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 12:43:58 PM

MrDevlin

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I'd never even heard the term "Daddy Dom" 'til I brought my fascination with D/s to the internet. Up to then, I was just an older Dom who liked younger subs.
I think all of fetish comes about as a result of cultural concepts, ideas, and traditions that represent a departure from nature, that is, in nature, sex is not dirty, men are not more significant, etc. Individuals assign significances, and thru experience or just intent focus, and fetishes are formed.
I've never been married, never had kids, but I can do(love) Daddy Dom RP, the role is culturally obvious.

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Post #: 13

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 1:48:03 PM

cagliostro

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For me it's not a need to be "daddy" but rather a capability. It's rather like being good at oral sex. If it's something my partner wants it is something I can do. If not, that's cool too. Some people need the guidance and the direction a "daddy" type can provide.

It's always possible that they just lacked a father figure and so crave it. But that happens outside of BDSM relationships anyway. Plenty of women date guys and expect them to be father figures to them. So I guess it goes both ways, whether they want the "daddy dom" or not.

(in reply to MrDevlin)

Post #: 14

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 7:32:45 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Ditto to Cat. It can also be BOTH- not just one or the other. You can use a person to fill a void in you AND value them as a partner to work together in tandem. I find what matters more is being aware of the dynamics in place, making informed consent and all that.

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Post #: 15

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 8:09:24 PM

greeneyedreamer

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As far as CALLING someone daddy and having age play, being a daddy dom doesn't have to have an ageplay feel to it... nor does one have to call him daddy for him to be a daddy. wow now did I confuse you with all that? I just know that it has a nurturing feel, a caring feel and it's usually someone who protects and watches out for his baby or what ever he calls him or her...

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Post #: 16

RE: understanding - 12/28/2008 8:25:31 PM

Emperor1956

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FR: I can only speak from My own experience. I had a healthy and normal relationship with My father until he passed. I have a normal father/daughter relationship with my biological daughter, with no sexual overtones whatsoever. My darling cupcake, who is my submissive, has a wonderful relationship with her father (who is a few years younger than I am).

I'm her Daddy, she's my baby girl. We have a deep, loving relationship. I don't know that either of us is filling any "voids" in our relationship. I've had several long-term power-based relationships before this one in which I was Dominant, but not a "Daddy". I see our dynamic as perhaps more nurturing than other D/s relationships I've been in. I am no less sexual with her nor am I gentle, notwithstanding the "Daddy/daughter" dynamic. I also note that our ages (52/19) lend to a Daddy/daughter construct.

I don't mind those who seek to "understand" but in fact cast aspersions in their questions. I pity them. I figure they desparately long for something they'll never have, that I do.

E.

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"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

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RE: understanding - 12/29/2008 1:22:40 AM

hamster11

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well i have this void where i never got a pony when i was eight but you dont see me humping horses do you?

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Post #: 18

RE: understanding - 12/29/2008 1:57:48 AM

steviemichael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

when people seek out others to be in a relationship with, it's to fill a need or a void of some sort; why should the daddy/daughter dance be any different than any other kind of relationship?

humm because the term Daddy is misused unless your a child
daddy (n.) an informal term for a father : probably derived from baby talk

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switch/submissive male walking in the path of and learning of my true desires and enjoying what i am discovering

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Post #: 19

RE: understanding - 12/29/2008 2:20:02 AM

steviemichael

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quote:

Some people need the guidance and the direction a "daddy" type can provide.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cagliostro

then we are all are "dady type"since we can all provide 'guidance and the direction'
even a female(bio)can create a "daddy""type"as one post has already suggested.

_____________________________

switch/submissive male walking in the path of and learning of my true desires and enjoying what i am discovering

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Post #: 20

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