RE: Is it mostly mind or matter?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Is it mostly mind or matter?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Is it mostly mind or matter?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Is it mostly mind or matter? - 12/30/2008 4:54:57 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

An additional thought, I had and needed a lot more input into what we were doing when we were new to each other. This was as much to reassure me that he did indeed care about my feelings as to reassure me that he wasn't trying anything I felt unsure of. Now we've been together six years and I don't need reassurance of any kind about play. But in the beginning? Just because I didn't hard limit suspension didn't mean I would have been fine with it unless I knew that he had sufficient training and experience to do so safely.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to mummyman321)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Is it mostly mind or matter? - 12/30/2008 6:15:29 AM

ALAstella

Posts: 253
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamBell

Thank you all for the input- common thing I am seeing is "ask the subbie" - as a domme I would think that if I ask them then they are being given some control over what happens in the session- that is not what I am going for- also I am very strick but I am trying to not loose sensuality.

We feel that a domme who is aware of her submissive and effective in her communication is more in control and more of a domme than a domme who doesn't pay any attention to the thoughts and feelings of her submissive, hence we don't understand how answering questions gives the submissive more control. Ala points out that the only person who has control is the one who makes the decision, not who has the information.

We also suggest that the OP focus on being herself, rather than being 'strick' or 'sensual' or anything else, because in worrying how others perceive her she is seeking validation from others and allowing their reactions and perceptions to influence her behaviour. The OP needs to be herself and not worry too much about this.

Ala and stella

(in reply to MadamBell)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Is it mostly mind or matter? - 12/31/2008 5:39:39 PM

MadamBell

Posts: 17
Joined: 12/28/2008
Status: offline

Very good stuff- Thanks to all for your input and suggestions. I am greatful for the time each of you took to answer me. Have a great New Year!

_____________________________

Madam Bell

(in reply to mummyman321)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Is it mostly mind or matter? - 1/1/2009 8:22:48 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

I think ti's obviously always a good idea to discuss likes and dislikes, but there's a way to do this where, as a domme, you're not playing to a script. You can always discuss this beforehand either in person or via email. Even something as mundane as some sort of checklist or purity test will give you a great deal of insight into what the person likes and allows you to therefore prepare for a session with them.

regarding sensual vs. strict, it's not an either/or thing, you can be very sensuous in your dominance while still maintaining control and power, in fact I would hazard that the most effective Domme, professional or not, are able to infuse the two. It's something that is individual, so it's hard to tell someone how to do it, other than to just do what you'd like and do it how you feel it should be done. You are the boss.

_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to MadamBell)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Is it mostly mind or matter? - 1/1/2009 10:14:52 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

I think asking questions is just a part of getting to know each other, and I don't think it's a negative for a D-type to ask questions.

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to mummyman321)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Is it mostly mind or matter? - 1/2/2009 10:39:41 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Being sensual does not make you less of a Domme. My Master is very sensual as i like to say he is sensual not sadistic. It for sure does not make him less of a Master. Since i am not into pain it binds me to him more tightly. Mentally he knows me better then i know myself. I always said BDSM is more mental then physical.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to girlygurl)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Is it mostly mind or matter? - 1/2/2009 3:52:31 PM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamBell

Thank you all for the input- common thing I am seeing is "ask the subbie" - as a domme I would think that if I ask them then they are being given some control over what happens in the session- that is not what I am going for- also I am very strick but I am trying to not loose sensuality.

if you were my dominant, and didnt ask, how would you know that:

(1) i'm having circulation cut off and cant move an extremity

(2) this is doubly dangerous because i'm a diabetic

(3) i'm prone to panic attacks

(4) i have nerve damage that must be worked around

i could go further, but i'm sure you see what i'm saying. if the dominant doesnt talk with (not just to, or at) the submissive, how is the dominant going to be able to have a safe scene with that sub? there has to be some two-way communication going on.

i'm free (and ordered!) to keep my dominant(s) informed as to my physical, mental, and emotional condition, whether i can manage what they are going to/with me, etc. if i dont do that, i am not taking good care of their property. and *that* is much more important to them than what exactly we are doing.

kitten

(in reply to MadamBell)

Profile

Post #: 27