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Total Newbie Dom seeks loads of ideas! - 12/29/2008 2:46:39 PM

Steve2005

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/1/2005
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Hi all long time lurker first time poster.

Well, in a nutshell....

LOOKING FOR IDEAS FROM EVERYONE!

Hi all brand new to the BDSM scene, actually thats not accurate, was a sub and am now giving being a Dom a go with my partner C (female).

So really any hints tips ideas senarios RP etc that I can shamelessly rip off and use would be perfect :D

And yes this is being done in tandem with our own exploring :

PS not looking for partners/RT teachers or in essence a third wheel, just some fun ideas to try out.

Will probably post results up see how it goes.

So erm yea, I thought id tap into the wealth of knowlege and experiences everyone had. We thought it might be fun, and useful, or failing that funny as hell. So anyhow feel free to reply to either this thread or send me a message.

< Message edited by Steve2005 -- 12/29/2008 2:54:09 PM >

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RE: Total Newbie Dom seeks loads of ideas! - 12/29/2008 2:48:48 PM

JustDarkness

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IF you tell us your interest and what you already have done...itmight be eassier.
And it would look a little more personal.......then the copy and paste message ;)

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RE: Total Newbie Dom seeks loads of ideas! - 12/29/2008 2:53:03 PM

Steve2005

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Joined: 4/1/2005
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:D

yea that was me being lazy ill admit to that. Id just re-written the profile and then thought of the forum.

so far nothing too much basic rope-play, blindfolding, tickling, dirty talk. Thought it would be best to start off a nice and slow pace and build into it as we become more used to it and familiar with it.

I just spotted the Vanilla cone - very appropriate!

< Message edited by Steve2005 -- 12/29/2008 2:55:47 PM >

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RE: Total Newbie Dom seeks loads of ideas! - 12/29/2008 3:27:19 PM

DarkSteven

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One thing I like to do is to stroke my submissive's body slowly and explain to her what I will do with that...

"Your neck is mine. I will stroke it and pinch it. Your breasts are mine. I will stroke them, pinch them, pull on them, and slap them..." While you're covering all points of interest in her body, she will have her submissive mindset reinforced.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Total Newbie Dom seeks loads of ideas! - 12/29/2008 3:27:49 PM

Steve2005

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a verbal set up for whats to come, excellent tip!

Im browsing the ask a section which is choc full of ideas but keep them coming!

PS I should have looked their first I know :D

< Message edited by Steve2005 -- 12/29/2008 3:30:40 PM >

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RE: Total Newbie Dom seeks loads of ideas! - 12/29/2008 8:42:41 PM

MrDevlin

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Joined: 12/20/2008
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My suggestion would be to urge you to pay attention to mental/psychological considerations, that is, be mindful of little things that can have a big impact on the subconscious, of both parties.
Your tone, stance, and position in relation to the sub's body throughout a scene are important.
I personally use a lot of speaking, may be just my style, but saying things and demanding the submissive say things and admit to things of a sexual nature, "Tell me what you are!", "You've been thinking of _____", etc., not only re-enforces roles, but also serves to play upon cultural distortions within the psyche.
Attention to physical aspects is all well and good, but turning your basement into a medieval torture chamber or developing the ability to tie knots like an eagle scout, in and of itself, probably won't get either of you where you want to go. Sex is mental first.
Have fun!

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RE: Total Newbie Dom seeks loads of ideas! - 12/29/2008 8:53:49 PM

BondageBarbieX

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Join a playspace and observe.

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RE: Total Newbie Dom seeks loads of ideas! - 12/29/2008 9:29:58 PM

GoodFeathers

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Joined: 11/20/2008
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My favorite, gets me flustered almost instantly:

Have your subbie leave a dirty message on your voicemail. If all you get is flustered breathing and stammering for the first three messages, more the better.

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RE: Total Newbie Dom seeks loads of ideas! - 12/30/2008 3:13:47 AM

Steve2005

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excellent tip thank you

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RE: Total Newbie Dom seeks loads of ideas! - 12/30/2008 3:15:02 AM

Steve2005

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though a good way for ideas, I think we're both too lacking in confidence at this point.

though for long term its something to bear in mind.

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RE: Total Newbie Dom seeks loads of ideas! - 12/30/2008 3:17:27 AM

Steve2005

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDevlin

My suggestion would be to urge you to pay attention to mental/psychological considerations, that is, be mindful of little things that can have a big impact on the subconscious, of both parties.
Your tone, stance, and position in relation to the sub's body throughout a scene are important.
I personally use a lot of speaking, may be just my style, but saying things and demanding the submissive say things and admit to things of a sexual nature, "Tell me what you are!", "You've been thinking of _____", etc., not only re-enforces roles, but also serves to play upon cultural distortions within the psyche.
Attention to physical aspects is all well and good, but turning your basement into a medieval torture chamber or developing the ability to tie knots like an eagle scout, in and of itself, probably won't get either of you where you want to go. Sex is mental first.
Have fun!

ok so i spotted the quote bit :D

Thank you for the mental tips, getting the sub to re-enforce things would be a really good way to get us both in the mood

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RE: Total Newbie Dom seeks loads of ideas! - 12/30/2008 4:06:17 AM

CNJDom

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
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Hello Steve, it looks like you like to have fun (fun is great by the way), and it's also important to have a good idea of what kind of Dominant you are. Being new has it's advantages, and of course you just need to go with what feels right. The submissive is your charge and you are responsible for her safety and trust. She is giving you herself and so you have responsibility as well as the job of being in charge. It's not a sacrifice, because what you give you get back. Going to see how others play at a play party is a good idea, what you see on the BDSM porn videos are sometimes staged, and not real to what life is....elements yes but not verbatim (like all porn is really). Some Dominants do not feel the need to adhere to protocol so sternly than others do. It's really up to you. There is some reverance to D/s, but really it's a matter of respect and trust on both your parts. You can be Dom and have fun for sure.

There's so much out there, between the more conventional bondage and disipline, to tickling for pleasure and mild torture...OTK spanking or roughplay (grabbing and pinching/biting), or other typical play...it's ALL about the mindfuck. The brain is the biggest and most complicated sex-organ, use it and relish it with your sub and with yourself. You will have their attention, make it exciting...talk to them, Don't talk to them, do the Belushi eyebrow thing, have them kiss that paddle and love it some before you use it on them...telling them that this IS going to hurt so good so cuddle up to the paddle, cause you two are going to get well aquainted... Have fun! You can mix some seriousness with it, but this again depends on your comfort and personal style that makes you feel natural.

Being a Star Trek geek...one of my favorite lines came from Scotty explaining to a young engineer trying to respond to a common order from the Captain, and the young engineer wanted to spring into action and hop to it as we ALL figured Scotty did for so many years...but Scotty stopped the yound engineer in his tracks, and said in complete seriousness: "Lad, don't give them what they ask for...give them what they NEED..." I try to adopt this when I can. I use this philosophy, and what that means to me in an expanded sense is to know what you're doing, getting as much knowledge as you can, and doing what is needed in the area that you know so well. In that way, you need to get learn all you can and get aquainted with things and techniques when you try them know what they are capable of doing...this pertains to toys mostly, but also know and learn about your submissive since they have a mind and are putting their trust into you. Get to know what they like/dislike/love/hate/love-hate (there is a difference), and what could hurt them mentally or physically...they may want something unrealistic at times, you are there to guide and make it happen in a way that is benefical for both of you. Read books, talk and watch, attend groups and demos, and read your submissive as well as communicate with them.

Want a tip? Look them in the eyes...give them a moment to try to read you....talk with your eyes and see what happens. She may close her eyes and cast them down... then reward her. Give her a nice loving sqeeze of the hair by grabbing a big handfull behind her head and tighten up with a twist and a slight and gentle tug. You'll probably enjoy the sigh and reaction *providing she likes that (and I'm banking/hoping she does). Or she may be adventurous and feel a little defiant in her staring back...take her on! When you think she isn't going to back down, then cheat...but don't let her know... (she's staring at you hard) and so gently grasp her in a tender spot, without batting an eye start to squeeze or pinch accordingly. If she tries to counter, exert your control..."did I say you could move?" It'll get better and you can go from there, and either way it's a good start. But that's just me...

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RE: Total Newbie Dom seeks loads of ideas! - 12/30/2008 4:12:04 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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For role play ideas get: The Topping Book and The Bottoming Book, both by Easton.
Other useful books: Wiseman's Erotic Bondage, Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes, S & M 101, Screw the Roses.

Google for a BDSM checklists and mark every activity with a 1-5. Then start with the things you both mark 5's. You want to enjoy this so pick the activities you both really love the idea of. Then try them out. You'll soon decide whether or not it's as good in reality as it appeared.

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RE: Total Newbie Dom seeks loads of ideas! - 12/30/2008 4:27:17 AM

T1981

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One of my favorite games to play is the "How Many Lashes" Game, (this only works if your subbie likes impact play) You spend a few minutes beating them, making them mentally count out how many lashes they've gotten. If they get it right at the end and tell you the correct number, a reward, if not, a punishment (which could be another set of lashings). Something my husband also does is the "5 times without flinching", where I have to watch the paddle and be struck 5 times in a row without flinching, or else the count starts all over. Much harder than you think it might be!

I also agree with the other posters in that the mental aspect of it makes it soooo much better. If you can find ways to get into character right before play, that ups the intensity. One of the ways we get into character is that I kneel before him and have to recite the "rules" to him, that helps me get into that mindset.

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