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Over ruling judgement - 12/30/2008 12:20:39 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Are we too quick to judge judgement?Or, should we consider it an early warning sign...I came across this question while watching a television show and thought about it within the realms of D/s or BDSM...I thought it was actually appropos. My thoughts began to swirl about this question.I know I personally have many times spouted the never ending your kink is not my kink theme many times upon this site.But many a time within the annonymity of my computer I sat back and truly thought "My GOD!..are you nuts???, now yes, I do agree we are all adults to make our own way and decisions within our own life, and though I am at this stage in my life fairly shock proof, I still at times cannot conceive some of the thought process that goes into a decisions we sometimes tend to make.Many times I have seen a decision made to do something that I feel is generally a great error in judgement.Sure, in some cases that decision is right for a particular dynamic or couple, but for another couple or dynamic I think, (truthfully)"idiot".And yet as a whole we here on CM spill out verbiage of "way to go!", congratulations! etc etc,simply beacuse it may be politically correct within this venue, or the your kink, my kink thing, and we attack those who may have the courage to say "I judge this action to be wrong"..now of course that person needs to back up their viewpoint upon it, and most do.But surely some of you out there sit back and think, this may be right for so and so, but surely not this couple, because of whatever the worry may be, such as, age, money,circumstance.So tell me readers of this question I pose..Are we too quick to judge judgement? Or should we possibly consider it an early warning sign??.Tempting

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RE: Over ruling judgement - 12/30/2008 12:26:20 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I think that it is healthy to question jufgements and aye to test them too. To judge them we need a good deal of provable facts and a good knowledge of the cause of the original judgement..... 

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Master of Bruin Cottage

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RE: Over ruling judgement - 12/30/2008 12:30:31 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Judgements rock.  But only if you don't force it people who don't want them.  For yourself, I say yay.
 
YKINMK is just the newest buzz word in a neverending sea of buzz words.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Overruling judgment - 12/30/2008 12:33:04 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		Well, I'm not quite sure what you mean about it being an early warning sign ... but judgments for me often are knee-jerk reactions based on not-quite-complete information.  Probably about the only time I think 'idiot' when reading a post is when it's from a newbie who's flying halfway across the world to be with the dom she's only im'ed with, to live forever in slave-like bliss.  Or someone who is in a very new relationship and they feel the need to proclaim it to the world, only to read one week later how awful he was to her.  That sort of thing. 

I think I'm probably more of a mild player than a lot on here -  so when I read something that seems extreme to me, I typically shrug and think 'rock on' because if it works for them, I hope they enjoy the heck out of it. 

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RE: Overruling judgment - 12/30/2008 12:42:18 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		I tend not to care what anyone does that is out of my realm unless it effects minors, myself or anyone without their consent (or just downright illegal).  I don't know what warning sign you refer to??




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RE: Overruling judgment - 12/30/2008 12:55:13 PM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		judgement is ok..when people explain why and come with points.
And of course it is important who it is told.


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RE: Overruling judgment - 12/30/2008 1:20:09 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		"Judging" is one thing.  "Condemning" is another.  To me, I can "judge" (or I prefer the word "discern") what works for me and what does not.  I have every right to do that and to say that something doesn't work for ME. 

To look at what others are doing and "judge" and then take it one step further into condemnation isn't necessarily my right.  As long as those individuals aren't breaking any laws or infringing upon my rights, what right have I to "condemn" them?

To me, that's where my right to "judge" ends.  I can judge/discern I don't want something in my own life but once I try to make that judgment for others and put them down for their choices, I have erred.  Just my ...............luci

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RE: Overruling judgment - 12/30/2008 3:30:06 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		Your question is too general.  There is judging and then there is judging.   Particularly on the boards, where a question is asked, 'judging' should be allowed.  I.E.  When someone asks "My dom wants to cut off my little finger as proof of commitment.  This is my first dom, so I need to know what kind of anti-septic do you suggest?"  then I would expect everyone to say LEAVE HIM!

But in a situation where someone is asking where to buy  a Furry costume, that is a different situation.

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RE: Overruling judgment - 12/30/2008 4:06:22 PM   
scottishjason


Posts: 23
Joined: 6/25/2008
Status: offline 		Well…to be honest… I don’t think some of us are getting way too involved with other people’s lives.  Let’s face it… if you get yourself involved you are going to be forced into situations like this.  Do I think anyone should judge anyone else?  Hell no!  It’s not my or your place to judge.  All of us have kinks of some kind.  What is normal to me may be weird too you.  So who are we to judge?

On another note… lets be real people… most of us have been around.  We all know that a LOT of fake crap is put up on web pages.  Some people even have kinks about posting outlandish crap on fetish sites.  So not just should you not judge you should also not believe everything you read on a webpage. 

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RE: Overruling judgment - 12/30/2008 5:07:07 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I've said it before on here...I do make judgments.  Those judgments are based on what I think after a lifetime of study of many varied things, what a lifetime of experience both outside and within the realm of wiitwd has taught me, what my own personal experience has been.  Anyone who states that they don't make a judgment regarding other people's activities or just the activities themselves is not being completely truthful. 

Making a judgment about something we all do in every day life and it stems, as I said, from who and what we are.  It can range from something small..."it is wrong to take toys from your little sister" to something big... "murder is wrong, no matter the reason"...and you will find people who disagree with your judgment and who feel that everyone should be left to "live and let live".  I have no intention of interfering in someone else's play or someone else's dynamic...that does not mean I cannot make a judgment and express it---with my reasons and, hopefully, other source material to back up my judgment/opinion so that it might change some minds.

I don't believe it is right to judge someone wrongly when your behavior has been of the same nature.  I've run into that.  I don't believe it is right to just say your piece, then walk away and never give your partner the chance to respond, even if it is over.  I don't believe it is right to expect someone to behave up to certain standards and then not hold yourself to them or be able to rationalize why it is O.K. for you not to.  I think that people that behave in any of the above manners are wrong and selfish and blind to their own fallibility.  That is my judgment and I would bring examples of each one if allowed to within the context of a discussion with the person I was making the judgment of.  That doesn't mean they will listen or that they have to.

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RE: Overruling judgment - 12/30/2008 5:32:07 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I make judgments daily in my life. I to like the word discernment. It doesn't mean I am judging what another person is doing in their life, but how it would affect my life. Some things posted here I am not into, and really don't give it any thought beyond, yuck, hmm interesting..etc.

I am the same way in all areas of my life as well. For me that is just my norm.

oceanwynds

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RE: Overruling judgment - 12/30/2008 5:51:49 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		There is the judgment of others that is demeaning with very little reference than personal opinion. Which can be perceived as a provocation towards hostility.

There is also the judgment with gathered facts as a point of reference that promotes self-improvement. Which is perceived as being helpful. Worthy of respect towards the source of such assistance.


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RE: Over ruling judgement - 12/30/2008 11:31:14 PM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		I am not going to lie an say I don't judge.I am human after all and it is human nature to judge others be it right or wrong ,it happens. and it really depends in what context you are speaking of  and if  it would make me not want to talk to this person or lose respect for the individual.If it is illegal or against my moral code such as animals,kids,drugs I will not even talk to such a person.If it is something like promiscuity in a woman or swingers that have no honor,I will not talk to them either.....but in general it would take a lot for me to be offended by someone enough that I judge them poorly.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
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RE: Over ruling judgement - 12/31/2008 2:57:46 AM   
StrangerThan


Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline 		Judgement is a fact of life. We all do it and we do it daily. Every time you lock the door to your house you're judging that invisible someone who creates enough uncertainty or fear to drive you into that routine of checking locks at night. Every time you lock the door to your car in a parking lot when someone comes too close or feel a sense of relief that the panhandler ahead is focused on someone else, you're passing judgement. Decisions you make every day are often based upon one judgement or another. Every time you choose to involve yourself or not involve yourself in a scene, with a group or with a person, you're passing judgement. The only difference between those decisions and here is that here, we try to be accepting of another's kink. In that respect, not judging is counter-intuitive to virtually everything else you do in life because life requires you to do so all the time.

Beyond that, sanity requires that you do it. How many times are you going to trot off to some hotel and meet Lord_Dom_And_Sir whose first words to you are "Kneel Bitch!" before your brain starts judging whether you want it to or not? It's healthy to judge. It's sane to judge. If you don't make judgements in life you end up being one of the herd, drug along, pushed along in the swirl of things that takes you where it takes you whether you want to go or not.

But... we try for the simple reason that we all have kinks, wants, needs and we're here to embrace them, not smother them. We also have experience that tells us flying half way across the world to live in everlasting slavery bliss with the person we only know from IM probably isn't the smartest thing to do. Most of us know that we're complex enough and constructed of so many aspects that there needs to be more to communication and a relationship than Kneel Bitch!

slaveluci said it best I think. Jugding is one thing. Condemnation is another. The people I tend to judge quickly and condemn quickly are those who for some reason, can't seem to get through life without roping everyone else into sets of rules. I could care less what rules you live by regardless of how inane or idiotic they might seem to me. It's when you try and force everyone else into those rules or denounce those who don't abide by them that irks me and gets the quickest expression of that irritation. 

Otherwise I tend to do what I often do in life and that's simply keep my opinion to myself. I don't think you can help judging to some degree. The process is so ingrained in everything you do in life that whether you call it judging or not, a part of your brain is doing it for you. Condemnation is another story though and that's where I think many confuse the concept of judging. You can look at someone's life and decisions and know you'd probably not have made the same decisions, know those decisions hold little value for you in your own personal life. It's whether you condemn them for it where we often call someone judgemental. The two things are as different as night and day. You can judge and still accept. You can't condemn and still accept.

my 2 cents which may not even be worth 2 cents.

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RE: Over ruling judgement - 12/31/2008 5:22:58 AM   
MrDevlin


Posts: 32
Joined: 12/20/2008
Status: offline 		I agree that judgement is part of life, discrimination on a set of choices is unavoidable.  Earliest man was forced to choose between the purple berries and the red ones, a wrong choice could be fatal...but there are pitfalls.  The bad berries become stigmatized, and the value of their medicinal qualities, when used or prepared in a certain manner, delayed for generations.
"Judge not, lest ye be judged" (I am not a Christian), a much misinterpreted quote from the bible, is actually real wisdom that speaks of the mechanism of our being, that is, what appears to be outside of us is really only a reflection of ourselves, and when we diminish it in our thinking, we diminish ourselves.


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RE: Over ruling judgement - 12/31/2008 6:08:35 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Not judging someone else's kink to me means that just because the idea of needles scares me witless, it doesn't mean other people don't enjoy it and do it safely.

It does not mean that I agree someone should keep accepting her dom's lies, and continue lying to herself. If she complains about no contact over the holidays, never meeting his family etc and yet insists he isn't married because he told her so I'm not going to agree with her. I will tell her that I think he is married. She wants to keep in denial, that's her choice but having opened up that can of worms I don't see any reason not to tell her the truth of my views.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Overruling judgment - 12/31/2008 6:40:47 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

"Judging" is one thing.  "Condemning" is another. 


This is where I differentiate, also.  Expressing that I wouldn't/couldn't do a particular thing is no biggy.  Expressing that I have concern over "you" (generic) doing a particular thing is just caring.  Saying a particular thing could be dangerous/harmful/risky is also just fine in my world.  Saying "you're" a total idiot who doesn't think or care about yourself or your partner because you do that particular thing is...well...rude, in my world.  And it's not going to penetrate, in most cases, instead, it is more likely to find the recipient of those words slamming a door on whatever you are saying and either simply not listen or get defensive and argue back.

There are things I did with my former owner that I'll probably never do again.  Those that condemned me for doing them were, for the most part, not listened to.  Those who expressed genuine concern had an open door to do so, and conversation about it ensued.

Judging is fine.  HOW we judge is a different ballgame.


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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Over ruling judgement - 12/31/2008 7:54:41 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Fuck... I logged in Kyra's nic by mistake... be right back

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 12/31/2008 7:55:34 AM >

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Over ruling judgement - 12/31/2008 7:56:58 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		posted under my nic as it should be!!!

I think Judgement is a very good thing.  I think it is equally important to consider the quality of ones judgements as well.  Sometimes my judgements are wrong...and it's important to me that I consider why my judgement was wrong.   With this knowledge I have found over the course of time that I have become better and better at making judgements.  But.. just because I am better doesn't mean I am prefect.  Now.. I also don't have alot of use to this Political Correct stuff you here from time to time.  I will and do share my opinion and judgement on most things that interest or concerns me.. regardless of what the public opinion seems to be.  I have found that mob mentality tends to follow behind the curve in improving judgements of different things.  Often times it's those that go against the Mob mentality or Political Correctness that are leading a change that is needed for things to improve.  But, I also thing that a person needs not to be an anchor to the process either that will hinder things from getting better.



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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Over ruling judgement - 1/4/2009 8:56:11 AM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Are we too quick to judge judgment? Or should we possibly consider it an early warning sign??


In my judgment, to ask the right question is the best answer; you asked the right question.

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