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RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 8:33:11 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

My concern for mistress' well being as also raised to the surface something that I am obviously not over, that would be my mistrust towards men in general. Unless someone has introduced them to me as someone I can trust, I will only tolerate them enough to speak with them but not associate with them on a regular basis. Despite all that you girls say about your masters and how great they are to you. That's great, you are fulfilled and happy with your relationship.

The part I bold text speak volumes and I refuse to play that game of trying to prove that this male is trust worthy. I wish you well in what ever choices you make for yourself.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 101

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 8:46:42 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

the only choice she's making is to play the poor me card.

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(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 102

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 9:22:21 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
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Which has gotten beyond old, GT and let's not forget the whole if a poster isn't commiserating with and coddling her, they are "attacking" her.......rolls eyes. I saw a lot of blunt advice on here, but the attacks were done by the OP to those who didn't post what she wanted to read. If I offered blunt advice, and I do have some based upon my own life experiences, I'm quite sure I'd be accused of "attacking" as well, though in reality I wouldn't be. I say just leave her alone and let her sink or swim as she has more than enough good advice to help her do what's necessary if she ever wants to do so.

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(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 103

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 10:12:19 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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wise words, Sassy

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CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to SassySarijane)

Post #: 104

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 10:14:11 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

I say just leave her alone and let her sink or swim as she has more than enough good advice to help her do what's necessary if she ever wants to do so.

i agree

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Post #: 105

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 10:16:52 AM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

I say just leave her alone and let her sink or swim as she has more than enough good advice to help her do what's necessary if she ever wants to do so.

i agree

Ditto ...

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(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 106

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 12:00:38 PM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
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I stand by the advice that I and others gave on another thread although I was called a "shell" for suggesting it. Get some therapy.

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 107

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 1:07:31 PM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
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Advice coming from people that have known independence.
I have not and you all expect me to become independent over night.
There is not a reliant bone in any of your bodies, without reliance how can you call your self a submissive or slave.
Who is playing the fantasy here?
Sink or swim? I will probably sink because I have learned to be reliant upon others, I do as I am told, I do my chores, I do as I am instructed and directed. That is how I live. That is how I am.
My emptiness is because mistress is pushing me away. No more escort requirement. No more collar to say that I belong to her when I am out in the community.
You have all known independence and you think it is so damn easy. So damn easy to think that someone could just drop their world and walk away. I wish it was just that easy.
I open my heart. Express my troubles. What it inevitably leads to you is after the advice is given, the knives come out and you start stabbing away.
Honestly, you all just have absolutely no idea what your asking me to do.
This world is all I have ever known.
You only managed to cause me more grief.
Someone said it right, 'the only thing you get in the forums is anger and pain'.
I'm done asking for advice or baring innermost concerns with you all.

To those that actually offered me good advice, thank you.
The rest of you, well I don't have to say it, but you already know what you can do.

_____________________________

To my own self, I be true.

Goddess bless and keep you and yours safe

Ricah-Azzh

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 108

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 1:25:52 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

To be honest Aszhrae, the situation you're in is most likely alien to most people here. It certainly is to me.

People here can only relate to certain aspects of it and overall, you've got enormous problems that no-one here is remotely qualified to help you with.

Perhaps when the time comes and you actually have to take your suitcase and trudge away you may find one thing leads to another.

Once you are actually out on your ear you will be forced to do *something*......whatever that *something* is. But one thing will be for certain , the time for being alone in your room, in the situation you are in will be over and a new future will be ahead of you, no matter what your reservations, worries or inabilities may be.

I haven't a hope in hell of putting myself in your shoes to be able to offer a shred of advice but I think it's understandable to be afraid and grieving for a way of life that you've known for a huge portion of your life.

I hope you don't sink and for every bleak prospect out there, there's the chance of a slightly better one, too.

Good luck.

agirl

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 109

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 1:27:13 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

There is not a reliant bone in any of your bodies, without reliance how can you call your self a submissive or slave.

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(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 110

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 1:34:48 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

There is not a reliant bone in any of your bodies, without reliance how can you call your self a submissive or slave.

I am quite reliant, on people who are worthy. Stable, secure people who are so great that to be put in your position would be unheard of to be treated that way. Sorry, if you choose to associate with selfish people. I don't. If the very things I rely on were to be cut off, it would only be because of a natural disaster or some other catastrophe. Any other circumstance of 'cut off' and I would no doubt be given warning to adjust (6 months to a year).

I certainly don't equate any submissiveness with this reliance either lol. In fact just the opposite. One does not have to be reliant on another to be submissive, maybe if you shake that nonsense out of your head you will make a better choice of Master in the future.

*someone tie my hands up tight please so I can't reach my keyboard.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 111

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 1:49:16 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Some of the people posting here are my friends. But hey, y'all suck hey.
So the OP is on a downer, yes. And maybe this is just a really bad time for her, yes. And maybe she isn't listening to the advice. Yes. BUT isn't it obvious just how deep in depression she is? You are right in stating that you aren't going to respond to her anymore because none of what people are writing is any good for a person suffering with depression. Telling someone to get off their butt and stop feeling sorry for themselves with someone in deep depression - doesn't work. Telling them you have a headache? Yeah, doesn't work either - go take some paracetamol. Some of you need to take your own advice and get off line and stop perpetuating negativity.
If this upset some of you (the ones I know) ah well. I'm sitting here reading wondering who has the biggest problem - the OP or you all for hounding her. I've sat through with some of you when your on your 'poor me' pity boughts as some people have accused to OP of. Just because you haven't brought it on the forum doesn't mean you've never done it. Shit - I'VE done it in the past when I hit rock bottom.

Aszh - I don't believe there is any advice to assist you. You are dependent and that is what it comes down to. It's up to you if you decide to remain that way. If you do, then you have to work on how to focus your dependancy.

On a personal note. I have seen you change. I remember the first postings you made where you wrote only in the third person. Now, whether someone wrote you and suggested you alter that - or whether you altered that by your own accord, I don't know. But either way, I commend you for it(for what it's worth). It's a transition - a first step towards dependance. I really do believe that becoming independant is the way to be able to be dependant to another person in your future. By seperating what you were to what you are becoming. You might not see anything significant in that, personally I do.

Your original question was -

quote:

How do you deal as a sub/slave with the emptiness inside you as a result of being ignored by your dominant, before it becomes depression?

Honestly, I believe it's too late to answer that.

quote:

Also, would like to ask how you might deal with the anxiety that some times arises when you find our self concerned about the well-being of your dominant?

Learn and understand that you have no control over the decisions your dominant makes. You can make suggestions, offer words if that is allowed in your dynamic, but ultimately accept you have zero authority.

For yourself in the meantime - On a personal level, I believe you need someone there who can physically take you to seek professional help, because I don't believe you are at the point where you can do that alone. If you were in the UK, I would suggest a help organisation but you have to take that initial step to be temporarily dependant on them. That is all I can suggest for someone as isolated as you have been made to be.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 112

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 2:05:08 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The issue is that she is supposedly asking for advice, and then continuing to ask advice and then insulting people who actually try to give advice, and then lashing out at people who try to give advice.

This is why it's so hard to be around people who are seriously depressed- they are still miserable horrible people doing really crappy things. Even it it's partly medical, it's still not ok, certainly when all she'd have to do to avoid it is NOT post, NOT click the mouse. It's bad enough SHE's trying to absolve herself from all responsibility of life, it's worse when someone ELSE tries to say "she's helpless, she doesn't "mean it" so stop being mean!"

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(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 113

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 2:15:02 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Honesty would help in this whole bit too. No situation is going to get better, I don't care who you are or what is going on in your life... if you cannot be honest about even basic events. Depression can cause a lot... life can really suck... but it will continue to suck if one can't get to an honest place.

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 114

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 2:25:31 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The issue is that she is supposedly asking for advice, and then continuing to ask advice and then insulting people who actually try to give advice, and then lashing out at people who try to give advice.

This is why it's so hard to be around people who are seriously depressed- they are still miserable horrible people doing really crappy things. Even it it's partly medical, it's still not ok, certainly when all she'd have to do to avoid it is NOT post, NOT click the mouse. It's bad enough SHE's trying to absolve herself from all responsibility of life, it's worse when someone ELSE tries to say "she's helpless, she doesn't "mean it" so stop being mean!"

I didn't say she was helpless Em so I would appriciate it if you do not insinuate I did(my bad if that isn;t what you meant). I don't find people are being mean either, I believe they suck at not only giving advice but giving CRAP advice and perpetuating it. I didn't make any excuses for the OP. Like I said it's pretty clear it's up to her at the end of the day. I do find people dishing out the same shit advice for someone and not following it themselves.
So shes trying to absolve herself ? So what? It's pretty much part and parcel of grief and that is what the OP is going through. As is anger, hurt, concern, should of, would of, could of.
Obviously there are going to be vultures flying over the carcass, I just find it weird (and ironic in some cases) who's circling.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 1/2/2009 2:28:15 PM >

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 115

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 2:28:01 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

If this upset some of you (the ones I know) ah well. I'm sitting here reading wondering who has the biggest problem - the OP or you all for hounding her. I've sat through with some of you when your on your 'poor me' pity boughts as some people have accused to OP of. Just because you haven't brought it on the forum doesn't mean you've never done it. Shit - I'VE done it in the past when I hit rock bottom.

I lubs ya darlin but this is laughable. YOU rarely sugar coat your advice and have come down pretty hard on some. Someone comes for advice, we give it.

_____________________________

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Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 116

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 2:31:21 PM

ALAstella

Posts: 253
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline

Having gone through the thread I still stand by what I say.. but...

I'm still prepared to help the OP. I have family in Toronto and am prepared to ask them for their support as part of my offer. I can't make promises but I'm prepared to try.

I have gone through a similar situation to the OP and have come out the other side successfully. I am aware of not just the depression (I still have my depression), the isolation, loneliness, but also the fear. I wasn't being negative, just up front and honest.

This isn't an easy situation, and the solution sure isn't going to be easy, but this doesn't mean that it's not worth trying. All I know is that there must be one way out of this situation. There was a way out for me, and I'm sure that there must be somewhere a solution for Aszhrae.

I therefore leave it open for Aszhrae to contact me however which means if she feels the need to take me up on my offer and reach out for some support and help.

No deadlines.. any time will do.

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 117

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 2:32:55 PM

Viridana

Posts: 754
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

and you all expect me to become independent over night.

I honestly think that is not possible. It is a transition. It takes time, some effort and in some cases heart ache. I think even the most dependant persons can learn some indepence to a varying degree. And I do think you can too. You seem intelligent, you seem abitious and it seems to me you have all the necessary components to be able to make it on your own. It also seems that what's holding you back is the fear of the unknown. That is perfectly natural. We all fear what we don't know to a varying degree. I'm positive that as soon as you take the first steps towards your separation from your mistress and towards your own independency you'll finally feel your inner strenght and pride for treading roads unknown to you. It is genually uplifting to feel the victory of conquering one's fear.

It's obvious that you're having some really tough days now and I honestly wish you all the best. Just remember that even though some nights are pitch dark, the sun always rises again, even if it seems like it's gonna take ages.

quote:

Sink or swim? I will probably sink because I have learned to be reliant upon others,...

True. But don't forget that just as you learned to rely on others, you can learn to rely on yourself. Will it happen over night? most definately not Will it be easy? I doubt it.... but if you put your mind into it, you can. Not with the goal of becoming Miss UberIndependence, but merely to feel content by yourself and to manage the day to day life with yourself as the boss when you need it.

< Message edited by Viridana -- 1/2/2009 2:33:12 PM >

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 118

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 2:34:18 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

If this upset some of you (the ones I know) ah well. I'm sitting here reading wondering who has the biggest problem - the OP or you all for hounding her. I've sat through with some of you when your on your 'poor me' pity boughts as some people have accused to OP of. Just because you haven't brought it on the forum doesn't mean you've never done it. Shit - I'VE done it in the past when I hit rock bottom.

I lubs ya darlin but this is laughable. YOU rarely sugar coat your advice and have come down pretty hard on some. Someone comes for advice, we give it.

I don't believe you should sugar coat it lushy. I don't believe that this has anything to do with sugar coating and all to do with exasperation. But when people get exasperated the best thing they can do is switch off.
And I never give out 'advice' lushy - I really want to put that out there. This isn't 'Dear Deirdre' or some other cheap sunday advice column in your local news, this is a discussion forum. Anyone giving advice should be avoided. People giving opinions and what they would do or did or have done is different. Talk about the different options, sure, but that's pretty much it.

I loves ya too.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 119

RE: Deeply Troubled - 1/2/2009 2:35:16 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ALAstella

Having gone through the thread I still stand by what I say.. but...

I'm still prepared to help the OP. I have family in Toronto and am prepared to ask them for their support as part of my offer. I can't make promises but I'm prepared to try.

I have gone through a similar situation to the OP and have come out the other side successfully. I am aware of not just the depression (I still have my depression), the isolation, loneliness, but also the fear. I wasn't being negative, just up front and honest.

This isn't an easy situation, and the solution sure isn't going to be easy, but this doesn't mean that it's not worth trying. All I know is that there must be one way out of this situation. There was a way out for me, and I'm sure that there must be somewhere a solution for Aszhrae.

I therefore leave it open for Aszhrae to contact me however which means if she feels the need to take me up on my offer and reach out for some support and help.

No deadlines.. any time will do.

Aww honey, you're the best.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to ALAstella)

Post #: 120

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