Mistress ... Please Tell (Full Version)

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seaturtle50 -> Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 8:51:25 PM)

Would you please be so kind to offer your opinion/advise on how long a potential sub should wait after sending a request to be considered by a Domme?

I should say I am completly new here. I saw her profile, and found myself captivated by her. I sent a very brief (not a one liner lol) request to her on the 29th. Later that day, I felt that I could have been much more detailed and polite (i mean I knew I was capable of both) and so I then sent her a rather, long, most respectful request. Telling her about myself and my motivation where she was concerned.

In that message I asked her to consider me as a potential sub to her, provided that we both felt that was a possibility after getting to know one another.

I saw that she read my messages early on the 30th. I have of course been fighting myself all day to not send another.

My question is: Should I patiently wait? Should I at some point let her know that I am longing to hear from her and am quite sincere? If so When? Should I do nothing if she does not reply?

I do not expect anything from her. I am just kind of excited, and also scared of the possabilities if she does reply.

(I feel like a little kid on Christmas eve righ now, but like the feeling ;-)

Please advise me as you are moved to do so, kind Dommes.

Thank you very much

seaturtle



Misstoyou -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 9:10:51 PM)

seaturtle, I might suggest that the delay in her reply, or whether she replies at all, might be in response to you self-identifying as Dominant. If this was in error, and you correct your profile, that mght be worth another message.



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 9:16:08 PM)

Ditto on the issue with your profile saying you are a Dom. It's also the holidays - people are crazy busy.

In general, however, I'd suggest waiting a week, then a short email asking her if she'd like to correspond is appropriate. No response to that? Then she's effectively said "no thank you", and you let it go.




EarthGoddess52 -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 9:16:59 PM)

I would say that a prospective partner, Domme or sub, should at least acknowledge a letter within a day or two. That would be the decent, respectful thing to do. Collarme makes that pretty easy with their auomated replies. They could then write a more extensive reply "shortly" thereafter.
I understand your anxiety in waiting for an answer one way or the other. At least that way you know where you stand, especially after you know that they read your letter. Believe Me, I know how frustrating it can be: I've written to submissives who sounded promising and not received a reply.
Try to be patient (a very noble virtue to hone)

theEarthGoddess



seaturtle50 -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 9:33:31 PM)

Thank you all very much. You are so very kind.

I must admit, Miss Marie, and Ms. Sonnet Marwood, your knowing comments have me going through a life-changing internal struggle right now.

I have been Dom, I have always been Dom to the outside world, but as I try to convince myself beyond doubt that my profile is honest and accurate, that I could only surrender myself as a sub to that oh so very rare woman - one in a million it seems - all of these thoughts and memories of past moments flood into my mind. One after another.

I am terrified ;-)

michael




subfever -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 9:36:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

seaturtle, I might suggest that the delay in her reply, or whether she replies at all, might be in response to you self-identifying as Dominant. If this was in error, and you correct your profile, that mght be worth another message.


In addition to listing himself as a Dominant, he also goes on to seek all of the following:

Dominant Women
Submissive Women
Switch Women
Dom/Dom Couples
Sub/Sub Couples
Femdom Couples
Male-Dom Couples

So, whether intentional or not, his profile suggests that he'll pretty much take anything that gives.

Of course, it's also possible that his profile may have nothing to do with the object of his affection's silence.



seaturtle50 -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 9:45:52 PM)

subfever, I am interested in meeting and getting to know people form all of those groups.

It is my hope and intention however to meet only one woman, and for that to develop into a RL LT relationship. I hope one that may last a lifetime, but life shall tell me her secrets in time.

michael



subfever -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 9:53:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EarthGoddess52

I would say that a prospective partner, Domme or sub, should at least acknowledge a letter within a day or two. That would be the decent, respectful thing to do... <excerpt>

theEarthGoddess


Decent and respectful indeed. However, in my experience here, even after polite and well-composed approaches, I've also received far more ignores than acknowledgments.

There was a time when I let ignores bother me, but not anymore. I've come to realize that first of all, a good percentage of the profilers here are not who they represent themselves to be to begin with. Secondly, even if the profiler is who she represents herself to be, if she doesn't have the common decency to send me a brief acknowledgment of my message within a few days after reading it, she's not likely to be the type of woman that I'd be compatible with for the long haul anyway.

So now I just laugh off the ignores.



subfever -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 10:02:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: seaturtle50

subfever, I am interested in meeting and getting to know people form all of those groups.

It is my hope and intention however to meet only one woman, and for that to develop into a RL LT relationship. I hope one that may last a lifetime, but life shall tell me her secrets in time.

michael


I noticed that the essay portion of your profile is still under review. Perhaps you've explained your interest in meeting and getting to know people from all of those groups, but that you hope to eventually settle with a special Domme into a LTR.

If not, you might want to consider doing so. IMHO... your profile's current form has the potential to send wrong messages.

Good luck in your search!



seaturtle50 -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 10:10:47 PM)

I made it very clear to her that I expect nothing from her, by way of my unsolicited request. That even to know that she viewed my words with her stunning vision was sufficient for me.

I am not concerned if she denies me, no matter if it is done in a response, or by no response at all. I have thanked her already for providing an opportunity and a way for me to even communicate with her, to tell her of my percieved need. That in itself a measure of her graciousness, as far as I am concerned.

My original question, to the kind Dommes that may choose to reply to it, was with regard to guidance as to my next step in the process.

I am longing to send her another message. Yet, I do not want to burden her in any way, nor do I wish to present myself to her in a bad light. So I have asked for this guidance.

In my experience, I would not presume to expect or require anything from a Domme, unless she were kind enough to ask my opinion, my wishes and desires, in regard to something. Then I would of course also feel quite honored.

If I thought that I was qualified to know what she should do (or what I should do for that matter) I do not think I would be approaching her with the proper attitude. My initial contact to her was not contingent on her acceptance of my offer. not in any way.

Please understand subfever, I am not and do not consider myself a dormat. I do however consider women to be entirely beautiful and superior. And gracious. (I love that part). This is really just about me admitting that to one (for the very first time in my life)

Thans again for your input.

michael



seaturtle50 -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 10:21:47 PM)

Yes, I have done my best to explain my Dom/sub feelings and what I am seeking in the text protion of my porfile.

However, after hearing from Miss Marie, and Ms. Sonnet Marwood, I am currently going through some soul searching and may change everything entirely as a result.

it must be true (my sub feelings) as I am truly terrified to "admit" them, all alone, by themselves.

[8D]



subfever -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 10:29:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: seaturtle50

I made it very clear to her that I expect nothing from her, by way of my unsolicited request. That even to know that she viewed my words with her stunning vision was sufficient for me.

I am not concerned if she denies me, no matter if it is done in a response, or by no response at all. I have thanked her already for providing an opportunity and a way for me to even communicate with her, to tell her of my percieved need. That in itself a measure of her graciousness, as far as I am concerned.

My original question, to the kind Dommes that may choose to reply to it, was with regard to guidance as to my next step in the process.

I am longing to send her another message. Yet, I do not want to burden her in any way, nor do I wish to present myself to her in a bad light. So I have asked for this guidance.

In my experience, I would not presume to expect or require anything from a Domme, unless she were kind enough to ask my opinion, my wishes and desires, in regard to something. Then I would of course also feel quite honored.

If I thought that I was qualified to know what she should do (or what I should do for that matter) I do not think I would be approaching her with the proper attitude. My initial contact to her was not contingent on her acceptance of my offer. not in any way.

Please understand subfever, I am not and do not consider myself a dormat. I do however consider women to be entirely beautiful and superior. And gracious. (I love that part). This is really just about me admitting that to one (for the very first time in my life)

Thans again for your input.

michael


You didn't ask me for my suggestions or opinions here, so I've probably said enough already.

But I'm curious about something. You seem to have gone through some recent changes. What brought you to the point of admitting to women's beauty, superiority, and graciousness for the very first time?

If you prefer to continue this privately, you may write me

I might even share more things I've learned about profilers on this site... [;)]

[Mod Note: Email address deleted. Personal contact info is not allowed in the forums]



AAkasha -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 10:36:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: seaturtle50

I made it very clear to her that I expect nothing from her, by way of my unsolicited request. That even to know that she viewed my words with her stunning vision was sufficient for me.

I am not concerned if she denies me, no matter if it is done in a response, or by no response at all. I have thanked her already for providing an opportunity and a way for me to even communicate with her, to tell her of my percieved need. That in itself a measure of her graciousness, as far as I am concerned.

My original question, to the kind Dommes that may choose to reply to it, was with regard to guidance as to my next step in the process.

I am longing to send her another message. Yet, I do not want to burden her in any way, nor do I wish to present myself to her in a bad light. So I have asked for this guidance.

In my experience, I would not presume to expect or require anything from a Domme, unless she were kind enough to ask my opinion, my wishes and desires, in regard to something. Then I would of course also feel quite honored.

If I thought that I was qualified to know what she should do (or what I should do for that matter) I do not think I would be approaching her with the proper attitude. My initial contact to her was not contingent on her acceptance of my offer. not in any way.

Please understand subfever, I am not and do not consider myself a dormat. I do however consider women to be entirely beautiful and superior. And gracious. (I love that part). This is really just about me admitting that to one (for the very first time in my life)

Thans again for your input.

michael


You might want to bring it down a couple of notches. Just like vanilla people can "fall in love with the idea of falling in love" (and scare away a potential partner by being way overly infatuated) a "new sub" can become way too infatuated with the fantasy of a femdom and communicate with her in a way that makes her think "ok this guy is way too wrapped up in his own dream domme."

The best way to approach a femdom is like you would approach a woman -- polite, classy, charming, engaging. Don't pour too much of the subbiness on or act like you worship the ground she walks on sight unseen. Femdoms get that all the time and it starts to become insincere.

Femdoms want to be treated like a lady first and foremost, not just a femdom. At least that's what I've found (and what I prefer).

Akasha



seaturtle50 -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 10:39:35 PM)

I am sorry if I am confusing you. I have not admitted or realized women's beauty, superiority, and graciousness for the very first time ... I have been keenly aware of these things all of my life. From my very first recollections. Always.

What I was trying to say - is that this is the first time in my life that I have approached a woman and admitted my understanding and knowledge of these things directly to her. Admitted my desire to be considered, to become a complete sub to her. To humble myself before a woman in such a way.

I am really not interested in your offer of "telling me about the posters" here, as that would deny me the fun and adventure of figuring such things out for myself.

I tend to be extremly intuative, and am capable of finding my way. Thanks for the kind offer though.

michael



seaturtle50 -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 10:43:25 PM)

Thank you AAkasha,

Yes, you pegged me there. Her photo moved me so, that I am afraid that I probably did overdo it. Guilty as charged.

I will take the prior advise to wait a week and then try again, in my "normal" voice.

Although I did "pour it on" a bit (a lot [&:]) I was perfectly sincere the entire time.

Thank you again

michael



subfever -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 10:54:29 PM)


quote:


You might want to bring it down a couple of notches. Just like vanilla people can "fall in love with the idea of falling in love" (and scare away a potential partner by being way overly infatuated) a "new sub" can become way too infatuated with the fantasy of a femdom and communicate with her in a way that makes her think "ok this guy is way too wrapped up in his own dream domme."

The best way to approach a femdom is like you would approach a woman -- polite, classy, charming, engaging. Don't pour too much of the subbiness on or act like you worship the ground she walks on sight unseen. Femdoms get that all the time and it starts to become insincere.

Femdoms want to be treated like a lady first and foremost, not just a femdom. At least that's what I've found (and what I prefer).

Akasha


Michael, I don't think you'll find any better advice than this... [:)]



seaturtle50 -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 11:12:03 PM)

Yes, I agree totally.

Wish I knew that a few days ago lol. Should have come here and asked before i posted my messages to her, (If one could ever had "should have" anything).

Well, we shall see what we see. At least it proves my glaring need for the loving guidance of a Domme [8|]




veronicaofML -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/2/2006 11:22:10 PM)

welllllll lets see.
it took me a year for the 1st domme.
and another year to find the 2nd domme.

after contact...uh...maybe...a month of talks just to see if we could click...
maybe 3 - 4 months total talking before i came here.

am i helping?



seaturtle50 -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/3/2006 12:03:33 AM)

Yes VeronicaofML,

Reality is a very helpful thing. thanks [:D]

michael



FTopinMichigan -> RE: Mistress ... Please Tell (1/3/2006 3:27:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: seaturtle50

Would you please be so kind to offer your opinion/advise on how long a potential sub should wait after sending a request to be considered by a Domme?

<snip>

In that message I asked her to consider me as a potential sub to her, provided that we both felt that was a possibility after getting to know one another.

<snip>

My question is: Should I patiently wait? Should I at some point let her know that I am longing to hear from her and am quite sincere? If so When? Should I do nothing if she does not reply?


If a "Dominant" man sends an initial introductory e-mail to me, and blindly (without even meeting me, or even knowing my name) "offers" to be my "sub"...I'm probably not going to consider further correspondence with him, let alone meeting him. (I did notice the change in the profile, to indicate the sub desire...and that's good to see now, but realize she probably saw your "other" profile.)

To me, the man that offers to serve/submit blindly... is a man that will serve ANYONE. He's not looking to serve "me," or be my partner, as much as he's looking to satisfy his own desires. He doesn't know me, so how can he be ready to give of himself, by just reading my profile? Any woman will do then, as I see it. Hardly attractive, in my eyes.

It helps if the man has the desire to serve that specific woman, because he knows her, and her desires, and that his match hers. It's not all about what he wants, in spite of so many thinking that way. [:@]

I also feel it shows a bit of a lack of self confidence in the man, to be prepared to offer himself to a complete stranger. Almost creepy to me. (Just how "I' feel, though, as I don't know if others might agree.)

You've already sent her two e-mails. If she hasn't responded...well, she's either not intersted, or far too busy enjoying the holidays. Give it time, but don't get pushy. Perhaps after a week, you might send her a note to indicate you've updated your profile to better reflect your interests.
K



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