|
Mercnbeth -> RE: First time BDSM club advice (1/3/2006 11:08:29 AM)
|
quote:
Also, while i know everyone is new at some point, i would hate to offend with my behavior. I'm a well behaved sub so i know i wouldn't do anything purposefully offensive, but for example, would it be considered rude if Master and i only watched and socialized the first time at a club? Would we be considered gawkers?
types girl,
My beth provided a nice general overview of "club play". Let me try to give you some insight and maybe some comfort regarding these questions.
Worrying about being a "gawker" is the same as worrying about your weight, costume, or appearance; it will matter more to you than anyone in attendance. Think of it in the same terms as a high school dance. Early in the evening the dance floor maybe empty but by the end of the night everyone is out there raising their hands to the tune of "CELEBRATE Good Times - COME ON!!....It's a celebration!!" Okay, I know the reference dates me, but the point is relax. Play - don't play, just enjoy the experience. In fact, I'd suggest to you the same as beth & I suggest when we escort people and couples to clubs; plan on NOT playing. So far we are pleased to report that this advise has been ignored 100% of the time! The reason? You quickly realize that nobody is "taking notes" of what you are doing. No one cares what you look like or what you are doing, qualified to say that you are following the "house rules". By the way, usually you are not only required to read and sign a statement that you understand and will observe the rules, but they are usually posted in and around the club. The atmosphere is so electric and erotic, that it's difficult to not join in the fun.
"Joining the fun", raises you other concern. quote:
i would hate to have to tell another couple, for example, to wait a few minutes while Master and I slip off to discuss something that we hadn't anticipated if it can be avoided. Isn't it better to plan, experience, and then discuss afterward?
With this being the first time for both of you anticipate not planning for every situation that comes up. BDSM clubs are NOT swingers clubs, contrary to what's assumed. Having been to both, we've never felt pressed at either venue, but swingers are more touchy feely. BDSM club attendees have exhibited more respect for protocol. The rule; "Only play and touch the toys that you brought with you unless you have been given expressed permission"; extends to human "toys". Your scene will be controlled by your Master. It's unusual (Never happened to us) for someone to go up to him during a scene and ask to join.
Most clubs have social areas where you get to chat with others. Some people maintain very high protocol but most are "just people". Your Master should introduce himself and you by the name you want to be called. In our case, it's our first names, without the "lord", "master" or any prefix title. The reason is, I am only "Master" to beth, it's only important that she refer to me in that manner. Sure some submissives refer to me as "master" but in my case, I correct them. If their Master/Mistress require titles be used, I ask that they use "sir" if need be, but not master. beth addresses people in the manner they are introduced, formally until given permission to do otherwise. That's my rule; yours should be between you and your Master.
If people weren't wearing leather or in various stage of undress and/or naked with crop marks on their ass, you could be socializing as you would as Starbucks. Remember your Master is your Master not every other submissive in attendance. Similarly you are his slave and no one else's. If during conversation you felt you had to discuss something between the two of you outside of earshot of the person making the request - do so! Maybe it will be a situation where you've witness someone do an incredible single tail scene and your Master has no experience. If you happen to get into a conversation with the expert, he may offer you the chance to experience it yourself, while, in exchange your Master gets to play with his submissive. Now you may have gone in with the idea that you would NEVER do this but now it seems like fun. Talking it over is a good idea. Sure your Master has the ultimate "right" but as I say, if you just met someone would you throw him the keys to your Lamborghini if he asked for them? My slave is worth much more than any car to me. It isn't a insult to be denied access.
Here's an idea you can use in this situation. Although beth and I never used safe-words during play, when we first started to attend public parties I gave her one to say in the event that she was being "overloaded" or overwhelmed by what was occurring around her. When we met, I had been attending public clubs for many years. she had no experience and was VERY innocent and naive. I see she remembers the "don't point & try not to giggle" rule but just as important was making sure that the first experiences weren't too traumatic for her. I told her that if she felt she couldn't take it or had to leave, she was to say; "i have to call my mom she wasn't feeling well this morning." (Truth be told, I forgot exactly what word/phase I told her, but we had one!) That type of neutral comment in public wouldn't be noticed for it's real intent, and it made us both more comfortable early in the relationship when my ability to "read" her wasn't as developed.
The best plan to have is to plan on having FUN! Whatever that definition is for the both of you. Keep your mind open to the fact that the definition may change during the evening.
Good LUCK! ENJOY!! And as beth requested, please report back.
|
|
|
|
