When people know you

When people know you (Full Version)

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Notanaddict -> When people know you (1/3/2006 9:03:14 AM)
do u at times feel it uncomfortable talking to people u later realize is close with someone in your vanilla life that u don't necassarily wanna share your lifestyle with? I can't stand it when i'm getting reckognized by people I have no idea where i have met them, not only on this site but any other site.. it freaks me out that people i do not know, knows me... but i don't wanna remove my pic, i'm just whinging really... sorry

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: When people know you (1/3/2006 9:08:24 AM)
Oh it can be weird to have to rearrange the lines of connection. For example my local partners new roommate is good friends/casual partners with someone who is now the main sweetheart of one of my ex's. But that's what happens when you stick in one place long enough. As long as everyone is adult enough to deal with it, then you can move on. Don't out other people to other people. If you're worried, then you should talk to the scene person about it directly, making them aware of the connection and asking for their discretion to the vanilla people.

wolffeathers -> RE: When people know you (1/3/2006 9:13:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Notanaddict do u at times feel it uncomfortable talking to people u later realize is close with someone in your vanilla life that u don't necassarily wanna share your lifestyle with? I can't stand it when i'm getting reckognized by people I have no idea where i have met them, not only on this site but any other site.. it freaks me out that people i do not know, knows me... but i don't wanna remove my pic, i'm just whinging really... sorry I find the best way around this problem is through communication. Tell them "Don't talk to so and so", or "please don't repeat this" yadda yadda yadda. Your vanilla friends may be more open minded then you think. If you feel someone else is going to talk to them about it, you may wish to do so yourself.

sub4hire -> RE: When people know you (1/3/2006 10:16:51 AM)
quote: do u at times feel it uncomfortable talking to people u later realize is close with someone in your vanilla life that u don't necassarily wanna share your lifestyle with? I can't stand it when i'm getting reckognized by people I have no idea where i have met them, not only on this site but any other site.. it freaks me out that people i do not know, knows me... Well, I have no one in my vanilla life nor professional life who doesn't know the lifestyle I am in. The only person it hasn't been spelled out to is my father. My mother was his slave, so just don't feel the need. He knows how Doug and I, react towards one another. I've been recognized since I was a child. So, that doesn't bother me at all.

HoosierScorpio -> RE: When people know you (1/3/2006 1:20:21 PM)
I know what you mean but need not act so freaked out when they do for you will be giving signals who you are with you have something to hide. They will try to dig a little deeper to find out what it is. One time I ran across some one who I saw in the lifestyle in public and that person was a person. All I said was did I see you at this bar which at the time had a fetish night. I did not say any thing but the bar and the person quickly tried to cut what I had to say short because she was with some one who was vanilla. I saw the person acted like that was strange for her to do that. I later saw the young again at an event and told her do not worry I would not let any thing slip. Remember if some one sees you who you know say I saw your picture some were then you need to say what you were doing on that site? Good Luck

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: When people know you (1/3/2006 1:22:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HoosierScorpio Remember if some one sees you who you know say I saw your picture some were then you need to say what you were doing on that site? Good Luck Best thing to do if you see someone kinky in a vanilla setting and don't know them well is to wave and say hi. Their response will let you know whether it's ok to go further or just let it go.

IrishMist -> RE: When people know you (1/3/2006 1:43:22 PM)
I have no problem with it at all, maybe because I really could care less what people think about me. And then there's the fact that if someone wants to know, and asks me...I tell them the truth. I will admit though, I have never met someone at a party whom I knew outside the 'lifestyle' (I hate that word). If I did, I would probably hug them and tell them it's about time lol.

Notanaddict -> RE: When people know you (1/3/2006 1:53:58 PM)
in one particular case its someone who has already spread lies about me to my ex amongst others and i can just imagine what this will bring... next thing i know i can the police on my door called in by my ex because my life may be in danger because I let random people come to my place and beat me up or something worse.. (for the record...I don't)

IrishMist -> RE: When people know you (1/3/2006 1:56:26 PM)
Oh...darn...dealing with ex'es...that's different...now I understand your concern

MasterHyde -> RE: When people know you (1/3/2006 3:12:39 PM)
This doesn't bother me as much as it does others. I've made a conscious decision to be open about who I am, and not to let anyone make me feel ashamed for it. To wit, I have had the discussion with most of my family members, and almost all of my friends are either kinky themselves or accept that I am. Anyone who has a problem with it has no place in my life. Even my employer knows about it, and since he knew me personally long before he asked me to come work for him, I don't have any concerns there. I realize this isn't possible for everyone, but I seriously recommend to people that you try wherever you can to be open, honest, and unashamed about your sexual preference. It's high time that the people who give us shit were made to feel uncomfortable, instead of them making us uncomfortable. I'm not saying shock the vanillas. But as more of us can stand tall and proud, the easier it's going to be for others to do so. Little by little, brick by brick, we can knock down the walls and get more people to accept us for who we are. Will everyone accept us? Probably not, but if we can turn the numbers around, it will be harder for those who don't to practice discrimination that denies us our rights to live free and pursue happiness in our own way.

Sensualips -> RE: When people know you (1/3/2006 3:18:23 PM)
I have had that happen a few times (more with the swinger stuff) and it was awkward but easily moved through. My bigger problem came when a very "out" casual acquaintance of mine just never seemed to know when he had said enough around my sister or vanilla friends. They have an idea but they do NOT want details...nor do I feel like sharing them. He wasn't intending to cause discomfort -- he was just so open it did not occur to him when to stop, even though we discussed it. We spoke about it but those situations did not come up frequently so it was not a big issue.

sweetpettjenny -> RE: When people know you (1/3/2006 3:32:26 PM)
i personally don't flaunt my choice as a slave to Master, although ive been known to call him Sir or Master in front of friends , kids , and outside of the home. if someone recognizes this oh well....

Petruchio -> RE: When people know you (1/3/2006 4:27:15 PM)
I compartmentalize and work hard to keep my very private life private. It was kind of funny, though, a few years ago when a girl sub I had been casually chatting with moved next door with her boyfriend and I knew things he didn't!

Gomez -> RE: When people know you (1/3/2006 5:09:37 PM)
I am who I am, and if vanilla people that I know don't like it (which is hardly any), they know to say something to me. But at no stage will I try to hide who and what I am. I have generally found that if you are straight-forward with vanilla friends from the start saying who you are, they accept it and remain good friends or on the other side of the coin, bail and call you a freak! Generally, most vanilla people will ask questions and/or accept it and move on.

Notanaddict -> RE: When people know you (1/3/2006 6:37:53 PM)
I don't hide what I like... Unfortunatly I am more of an over sharer.. but the problem here is my oversharing to someone who has already told lies... I have no idea what to prepare for and i still want her, its INSANE

brightspot -> RE: When people know you (1/4/2006 1:54:03 AM)
I have had to deal with some of the same situations and can understand what your feeling. Some exe's are really hard to shake, but if you know it's really over, a clean break is what I find works best. Eventually you will be able to move on with a healing heart. And then those damn trouble makers that just love to gossip and spead ugliness, I try to let Karma do it's thing. Hang in there, welcome to the board's! *Brightspot

Focus50 -> RE: When people know you (1/4/2006 2:35:56 AM)
While I freely post my pic on sites, I'm not in the habit of explaining my Dominant sexuality to anyone outside of the lifestyle. If someone found my pic, I wouldn't deny, either - but I still wouldn't explain! Such is the power of search engines, I don't even mention BDSM or related terms to nillas. I'm not the least bit ashamed of my needs in a partner or relationship but I've still got better things to do than explain my choices to the ignorant or nosey. While I've never been "busted", I've been around long enough to not get freaked out about it, either! I won't complain but I don't explain.... You're much younger, you probably just need time to be comfortable with your own self and choices.... [:)] Focus.

Focus50 -> RE: When people know you (1/4/2006 2:44:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross For example my local partners new roommate is good friends/casual partners with someone who is now the main sweetheart of one of my ex's. That's easy for you to say! I think I worked it out.... I think? <head hurts sooo much> Focus.

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