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RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/2/2009 9:49:38 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I have had success on a site other than here. But its not very religious. Its a sex and swinger site called Adultfriendfinder. I have found my current partner there and one that I saw when we were broken up for a few months.

_____________________________

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(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 41

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/2/2009 9:53:13 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

Hermione,

You are looking for something very specific, as am I.

Not all men are looking for a Christian virgin submissive in your case and not all men are looking for a fat submissive in my case. I have been here something like 4 years and have met some people and even had a short term relationship but not what I seek yet. That's ok, I don't think because I haven't met anyone in x amount of time that I never will. If you want to limit yourself feel free, but you don't sound terribly happy about it to me.

You can try okcupid, but again what you are seeking is specific and not every Tom, Dick and Dom is going to be looking for the same thing.

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 42

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/2/2009 10:07:07 PM

hermione83

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

)gl moonvine ty =

(in reply to moonvine)

Post #: 43

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/2/2009 10:34:55 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

http://search.live.com/results.aspx?q=christian+bdsm&src=IE-SearchBox

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 44

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 12:26:35 AM

miranda151

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/2/2009
Status: offline

try FetLife.com

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 45

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 12:35:07 AM

DerangedPleasure

Posts: 8
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: utopicus

The first new year resolution should be: no new year resolutions... Especially those ones that depend your happiness on.
It would be advisable not to restrict your entire universe upon an illusion - finding somebody, and finding somebody by all means. You are very young (some might say you have not started your life yet) and your entire life lays at your feet - it is a matter of patience and perseverance to succeed in your expectations.
It should not be dependant upon a site that you find somebody with whom to spend your life. Try to socialise, have friends, go out and live, live your life. When time is right you will find somebody, but only when the intricate mechanism of universe "conspires" in your favour, so do not push things to happen, because they will not - you will only grow unhappier.
In interim, try and analyse yourself, find out who you are and what you want from life; thus, you will know that the person you meet is destined for you.
Good luck and be positive!

I wanted so badly to tell hermione something along these lines but I couldnt quite put the words togeather... Very well put utopicus, you seem wiser than most.

(in reply to utopicus)

Post #: 46

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 12:41:39 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

Hermione
Please realize that you are starting with a very small pool of people and then whittling it down even further. You require:
1. a Christian Dom
2. who is a virgin
3. who is within your stated age range
4. who doesn't have or want children
5. who is looking for a sub who is completely dependent
6. who is willing to play "white knight" and play to your fantasies of a perfect love
7. who is willing to take on a sub who, in your words, is unhealthy physically and mentally and looks/ feels dead
8. who will "find" you with no effort on your part

Do I need to go on here?

On top of that, you are imposing a time schedule for said white knight finding you and, if time's up and you have to stand on your own two feet for awhile, you will no longer be a submissive?? WTF?

I feel for you, Hermione, but you really need to let go of the fairy tales, get your head out of the clouds, and realize that both life and love are more complicated than the happy-ever-after romance you think will somehow find you, with no effort on your part and on your self-imposed time schedule. Please understand that the more rigid your requirements, the longer it will take to find the one who will meet them. Submissives and Doms alike sometimes search for years to find a good match and, in the meantime, they live their lives- making friends, going to work, getting paid, standing on their own two feet. Putting your life on hold while waiting for a virginal white knight Dominant who will sweep you off your feet and solve all your problems just isn't reality, no matter what site you are on.

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 47

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 12:56:41 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

100% agree with WyldHrt!

As someone who is also looking, I've found out the hard way how to attract Doms rather than hunt them...

First is profile. Make it fun and interesting to read. Make someone WANT to read it and then WANT to contact you. A list of demands overlaid with a sense of desperation is not going to do the trick.

Second is attitude. You have a very negative view on life at the moment. Why would anyone want to take that on? I consciously avoid Dom profiles that whine on about how they've been dumped or how many fakes there are on this side, precisely because I don't want to be with a negative person.

Third is compromise. We can't get everything we want, when we want it. You may have to 'give' a little in your criteria. Maybe someone a little older or a little younger. Relaxing the rigidity and you widen the search pool.

Fourth is review what you know about submission. There is a chasm between 'submissive' and 'dependent'. I'm submissive, but I happily run my own home, life and career. When I find the right Dom I'm sure he'll want me to continue to run my own career and certain parts of my life, but will want to take over management of the rest. I will be partly dependent on him, but not entirely, and to be honest I haven't found any Dom out there who wants to take 24/7 micromanagement control of a sub.

Any relationship, if it is going to work, consists of two people. Your Dom will not be infallible - he's human, after all. Every now and then he'll ask your opinion. He may give you responsibility to take care of some part of his/your life. He may need to depend on you for whatever reason, and you will need to be strong enough to do that.

Good luck with your search, and I hope you get the person you need, even if that's not necessarily the person you think you want right now.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 48

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 1:01:33 AM

PainPup2

Posts: 12
Joined: 7/13/2008
Status: offline

fet life sucks i think Alt.com or Bondage ,com is much better

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 49

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 1:06:18 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

*adores Myo...*

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 50

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 1:39:54 AM

ThatDaveGuy69

Posts: 978
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Am I the only person who's Troll Alert went off after reading the OP's profile?

But, giving the benefit of the doubt...
Herm: you will change over time. So will any person you meet. Every relationship has an amount of give & take and partners must be willing to be tolerant of each other's "faults".

You're not looking for Mr. Right - you're looking for Mr. Perfection! And as any woman here can tell you: he simply does not exist :D

And as for your list of "demands": it doesn't seem very likely you'll find everything you're looking for in a person.

I understand your reluctance to go out and mingle. But I gotta tell ya: it's far more interesting than sitting -alone- in front of a monitor all night long.

Some other points:
You've never had an orgasm? That's not just sad - it's downright criminal! Get yourself the infamous Hitachi Magic Wand and learn to control your body. If you don't know your body responds to certain stimuli then you will never be a very satisfying - or satisfied - lover.

Lighten up on your list of qualifications. You're not advertising for job! Yes, you DO need a set of guidelines, but you are really just making excuses why every guy in the world is wrong for you. You truly need to be more flexible. And always remember: variety is the spice of life.

Have you considered therapy for your self-image issues? I supsect you'll reject the notion out of hand as being only for crazy people, but again, try broadening your horizons and thinking outside your cozy little boundaries.

In any case, best of luck.

~Dave

_____________________________

He said I'd blown a seal. I said fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of this!
What happens in the event horizon STAYS in the Event Horizon!
I have zero tolerance for Zero Tolerance

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 51

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 2:09:27 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

*adores Myo...*

(psssst...it's mutual....)

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 52

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 2:55:32 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDevlin

Anyone who claims to be a Dominant male and a virgin at age 25 is a fucking liar. Can't happen.

For some reason I had thought you were some kid making outlandish statements however I just checked your profile .... yikes

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to MrDevlin)

Post #: 53

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 3:38:10 AM

bamagirl4u

Posts: 151
Joined: 12/25/2008
Status: offline

You are very young to be set in your ways, but, I can understand your frustration to a point. Combining everything you are looking for and then actually finding it, well, it can seem a little overwhelming. There is no shame in being a virgin or a Christian. (I am just going by the others responses, I haven't read your profile yet), but it would be a shame to give it all up over a new year's resolution. As for the orgasm, you don't need to penetrate to have one, go buy a simple basic vibrator and put it on your clit--well.....that works for me anyways...

I wish you the best of luck, but please, open your mind to the possibility that it may not happen this year and if it doesn't that is okay. If you don't give up you will find Him when you are least looking.

_____________________________

~Don't settle for the One you can live with~~Wait for the One you can't live without.~
~To thine own self be true~~no compromise.~

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 54

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 3:41:46 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

Putting your life on hold while waiting for a virginal white knight Dominant who will sweep you off your feet and solve all your problems just isn't reality, no matter what site you are on.

i agree. Lighten up on your requirements or you will one day find yourself at the end of a very lonely life.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 55

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 3:48:18 AM

Carmeldelight

Posts: 139
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline

Listen, any where you go there are jerks in this world. You have to take your time when Looking for a Dom...a lot of men here as well as women are just trolling. If you meet a Dom and he feels that you should call him Sir on the first meeeting...tell him to Kiss your Ass. You never call a Dom Sir on the First meeting. If the Dom wants you to pay for the meal when you first meet again tell him to kiss your ass. You are always a lady, let him pay for the meal. Some men feel that if you are a subbie you can be walked overBefore he can become your Dom you first start off in a Val relationship. That is where I see some of the subbies make their mistake. Try going to munches to meet furture Dom, just don't stay on the net looking.

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 56

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 3:56:52 AM

Carmeldelight

Posts: 139
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline

P.s. Keep your standards…it will take you a while, but you will find the Dom of your dreams. Again I stress to you to start going to munches, Black Rose events, Paddles. These are some of the clubs here in New York and one of the events I plan to attend this year. Dating or being with someone who is not of you caliber will only make you miserable

(in reply to Carmeldelight)

Post #: 57

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 4:01:30 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

Hermione
Please realize that you are starting with a very small pool of people and then whittling it down even further. You require:
1. a Christian Dom
2. who is a virgin
3. who is within your stated age range
4. who doesn't have or want children
5. who is looking for a sub who is completely dependent
6. who is willing to play "white knight" and play to your fantasies of a perfect love
7. who is willing to take on a sub who, in your words, is unhealthy physically and mentally and looks/ feels dead
8. who will "find" you with no effort on your part

OP, Wylds list if your demands is spot on! Just reading it brought to mind a point or two i would like to make.
You are judging (or prepared to judge) a Dom based on his past. You want (demand) a virgin...so what you are saying to the Dom is if he has had a relationship in the past, he is not good enough for you. Hell...if i met a Dom over the age of 25 who has NOT had a relationship i would seriously wonder what was wrong with him. And you claim to be of the Christian faith...so your acceptance of others and forgiveness comes into play...where?

You state you are unhealthy physically and mentally and look/feel dead. Oh yeah...those traits will have them pounding down your door! Forgive me for being blunt here...but get your shit together!! How do you expect to have a healthy relationship when you admit you yourself are not healthy? Are you counting on the virginal Dom to heal you? Please! Heal yourself before you even attempt to enter into a relationship. I seriously suggest counseling.

All in all...your requirements bellow "overblown ego!!" You want a Dom where you are the one and only... who will come riding in on his white horse and pick up his factured, unhealthy submissive. How he found you is a puzzle, since you are not willing to put forth any effort on your part. Perhaps you will just lay there like Snow White after she bit into the poisoned apple..sleeping until her prince finds her. Not only will he restore you health and happiness, but he will care for you and support you forever...

Brothers Grimm

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 1/3/2009 4:11:09 AM >

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 58

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 4:22:04 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

Hermione I have read other posts from you in the past and I wonder if you are setting yourself up for failure by having so many requirements that there is not going to be one person that can possibly fulfill all of them.....or at the very least it will take a lot longer than a year to find him.

You have mentioned a list of things you require from him....sorry to be so blunt but what is he going to get from you? If he has as long a list of requirements as you have the odds are ever more significantly decreased that two people who match will cross paths.

You have mentioned having difficulty in loving yourself in the past, I sincerely hope that is something that has got easier for you over time as it really is going to be difficult to find someone else to love you if you don't love yourself first (an old but true cliche).

For the record, I have found CM to be the most successful way of meeting bdsm'ers apart from going to munches and r/l events. I too found alt to be too full of appendages seeking a quick release (which was fine but not what I was looking for).

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 59

RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? - 1/3/2009 4:50:50 AM

IvyMorgan

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Carmeldelight

. If you meet a Dom and he feels that you should call him Sir on the first meeeting...tell him to Kiss your Ass. You never call a Dom Sir on the First meeting.

I must be doing it wrong then. Oops.

To the OP...

OKCupid found me a loverly person about 18/20 months ago now. We're still together.

Going out in a more vanilla (all be it to Kink Fest) setting found me the other parts of my relationship.

Informed Consent is an interesting place to meet people, but that's mostly UK based.

(in reply to Carmeldelight)

Post #: 60

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