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starting a potential cuckold dynamic - thoughts? - 1/2/2009 7:00:51 PM

musicalsub80

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I would love to hear some opinions and thoughts about my present situation.

I have been chatting online, by phone, and via cam with a dominant female off and on for a year now, and we're planning on meeting in person in the near future. Over time, she has been involved in both D/s and non-lifestyle "vanilla" relationships, and is currently in another "vanilla" relationship. We have discussed the cuckolding dynamic and the many themes that are commonly associated with such a relationship, but only in the hypothetical. (Of course, should things progress further, such discussions will absolutely need to become more concrete, serious, and very much in-depth.)

My question is, what are your thoughts on starting a D/s relationship or dynamic in such a situation? Do you think it is desireable that the D/s dynamic be established and solidified first, and only after that any non-lifestyle relationships be added to that dynamic (if this is possible); or, do you think it is realistically workable for the D/s dynamic to be overlayed on an existing (albeit new) non-lifestyle "vanilla" dynamic? Do you think this sequence alone would have a significant effect on the overall dynamic, the emotions, and the probability of success? (I use the word "vanilla" above in the sense that while the non-lifestyle "vanilla" partner here doesn't at present engage in D/s dynamics or play, the "vanilla" relationship would be nonetheless polyamously existing alongside a separate D/s relationship - arguable not a "vanilla" setup in the basic sense).

Of course, every individual situation will be different, and we risk stereotyping, but I would still nonetheless love to hear the thoughts of those who have foraged into this dynamic and have some experience to bring to the table.

Thank you for your thoughts! (I also posed this question in the polyamory section, but because of the cuckold subject matter it may also be appropriate here.)

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RE: starting a potential cuckold dynamic - thoughts? - 1/2/2009 9:25:46 PM

hereyesruponyou

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huh?

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RE: starting a potential cuckold dynamic - thoughts? - 1/2/2009 9:32:08 PM

VampiresLair

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The definition of a cuckold is the male and the female in question are in a relationship. Therefore, in order to even consider cuckolding... you need to be in a relationship with her. Until you get to that point, you cannot be her cuckold. You also have to be denied by her, but know of her other affairs. You do not need to watch, as most seem to assume, nor do you need to interact. The important aspects of being a cuckold are that you are in a relationship with her, and that you are denied for others who are not in a relationship with her, or in one that is as important or less so than yours. At best they are your relationship equal, but favored sexually, or worse they are simply kept around as sextoys so she doesnt need you.

First thing to establish is your relationship with her. You cannot envy what you have never had, and without envying the other men their conquests with her, you lose out on the most critical aspect of the cuckolding arrangement.

My opinion based on MY former cuck relationship.
DV

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Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

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RE: starting a potential cuckold dynamic - thoughts? - 1/2/2009 10:19:36 PM

musicalsub80

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Thanks for the guidance, DV. Easy to get caught up in the what-ifs this early on - stepping back and thinking about it in perspective is helpful.

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