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Padriag -> RE: The Arrogance behind dominants (1/7/2009 12:32:50 PM)
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I'm not sure if I can do justice to the concept. But there are different "kinds" of arrogance in the broad spectrum of human behavior. There is a time and a place for arrogance, as with most things (just as there is a time for love and also a time for hate, a time to forgive and a time for anger). I think often the problem is not arrogance itself, but arrogance when it is not appropriate or to whom it is not appropriate. Earlier I offered a simple parable that I don't think was fully understood, so I'll try restating it in more literal terms.
Imagine if you will the owner of a corporation, a wealthy and powerful business owner who wields a great deal of influence. Now also imagine a guy who works for the same corporation... in the mail room. Picture the corporate owner, dressed in a nice business suit, neatly groomed... he enters a room filled with people. He shakes hands and greats business associates and employees alike... but there is a cool arrogance about him, a slight disdain... he's their superior and they treat him with a degree of deference that he expects... even insists on. Now imagine the mail room worker enters the same room, he's dress in blue jeans, a t shirt, his hair is a little out of place... he tries the same cool arrogance, the same disdain... but rather than being given that deference he's mocked and treated with annoyance. It isn't hard to imagine, we can easily see the business owner's cool arrogance and sense of superiority being accepted... but we can just as easily imagine the mail room worker being treated with annoyance and derision for the same behavior. Why? Because in our society we accord rights and privileges to some that we do not to others. In society, a business owner who has become wealthy and powerful is believed to be entitled to that deference. A mail room worker is a nobody, they have not achieved as much in life and so that arrogance seems very inappropriate.
The same applies here in these forums. I and some other dominants here get away with a degree of arrogance regularly and are even at times applauded for it... why? Because we are regulars who have frequently contributed to the forums, who have demonstrated knowledge and wisdom, who have provided something of value to this online community.... and for that, we are accorded special treatment that another dominant posting for the first time will not receive... they haven't earned it yet.
Yet even among this "elite" group of forum members... there is a limit, a line not to be crossed. There are times when we must reign in that arrogance and show humility, compassion, understanding, tolerance, and forgiveness. For those of us that do so, who know when and how to respond appropriately, we are accorded still more respect. What is more, when our arrogance... that unbridled self confidence that comes boiling out of us... is once again on display, it is transformed into something else... it becomes a noble quality.
That is in part because we can be compassionate, we can be humble. It is also because we can demonstrate that most humane of qualities... sparing someone shame... and that too is noble.
The lesson in all this is that the question of arrogance in dominants is not a simple matter. In one person it will be seen as inappropriate, while in another it can become a noble quality. The reasons why are varied, but often involve the perception of how much the person has achieved, what they have accomplished, whether they have earned a right to that arrogance. Their overall character and their ability to be more than just arrogant... and at the right times, also figures into this prominently. But most importantly, it is always a question of knowing when a behavior is appropriate and when it is not... and for those who master that, much is given.
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