DommeBMFS
Posts: 14
Joined: 8/5/2005
Status: offline
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Hello A/all and Peace!
:) I am going to attempt to clear some things up for all of you that participated in either discussion. IF you will kindly read My thread, I DO acknowledge that there are THREE sides to every story...Mine, the other, and the TRUTH. Honesty is such a bitch-goddess, isn't She??? :)
In any case, I want ALL to know that I modified a couple of things on My profile and they STILL stand. First, the seeking female dominants to develop TRUST and discuss JUST such intimate matters with; and secondly, I added an excerpt about how freaking UNREALISTIC it is to expect anyone that has had tactile or sexual intercourse to be of NO risk. Also, take a closer look at My profile journal and realize that I do NOT claim to have a long line of EXPERIENCE, but KNOWLEDGE. I really do. I didn't change that. Look at My join date (there IS a join date, right?) and look at what I wrote in My journal, please ? Also, this sub got to meet another good kinky friend, My masseuse of a few months who offered himself as human furniture to Me and carried Me around like transportation. It was a fun relationship, but no real bdsm intimacy. As a matter of fact, I'm trying now to contact My sub male friend of 10 years so he and My sub and I can have a nice face-to-face. Only trouble is, he lives with My ex-best friend. I don't think I want to contact My old 'domme' friend as she is bi-sexual and didn't respect My limits, but tried to 'domme' Me. Uhhh, THOSE are the kind of dommes I would run the heck away from. And I did :) .
This experience brought those in this community that TRULY CARED out of the woodwork to private message us. And for this, I am grateful.
Maybe My approach was unconventional or 'wrong' in some people's eyes. What I care about is the outcome and the lesson. All will be well. I'm learning, he's learning. *sigh*
OK, now anyone who has ANY D/s SM OR BD experience will KNOW that it's intense, right? How much MORESO for newbies like us? I knew BEFOREhand the potential for emotional harm on both our parts. I judged we (especially I) NEEDED the two weeks, but, hey, I'm new to PRACTICE...and we adjusted that because he REALLY needed to get affirmation that the two weeks was for us to re-group, NOT AS PUNISHMENT. I mentioned it in the car on the way home. I again said it on the phone (and yes, I was emotional...and really NEEDED that time after that intense prodomme experience). I said it on My thread. *sigh* I only contacted him after Aakasha so lovingly pointed out his thread that I KNEW we had to chat.
I'm going to say something else....not in defense or attack or anything but LOVE. I have NO desire to be prodomme. That does NOT mean that I can't learn a thing or two about technique and tips now, does it? Now, I had a darned good REASON for asking this man to ask the pro for an email address, even though it was on her website. I wanted to approach her as a life/style domme within some really good bdsm manners...a dominant WOMAN-to WOMAN thing...She is also life/style, you see. And with Her...I could bring up the HSV and trust issues, because I know he trusts Her, and I met Her and respect Her as a life/style, a person, a woman and I trusted Her with him as he did and all that..... OK, so I ALSO emailed Her and asked Her for guidance on residual feelings, emotions, issues, as bdsm IS INTENSE. I do NOT want to hurt the sub...EVER.
As soon as I found out about the two threads (thanks AAkasha for pointing out that it 'may be slander') I put a STOP to it IMMEDIATELY.
Now, please, take into account some facts:
1. BOTH he and I are NEW to life/style D/s relationships.
2. I admitted HONESTLY to him and to you all on My profile that I got tested recently for STD's and came out CLEAN. Would anyone care for Me to fax results? I HONESTLY explained to this man and explain to you all that I have NOT had an outbreak for three years. Doesn't mean I didn't have an experience with it or don't have it. When the time was RIGHT I explained HOW I got it when I was 17, too. I'm 41. I try to take excellent care of My health and understand that he has that same responsibility. This particular fellow is, um, sensitive to violence against women, right? It was VERY difficult to tell him what I told him. I will NOT minimize the issue that it breached trust. I WILL say that WE are seeking KIND advice from true bdsm LIFESTYLE couples, dominants and submissives who care and we would welcome private mails from here on out.
3. I did NOT have sexual intercourse with this man, nor did I consciously NOT take precautions or decide to NOT remain abstinent from intercourse UNTIL I had told him of My circumstances of contracting the dreaded HSVII---of which 72% of our military base personnel where I live near have it-- and that's according to statistics from some people I contacted IMMEDIATELY that were in the local HSV support group on the base (it no longer exists there)--- which I am consulting about the tactile concerns. Um, I'm still abstinent, and if you REALLY want to know how long it's been for Me, ask Me RESPECTFULLY in private. Um, he still has the decision and freedom to say, "No, Miss, I don't want to go forward."
4. The two week issue was CLEARLY stated VERBALLY twice.....NOT as punishment, but as a breather, as I felt an intense need to consult a TRUSTED female dominant on some of the residual issues about My experience, feelings AND the breach of trust that would tear apart ANY relationship, kink or not. Takes a while to TRUST someone. I know realistically two weeks isn't enough, but, I figured two weeks is a good time frame for the session/life/styler to get in touch with Me if She wants to.
5. My fears are the tactile results of HSVII and NOT HSVI, which I do NOT have. I CLEARLY explained this to the sub here and provided him addresses and phone numbers of STD support groups in his area the SAME night he drove Me home.
6. It was NOT My intent for anyone here to get hurt and I sincerely did NOT know that this man I am seeing was posting in another thread. Neither he nor I like 'he-said /she-said" bullcrap, but he was ONLY doing what I told him to do, by any means he felt necessary. I guess this was it and that's ok and I'm PROUD of him for reaching out.
7. It's been a GREAT learning experience for us BOTH. Learning IS painful and have to tell you, I feel naked and strapped to a rack. :) And I'm pretty sure he does, too.
8. If you look at the other thread, I am having some difficulties with this man in paying attention to detail. (To My sub: there is no shame here, dear....just a fact, it's okay..WE know our challenges.) Heck, I'm lucky sometimes if I don't put the milk in cupboard.
9. I shall NOT bring out other reasons that we may be having difficulties as it is CLEAR that some of the 'help' on this forum is only interested in the juicy bits of gossip, not the TRUE caring bdsm honesty and manner in which we BOTH approach our relationship.
Hey, really..PEACE to A/all ...and the BEST for the New Year in every endeavor.
DommeBMFS
_____________________________
Is abstinence and/or denial proportional to bitchiness? If so, GAWD help U/us A/all. If all are bitches, where are the Dommes?
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RE: Domme/sub relationship difficulties - 
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