Really Confused! And lost! (Full Version)

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xNevermoreX -> Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 6:49:12 PM)

I just turned 18 in November. . . but let me tell you, my love life has already been intense in the most unusual of ways. I met a guy online named Dave when I was 15. . . he was 19 and we were friends for awhile, but eventually he introduced me to the lifestyle.



I know some people believe that online relationships aren't real..but it was real to me. It was what I made of it, and it was more real than anything else I'd experienced. I'd finally found what I'd been missing for so long- that secret part of me...the submissive part. And he was my Dom..or so I was naive enough to think.



But it turns out later that he had a girlfriend the whole time, and once she found out...he declared that ..."She is the most precious thing to me and I cannot afford to lose her. No one could ever mean more to me than her..and if gaining her trust back means I can't communicate with you. .. then well..I guess I'll have to do it."


I was heart broken, lost, and scared. I'd been going through a hard time even beyond what he did..so this just left me feeling broken. His girlfriend was really nice to me at first, and I felt bad so I reciprocated. I thought we both were feeling the same thing...but then she got so odd with me. And what was worse...I was only 17..and his girlfriend was 23..and he mentioned to me afterwards that she let him mess around with other girls sexually. But I guess she was upset about the emotional affair.


She called me a loser and said I just wanted to be like her- and taunted me over my loss- after I was nice to her. She then a few months later asked me out for lunch.


Weird.


What's even worse though- was that recently he kept slyly contacting me for some odd reason. He would always be on sites I was on- even if he knew I was the only one there. It was almost like dangling something in front of me.


So tell me this everyone. What is this guy's deal? What is HER deal? What should I do to continue to move on?

It's been bothering me awhile. . . 



RedMagic1 -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 6:53:51 PM)

Do you still love him?



xNevermoreX -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 6:54:43 PM)

..I'm not sure..

I guess you can't just get over something like that..so I probably do. But when I think of the things he did to me..I get so turned off to him. I'm almost over him. But some part of me is holding on.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 6:55:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: xNevermoreX
But some part of me is holding on.

Why?



xNevermoreX -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 6:56:25 PM)

That's a very good question. 



MsWolfPrincess -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 6:56:52 PM)

Sounds like he is a pig.  And maybe she realized how much of a pig herself and saw she was wrong for being nasty to you, that you were a victim like she was. 

Who knows.[sm=dunno.gif]



resourcer1 -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 6:59:48 PM)

the interesting thing about the mind is that if you believe something is real than it becomes reality and the longer you hold this belief the power it has.  thoughts become patterns become beliefs so hold what you truly desire and create it with one who is willing to engage with you honestly creating a new reality.  most people live their whole lives in illusion and so when they find someone like you who is willing to risk and explore they move into your energy and suck you dry.  only time will tell if the other is the beloved and willing to give as much as you to create the magic
that fills us with wonder and awe
with gratitude
slave n.



Celene -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 7:01:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: xNevermoreX

..I'm not sure..

I guess you can't just get over something like that..so I probably do. But when I think of the things he did to me..I get so turned off to him. I'm almost over him. But some part of me is holding on.



You can get over something like that. You will get over it if you let yourself. Or you can stay their victim.
Stop holding on. That is over. Let go.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 7:10:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: xNevermoreX

That's a very good question. 

And that's not a very good answer.  Could you try again?  Just take a guess.  You don't have to be "right."  Just put some piece of the "why" into words.



xNevermoreX -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 7:12:50 PM)

I still have feelings for him, after all he put me through. I don't know why I do..I shouldn't, and I don't even want to. But I can't control what I feel for someone. None of us can. 



MsWolfPrincess -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 7:17:58 PM)

I still have feelings for my someday to be ex and I left him because of physical abuse.  Nothing says you will stop having feelings, but how you choose to go on with your life, how you hold on to the past, you can do something abou t.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 7:17:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: xNevermoreX
But I can't control what I feel for someone. None of us can. 

People can control feelings.  People can overcome long-term phobias, for example.  It takes a lot of work, though, much like getting into athlete-level physical shape.  Have you achieved a goal like that in your life?  Something hard, but doable, and you put in a lot of effort, and got there?



xNevermoreX -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 7:22:34 PM)

Yeah...I have. 



Maxwell67 -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 7:25:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: xNevermoreX

I still have feelings for him, after all he put me through. I don't know why I do..I shouldn't, and I don't even want to. But I can't control what I feel for someone. None of us can. 

It looks to me like what you need is some closure and it looks very doubtful that you will get any.  It is very difficult to get over being jerked around because it makes you question your value.  No amount of others telling you that this guy is a pig is going to make a difference for you.  You need to realize just how unhealthy your obsession/irrational attachment with this person is and let it go.  It is not a matter of who did what anymore, stop questioning the whys and wherefores of things that are in the past and cannot be changed.  Perhaps you were victimized, but if you do not put it down now, then you risk being stuck in the position of victim over and over until it is all you know how to be.  Forget it.  Be something else.  Even if you do not know what or how to be anything else yet I guarantee that you will not learn if you continue down the path you are on.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 7:28:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: xNevermoreX
Yeah...I have. 

OK, so look.  The advice to "Let go" and "Do something about it" is accurate in terms of an objective, but doesn't say how to get there.  Consider it like a project.  You are your own project.

Now here's the deal.  If your goal is a negative one ("I want to not feel this way any more") that's hard to build.  It's better if you look at the future-you as a positive goal ("I will be able to relate to people in such-and-such a way, because I am not carrying baggage any more.")

Do you have such a positive goal in mind already, or have you only been thinking about "getting away from him"?



xNevermoreX -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 7:29:11 PM)

I've been really trying to move on, and I have alot! This is just to further reinforce what I'm trying to do- getting opinions from people who've been in the same situation before. =)





masterripper -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 7:40:31 PM)

XNeverMoreX.

Funny part is you are not the only one who went through all this.

Dear you are still very young and have a huge life ahead. I seriously believe u have to move on from that pig. Its not only him but there are many people like that who do it for time pass. I can understand what you go through.

But the important thing is you move on in life. make friends with new people know new cultures. Trust me there are more bigger problems than what you have been going through and many others. feel free to talk to new people. If you need a bit of counseling email me. only if you trust you need some one to share your feelings and be friends with. Just friends.

take care

cheers

[Mod Note:  email address removed]



DarkSteven -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 7:53:27 PM)

All right, let me give you an outsider's view.  Your photo shows you to be a very attractive, if blurry, girl.  Your profile shows you to have a lot of interests.

Believe me, once you have a real time relationship, as opposed to online, you will have this taken to a whole new level and you will forget both the wanker and his girlfriend.

He is NOT a Dom.  He lied to you and let his girlfriend dictate terms to him.  Then he can't keep from stalking you creepily.

Tell his girlfriend that you do not want to have lunch with her,  She's treated you like crap, dump her.  Then enter the wonderful world of offline people and put him past you.



xNevermoreX -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 7:55:02 PM)

Thankss XD The "wanker and his girlfriend" part made me laugh out loud!



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Really Confused! And lost! (1/4/2009 7:56:05 PM)

Hon, how many places are you going to post this? Yes, we get that you were hurt, but it's your choice to remain the victim. Move on.

Master Fire



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