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Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/5/2009 12:34:24 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		from mist's thread:  Sir is a sadist. What that really means is that sometimes it’s just going to be all about him. I’m a masochist and like most masochists, there are some types of pain that I thoroughly enjoy…and some types of pain that I don’t. Now Sir loves to administer the types of pain that take me to that special place…loves to take me to that edge and watch and guide me as I transcend that line and float off into my own bliss. I’d have to even say that he enjoys that the majority of the time. But then there are those “other” times…the times that are for his purposes alone. At those times he will get me bound and lean in and whisper…”I’m sorry baby but tonight is my night”. Those words send me spiraling into this weird scramble to regain my footing…the knowledge that there won’t likely be any chance of finding a comfort zone for me. It will all be about enduring and accepting. Coping right from the get...no warm up just balls to the wall right out of the gate. I know that in those times I really am just meat for all intents and purposes. Granted...not meat that he has no regard for safety...but meat that he simply wants to and will use to suit HIS purposes. 

It’s not that I can’t find subspace at those times…but the subspace I find is usually very different. It’s not that peaceful world filled with lush purples and greens. It’s not that serene misty place that quiets my soul. It’s a dark and sometimes scary place that is penetrated by bright bolts of reds and yellows. It’s a place that is filled with feelings of anxiety and fear, panic…even aggression. A place where tears don’t flow softly taking away droplets of stress as they fall…but a place where tears burn bitterly, like being tossed into a vat of acid.

When I come out of that space I don’t feel that welcomed rest and rejuvenation. I feel like all of my pistons are firing at warp speed. Fully alive….adrenalin overload. It’s an emotional place but one where I am left with more energy than I know where how to channel instead of that cathartic peace that comes from “normal” space. Sometimes I come out of it feeling crushed physically and emotionally and it’s hard to transition back and gain control of my emotions. Normally I enjoy finding comfort in Sir’s arms when I’m coming back to the here and now…but in these instances I often prefer to go off on my own. The problem with that is that it is exactly in these times that I need most to reconnect with him…but there is something that pushes me away from that. I’m not sure what it is…anger…spite. I really don’t know…but I need some buffer time between the experience and being able to accept his affection and care again. Now, I’m not talking hours or days…but a good half hour or so after I come fully back.
Does anyone else out there have a similar experience and if so, is there anything that you do to make that transition easier?
 
I found mist's question to be interesting, as were the responses but it has led to some questions of my own.

I've touched that dark space within me a few times and it was always in the middle of a scene and it was never for very long.  I "bookended' this darkness with the build-up prior to it occurring and a switch back to "normal" scening soon after touching that spot.  However, I know that I have felt the urge to go there with the reasons varying from just satisfying my "inner beast" that is often spoken of by many of the dominant sadists on here to using this type of scene for dark, screwed-up emotions of my own...a catharsis... to using the scene as a means of seeing how far a submissive can be pushed.  I have yet to do so but I know that there are times that I will want to. 

Now, questions for those of you who have read mist's thread or those of you that have gone there now:

Would you want your dominant to "warn" you...let you know that this is the type of scene he/she is planning to indulge in tonight, tomorrow night, soon?

Would you agree to this scene with a dominant that you know and trust but who is not your dominant?

Would you be understanding that his reasons for doing this scene are not about you but may instead be about someone else...someone who has angered him or hurt him or disappointed him but who he cannot strike at?  Much the same as when you need a beating/flogging/good session that is more about catharsis rather than arousal of you/him-her?

This final question came from what many had to say on mistoferin's post:  Given that, for many submissives, a good session can sometimes be cathartic rather than sexually arousing and that one of the biggest helps afterwards is kindness and caring from your dominant, would you in turn be kind and understanding and caring and supportive of your dominant and what he/she has stirred up and released from him/herself by engaging in this type of scene?  Or would that initial anger last longer than is productive?

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RE: Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/5/2009 1:25:13 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...he simply wants to and will use to suit HIS purposes. 

 
this slave can fully, 100% relate to this part of erin's post, as well as the part about
 
quote:

...like all of my pistons are firing at warp speed. Fully alive….adrenalin overload. It’s an emotional place but one where I am left with more energy than I know where how to channel...

 
however, it is not a time when this slave doesn't want to be in His arms, or needs to be away for a time to reconnect or misses out on any warm fuzzies.
 
so because of that whole jumble, this slave didn't respond, until now that you have raised the questions:
 
quote:

Would you want your dominant to "warn" you...let you know that this is the type of scene he/she is planning to indulge in tonight, tomorrow night, soon?


He "warned" this slave when we met that His objective would be to use any slave He owned as He saw fit...when He saw fit.  that's all the warning this slave needed.  He will, from time to time, let this slave know what is on His mind with regards to activites He will/intends to partake in, either tonight, soon or at some point...but it's more of a physical warm-up/mental foreplay/teasing the slave than a warning.

quote:

Would you agree to this scene with a dominant that you know and trust but who is not your dominant?


Master makes those decisions as this slave has agreed to be used by whomever He entrusts her to.

quote:

Would you be understanding that his reasons for doing this scene are not about you but may instead be about someone else...someone who has angered him or hurt him or disappointed him but who he cannot strike at?


His reasons for why He uses His slave are not this slave's concern.
Having witnessed, first-hand, His sadistic pleasure in "dealing with" folks who anger/hurt/disappoint Him in rather creative ways that are directly tied to them, this slave would be suprised if He used her as that sort of an outlet. It would be a waste of a perfect opportunity for vendetta.

quote:

 Much the same as when you need a beating/flogging/good session that is more about catharsis rather than arousal of you/him-her?


it's never been one or the other...it's always both, for this slave.  being used, liberally, by Master for His sadistic pleasure is what this slave signed up for.  YUM!!!

quote:

Given that, for many submissives, a good session can sometimes be cathartic rather than sexually arousing and that one of the biggest helps afterwards is kindness and caring from your dominant, would you in turn be kind and understanding and caring and supportive of your dominant and what he/she has stirred up and released from him/herself by engaging in this type of scene?  Or would that initial anger last longer than is productive?


as answered in the previous question, it isn't an either/or for this slave.  it is cathartic AND sexually arousing, with or without the kindness and caring part afterwards...and this slave has never felt anger towards Master from being used for His pleasure, it's actually quite the opposite.  it brings this slave joy, bliss, deep satisfaction, contentment and lots of orgasms.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/5/2009 1:28:26 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
Would you want your dominant to "warn" you...let you know that this is the type of scene he/she is planning to indulge in tonight, tomorrow night, soon?


Answered with a caveat:  I haven't experienced anything like this in a long-term relationship, but have in a casual play setting - this is how someone approached our first session, and neither of us felt compatible, and that was that. 

Yes, this is something I'd want to have discussed with him, to understand his perspective so that i know what is going on and what his thought processes are.  The Dom I'm with now discusses everything with me ... makes sure I'm safe both physically and mentally.  Discussing it would help me not be scared during the scene and to realize what it was and help me get through it. 

quote:

Would you agree to this scene with a dominant that you know and trust but who is not your dominant?


No - I need a major emotional connection to be able to do so. 

quote:

Would you be understanding that his reasons for doing this scene are not about you but may instead be about someone else...someone who has angered him or hurt him or disappointed him but who he cannot strike at?  Much the same as when you need a beating/flogging/good session that is more about catharsis rather than arousal of you/him-her?


Absolutely, yes, again, within the established relationship.

quote:

would you in turn be kind and understanding and caring and supportive of your dominant and what he/she has stirred up and released from him/herself by engaging in this type of scene?  Or would that initial anger last longer than is productive?


I don't know for sure - anger is hard to predict.  The person I'm thinking of didn't need it, didn't want it.  I'd like to think with my Dominant I could provide the same understanding and support I'd need from him. If I couldn't, then it wouldn't be a relationship I'd want to be in.  I think if we had clear communication, and that I knew going into the scene, I'd be able to do so, which is why I said above that it's important to know.  Maybe not know a week in advance that this was something he was planning, because the tension I'd feel in the build-up of anxiety would possibly kill me (lol).

I do know that experiencing this, just enduring and sucking up the pain and not feeling anything positive flowing back to me, without being within a relationship was somewhat harmful for me.  I didn't understand it.  I didn't 'get' it for quite awhile, and it's put me off certain types of play, at least for a bit.  (there were mistakes made on both sides here - I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining about him, I'm not.)  BUT if in a collared relationship, it's definitely something I'd be open to explore with him if he needed it. 


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RE: Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/5/2009 2:14:35 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I never know from one session to the next exactly what Sirs' intentions are. The last time he took me to the dungeon, he sat in his chair and used his single tail on my - something he knows that i do not like, and that is all he used on me. By the time he was finished, i was in tears, angry because i felt as if i was being punished and my feelings were hurt. He thoroughly enjoyed my tears - and my anger.  And part of my anger was that he didn't restrain me in any way - i had to keep coming back to the whip lash striking zone- even though i REALLY didn't want to. And i had to do it "voluntarily" , and repeatedly. And my Sir laughed at my tears and kept on going.  Talk about no control!

I am very seldom angry at my Sir - and when i have it has always been during play that i wasn't enjoying, that felt like an unfair punishment - and logically i know that fairness isn't what i signed up for. I have about decided that the anger is more to do with my state of mind going into the session than anything that is conveyed to me by Sir.

My Sir told me when we first met that he would not hit me or scene me if he was angry - and to this date he has not broken that promise - therefore the question about his emotional state doesn't apply to us. He scenes me for pure sadistic enjoyment and emotional pleasure for him. The times he uses something that i enjoy is an afterthought - or at least not the primary consideration.

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RE: Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/5/2009 2:28:28 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Would you want your dominant to "warn" you...let you know that this is the type of scene he/she is planning to indulge in tonight, tomorrow night, soon?

I suppose, but for me, it's not something I predict.  I mean I can call it forward if I want, but sometimes it's just there. 
quote:


Would you agree to this scene with a dominant that you know and trust but who is not your dominant?

Sure.  But I rarely submit to pain, so it's unlikely.
quote:


Would you be understanding that his reasons for doing this scene are not about you but may instead be about someone else...someone who has angered him or hurt him or disappointed him but who he cannot strike at?  Much the same as when you need a beating/flogging/good session that is more about catharsis rather than arousal of you/him-her?

That was pretty much at the foundation of all of my relationships as owned property, so yeah.  And I'd wonder at a dom who chose to do such a scene with someone who did NOT understand and agree to such (that whole informed consent).
quote:


This final question came from what many had to say on mistoferin's post:  Given that, for many submissives, a good session can sometimes be cathartic rather than sexually arousing and that one of the biggest helps afterwards is kindness and caring from your dominant, would you in turn be kind and understanding and caring and supportive of your dominant and what he/she has stirred up and released from him/herself by engaging in this type of scene?  Or would that initial anger last longer than is productive?

Too vague to answer.  That last question is "or" when it doesn't seem to fit with the previous question.  After I have endured a hard pain scene, I want to flee and reject the sadist, so they would have to hold me down or train me towards different responses over time if they wanted me to be cuddly and caring immediately afterwards.

_____________________________

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/5/2009 2:38:31 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Kewl...my thoughts triggered others to think about stuff and ask questions!

quote:

  Would you want your dominant to "warn" you...let you know that this is the type of scene he/she is planning to indulge in tonight, tomorrow night, soon?


Honestly, I wouldn't want a long head's up and he knows that. I would make myself thinking about it. He has told me in advance in the past and that is pretty much what I did. I must say that even then he enjoyed the emotional torment I put myself through and I am sure that he will do it again sometime in the future. That said, I knew that this was a part of the package from the beginning. I knew that there would definitely be "his nights".

quote:

Would you agree to this scene with a dominant that you know and trust but who is not your dominant? 


No.

quote:

  Would you be understanding that his reasons for doing this scene are not about you but may instead be about someone else...someone who has angered him or hurt him or disappointed him but who he cannot strike at?  Much the same as when you need a beating/flogging/good session that is more about catharsis rather than arousal of you/him-her?

I should make it clear...in the scene I was describing Sir was not "taking anything out on me". He was fully in control of his emotions. I would have an issue with it if he was "taking something out on me". That is not to say that he can not have scenes with me that are cathartic for him...but there is a big difference between that and going into it with the intention of working out his unrelated anger on me in my opinion.

quote:

Given that, for many submissives, a good session can sometimes be cathartic rather than sexually arousing and that one of the biggest helps afterwards is kindness and caring from your dominant, would you in turn be kind and understanding and caring and supportive of your dominant and what he/she has stirred up and released from him/herself by engaging in this type of scene?  Or would that initial anger last longer than is productive? 


Guess I should also clarify that scenes for me are also both...even the one I described. Of course I am supportive and understanding of his needs. It is just in these scenes where I struggle and the emotional connection is limited, I need to take some buffer time to straighten out my head before I can do that. As I said in my original post, we are not talking days or anything here...just a short time before I can really be open to that connection again.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/5/2009 4:25:17 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		Depends on how well she knows me...
 
To warn her...I need not as...she will know in an instant this time its all about me...
 
Darn...
 
 

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RE: Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/5/2009 4:34:44 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We don't play if he's angry. Because always I will feel the anger and internalize it as being my fault. I wouldn't be able to be there for him afterwards nor would I let him be there for me. Stuff that goes wrong emotionally here takes weeks for me to resolve.

However, this is one of the reasons that I carefully decided I wasn't compatible with anyone who self identified as a sadist.  Because I don't find pain arousing at the best of times. And at the worst, it would do damage to me short term and to the relationship long term.

I have hit catharctic tears on a few occasions. His response is to stop and check in with me and see what's causing the tears. On those times it was just a stress release he was pleased to have helped me, but he doesn't get a hard on from me crying for any reason.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/5/2009 5:12:59 PM   
soul2share


Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline 		There have been a few occasions during play that all of a sudden, the emotions I'm feeling during an extremely difficult beating emerge as some serious ANGER....I'm talking see-red, want-to-injure anger...not necessarily directed at the dom....just an overload that if I can't blow out in a hurry will turn against the entire scene.  Usually, just verbalizing something like a good screaming "MOTHER FUCKER!" helps, and I've never stopped the scene, but afterwards, it's one of those times that I need to be alone to pull myself back into some sort of headspace that I can once again function in.  This only happens with one Dom, who feels that I need to just suck it up when he's using me......sometimes, it feels good, but there have been occasions as described that happen..the first time it did, I don't know who was more freaked, him or me......he had me totally immobile in bondage...or so we thought...but I stood upright and let loose.....he immediately stopped the scene, even tho I told him not to....however, he knew that it wasn't going to go any further until I got back to normal.

I don't have any certain Dom/sub relationship, so I can only describe play.....but I do know that I will never play when any Dom is angry......I don't mind being a whipping post for his enjoyment, but to work out some anger issues....nope, that isn't what I'm there for.  I'm not owned, so I'm not shared or anything like that.  And a warning?.....no, again, I'm there for his use, so if it's just about him, then so be it.  I'm usually able to pick up on his vibe......comes from knowing who it is I'm connected with.

Not sure if this is the answer anyone's loioking for....just my .05 worth.

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*Not a fuck was given.*

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RE: Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/5/2009 6:55:03 PM   
silkncarol


Posts: 318
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Would you want your dominant to "warn" you...let you know that this is the type of scene he/she is planning to indulge in tonight, tomorrow night, soon?
I would not want to expect to be "warned" except in that mindfuck kinda way.....I am his property to be used in any way he saw fit......

Would you agree to this scene with a dominant that you know and trust but who is not your dominant?
I probably wouldn't..... i don't particularly enjoy bottoming.....so agreeing to this type of scene with someone other than my own Dominant wouldn't meet any of my own needs.

Would you be understanding that his reasons for doing this scene are not about you but may instead be about someone else...someone who has angered him or hurt him or disappointed him but who he cannot strike at?  Much the same as when you need a beating/flogging/good session that is more about catharsis rather than arousal of you/him-her?
Yes i'd be understanding about a scene like this with my Dominant.  In my past relationship there were times i knew he needed to find that "dark spot" to relieve a stress in his life.  I would suggest we scene for that particular purpose....to give him that opportunity to let it out.  It didn't anger me, but rather i would meet his need with my own stubbornness....the "by God i will not cry, i will take whatever you can dish out!" kind of mentality and the scenes would turn out to be very intense for us both!

This final question came from what many had to say on mistoferin's post:  Given that, for many submissives, a good session can sometimes be cathartic rather than sexually arousing and that one of the biggest helps afterwards is kindness and caring from your dominant, would you in turn be kind and understanding and caring and supportive of your dominant and what he/she has stirred up and released from him/herself by engaging in this type of scene?  Or would that initial anger last longer than is productive?
Absolutely i would be understanding and caring.....it would bring me great joy to know i'd met a need he had....after all, isn't that my prime objective as his submissive/slave?



_____________________________

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RE: Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/5/2009 7:25:09 PM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant


Would you want your dominant to "warn" you...let you know that this is the type of scene he/she is planning to indulge in tonight, tomorrow night, soon?


if he wanted to do something like that, i'm not sure about "warning." the pro would be the ability to self-prepare or something, but the con would be that you might get yourself too freaked out thinking about it if the warning was like two days before. so i dunno

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Would you agree to this scene with a dominant that you know and trust but who is not your dominant?


the masochist in me MIGHT like the idea but she tends to be a bit ridiculous. the more "reasonable" (if there is such a thing) entity in my brain would nix that because trust it absolutely necessary for me to do anything, and the trust is there with him but not with anybody else.
short answer - no.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Would you be understanding that his reasons for doing this scene are not about you but may instead be about someone else...someone who has angered him or hurt him or disappointed him but who he cannot strike at?  Much the same as when you need a beating/flogging/good session that is more about catharsis rather than arousal of you/him-her?


if he wanted to talk about whatever was fueling the emotions, that would be up to him. the reeeally memorable time of osmething like this, i know it was me who caused them =p but i don't necessarily think it matters. if im' stressed out over something that has nothing to do with him, he'll help me with it and he doesn't hold it against me. =p so i don't see why i would have a problem with something like that on his end.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

This final question came from what many had to say on mistoferin's post:  Given that, for many submissives, a good session can sometimes be cathartic rather than sexually arousing and that one of the biggest helps afterwards is kindness and caring from your dominant, would you in turn be kind and understanding and caring and supportive of your dominant and what he/she has stirred up and released from him/herself by engaging in this type of scene?  Or would that initial anger last longer than is productive?


i dont know, i think it's different on different sides of the coin. i have no idea what being the D in a situation like that would be like, but i think it's different being the "attacker" (for lack of a better word) than the "attackee" =p  the one major time, all i wanted to do was cry and be left alone. i think it would be more difficult for the person who had all the junk inflicted on them to then turn right around and be all huggy and nurturing. i think SOME time would have to pass
but i dont really know becaaaaaaaause there hasn't been a situation like that where he was upset and crying or something
if he was upset and "needed a hug" or whatever, i dont think i could stay closed off inside myself in light of that.


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RE: Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/5/2009 8:39:10 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hi CD, interesting questions.

Now, questions for those of you who have read mist's thread or those of you that have gone there now:

Would you want your dominant to "warn" you...let you know that this is the type of scene he/she is planning to indulge in tonight, tomorrow night, soon?
There could be a certain anticipatory excitement in waiting for it t happen, but I wouldn't want to have any expectation of entitlement.  If he wanted to warn me, it would be his call..


Would you agree to this scene with a dominant that you know and trust but who is not your dominant?
For myself, no.  I don't typically play casually.  Just knowing and trusting someone doesn't equate with being their whipping girl.  In general, people who take out their anger on me, aren't people I keep close to very long. 

Would you be understanding that his reasons for doing this scene are not about you but may instead be about someone else...someone who has angered him or hurt him or disappointed him but who he cannot strike at?  Much the same as when you need a beating/flogging/good session that is more about catharsis rather than arousal of you/him-her?
I  might not know or undersand his reasonings, but I wouldn't really need to.  I'd only have to know it was what he wanted/needed.  I'd certainly be delighted to be of use to him in that way, if it came to that.

This final question came from what many had to say on mistoferin's post:  Given that, for many submissives, a good session can sometimes be cathartic rather than sexually arousing and that one of the biggest helps afterwards is kindness and caring from your dominant, would you in turn be kind and understanding and caring and supportive of your dominant and what he/she has stirred up and released from him/herself by engaging in this type of scene?  Or would that initial anger last longer than is productive?
Being empathic, it would be hard to not internalize his anger, and take it on as my own.  Such a scene isn't something that would be an easy one, his catharsis would probably become my burden, but I've not doubt that I'dcertainly carry it for him if I could.  Any opportunity to be caring and supportive is an honor, and I hope that I would do my best in that as I would any other service to him. 

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 1/5/2009 9:15:19 PM >

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RE: Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/5/2009 8:49:48 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Would you want your dominant to "warn" you...let you know that this is the type of scene he/she is planning to indulge in tonight, tomorrow night, soon?

I can only speak from my experiences in my last relationship.  Sometimes he warned me, sometimes he did not.  Like beth said, I was "warned" when I gave myself to him that he would use me when/where/how he wanted.  Being used in this way was part of my purpose.

quote:


Would you agree to this scene with a dominant that you know and trust but who is not your dominant?

These days I'd say it's unlikely.  It would have to be a pretty special and unique relationship to allow someone who didn't own me to use me in such a way.

quote:


Would you be understanding that his reasons for doing this scene are not about you but may instead be about someone else...someone who has angered him or hurt him or disappointed him but who he cannot strike at?  Much the same as when you need a beating/flogging/good session that is more about catharsis rather than arousal of you/him-her?

If we're talking about the owner again, yes, I was understanding of it and I welcomed being the object of his stress release, however difficult it may have been.

quote:


This final question came from what many had to say on mistoferin's post:  Given that, for many submissives, a good session can sometimes be cathartic rather than sexually arousing and that one of the biggest helps afterwards is kindness and caring from your dominant, would you in turn be kind and understanding and caring and supportive of your dominant and what he/she has stirred up and released from him/herself by engaging in this type of scene?  Or would that initial anger last longer than is productive?

I don't recall feeling anger from such uses.  When he would leave me to recover on my own I would become very sad, but I really only felt anger relating to a "scene" when he intentionally brought me to those places within myself, and it wasn't directed at him.  Anger for using me as he wishes is not something I personally experienced.  I do recall once he inflicted incredible pain and it brought me to a place of fear and grief as it blasted an unforeseen landmine in me, where I recalled an upbringing of pain equating to not being loved.  Then again, that wasn't an emotion of anger, just confusion, and it was worked through, although it took a few days.




_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/6/2009 7:31:41 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Very interesting answers so far.  I wanted to take the time to thank those of you who have answered and to comment on the variety of answers...running the gamut from "yes, I understand his need to work out HIS emotions...even anger...with me in the same manner that I work out many of my own emotions" to "I don't scene with anyone when they are dealing with anger";  this same juxtaposition of opposing answers can be found in other examples while there is agreement in other areas and I find that fascinating as well as instructive so again, I thank you all. 

I ask for others reading to give their answers.  I think the variation in perspectives can on questions like these are helpful.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 1/6/2009 7:50:08 AM >

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Questions Arising from mistoferin's thread... - 1/6/2009 9:16:41 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Would you want your dominant to "warn" you...let you know that this is the type of scene he/she is planning to indulge in tonight, tomorrow night, soon?
I find either acceptable..sometimes surprise is arousing, sometimes not..but this would not be an issue for me.
Would you agree to this scene with a dominant that you know and trust but who is not your dominant?
"No"...for me personally a scene with anyone who is not my Dominant would be unfulfilling,and uninspiring.
Would you be understanding that his reasons for doing this scene are not about you but may instead be about someone else...someone who has angered him or hurt him or disappointed him but who he cannot strike at?  Much the same as when you need a beating/flogging/good session that is more about catharsis rather than arousal of you/him-her?
Well...there is catharsis and then there is catharsis...:0)..essentially what I am saying is thet no I would not want him to achieve his catharsis, due to anger with someone else out on me.Now if he was feeling some stress from life in general and needed an outlet within the parameters of our negotiations, and was performing with cool,calm precision and not a high emotional state of mind..then what is there to object to? Possibly this seems to be unfair in some ways to the Dominant(sadist),that they cannot simply let go and float away into a state of unawareness, but such is the choice that has been made.The road to possible disaster is in their hands, not fully, but proportionately.
This final question came from what many had to say on mistoferin's post:  Given that, for many submissives, a good session can sometimes be cathartic rather than sexually arousing and that one of the biggest helps afterwards is kindness and caring from your dominant, would you in turn be kind and understanding and caring and supportive of your dominant and what he/she has stirred up and released from him/herself by engaging in this type of scene?  Or would that initial anger last longer than is productive?
If I understood that his angst was not against me..and that what happened is what was stated above...then what is there to be angry or hurt by?..I expect that sometimes what is released during scenes can run the gamut of all emotions..and that is why to me such a thing (for me) can be acceptable between me and my Dominant only, and not a Dominant who is not mine...Tempting



_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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