Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent)


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent) Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent) - 1/6/2009 6:31:27 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Call friends, call family. See a grief therapist if you get stuck in the cycle. But right after loss is not the time to seek a new relationship. This is a time to mourn, to remember your lost ones. Journal, hit pillows, watch movies that make you laugh and ones that make you cry. Feel everything and give yourself permission to be lonely.

Because even if you were with your ideal partner right now, it still wouldn't fill the hole in your heart.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MRandme)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent) - 1/6/2009 6:39:47 PM   
PETAH


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/4/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent) - 1/6/2009 6:43:54 PM   
PETAH


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/4/2009
Status: offline 		Thank You all for the kind thoughts and words at this painful time in my life.....Im glad to be here.

(in reply to PETAH)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent) - 1/6/2009 6:44:50 PM   
lighthearted


Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		dear Petah,
I'm sorry for the loss of your father.  I lost mine as well, this past November.  I was asked on very short notice to speak at his funeral.  at first, I didn't think I could do it.  but, the words that came to me were about the kind of man my father was, a man who was very generous of spirit.  all he ever wanted was for the people he loved to be happy and full of joy.
as these few weeks have gone by, this thought has brought me a lot of comfort...how he would much preferred we rejoice in his peace than grieve in his passing.  I hope you can find the same thoughts and memories that will bring you a sense of peace as well.
best,
lh

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to PETAH)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent) - 1/6/2009 6:50:22 PM   
PETAH


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/4/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you all for this reaching out and kind words....God Bless You.

(in reply to lighthearted)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent) - 1/6/2009 6:56:23 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		Dear Petah:

i'm so sorry for your loss.  On Nov. 12 i lost someone i held dear -- my aunt, more like mother and mentor and bestest friend, all rolled into one of the most incredible women i've had the blessing to know.  She was also my mother's sister, and died very close to the "10th anniversary of my mother's death", so it was almost like losing my mother a second time. 

What i do to get through it is cry, hit things, get damned mad, ask why, and then talk to her.  Since i live alone i can talk out loud to her as much as i want.  One thing i did after my mother died was to wrap myself up tightly in a blanket, from head to toe, to feel wrapped around the person i lost.  (This was a suggestion from another.)  i can't tell you i hurt less, or don't still hurt like hell, especially right now, trying to write about her, but i can tell You that from ,my experience after my mother passed, time truly helps.  It took me about 8 months to come out of the fog, but it's different with and for everyone.  One other thing i do is talk about the person i lost.  It helps make them feel more here, and me less alone.

huggles, and please write on the other side if you ever need or want an ear or a shoulder.

jiminie

< Message edited by krikket -- 1/6/2009 6:57:03 PM >

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to MRandme)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent) - 1/6/2009 7:03:20 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline 		Sorry to hear about your loss. I was very close to my grandparents (much closer then to my parents) and lost my grandpa 2005 and granny 2007. Unfortunately for me I haven't had time really to grief as my life in UK just keeps me too busy with managing to get paid my bills (so I work around the clock most of the time) and in regards to my granny her funeral took place 4 days before my Uni course started, which then kept me occupied (oh would I have wished just to skip that course for a while). However, with both of them it was predictable that it can happen anytime, as grandpa was in coma and granny was in the end stage of cancer. I managed just in time to get home once more to see her alive and to be able to talk to her, as in that night when I was at home (I came only home for one night as I had to go to work) she passed away. Seeing her the day before was incredible painful as I just felt sorry for her to be in the stage for "just waiting to die and to get her peace" but when we received the call at 5am the following day I felt relieved for her. We went to see her before my parents brought me to the plane to fly back to UK and how I did see her helped me a lot to accept that she is gone, as she looked really peaceful and much better, almost happy (she almost looked as if there was a little smile in her face, my mum had that impression, too), then the day before.

I do miss her like mad at times, but as we knew her cancer was not curable I am also glad for her that she didn't have to suffer for long. She only went through one chemo and didnt want any further ones and I entirely respect her choice. As much as I miss her and as much as she meant to me, I was just glad to see her appearing as peaceful as she looked like when she had passed away.

As others already said, it's about the memories of the great times you have had with the person. A while ago when I was sitting in the bus, all of a sudden her phrase popped into my ear "my girl". She was the only one in my family who kept saying those words with "my". I never expected that those words would mean so much to me one day. But she was right, I was and am her girl, much more then the girl of my parents. We had an incredible bond and I have many memories about her who make me proud about who she was and that I had the pleasure to be with her for so many years (as I barely know my other grandparents). Last september I went to canada and met someone from here and when I was with him I managed the first time to dream from her which was nice, a year after her death. Since then it happens sometimes and it never makes me upset or annoyed, just kind of "happy that she visited me." From Grandpa I never dreamed since he passed away, so I am glad that her memories stay awake.

Despite that during her last hours my ex sometimes texted me from UK to ask how I am and how she is (he survived cancer and he answered me some questions I have had about with him having experienced chemo, etc.) which also was very helpful for me.

She was great and as sad as it is that she is gone, she was great and we did a lot together and the memories won't die.

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to MRandme)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent) - 1/9/2009 2:45:51 AM   
bamagirl4u


Posts: 151
Joined: 12/25/2008
Status: offline 		To lose anyone we love is to lose a small part of ourselves.  I have lost many over the years, my fiance, my father, numerous friends and so on.  There are times I give in to my grief and just cry.  A memory triggered is very powerful, a song, a smell, someone that reminds you of them.  The only thing that helped me was time and prayer.  You never get over a loss but you do learn how to live with it.  I am so very sorry for your loss, but remember, grieving is personal for each one of us~~do what helps you!  I am very close to my mom and I try to relish every moment with her, she is 76 and I am 43 and it hurts to think of living without her love and guidance.  *Hugs* to you...

< Message edited by bamagirl4u -- 1/9/2009 2:47:34 AM >

_____________________________

~Don't settle for the One you can live with~~Wait for the One you can't live without.~
~To thine own self be true~~no compromise.~

(in reply to MRandme)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent) - 1/9/2009 5:01:46 AM   
natabella


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		...four days before xmas...i awoke in a panic...i had forgotten to send mom her xmas centerpiece...still in a sleepy haze ...i realize---

mom passed two years ago. no mom to send flowers or a bouquet to. it happens daily sometimes---you get used to it and learn to adapt...i sent you and email if you wish to chat. just went through weeks of grief counseling (yes two years later it hit me) , be glad to share what i learned.

(in reply to PETAH)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent) - 1/10/2009 11:19:45 PM   
jim64


Posts: 86
Joined: 10/21/2007
Status: offline 		We have went through the loss of both of her parents as well as my father. Even though time dictates this as the natural process of events, it is never easy. You will always miss them. Just try not to dwell on the sadness and go on with your life. That is all anyone can do.

(in reply to PETAH)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent) - 1/11/2009 10:35:20 AM   
SarahnNV


Posts: 25
Joined: 8/16/2008
Status: offline 		In short, you sound as if you're not coping very well and I sympathize with you. I suggest some grief counseling - I lost my mother and spiraled and did some pretty drastic things in my sorrow (almost lost my job, almost went bankrupt, moved a total stranger/loser in my home with me). Get help to handle your sorrow - it's okay to grieve but you need to be able to function and still be allowed to have their memory live on.

(in reply to MRandme)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent) - 1/11/2009 12:15:29 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		I have looked at this OP and walked away everyday since you posted. Four years ago this summer, we lost My mother unexpectedly and far from ready. My best friend, a woman if incredible strength and support and just a classy broad.
 
Two years of bad dealing, mistakes, depression and tears all alone and being a parent not showing My UM the best way to cope. It was a long climb out of the pits of hell-but step by step we did it--we found some very very deep friends, we found each other and slowly we found peace.
 
 

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to PETAH)
Profile   Post #: 32
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: The Quiet (Death of a Parent) Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078