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lynn1947 -> informed (1/7/2009 2:18:30 PM)

Do you feel it is important for a sub to keep the top informed, for the safety of the sub?"

this is a question from my Master. last night He ask me it i wanted to play and i said i didn't know. W/we did anyway because He wished too. now he is worried i am not being fully honest with Him. i didn't know if i wish to play. 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 2:21:32 PM)

If you were being honest, then you were being honest.  I would suggest rather than just be worried, he ask you for more information and more specific questions.

It's important for the sub to maintain and uphold the relationship desired (presumably everyone desires the same relationship).  That usually means keep the others involved informed to some reasonable level. 



T1981 -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 2:21:43 PM)

I think in that case it may be useful to start with a little "topping from the bottom", if your relationship allows that. Start with giving constant feedback about play, and if you find you want to continue, let him know that you are handing over the reins. There have been times with my husband and I that we've had to do that, simply because one of is isn't sure about our energy levels or something.

It seems to me that by saying you didn't know, since you DIDN'T know, that was being completely honest and that is a good thing.



RCdc -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 2:26:52 PM)

I agree with LA.  If you were being honest, then the only thing he could do is make the decision based on the answer you gave.  If you were being honest, tell him you were and that you submitted to his authority.  If however, you now feel you wasn;t completely honest with yourself and now realise that you simply said 'I don't know' instead of saying 'I don't wish to' - then now is the best time to be honest and work on that together.
 
the.dark.



Mercnbeth -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 2:36:07 PM)

quote:

...Do you feel it is important for a sub to keep the top informed, for the safety of the sub?...


it can be very important, depending on the situation, in order to avoid potentially undesired injuries, headspaces, etc.



mc1234 -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 2:51:59 PM)

Yes.  



greeneyedreamer -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 2:54:36 PM)

Have to agree with everyone. It's important for communication to be explicit and complete.



DesFIP -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 3:04:20 PM)

Give him more info next time. Like "I would like to but I feel like I'm coming down with a cold and don't think I'm up to it". Or even "I don't know how I feel, could I just have a hug and cuddles for a bit and then see how I feel?".

Basically, you didn't give him enough info as to what was going on with you so he's worried he might push you into something you can't handle. Especially true if you've had a bad subdrop lately.



littlewonder -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 3:55:59 PM)

For us honesty is extremely important and this includes keeping each other informed about anything in each others lives that may impact the other.

This isn't just a d/s issue though. This is something that should be vital to all relationships. Withholding information can be detrimental to both parties.




Huntertn -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 4:23:34 PM)

Did you fully talk about all this after the play session?..and it doesn't seenm to have bothered you anyway.



MasterTslave -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 4:48:19 PM)

I think that you should always be honest with your Dom/Master (or even sig other in a vanilla relationship).  A relationship that you are not 100% open with is a relationship that needs some work.  I don't think that it is top from the bottom...he asked, you responded.  You should be a little more expressive with your responses...I don't know is not a real response...would you give your boss that answer (do you want the new case..."I don't know" would get you fired).  Just be open and tell Him why you would not want to (too tired, feel ill, not in the mood) and the reasons you would want to (you are so sexy I always want to be with you, you smell so good tonight, you could get me worked up)....then decide and give him the answer.  Ok, I ramble..sorry :)



oceanwynds -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 5:12:19 PM)

To the Op, do you have trouble expressing how you feel? When i use to say I dont know, it use to mean that i felt embarrass to mention what really is on my mind.  Sir had to help me to speak my feelings with him, which helps a lot in keeping him imformed.

oceanwynds



DavanKael -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 8:43:42 PM)

OP: I am finding the information offered a bit spartan for feeling like I have a good picture of what is going on, so if you wish to share more information, that would be great.  Based on what you said, it seems as if you were being honest in saying you were uncertain that you wished to play and he made a 'command decision' that play would commence.  Seems rather straight-forward.  I am not certain where not being honest comes into the scenario.  Of course, I believe open communication, set within the parameters of the relationship is a good idea, as an overarching construct. 
Best wishes,
  Davan



YourhandMyAss -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 8:54:05 PM)

I do not feel that giving feed back and asking for what you want to continue as tftb.


quote:

ORIGINAL: T1981

I think in that case it may be useful to start with a little "topping from the bottom", if your relationship allows that. Start with giving constant feedback about play, and if you find you want to continue, let him know that you are handing over the reins. There have been times with my husband and I that we've had to do that, simply because one of is isn't sure about our energy levels or something.

It seems to me that by saying you didn't know, since you DIDN'T know, that was being completely honest and that is a good thing.




MarksFantasyGirl -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 10:54:46 PM)

Fast reply:

I think you are kind of like me, in the fact that you can't make desisions.  Do you have trouble deciding on what to eat at a restaurant?  Do you have trouble figuring out what book to choose from the library?  Just any desisions for your own pleasure in general?  I know that I do.  So I think that maybe the specific questions would help you in this situation.  Instead of "do you want to play?" Maybe it should be "Do you want me to tie you up?" or other things like that.  (Can't think of more specific things at the moment. lol) I don't think what you are talking about has to do much with safety, but more of you just cant make up your mind.  (If I'm completely wrong, just ignore me. lol)



NuevaVida -> RE: informed (1/7/2009 11:07:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lynn1947

Do you feel it is important for a sub to keep the top informed, for the safety of the sub?"

this is a question from my Master. last night He ask me it i wanted to play and i said i didn't know. W/we did anyway because He wished too. now he is worried i am not being fully honest with Him. i didn't know if i wish to play. 


It was not only important, but required in my former relationship.  In my case, "I don't know" was not an acceptable answer to him, so he would press me to figure it out.  That was difficult at first, but in time I learned to respond more informatively.



kristileigh -> RE: informed (1/8/2009 8:14:07 AM)

Master had asked me if i wanted to play Monday i said of course, but no needles. He knew that meant i wasn't sufficiently rested up for such high impact play.If  Master had tried needles neither one of U/us would of gotten much out of the session. As it was W/we had a very good session with no needles. Am i topping from the bottom........probably.

slave kristi




littleone35 -> RE: informed (1/8/2009 8:41:54 AM)

I think it is very important.  One day Master asked if i was ready to play.  I told him Master i relly don't fele 100% could we just lay in bed and cuddle.  Since i never turn down play time Master know i was really not felling well so we just cuddled.  If he had not asked it would not have went very well.

Matt's littleone



AquaticSub -> RE: informed (1/8/2009 9:02:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lynn1947

Do you feel it is important for a sub to keep the top informed, for the safety of the sub?"

this is a question from my Master. last night He ask me it i wanted to play and i said i didn't know. W/we did anyway because He wished too. now he is worried i am not being fully honest with Him. i didn't know if i wish to play. 


Sure, I think it's important for the top/master/whatthefuckever to be informed. But if you don't know, you don't know and you can't magically provide more information than that. Saying one way or another when you don't know or could go either way would be dishonest.



bratnwranglers -> RE: informed (1/8/2009 10:54:01 AM)

thats a hard one for me too op, i'm very indecisive, runs in the family, least with the women. and i have a bad habit of saying i dunno, i'm fine, or nothing, when infact i do have an opinion, just not saying it because it probably doesn't matter to me, and if it did, i'm willing to put my opinion aside for whatever the other person wants.... but sometimes it's a hard situation to be in.



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