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RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/23/2009 11:41:18 AM

CallMePatches

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This has been on my mind a lot. I don't know if it's so much that I want someone to control me but that I want to relenquish control to someone. It's kind of touchy though. I would love to have a relationship with someone where I know they are strong enough to deal with me giving them the control. I need to know that the person I've giving control of me over to though will understand everything that it entails.
For example If I give someone the control of who my friends should me and who shouldn't then they should know if I am limited to friends then the lose of not being with other people needs to be filled by them. I don't mind giving up a lot of things but if the person I'm giving that control to can't pick up the slack then I'm not going to do it.

I would love to have a TPE but I think a lot of people like the idea more than the reality. I will give everything that I am to someone. I don't want to feel like an after thought or feel as if I'm being penciled in somewhere. If I am making someone my all priority I think it should be returned.

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RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/23/2009 12:12:17 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

Again, this post is about what SLAVES want in general not what I want and don't want.

But yes, I accept them and I also release them when I'm not being obeyed. Would your Master keep you if you kept disobeying him or arguing each time he asked you to do something? Try it and see how far that goes.

BTW-I tell slaves right off the bat what I expect from them. And they let Me know what they "expect" from Me. I'm not sure what your point is-I think you are agreeing with Me but I'm not sure. Everyone has the right to get what they want out of ANY relationship.

Now..let's see about getting back to My original question: What does a slave look for when he or she looks for CONTROL?????

I believe that will vary depending upon the slave. If it were I, I would consider asking the slave in question.

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RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/23/2009 1:30:15 PM

vampchick88

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Control is when someone gives up their voice or 'free will' and allows their Domme, Mistress, or whomever to take over for them, doing whatever that may or maynot be of any pleasure to them or may, infact, be painful. I know all of pet's limits, when we play I have all of the control, I control what he feels, what he experiences, and some of what he thinks. Its him letting go of everything and just taking in the experience, enjoying, and falling into my hands.

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RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/24/2009 4:44:34 AM

rubberpet

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Control has different meanings to me. Depending on the aspect and direction it's coming from, it has different meanings.

The first is 24/7 control, also known as influence of behavior. No matter if Mistress is 800 miles away, I still act the same way as if she were two feet from me and I was on her leash. I am a representative of her and her collar, so I carry myself in a dignified, well-trained manner in respect to her. That is her influence and control over me. She has made it to the point of installing her influence over my normal, life-learned traits to act in a way that is controlled by her influence. I simply revel in my subservience to her.

The second is known as the control of expanding limits. I'm not a masochist in the least, even though I have a fairly high threshold of pain. Mistress is a bit of a sadist, but very respectful of my initial limits. Through our brief time together, she has managed to instill something in me that seems to make me want to push my endurance level and suffer for her, whether it's through a heavy flogging, an intense biting session, or layer upon layer of rubber in the hot sun. I now want to push the envelope further and further to please and amuse her.

The third is known as sensory manipulation and control. By me putting myself completely at her mercy, she is able to show me things I may have been too scared or disinterested to find out on my own. She controls what I feel, for how long, and to what extent. It's a continuation of the expanding limits from above. Now that she has me wanting to endure more for her, she now can start controlling my senses. Will she hood me so my sight is dependent on her? Will she plug my ears so she can control what it is I don't hear? Will she gag me so I taste nothing but the rubber filling my mouth? Will she encase me in rubber so no matter what I feel through it, all I still feel is rubber? Will she bag my head and control the very life-giving air I need to survive? Whatever her answers are, my trip into subspace can be either a quick, smooth ride or a long journey into pleasure and agony.

The final is known as relinquishing control of my free will. I hungered to find the right domme to give my freedom of choice to and be under her control, which is all of the above ways mentioned. I also hungered to find the right domme who was strong enough to take away my control, someone strong enough to break me and my rebelious side. Mistress has done that and she continues to do it every single day. Not only do I want to submit to her, she can also make me submit, no matter if I want to or not. She has that level of control over me, but it would not have been possible if we didn't share a connection that some people only dream of finding.

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RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/24/2009 6:03:49 AM

feydeplume

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quote:

What EXACTLY do slaves mean when they say they want to be controlled?

So I ask you: What DO you want? What DO you mean?

I spent some time thinking about this and talking to few other slaves that i know. Here is our consensus answer, shortened for ease of reading:

Control is something the M has and self-control is something the s has. A lot of people that want to be slaves, or think of themselves as slaves lack, in some fundamental sense, self-control and want the M to impose/enforce the self-control that they are lacking. It is one of the things that leads people to want to be a slave in the first place. The slave wants someone who they can adore and trust to make the world smaller, easier to live in, and more understandable. Slaves see the M as someone who can do this and does do this for the s.

That is the most important thing that the M gives the slave, a safer, more understandable, more comfortable world and world view. In giving this to the slave, the M has to take the choice to move in the regular world away from the slave AND substitute another world.

It is not enough to limit the old world or just put new, fancy words around the old world. The M, to be in control and to have the sort of control a slave craves, has to make a new world for the slave to live in. Once in that new world, the slave needs guidance (training) on how to live there. This is another aspect of the control slaves want, someone to explain how the world works and make those new social rules be true and real.

In short, the control a slave wants (from our conversations) the M to have is control first over the bigger world (and make it smaller and different), second to lead us in to that world, and THEN to let us live there in peace and joyful servitude.

As a side note, we have some sense of what an immense task this is and are deeply humble and grateful and the service we give is our way of trying to pay the M back of the great gift that they have given us.

edited because i still can't do that grammar thing some days...

< Message edited by feydeplume -- 1/24/2009 6:05:41 AM >

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RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/24/2009 8:47:19 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I believe that will vary depending upon the slave. If it were I, I would consider asking the slave in question.

Oh good, I thought I was the only one wondering why she doesn't talk to him. Perhaps her communication difficulties are at the basis of her inability to find a female slave also?

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RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/24/2009 1:50:08 PM

Boleyn

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< Message edited by Boleyn -- 1/24/2009 1:51:23 PM >

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RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/24/2009 2:37:26 PM

oceanwynds

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Sir is very controlling of himself, which is a trait that I do admire. He is helping me to become more self -controlling as well. This though is not done by micromanaging my life, but in controlling areas that at the time I need his expertise. One of these issues that was learned earlier in our relationship was that he does not need to communicate with me daily. He expects me to do what I have been told. That was a hard lesson, but valuable anyway.

Sir has control over what he wants in our relationship and i have applied. I think though if he didnt show a lot of discipline in his communicating, and resorted to rants, it would be difficult for me to release control.

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RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/24/2009 3:51:50 PM

hopelesslyInvo

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control to me can mean two things.

1. something i influence, yet can give charge of over to someone else. (aka, general idea of submission and domination, one person letting someone else take the reigns)

2. my ability to cause or have myself become influenced, manipulated, or overpowered; take 'seduction' or even 'asking nicely' for example. think of how many times puppy dog eyes have turned a 'no' into an 'okay fine', think how many times a woman has made a man change his will by changing her tone of voice into a sultry one, or by just brushing against him, and perhaps how many times a woman has been turned on when a man rips her panties off, or carries her in his arms.

so basically...
1) willful allowance
and
2) affecting or deterring will

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 1/24/2009 3:54:42 PM >

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RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/25/2009 12:34:26 AM

michelleryder

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In our relationship control means that Master makes all the decisions no matter how large or small. It can be play related financial what time we walk the dog and any/everything inbetween.

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RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/26/2009 2:58:19 PM

Puppy4goodHome

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To me when i give up Control to another it means just that I am giving them my control during the Scene
I am not owned so i have to trust them totally and respect them this is why when i have not been owned if i play with another it is only someone i totally know and respect
because to give control is to give your life in some way and meaning it is to entrust another with the power and to trust them to keep you safe at the same time

ross pup

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RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/27/2009 10:28:34 AM

hardbodysub

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There are all manners and levels of control. It's like asking "what does fun mean to you?" If I use the word "control", I try to be more specific in regard to the context.

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RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/29/2009 9:37:55 PM

beth314

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Hello MistressAinCT :)
What an interesting thread! Fascinating to hear everyones views...guess we are all using the same word to ask for something different. No wonder its so hard to find a Domme to take total control :)
Maam, i see control as much like a "controlled environment" in a lab setting. i feel this analogy works because its a closed environment in which parameters are determined by the Domme. Anything added to or taken away is introduced or removed by the Domme
If anyone would ask me what i wanted... i would say total control also, but that is the ultimate goal-the end result and is a collar. Like someone else said in this thread, that takes time.
bethany

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RE: What does "control" mean to you? - 1/29/2009 9:59:07 PM

catize

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Many words have a variety of definitions. Each person defines different words within the context of their own lives and experience.
As others have pointed out, it does little good to ask what slaves generally mean by the word control. There is no consensus simply because they are slaves. Just look up some past posts on defining slavery itself!,
It might serve you better to ask those slaves you are negotiating with what their definition is and work it out from there.

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