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Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/10/2009 10:12:52 AM

sultryone

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Joined: 10/9/2008
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What do you do when you want/need a little bit of both?! I'm seeing this one Dom who is far swinging on the pendulum of hard core BDSM and I am totally enjoying how he makes me feel when I am with him. But, he doesn't provide nearly the attention, time, care, and relationship types of things I feel I need. He's kind of an ass to be honest, but I am attracted to that part of him, yet I feel (and we have discussed this), that it wouldnt be fair for me to give myself to him without my needs being met on the relationship end of things. He's poly, he gets what he needs and he's happy, but can a sub be poly too and get her needs met just as well? Does it work?

Thanks,
sultry

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RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/10/2009 10:14:22 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
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From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sultryone
What do you do when you want/need a little bit of both?!

You keep searching until you find someone who has a little bit of both and isn't locked into totally being one or the other. You don't settle for less than what you want..............luci

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RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/10/2009 10:30:56 AM

sultryone

Posts: 46
Joined: 10/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: sultryone
What do you do when you want/need a little bit of both?!

You keep searching until you find someone who has a little bit of both and isn't locked into totally being one or the other. You don't settle for less than what you want..............luci

Yeah, I guess that was a dumb question. You are right.

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RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/10/2009 10:35:20 AM

mc1234

Posts: 683
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sultryone
Yeah, I guess that was a dumb question. You are right.

Nah, not a dumb question. Finding the right balance in the man you want is really difficult. Maybe just having fun with this one while knowing it's not going to 'go anywhere' and searching at the same time is the way to go.

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RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/10/2009 11:32:56 AM

Amaros

Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sultryone

What do you do when you want/need a little bit of both?! I'm seeing this one Dom who is far swinging on the pendulum of hard core BDSM and I am totally enjoying how he makes me feel when I am with him. But, he doesn't provide nearly the attention, time, care, and relationship types of things I feel I need. He's kind of an ass to be honest, but I am attracted to that part of him, yet I feel (and we have discussed this), that it wouldnt be fair for me to give myself to him without my needs being met on the relationship end of things. He's poly, he gets what he needs and he's happy, but can a sub be poly too and get her needs met just as well? Does it work?

Thanks,
sultry

Might depend on what stage of your cycle you're in - women tend to get a lot hornier during their fertile phase and are attracted to the strong selfish types, then afterwards, attracted to more nurturing, attentive partners - sexual attraction, not surprisingly, is intimately tied to fertility and breeding strategy - in this instance, poly might be just the thing, if you can't find any one man who's on the same wavelength.

< Message edited by Amaros -- 1/10/2009 11:33:32 AM >

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RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/10/2009 11:43:29 AM

T1981

Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
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I've found that talking to my husband and letting him know which I prefer helps. It's his descision, of course, but that way he has at least all of the information at hand.

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RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/10/2009 2:08:09 PM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
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From: Tampa, FL
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To answer the other part of your question: Yes, a submissive can be poly also in order to get all of her/his needs met.

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RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/10/2009 2:47:47 PM

DVsFox

Posts: 133
Joined: 11/12/2008
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My Owner is a nice balance of both, and I love her that way. :-)

DV's Fox

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Post #: 8

RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/11/2009 1:34:18 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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My slave and I are both poly. I have a girlfriend, and actively looking for a male slave, perhaps a boyfriend. she is married and also has a sexual Dominant. It works.

Master Fire

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RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/11/2009 4:31:25 AM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
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if you have needs you want met and he won't do it, and both of you are poly, i don't see what would be so bad about you finding someone to take care of those other things.
if he has all of his needs attended to, why shouldn't you?

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Post #: 10

RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/11/2009 4:48:54 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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Firstly yes a slave can be poly and indeed it can work. What was his response when you discussed your feelings?

You seem to have qualified what he is to you and dont see him as being 'relationshipy' so I have to ask what is it thats missing that makes it a relationship? What is he 'not giving you'? I think you really have to work that out. Maybe poly is the way to go but however I dont think that poly is much of a relationship saver. If you dont have a strong relationship then i am not convinced that poly would work indeed it could just create more problems, i kinda see it that you either are or arent poly.

I really think the most important thing you need to do is actually think about where your problems are coming from.

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RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/11/2009 6:03:30 AM

agirl

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If he has no reason to develop the kind of relationship-things you need because he's content elsewhere, the gap left is yours, as you rightly say.

People that engage or live in a poly situation contentedly, get their needs met to a degree that is comfortable. You have to get to know yourself (or try it, if you're a try it and see type of person) to know. I'm monogamous to date but I wouldn't rule out a poly situation if it was the right combination of people.

It sounds a little like an *enjoy it while you can* type thing.

agirl

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Post #: 12

RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/11/2009 8:45:26 AM

Amaros

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I sort of have the opposite problem, I'm basically more affectionate and more of a nurturer (Cancer: lot's of boundries), but I definitely have... urges (Tiger: no boundries - other than legal) - the problem is that the women looking for a hard ass only seem to see my softer side, the ones looking for somebody more attentive are spooked by my more aggressive side, i.e., most people seem to think you either one thing or the other, and maybe I am different but I think it's mostly in your head - testosterone levels can rise and fall, identification means you tend to act out in ways that you think others expect out of you, and the fact is some people can't change, or don't want to which amounts to the same thing, i.e., take it or leave it.

I think most couples end up falling into a smoother, more balanced dynamic naturally, without thinking about it, just doing what works, some people need a lot of nurturing, others not so much, but that does mean you have to engage with someone for a long enough time for your cycles to start to integrate and for you to adjust to each others moods - which isn't going to happen if you make a snap judgment about someone based on a first impression and don't give it a chance.

Not necessarily saying this is the case with you sultryone, presumably you've been seeing this guy long enough to get a handle on his personality and expectations and pondered to what extent you can cope with that, but it you want to find somebody that matches your moods better, you'll have to give them equal time.

Anyway, reading between the lines I'm wondering whether he's down with you being poly, or whether it's a one way thing for him, and you're wondering if and how it will affect your current dynamic - and all I can say from the armchair is that it depends on what your relationship is, which is pretty vague - have you talked to him about it?

< Message edited by Amaros -- 1/11/2009 8:59:40 AM >

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Post #: 13

RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/11/2009 12:15:34 PM

sultryone

Posts: 46
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Amaros

Anyway, reading between the lines I'm wondering whether he's down with you being poly, or whether it's a one way thing for him, and you're wondering if and how it will affect your current dynamic - and all I can say from the armchair is that it depends on what your relationship is, which is pretty vague - have you talked to him about it?

Yes, we've talked about it a little. I've decided to just keep dating other people as well as him and just see where the road takes me. Great advice as always here on the boards, thank you, and Amaros, thank you for your post, food for thought. :)

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RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/11/2009 4:22:12 PM

mikierotten

Posts: 20
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

The more brutal the better, hardcore all the way, i can take it.

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RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/12/2009 10:52:04 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

My Master is more a sensual that a brutal Dom. I get my ass spanked if i earned it so just because he is sensual does not make him less of a Dom. He does not like to see me cry that does nothing for him, actually he likes to make me laugh.

Matt's littleone

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Post #: 16

RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/12/2009 1:55:45 PM

BondageBarbieX

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
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I love the sweet Daddy's!I would not even consider a brut.

< Message edited by BondageBarbieX -- 1/12/2009 1:56:18 PM >

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Post #: 17

RE: Brutal Dom vs Sweet Dom - 1/12/2009 2:04:47 PM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

Brutal - no; control-freak - yes, at least when it comes to doms. In general, a sweet, loving dominants are really the only kind that can gain the keys to my heart. Brutality is fun for an hour or two, but I really can't imagine it as my lifestyle choice.

That's just me, though. Try to find what's best for you, and keep everyone reasonably informed about what's going on i.e. if you go poly, let current and potential doms know of your poly desires.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 18

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