Questions from a Newb (Full Version)

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joemonday97 -> Questions from a Newb (1/11/2009 11:33:38 AM)

I have always wanted to collar a slave. I am new to the life and have only played with others that were willing to try a little bondage but it was more tolerated than enjoyed. Needless to say those relationships are no longer what I'm seeking. I'm looking for a woman that enjoys being a sub but I'm unsure of how I can spot a sub or approach a sub. Any information on how those of you that are in Master/Slave relationships would be great. Thanks in advance.

Everyday Joe Monday



SirMIkeSD -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/11/2009 11:45:08 AM)

Joe,

You are new to the life before you run out and collar a slave, take the time to learn from others and what your responsibilities are. The lifestyle is very rewarding but it does take time before you are ready to be a Dom to anyone and take control of their life. If you get active in your local area, look for a mentor. In the mean times there are several good books on the subject. Of course I am drawing a blank on the names, but I am sure if you do a search on the forum you will find them.

Mike



whiteslavebitch -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/11/2009 12:11:36 PM)

Here is a link to some great reading material that would be of great help to anyone, on either side of the kneel. I suggest you read things from both the D and the s perspective.

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1726118&key=bdsm%2Cbooks



DarkSteven -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/11/2009 2:03:55 PM)

I assume that it is not the collaring itself that you want, but having a collared slavegirl.

Think of this as like getting a wife.  You wouldn't expect to get some random woman and ask her to marry you.  You learn by dating, experimenting, etc.

Same with subbies.  Meet some, and talk with them.  See if you're compatible.  If so, play.  AND continue to spend time with her.  When you have one who matches you, collar her.  But it's more about finding/developing that woman than simply having the end result.



colouredin -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/11/2009 2:09:04 PM)

Yup Im with Mr DarkSteven, dont rush it and also dont get caught up in the idea of it all, its a relationship it will take time and work and all that malarchy.



mc1234 -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/11/2009 4:48:33 PM)

Hey Joe...  I'd start by beefing up your profile.  If you really want a D/s relationship, it would help if you described what it is you're looking for in a woman, and also what it is you have to offer. 

That being said, I don't think you can play 'spot a sub' in the grocery store, but if you're open to going to a munch or community event, you'd meet people.  Or you can date someone and feel her out to see if she has submissive tendencies. 

I do get the impression you're not really sure what it is that *you* want, and I'd start there, reading everything you can and surfing the boards and chatting with people to come to a better understanding of what it is you're looking for exactly. 



DesFIP -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/11/2009 4:49:00 PM)

Define first what this means to you. Are you going to want to decide whether they can work or not? What job to do? Are you going to pick all her clothes and pay for a new wardrobe if you want all skirts and she wears pants?

Or are you looking mainly for in the bedroom stuff? And when it comes to activity, do you want to piss on her, slap her face if dinner is ten minutes late, tie her up, or use cattle prods and bullwhips? And do you know how to do all of this safely?



cagliostro -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/11/2009 7:29:07 PM)

You probably shouldn't worry about collaring anytime soon.  If you're new, and that's all you've ever done, you've got quite a way to go.  Contrary to what seems to happen a lot, collaring is a serious act.  It's taking a lot of responsibility.  Take some time.  Meet some people.  Work on things.  Learn, practice, etc.

There is a search feature on this website....try that.



sub4bd -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/11/2009 8:16:21 PM)

I agree with taking time............... my Master and I have had a relationship for over 4 years and it started as simple as dating and learning about each other and trusting each other.



ladyacquiesce -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/11/2009 8:49:09 PM)

I had a mentor for years, before I actualy met a man and received his collar..I spent a lot of time researching different opinions, talked with loads of people in the lifestyle and found my nitch, we are all so different :) in what we look for in a relationship..Master and I are still learning about each other and everyday is awesome.

~ladyacquiesce~

Ops this is ask a Master thread *grins*



LadyPact -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/11/2009 11:30:44 PM)

<Replying directly to the original without reading the responses.>

It seems to Me that this is the equivalent from the other side of the kneel of the subs who want to serve without knowing why they want to serve one Dominant in particular.



IronBear -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/12/2009 6:20:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: joemonday97

I have always wanted to collar a slave. I am new to the life and have only played with others that were willing to try a little bondage but it was more tolerated than enjoyed. Needless to say those relationships are no longer what I'm seeking. I'm looking for a woman that enjoys being a sub but I'm unsure of how I can spot a sub or approach a sub. Any information on how those of you that are in Master/Slave relationships would be great. Thanks in advance.

Everyday Joe Monday



First off old chap, best you work out the diferrence between a submissive and a slave... Clue.. Most slave girls I know, will bite the balls off a newb who doesn't know the difference and you could end up being collared to them..   Just a helpfull thought




beargonewild -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/12/2009 6:49:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: joemonday97

I have always wanted to collar a slave. I am new to the life and have only played with others that were willing to try a little bondage but it was more tolerated than enjoyed. Needless to say those relationships are no longer what I'm seeking. I'm looking for a woman that enjoys being a sub but I'm unsure of how I can spot a sub or approach a sub. Any information on how those of you that are in Master/Slave relationships would be great. Thanks in advance.

Everyday Joe Monday



Erm.....if you've only played with a few others, then how do you know if you're ready to have a sub/slave? What do you have to offer as a person that'll make a woman crave and beg to wear your collar? Do you know yourself well enough to actually want a sub or is this just a fanciful whim? To be totally honest, it is very very difficult to spot a sub. In this modern day and age, they have evolved and adapted enough to use elaborate means of disguises and it takes years of skill and training to be a successful sub hunter. I can't tell you the number of times where I went sub hunting and after nabbing one, only to realize that I was foiled by a clever decoy.



SassySarijane -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/12/2009 7:00:27 AM)

OP:

Well gee, I've always wanted to be collared, but I haven't been yet for one simple reason. I have yet to find the dominant whose collar I need, want and desire to wear, who fits with me to that point. For me, the collar comes after the relationship develops strong and a whole lot of trust is built up. Not just any dominant is going to do for a collar.

You're new, you're unsure of what you want, you don't know a whole lot and you sound like you're caught up in some frenzy. You first need to discover who and what you are, what you want and need and take time to learn things. Read books (someone posted a link to a lot of good books for learning, check it out seriously), read threads here on topics that interest you (there are literally tons), ask specific questions on things that interest you, get involved in your local kink community and go to munches and classes and events, talk with people you meet, ask questions on things you see that interest you or you are unsure of. Watch, observe things to see how they are done and how different people do them and react to them. Ask for help in learning to do things you want to do. When you know you, then you are more ready to know and dominate another, or submit to another if that is what you want and need, or both if it floats your boat.



beargonewild -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/12/2009 7:21:42 AM)

Resident Sadist has a link to a list of books he recommends reading in his sig line. 



SassySarijane -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/12/2009 8:02:43 AM)

Yeah............what Bear said.......and actually I think that's the link that was posted here by another poster if I'm not mistaken. Double covered now lol......hmmm....that may not have come out quite the way I intended....



Petruchio -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/14/2009 9:47:16 PM)

Take your time and get to know yourself. Finding a sub/slave is easy; keeping one is not. Get to know your sub, once you've found someone you care for.

Good BDSM relationships take time, work, and maturity.



DrSysAdmin -> RE: Questions from a Newb (1/16/2009 12:46:41 PM)

You cannot find something when you don't know what you want to look for. You won't know what to look for until you know yourself in this case. Figure out who and what you are - what you can offer - what your goals are in taking on a submissive, how you will reach them, etc. Then you can find one that wants the same path as you.

Otherwise - your either going to get slaughtered - or end up thinking you got something great until the sub expresses unhappiness because you have missed all the things she needs to be happy - and you can't or don't know how to meet those things. At that point - even if you do - she just topped from the bottom. Learn yourself - your wants and desires and - if you have them - needs (though I don't feel a true D should ever "need" anything when it comes to his subs - but thats a personal view). Once you define that - then and only then can you decide what you want. You won't have to look for a submissive at that point - you being who you truly are as a Dominant man even in just your "regular" life - will shine through enough to bring what you seek to you. 



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