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An interesting Situation - 1/12/2009 1:17:41 AM   
MizKris


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/4/2007
Status: offline
Ahh, the first play session with a new partner. It's so exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time! I'm wondering if anyone here has experienced a similar situation, or could offer some advice... I apologise in advance if this topic has been done to death, but the search function was of absolutely no use to me tonight.
The rundown; I classify myself as a switch. Not meaning that I like to trade Topping or bottoming with my partner, but that I settle into whichever role complements theirs. When acting as a Dominant, I have, in the past, introduced (or rather learnt along with them, being fairly green myself) submissives to bdsm. I am comfortable with the idea of playing with & teaching a submissive.
The problem; I recently 'revealed' my kink to someone with whom I have a budding relationship. I don't think I've ever seen someone that excited in my entire life! (whew) He's chomping at the bit to play, but has expressed interest in being the Dominant. Suddenly, I'm on shaky ground. How can I teach and submit to Him at the same time?
We've scheduled a coffee date the day before playtime to discuss things... And I want to make it clear that I'm not expecting Him to run out and learn a million and one things and become my ideal Dom overnight - I suppose the idea of subbing to someone completely new to bdsm scares me just a little.
Any ideas, hints, suggestions are much appreciated.  Thanks in advance!
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RE: An interesting Situation - 1/12/2009 2:00:46 AM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MizKris
How can I teach and submit to Him at the same time?


Do what I do with a new subbie. Tell him, in your case, that you'll do ANYTHING (and say it like you mean it) he wants you to do. He'll have you down on your knees licking him in seconds, and if you provide a few toys, you'll be lusciously bound and spanked in no time. Just make sure he knows you mean it that you'll do anything he asks ...

(Yes yes yes. I know. Safe sane consensual ... the point is the idea not the action ... the idea that you'll submit to him is the eroticism that will keep him coming!).
PS: Works for me anyway. YMMV

(in reply to MizKris)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: An interesting Situation - 1/12/2009 4:59:27 AM   
nafakcha


Posts: 81
Joined: 12/28/2008
From: Melbourne, FL
Status: offline 		My Dominant and I also have a significant difference in our experience levels. If the connection with the person is right and they are a dominant, then the fact that they are still learning really doesn't make a huge difference. Finding the connection you share in a D/s relationship can be hard enough to find. For me finding that connection is more important then the fact we are learning things together as we go. (It can make things a little awkward at times but IMHO it is worth it.)

I would agree that making sure he knows that you don't expect him to be your ideal dom overnight is a great idea.

Keiko

_____________________________

"To seek, to strive, to find and not to yield."
~ Ulysses by Lord Alfred Tennyson

(in reply to pompeii)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: An interesting Situation - 1/12/2009 5:45:33 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Exactly what is the issue regarding his inexperience?  Is it that he may go too hard, or that he doesn't understand safewords, or is it something else?

Tell him your likes, dislikes, and limits, same as you would for any Dom.  Then trust him.

The only thing I would suggest is to not do bondage for a few sessions.  It might panic you and ruin your headspace.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to nafakcha)
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RE: An interesting Situation - 1/12/2009 6:09:40 AM   
MichiganHeadmast


Posts: 726
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline 		As I've been finding my way through all this, I've been blessed with subs, some of whom were also switches, who were happy to give me matter of fact advice, before, during and after a play session.  Especially during, when we were able to laugh off all the goofs and blunders.  I thank God for them.

If your friend has the right attitude toward this and is eager to learn, you'll do fine.

(in reply to MizKris)
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RE: An interesting Situation - 1/12/2009 7:02:02 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		One of my tasks as a slave is to teach a novice Dom.  Before sessions we typically talk about a topic - perhaps wax play, bondage, or just the idea of trust and communication and their important roles in the relationship.  I instruct during this period but once the session starts I am totally submissive.  If you draw lines like that - times to instruct and times to give full obedience - it can make it much easier.

_____________________________



(in reply to MichiganHeadmast)
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RE: An interesting Situation - 1/12/2009 7:11:49 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Decades ago I was well trained but with zero experience when I landed in 'nam a Capt US Spec Forces. I was blessed with a couple of Sgts one of whome later becamemy Blood brother and best friend took this green ""newby" and not just kept him alive but taught him combat skills as applicable to real combat where you die easily... Decades later a newby Gorean Freeman was taught the art of slave handling by the first girl of one of my Mentors whilst staying at his home in the USA..  I have learned as much from slaves over the years as I have from Dominants. Both taught me how to become a Master worthy of that title. You can, lass both submit and educate him

< Message edited by IronBear -- 1/12/2009 7:12:16 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 7
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