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Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 9:58:55 AM

missturbation

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I have always thought my parent's were two peas in a pod. They have a fantastic relationship, the perfect couple you could say. Thinking about it though it's not strictly true. My dad likes top gear, motor racing, comedy shows and tinkering with things. My mum likes tennis, soap operas, reading and gardening. They both like going out for meals, going on holiday, spending time with family and probably loads of other things. Technically they are a mix of two peas in a pod and chalk 'n' cheese.

My um and her boyfriend are two peas in a pod. They share all the same interests, love the same things, hate the same things. They do virtually everything together and are very happy.

My Sir and i are like chalk 'n' cheese. We actually have very little in common, well that i have found so far. We both like poker, bdsm, reading, but thats about it. We have a really good time together though and at the moment work.

A few threads recently have mentioned compatibilty and how we need to have things in common. How we seek someone who is compatible with us. But is it strictly true that we need to have common interests? Can we actually be like chalk 'n' cheese and still have a sucessful relationship? Can being two peas in a pod, sharing many interests actually be harmful in a relationship?

I'm not going to elaborate on my thoughts yet as i'm more interested in seeing others opinions on this in general than others opinions on my opinions

Edited to add - i've put this in the wrong place. It doesn't really have anything to do with bdsm - sorry.

< Message edited by missturbation -- 1/12/2009 10:07:25 AM >

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 10:14:41 AM

JustDarkness

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I am often attracted by people very different from me.
Not that I look them up...but mostly even our thoughts/opinions and interests are miles apart.
I guess when they are open minded...it is no problem.

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 10:26:11 AM

Jeptha

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I think having seperate interests is fine.
As long as there are some key bonding activities in common, I suppose.

One summer I spent a lot of time going to estate sales.
It was interesting to see the houses where old couples had lived - often parts of the space would be carved out into seperate domains for his and her interests.
He typically dwelt in the basement or a garage.
She often had a spare room for crafts or something like that.

I'm guessing that over the years the spaces became more and more clearly defined.
These were pretty long-lived partnerships, so it seems that having seperate interests needn't be a problem.

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 10:30:01 AM

parakeet89

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I don't think there needs to be common interests so much as there has to be common morals. It's easy for most people to be with somebody who prefers baseball over basketball, but what if their stance on, say, monogamy is completely different from yours?

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 10:36:46 AM

colouredin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: parakeet89

I don't think there needs to be common interests so much as there has to be common morals.

Now I do agree it is more imoportant that morals and ethics are along the same lines, however it totally depends on the intensity of the interest. For example with my ex he was a metal music fan I am not, he would play me the songs telling me I would like them, I didnt it got to be a bit of a issue but in reality it was down to our ethics being differant that we split. If we had been more similar in that regard i dont think that the music would have been as much of a problam, we were chalk and cheese in everything and that is never good.

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 10:46:23 AM

oceanwynds

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My late husband and I joked often about having only one thing in common; we hated lemon pie. A lot of his interests didnt involve me and vice versa, but the things we found important were the same. It worked well for us.

Sir and I have similiar interests and it is working well for us as well.

I think it boils down to personality traits that are common and significant. Both of these men in my life are/were loners and enjoyed studying a lot. I am that way. Both of these men were open to the metaphysics, a must for me, both of these men encourage dreams and goals, and that is the same for me in encouraging. Both of these men didnt feel that I had to be everything to them, nor did they feel they needed to be everything for me. Both of these men have a love for nature, as i do too. Both of these men didn't know the concept of giving up, neither do I. Both of these men are animal lovers, a must for me.

Late hubby was a great father, which is something I will always hold dear. Sir has no children and that is fine with me.

Both of these men loved to have me cook, verses taking me out to eat. I enjoy cooking. With late hubby many things he liked I didn't food wise and vice versa. He had no problem with me cooking 2 seperate meals at times. I learned to make spag. sauce without garlic, and even Italians said my sauce was good. Sir doesnt like spicy foods, and I already learned to not cook that way, so wasnt a big deal. With him though he will eat a little garlic.

I guess what I am saying is what we didnt enjoy together we still enjoyed by ourself or with another friend. We didn't have a lot of things in common, late hubby in me. But the household and our family life was directed from a common agreement of our souls. Sir and I live apart, but when we visit our time is run by the commoness of our souls.

oceanwynds

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 10:46:28 AM

scarlethiney

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missturbation I think it's more of do you and your Master, sig other etc have the same mindset. Are the things that are really important to you also important to your partner?

For me and Master we do like a lot of the same things, movies, traveling, foods, beating my ass/ me <grin> etc. But we also have a lot of areas where we differ even greatly at times. Master is a nut about paragliding and cars which I have a marginal interest in. The same goes for him with my beading, yoga and aromatherapy. What makes us work as well as we do is that he feels strongly about almost if not many of the same things that I feel strongly about. There are certain areas, certain thoughts that would be a deal breaker for me or that I could see ending our marriage if we didn't /couldn't agree upon them. One would be my son who we now both call "our" son even though Master is not his father.
I think it helps to start off having a commonality with your partner ......things that you consistently do together or enjoy doing on a regular basis. Differences just enhance this commonality and make each other interesting in my opinion.
Interesting post!

scarlet

< Message edited by scarlethiney -- 1/12/2009 10:49:17 AM >

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 11:08:05 AM

JustDarkness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: parakeet89

I don't think there needs to be common interests so much as there has to be common morals. It's easy for most people to be with somebody who prefers baseball over basketball, but what if their stance on, say, monogamy is completely different from yours?

agree
But..with such I would never become "2 peas in a pod" anyway.

"stance"mean...also be active? or just thoughts?

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 1/12/2009 11:10:27 AM >

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 11:15:24 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: parakeet89

I don't think there needs to be common interests so much as there has to be common morals. It's easy for most people to be with somebody who prefers baseball over basketball, but what if their stance on, say, monogamy is completely different from yours?

I strongly agree with this. Morals and ethics really need to be similar. Interests, not at all. At least that's the way it's been for me.

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 11:23:36 AM

GreedyTop

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I think it needs to be a mixture. Some commonalities and some differences.

Personally, the 'attached at the hip' kind of relationship breeds irritation (at best). *I* need to have *me* time.

YMMV

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 11:24:50 AM

LaTigresse

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One thing I can say from my own experience, the more different you are, the less interests shared, the less insecure you need to be about the relationship.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 1/12/2009 11:25:08 AM >

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 11:27:29 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I think people make the mistake of thinking compatibility = sameness

Compatibility means that you fit well together on those levels- like a zipper.

My partner and I are scary identical in a lot of ways, we even have the same speech inflections. This is nice.

But there's plenty of areas where we differ greatly. For example, our taste in ties. My partner picks very stylish and nice ties- but NEVER the ones I would pick or find the best choice. What do we do? Well we're crazy so we made it into a joke. We think it's hysterical that we NEVER have the same choice in tie.

So it's not about being different- it's how those differences fit together.

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 11:30:40 AM

FRSguy

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I don’t know if having to many similar interest could be harmful however it would get a bit boring over the years…. I think anyways.
I think you need to have similar values as your partner in order for the relationship to succeed and I also think that having similar I.Q. is kind of important as well. If there is a possibility of forming a family then of course you might want to have a similar common base as far as how you are going to go about doing that. I think you also have to have a desire to be willing to put up with things that don’t necessarily thrill you in order to be there for the other person as well as a respect for the other persons interests but I think if you are too much alike its just plane boring and there is a tendency to have debates that can turn into arguments. When a relationship is several years old your not as attached at the groin as you were in the first couple of years and you kind of need your interests outside the relationship to take some of the stress off from each other. If he’s into football and you aren’t then him getting away a few hours to enjoy the game with friends away from you is kind of a good thing and vise versa. Too much isolation as a couple can do bad things to a realationship.

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 11:51:48 AM

TreasureKY

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I agree with those who have said that having common morals and ethics is more important than interests. I would expand that to say personality type is important, too. By that, I mean a person who is an ambitious extrovert might have difficulty maintaining a satisfying long-term relationship with someone who is a ambitionless introvert. Not that it can't be done... a lack of compatibility can fall under being complimentary. Firm and I have probably more in common... personality, morally, and interest wise... than any two people I have ever known, but we'd clash horribly if my submissive nature didn't compliment his dominant one.

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 1/12/2009 12:01:08 PM >

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 12:22:46 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I have always thought my parent's were two peas in a pod. They have a fantastic relationship, the perfect couple you could say. Thinking about it though it's not strictly true. My dad likes top gear, motor racing, comedy shows and tinkering with things. My mum likes tennis, soap operas, reading and gardening. They both like going out for meals, going on holiday, spending time with family and probably loads of other things. Technically they are a mix of two peas in a pod and chalk 'n' cheese.

My um and her boyfriend are two peas in a pod. They share all the same interests, love the same things, hate the same things. They do virtually everything together and are very happy.

My Sir and i are like chalk 'n' cheese. We actually have very little in common, well that i have found so far. We both like poker, bdsm, reading, but thats about it. We have a really good time together though and at the moment work.

A few threads recently have mentioned compatibilty and how we need to have things in common. How we seek someone who is compatible with us. But is it strictly true that we need to have common interests? Can we actually be like chalk 'n' cheese and still have a sucessful relationship? Can being two peas in a pod, sharing many interests actually be harmful in a relationship?

I'm not going to elaborate on my thoughts yet as i'm more interested in seeing others opinions on this in general than others opinions on my opinions

Edited to add - i've put this in the wrong place. It doesn't really have anything to do with bdsm - sorry.

I wanted to answer this before I read the other replies as my own thoughts on this have changed.

When I started dating a verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry long time ago, I always chose those folks who seemed to have interests similar to mine. What I have found through the years was that we could have ALL those things in common and we'd still not work if the things that I value and which are important to me on some inner spiritual/emotional/mental level and the things they value don't match up in the first place or, if they do, don't keep pace with each other.

Personally, I don't care if you are liberal to my conservative bent, I don't care if you like to sleep late on your day off to my getting up early, I don't care if you like the same music as I do, I don't care if we both get caught up in certain kinds of movies, etc., etc.. I DO care if you think the guy who has not actively sought work or who looks at you and claims there is none to be found should be taken care of with my money. I DO care if you think that sexuality bears less importance to the dynamic than...oh, let's say communication. I DO care if you think that anytime you feel like it, you should be able to set the submission "aside" so you can vent in the way you want to, I DO care if you cannot or will not let yourself go emotionally until I have and until I have demonstrated that several times and even then, you hold yourself back. I DO care if you see little need for touching outside of a scene or that you view expressions of affection as "corny" or "sappy". I DO care if you cannot see that kindness and cruelty can exist in the same person, sometimes within the space of a single minute. I DO care that rather than look inside yourself to determine if something I have said/done is right, you'd rather just keep on thinking the way you think because what I have said/done challenges that and/or you don't "like" introspection.

These are the things...as well as others... that matter to me. If you don't dig hot rods the same way I do...pffffffffft. So long as you understand and support my desire to enjoy them, I am fine. Just as I would hope you understand that, for the most part, I could care less that they are having another antique show at the park but I will support your interest/attendance to that ( so long as you KNOW that no, you CANNOT trade one of my hot rods for a rocking chair/sewing machine/etc.).

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 1/12/2009 12:34:10 PM >

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 1:35:17 PM

BondageBarbieX

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I have to have most things in common with my Daddy's...compatibility is key for me.

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 2:14:19 PM

agirl

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We share an outlook mostly; How we see 'life' tends to coincide.

We're not into the same things to the same degree but I suppose we are enthusiastic about each other's interests because we're interested and enthusiastic about each other and yet we're VERY different people.

He's the type of person that can make watching paint dry fun.

Something works but we rarely think about 'why' in terms of interests.

agirl

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 2:23:14 PM

Lynnxz

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We might not be peas in a pod, but we make good mac and cheese together....

People can be different in ways that just complement the other person.

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 2:32:45 PM

mc1234

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I like to have some interests compatible with my significant other outside of our M/s relationship because it's simply fun to have fun together. But I think it's more important to have similar life goals and some of the same viewpoints and wants and needs.

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RE: Two peas in a pod or chalk 'n' cheese ? - 1/12/2009 3:05:05 PM

littlewonder

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I've been in "chalk n cheese" relationships and in the end our differences made us very incompatible. We just couldn't relate to each other, we had different styles of wanting to live our lives.

For me I need someone where we have a lot in common. While Master and I do have some differences there are many other things we have in common and so far he's about the closest fit I've ever found.

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