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RE: Question for the male subs - 1/7/2006 6:04:28 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
I
quote:

am also not 6'1, nor 180 pounds, nor 36 years old, nor do I live in Ontario. Nor am I submissive for that matter. But that is not the point.



uhm well quite to the contrary, you have become one of the multitude of fakes on this site--I am disapppointed amd angry at you for not representing yourself as what you need to be, IMHW, BITE ME--from now on, you and your posts will get nothing but a passing glance.


How could you?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to subtlesubie)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/8/2006 1:50:02 AM   
subtlesubie


Posts: 138
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

uhm well quite to the contrary, you have become one of the multitude of fakes on this site--I am disapppointed amd angry at you for not representing yourself as what you need to be, IMHW, BITE ME--from now on, you and your posts will get nothing but a passing glance.


How could you?


Lady, you are being ridiculous. Look through the archives here - this entire forum is just rehashing the same topics over and over again. Soon enough the question of 'how do subs stay optimistic' or the pragmatic variant 'how can I improve my chances of meeting a domme' would have been asked, and people would respond just as they did on this thread. Does it make one iota of difference if the questioner is who you think they are or not? The actual recycling question is the only permanent thing. The asker is almost entirly outside the system.





(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/8/2006 5:32:37 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		My point had nothing to do with the archives or posting, I often ask questions I know the answers to, it is a good way to stimulate new thoughts and ideas--My point has to do with the fact that your profile is by your own admission, incorrect--a series of mistruths if you will----THAT is My point--there are others out there looking, others who are seeking a relationship and your profile continues to perpetuate the frustration and disappointment felt and expressed here by so many--and you think that is ok. That is My point.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to subtlesubie)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/8/2006 5:47:53 AM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline 		personally, it's patience that makes a sub more desirable and strong. i remain in hopes that, when i am ready since i just got out of a callar last month, then the "ONE" will find me.

yes i have gotten a little discouraged from time to time, but that's due to the lack of local Dommes that are even remotely interested in a male sub. but one can dream...can't they?

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/8/2006 8:07:24 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
The other thing to keep in mind is that it may take years. Looking at the odds or the numbers doesn't help, the landscape is what it is, a variable beyond your control. But the stiff odds can help you be more patient.

The greatest asset you have, and will ever have, is yourself. That is the one thing you can work on and believe in. Finding someone will either take care of itself or it won't, you can't control it --- all you can do is what you can do. You increase your chances by staying in circulation and learning as much as you can.

To help your mindset, flip things around. Here's my anectdotal observation about FEMDOMs. Sure, they are beseiged with quantity, but I'm not so sure they are beseiged with quality. I would estimate that nearly 50% of the sub males out there soliciting are afraid of committment in this lifestyle. Next, there is the WANKER factor, many of these subs just want a quick, easy fix.

So, I think the key is knowing yourself and how to differentiate yourself from the unwashed masses. Most of your vanilla strengths are readily transferable. So, if you have attractive qualities, use them --- put them forward.

Lastly, and I think this is a must, have a sense of humour. This really helps during those times you are ingored, rejected, unnoticed, and otherwise feeling non existent.

Its truly a tricky scene for a male sub to navigate. Consider the texts from profiles randomly selected below:

FEMDOM TEXT:

>I am a Mistress looking for a good total and complete slave boy to serve my every want and whim. One who knows what it is to be a total and complete slave with as few limits as possible.<

MALEDOM TEXT

>I am not very good at writing a profile. I prefer the title Sir than Master. My view on the whole matter. Back in my younger days when I was stationed in Japan (mid 80s) I had the good fortune to be showed many things by a submissive Japanese lady in her mid-30s......<

FEMDOM TEXT

>DO NOT CONTACT ME IF YOU ARE OUTSIDE FLORIDA, USA. STOP WASTING MY TIME

Single White Dominant Princess seeking qualified single submissive houseboy and/or footboy. Must be truly submissive, enjoy pleasing, and treating a woman like a goddess. Must have no problem doing domestic chores, errands, and foot rubbing for hours. Other duties to be discussed/earned.<

MALEDOM TEXT

>well its all about finding the one. one who will be honest trustworthy caring and loyal. i am not into head games so if your into games don't bother me. i am looking for a real time female sub/slave. i live in tampa and as far as an age group well age is a number. i prefer some one who is funny smart and willing to learn<

------

Its pretty funny, the differences. I know all MaleDOMs are not so "humble" and all FEMDOMS are not so "bitchy, arrogant" --- but there is a trendline difference between these group's profiles. The difference probably comes from the numbers game. I could find this discouraging, but truthfully, I just find it kind of funny.

Anyway, take your best shot. Its all you can do.


(in reply to subtlesubie)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/8/2006 8:15:17 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I know your post was directed to submales, subtlesubie, but I wanted to respectfully disagree with your premise.

I've recently met a sophisticated, educated, solicitous submissive here at CollarMe.

That's One in a Row.

One successful encounter here is enough to keep us all 'in the game' here at CollarMe, whatever our orientation.

Texas Maam

(in reply to subtlesubie)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/8/2006 11:05:06 AM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlesubie

And we have all done a little (except for Misstoyou, she didn't do much) to make him feel more attractive, more welcome, and more appreciated.



But you are mistaken. I've actually done a lot, since I did (as I said in my post) select a CollarMe submissive for mine, and use him quite regularly...in real life. How much more attractive, welcomed and appreciated could a submissive feel? lol


*Edited for clarity, hopefully.

< Message edited by Misstoyou -- 1/8/2006 11:07:02 AM >

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to subtlesubie)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/8/2006 3:38:48 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		in real life. How much more attractive, welcomed and appreciated could a submissive feel? lol

==========

there it is........in black n white......

if She has Her Own...he oughta be flyin high....i know i am happy with MY Ms..........



_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/9/2006 11:28:11 AM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlesubie

Anecdotal evidence suggests that dominant women receive hundreds of emails daily, bdsm clubs don't allow single sub men, or if they do, other members must wade knee deep through them. And then there is my favorite motivator, the seemingly constant reminder from dommes that they are the rarest of the rare, a ratio, by conservative estimates, of 100 to 1, and they may kick to the curb any sub who dares look askance.


It's pretty much universally agreed that there are a great many more male subs looking to be collared then there are dominant women looking to collar same. Each dominant and submissive is an individual, with their own needs, wants, and desires. Matching those two up is not an easy task, whether subs are meeting dominants online or offline.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlesubie

In other words, it is nearly hopeless. The sub male is the most expendable, least respected, lowest position in the bdsm hierarchy - the chances of a male sub meeting anyone is remote, let alone someone who they might really click with. The good dommes are all taken and the single ones are either implacable. And yes I know, miricles do happen and happy relationships are forged. Where I live, every week someone wins the lottery, but that doesn't help the bottom line of everyone who bought a ticket.



I disagree with that. The right submissive whose needs wants and desires dovetail with the dominants needs, wants, and desires, and whose non-bdsm interests and hobbies and favorite kinds of movies, etc., also dovetail is a treasure. Something rare and wonderful-just like the dominant being sought.

Finding that treasure in all the many submissives who contact or approach dominants is a difficult challenge, akin to finding a needle in a haystack. Some subs make it easy to determine that they are hay. Others masquerade as needles.

Instead of whingeing about how hard it is to find a dominant female willing to collar a sub male, think for a moment about how much work is involved for a dominant female who is looking to collar the right male sub. The numbers may work in our favor as they give us a large pool to choose from, but they also work against us, because everyone in that large pool (and a number of random male dominants) is sending us email saying, "pick me!", "pick me!" And telling us what we'll do to them once we've collared them. And then, if we say "thanks but no thanks," in reply we get ugly emails full of hostility, sour grapes and/or insults. One good thing about seeking out people in real life, is that people are far more polite in public if you give them the polite rejection.

Finding the ideal partner, whether you are dom or sub, isn't easy. In fact, it's damned hard. But when you do find the winning ticket, it's worth all the times that you didn't win.

Phoenix



_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to subtlesubie)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/9/2006 11:59:24 AM   
ToServeIsToLive


Posts: 222
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		i think the best way to approach it is to not actively seek out a Domme. Become active in your local community, post on internet forums, and get to know the people behind the profiles on internet sites before trying to bow down to them and eventually you'll fall into the perfect relationship.

i went to one munch, and met a bunch of nice people. Through some twists of fate i ended up being collared to two of the Domme that were there (it's a polygroup); i'm quite certain if i had been actively trying it never would have happened.

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/10/2006 2:39:59 PM   
trueshadow


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		It's like any relationship search. You couldn't meet the woman (Domme) of your dreams the first day out, could you?

Actually, the odds aren't as bad as you might think. I have had a couple of Mistresses dominate me, and it was wonderful. The internet makes it easier. I've also attended local munches and parties. You might not meet Ms. RightDomme, but you will meet some nice and interesting people, some of whom will be willing to whip your ass and balls.

It just takes time. Patience....

(in reply to subtlesubie)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/11/2006 4:40:04 PM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		why would a sub sudden act so different we talk and made it known we are wanting one another but then he said he was upset i mistaked his picture for another oh he is so sweet and so funny tellme what is wrong here
iwant him to know i pick him from all of the others i choose him or is it to late yes i am a domme who fall for someone sweet

mons

(in reply to subtlesubie)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/12/2006 12:59:09 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		i read your letter but i think when we domme and this has happen to me when we do find that one we want and go for, they have been hurt or not treat right that they do not know when someone who is true comes along. just becasue we do get so many letters does not mean we are taken everyone who write i lost that one i thought would be it he just thought i was looking for other when iwas speaking to him, he made a huge mistake and i did adore him but he ran away, so take the time to remember there is no way we can all take everyone one of the men who write i pick him above all of the others and he just did not see it

mons

(in reply to subtlesubie)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/12/2006 11:34:19 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline
I am also not 6'1, nor 180 pounds, nor 36 years old, nor do I live in Ontario. Nor am I submisive for that matter. But that is not the point.

You've heard of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier? My post is the Lament of the Unknown Submissive.

He's in Dayton Ohio at a Munch;
he's in Houston Texas at a Fetish Night;
he's in Seattle Washington in front of his computer;
he's in Bridgeport Maine sitting down to his dinner.

He is out there misunderstood and alone. Someone famous, I think it was George Bush, once said, "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me". And we have all done a little (except for Misstoyou, she didn't do much) to make him feel more attractive, more welcome, and more appreciated.

Here's to the Unknown Submissive! May your heart of gold shine on.
============
then if you do not even exist...
whatcha wastin folk's time for?

try growin up a bit...and come back when ya have an actual adult topic...

holy hell anyway.

i aint got time for little kiddies...


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to subtlesubie)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/13/2006 3:20:21 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I equate the submissive seeking a Domme role as almost identical to the publishing world. I'm a novelist who has been writing for most of his life. I've written a dozen novels, three of which have been accepted for publication, of which one has been published, a second is slated to be published early this year and the third's publishing fell apart because of market forces (the company folded).

I'm a great writer. I know that. I don't need continuous reinforcement to let me know that I am what I am. However, I get rejected ALL THE TIME. I mean, constantly. But every now and then, a story makes it through the nonstop rejections and is published. Someone sees the light of my writing and chooses to publish me.

Now, let's take this same analogy to bdsm. I'm a submissive, and I know I'm a very good one. I put forth an effort that puts a Mistress's needs before mine, and THAT brings me pleasure. In the past, I've connected with some very highly sought after women who loved having me around. But a lot rejected me. Kind of like writing. But I continued trying, knowing that someone out there would see me for what I was and be looking for me at that particular time.

I still do that to this day. One day, after I get up the courage to move to a location where more dommes live, I'll find someone because I have something to offer. I don't care that there are 10 to 1 odds against me finding someone because there are so many submissives. It's like writing. NO ONE else is going to write like me or write any of the stuff that I write. NO ONE else is going to be the submissive that I am. NO ONE. And one day, I'll find the right woman who is looking for the kind of submissive that I am, and all will work out wonderfully.

I would like to add that it is VERY easy to become very negative in the search. I've been there. Numerous times. It becomes almost a badge you wear because it's so easy to wear it. If I could give a submissive ANY advice, get rid of that badge. It doesn't do you any good at all. It turns off any potential partners, and it makes you miserable.

If you don't find the person you're seeking right away, find other things in the interim. Life has a lot of fun and interesting things going for it. If you focus 24/7 on trying to find someone and you aren't successful, you're going to allow yourself to become a very miserable person, even though you may even believe you're happy. People used to tell me this all the time, although not in the most friendly terms, and you'll never see it yourself until you really take a step back and look at what you're doing. Not trying to sound like some reject from the 1960s, but positive energy attracts positive energy.

Nowadays, whenever I hear the "well, there are so many of you submissives that I have to bat them away because I'm the only domme in my area" I laugh it off because I'm not any of those submissives. I'm my own brand, and I'm pretty happy with that. I can bring things to a relationship that no one but me can bring. For some, that's great; for others, it's not what they're seeking. That's fine.

(in reply to subtlesubie)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Question for the male subs - 1/13/2006 7:16:52 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlesubie

I am also not 6'1, nor 180 pounds, nor 36 years old, nor do I live in Ontario. Nor am I submisive for that matter. But that is not the point.

You've heard of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier? My post is the Lament of the Unknown Submissive.

He's in Dayton Ohio at a Munch;
he's in Houston Texas at a Fetish Night;
he's in Seattle Washington in front of his computer;
he's in Bridgeport Maine sitting down to his dinner.

He is out there misunderstood and alone. Someone famous, I think it was George Bush, once said, "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me". And we have all done a little (except for Misstoyou, she didn't do much) to make him feel more attractive, more welcome, and more appreciated.

Here's to the Unknown Submissive! May your heart of gold shine on.


I must admit, I got a severe kick out of this. I think we're all a long way from dying ignonamously in a war, but a failure to connect with another in the way we wish is like dying a slow death every day. Lonliness and neglect do share qualities I would associate with the unknown soldier.

Poor Veronica, the avowed atheist, must be particularly disturbed because there's no God to save any of the world's forlorn.

(in reply to subtlesubie)
Profile   Post #: 36
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