On balance... (Full Version)

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agirl -> On balance... (1/13/2009 1:37:49 PM)

After reading a thread on another site which touched on the fact that a lot of profiles contain a lot of * I don't want this and I don't want that*...The question isn't to do with profiles though, but a general curiosity.

Do you think you are more certain about the things you DO want or about the things you don't?

I'll start by saying that I am more certain of things that I do NOT want or like.

agirl





LuckyAlbatross -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 1:39:54 PM)

Depends on the the thing :) 



agirl -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 1:43:27 PM)

lol....... Yes..well.......wanna expand?

agirl



IvyMorgan -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 1:46:42 PM)

I'm more certain about the things I do want.  The things I *really* like in play, the qualities I *really* need in a partner. 

I don't really know what I *don't* want.  Well, I probably do, but not off hand, and I think it's mostly "I don't want X, which is the opposite of what I do want"  So, I want poly, therefore I do not want mono.  I want at least slightly bi, so I don't want completely straight.



CatdeMedici -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 1:49:31 PM)

I am quite certain and comfortable about the lists on both sides of the deciding line.



IrishMist -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 1:53:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

After reading a thread on another site which touched on the fact that a lot of profiles contain a lot of * I don't want this and I don't want that*...The question isn't to do with profiles though, but a general curiosity.

Do you think you are more certain about the things you DO want or about the things you don't?

I'll start by saying that I am more certain of things that I do NOT want or like.

agirl




Even though I am not looking for a relationship...

I am extremely certain and firm on what I DO want in a relationship.

I am also extremely certain and firm about what I do NOT want in a relationship.

I can only thrive in a certain kind of relationship; that's not something that is negotiable...it just is the way it is. I accept that and am perfectly ok with it.



SassySarijane -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 1:58:47 PM)

I feel I am pretty well equally certain of both, but probably clearer on what I DO want/need.



jakelogan01 -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 2:18:17 PM)

i think there are things we are certain about, and things we have no clue about, and things we are not sure whether we are certain...and then there are different ways to express it. or sometimes there are things we want and dare not say. or things we don't want but feel it may seem offensive to some. so, i guess, in summary...sure



kdsub -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 2:20:55 PM)

Hi agirl

Like you I would say I’m sure of what I don’t like…BUT…Often when passion is upon me the distinction between likes and dislikes becomes vague. At that time I may say or do things I normally wouldn’t.

Butch



Aszhrae -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 2:34:29 PM)

For me, I tend to be very curious to the point of experimental. If I don't like it, then its up to me to say so. I base my likes and dislikes upon having experienced something at least once out of curiosity.
Then of course there those things that I have no intention of experiencing because it either calls into question my own morality or simply a lack of interest.
Lacking interest in something, you really should not be forced to alter their thought or belief or even compromise their own beliefs. If the individual is not into it, then it really becomes a punishment and quite possibly hurtful.
Eg: if someone is claustrophobic, not sure it would be a good idea to stick them in a SDT, unless the purpose is to cause the individual to have a panic attack which can lead to disastrous consequences.  Is it really worth it?




LaTigresse -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 2:40:05 PM)

There are a few things on both sides of the equasion I am pretty absolute about. The rest, I am open to seeing where that specific dynamic leads.



trealeon -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 2:40:19 PM)

I don't think I'm more or less certain on either. I think for the most part I'm flexible and there are definite deal breakers that fall into either category ("do want" or "do not want") but those things are small in number.



OmegaG -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 2:43:04 PM)

I think that our society just gears us to think of our negative lists quicker then our possitive ones.  People can write a blog bitching about the terrible day that they've had but they are hard pressed to be able to come up with 5 good things for the day.  We remember exactly what we didn't like in our exes but often have trouble remembering why we were with them for so long.  MadRabbit came up with a wonderful idea on the submissive board for the girl who found out she had a virus, she's dwelling so much on it that she can't remember what is good about herself.

So I think that we know what we like but we are conditioned to list what we don't.

On the other hand, I know there are things that I don't like or won't work in a relationship that I am a part of, but sometimes there are unknowns that pleasently surprise me and I certianly wouldn't have looked for something that I didn't know existed.



agirl -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 2:43:07 PM)

I have to say that it's not a very well thought out question......apologies for that. Unfinished thoughts and all that.

The things I am certain about  are few.....and lay on the *do not want* side. I do not want any more children., I do not like being cold-caned severely, for example...I don't have the same level of certainty about the things I like. This isn;t to say that I'm not certain about what I like or would like etc......but on first examination the few *do not want or like* things seem awfully set in stone. Certain. Absolutely sure.

Interesting to read how other's think.

agirl



littlewonder -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 3:10:23 PM)

I' m extremely certain and sure on both points.

Balance is my life motto.



hereyesruponyou -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 3:18:12 PM)

I know there are things i like, and there are things i don't like. But there are many more things i don't know about and honestly have been known to find things i thought i wouldn't like to be something i loved. And also found something i thought was an absolute NO way, hard limit to be something i later treasured. Life has taught me to never say never. I mean honestly i have no intention of ever killing anyone, but if i was doing it to save someone else, i wouldn't even hesitate, and bdsm is not nearly as black and white as that.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 3:26:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Do you think you are more certain about the things you DO want or about the things you don't?


I'm very sure about both.  There are some things I absolutely will not do or tolerate.  And then there are things that I absolutely need and I will not settle for less.  Between those points is a very wide range of things I'd reeeeealy like to have or don't really want to do but might consider if the person is otherwise fabulous.
 
Unfortunately, it's the things I won't compromise on like complete honesty and treating a relationship like it's more than temporary that mean I am never going to find the rest of the stuff I'd like to have. 
 
*shrug*  C'est la vie.



came4U -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 3:30:18 PM)

I know of what I prefer (not want), and know of what I definately dislike, I would say equally.  Wanting qualifies as a non-necessity, a non-need.  The things I need in order to be fulfilled in a relationship way outweigh any wants.



Mercnbeth -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 3:33:31 PM)

~ Fast Reply ~
 
Maybe it goes back to my NYC days when I used to read the tabloid papers back-wards from the 'Sports' section, but the first thing I look at on any profile is the 'hard limits' section. It is the easiest source of disqualification. A 'hard limit' regarding something I like to do would prohibit me from making contact regardless of anything else on the page.



catize -> RE: On balance... (1/13/2009 3:40:43 PM)

I’m sure about most activities I like to engage in, but some wants or needs are more difficult to define and articulate.  I think the ‘don’t wants’ are listed more often because they are finite, where ‘do wants’ are more open to interpretation and expansion. 



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