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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/14/2009 10:33:27 AM

JustDarkness

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I have to know people to judge about their attitude. I can't see may in general about it.
Soemtimes I get a different look at peoples attitude when I know the background.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/14/2009 10:36:00 AM

CatdeMedici

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I guess I'm the oddball here, I don't see BDSM as a belief I see it as a practice. Beliefs seldom change, where practices come and go.

So I would expect My partner to be strong in some beliefs and others maybe not so--as for practices--I see these coming, going, focused, not so focused based on what reality has thrown at the relationship.

I do expect that My partner should be able to believe that I take My role and commitments very seriously--from there the energy and dedication to maintain certain practices and if the whole of BDSM has left My soul--to speak of that and to offer the decision to go or stay.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/14/2009 11:26:31 AM

IvyMorgan

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I'm with Cat in that I struggle to see kink as a belief. I have a religious belief, I'm Anglican, that's open to debate and change, but, I'm pretty sure of my foundation there. I have a spiritual practise, which, again, I know where my roots, where my heart, lies, and that will develop and grow with me, but not fundamentally change.

Kink is something I do, something that fulfills me. It makes me smile, brings me pleasure, and so, I do it. I'm not "lifestyle" by my definition of the term, although I have been described this way by others.

As far as what I want in a partner, I want someone who knows, firmly, what they want; from life, from themselves, from the world around them. I want someone with a definite goal, a target, drive. I want someone who is like me, in that respect, though, I should imagine what we have as goals and ambitions would be very different. I want someone whose approach to getting what it is they want is flexible, that takes into account the world, the people around them, and the changing circumstances.

In terms of what they believe... I want someone who knows what they will and will not do. Who has a core set of values that do not get compromised. Who can be said to have "integrity". At the same time, I don't want them to be so set in their rules that they discount or cannot accept that my rules may be different.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/14/2009 12:13:59 PM

gumshoe

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I think that people should seek to be open minded, but not so open minded that, as somebody once said, their brains fall out.

Preferably someone will hold beliefs that are well considered. Live and let live is well considered. Racism and homophobia are not. It is a good thing to hold well founded preconceptions. It is a bad thing to hold ill-considered prejudices.

I think it good that someone holds firm, well considered, beliefs, because then you know where you stand with them. But it's bad news if someone's belief are so rigid as to dogmatic. People should take their beliefs seriously, they shouldn't take themselves too seriously.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/14/2009 5:36:11 PM

NCNutCase

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

Does a person into BDSM have to be rigid in their belief, or is there room for a person to sway in the wind of change ?

I feel one should be rigid in their own personal principals, yet openminded enough to allow other's to have/express their own principals, even if/when they are different from your own...

That being said we also have the right to distance ourselves from those whose principals (or lack there of) we strongly disagree with...

That being said being openminded also allows us room to grow/change...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

Can you explain your preference, is it what you prefer in the person you know, as a person, or as a BDSM partner ?

As a person, I am a silly, fun loving guy... yet that attitude doesn't pervade into 'scening' very often... Personally, I don't care for those who feel they must project their scene attitide into there non-scening relationships... just be yourself ;-)

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/14/2009 5:53:04 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

They should be rigid about staying true to who they are and fluid with what that means.

LA said it best

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/14/2009 6:40:02 PM

Jeptha

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I'm usually not a very dogmatic person myself.

At least not in a traditional sense - tho maybe I could be viewed as dogmatic in that I like what I like...

But what I like is often a mix-n-match approach cobbled together from a lot of different sources.

Thus, a good deal of flexibility and open mindedness are pretty essential.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/14/2009 6:55:08 PM

Sexycelticlady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA

The only people I ever met with belief systems as rigid and stale are atheists. You got to be willing to deeply examine your believe systems if you want growth.

Great generalisation. I became Atheist specificially because I did examine my belief system and found it wanting things such as objectve evidence and consistancy. I have grown more as a person since then than I ever did prior to that. Incidently, most Atheists lack belief rather than believe there is no God, they simply see no reasonable evidence to even entertain the idea.

To the OP. I am strongly opinionated and will defend my opinions, rigid in my morality with its basis in reason and logic but open minded to new ideas, new experiences and new concepts. Life is to be lived and experienced. I look for people who will enrich my life.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/15/2009 7:39:59 PM

faithbunny

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Rigidity is for penises. In all people, and most especially in the man I kneel before, accept beatings from, and have vowed to spend the rest of my life with, I require a fair degree of open-mindedness, and a willingness to compromise when necessary. The key difference between my Master and the rest of the world is that he somehow manages to pull off those things while hurting, using and degrading me, and making me feel truly alive, and truly loved.

~faith

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/15/2009 8:04:00 PM

chezzy71

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i have searched and wanted in a partner a best friend who will alow me certain things and allow me to be myself.someone i know will always care about me at the end of the day and vice versa.i know sooner rather than later,the ole flogger will be hung up for good.that doesn't mean that it all has to end.by the way..i found her and she is wonderful.

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RE: A matter of attitude - 1/16/2009 3:25:07 AM

Calandra

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I appreciate structure and anyone who serves me must also appreciate structure, so I tend to be considered rigid at times. This isn't so. I LOVE learning and experiencing new things.

I may hold an opinion about something, but when I find someone who sees things differently, I am the first one to ask why they feel the way they do. I will ask follow-up questions, or offer ideas that may challenge their position to see if their reasoning holds weight. I'm not challenging the person, nor am I judging them - I am attempting to judge whether it is beneficial to Me and mine for Me to change MY position. I am equally capable of changing My view as I am to consider their reasoning and stick to My original beliefs.

I do not believe in absolutes, and I almost never impose my beliefs upon others. I firmly believe that My task as Mystress of My household is to weigh what works FOR US - nothing more.

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