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need advice on anal play - 1/6/2006 3:45:52 PM

MadelineSerenity

Posts: 24
Joined: 1/6/2006
Status: offline

i feel really embarrassed to ask this because everyone on here seems so experienced, and i'm just a beginner. however, i am in desperate need for advice on anal play... i find it to be very, very, very painful, but i really want to be able to do it. so, i was wondering if i could just get some advice on how to subside the pain somehow. i'm sorry this is such a beginner's question. thank you so much.

Post #: 1

RE: need advice on anal play - 1/6/2006 4:08:56 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadelineSerenity

i feel really embarrassed to ask this because everyone on here seems so experienced, and i'm just a beginner. however, i am in desperate need for advice on anal play... i find it to be very, very, very painful, but i really want to be able to do it. so, i was wondering if i could just get some advice on how to subside the pain somehow. i'm sorry this is such a beginner's question. thank you so much.

To start with, there shouldn't be a lot of pain. Are you using a lot of lube and is your partner taking his or her time. Both patience and lube are commodities of which one cannot have too much in this sort of play.

Two recommended books:

Anal Pleasure and Health and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. The Ultimate Guide also has a DVD and a video tape but they are really supplements rather than substitutes

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to MadelineSerenity)

Post #: 2

RE: need advice on anal play - 1/6/2006 4:52:21 PM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

try training w/ a butt plug...(start off small,lube well, 15/20 mins p/day and gradually work your way up to bigger and don't get hard plastic)i find entry to be somewhat painful but after that.....smooth sailing

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to MadelineSerenity)

Post #: 3

RE: need advice on anal play - 1/6/2006 5:35:14 PM

miticantenslaved

Posts: 195
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

miti is actually going to be serious for a moment *gasp and mark Y/your calendars*

there is honestly no reason to have painful anal intercourse. someone is NOT being prepared properly...you are missing the deep pleasure that anal truly brings.

some lovely oral, with one finger inserted is a nice start. when comfortable, it is time for two fingers...*note* too much lube is almost enough, for this!!!

depending on the size of your partners penis/toy, three fingers may be in order...

relax, enjoy...and try to forget your previous pain...

after nicely relaxed, lubed and gently stretched, let the fun begin!

it truly does not hurt, when preperations are made correctly...honest!

~miti

_____________________________

~If that which you seek you do not find within, you will not find, without *D. Valiente*~

(in reply to MadelineSerenity)

Post #: 4

RE: need advice on anal play - 1/6/2006 7:36:51 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

This is just what butt plugs were made for, in my book. I like miti's counsel about the fingers as well.

It's an extreme pleasure when done right and worked into with patience. A normal size penis is a pretty big thing to get used to at first. Insist that it get to feeling good with the play before you move up to actual penile penetration. Make sure your lube is not irritating. Don't use anything labled "warming". Lots of just good old plain Astroglide is my fave.

My dom, just to spring a new one on me, got me a new, bigger butt plug and made me walk around the mall with it in while he took me shopping and to eat. What an adventure. I just kinda pretended like I was walking funny cause I just got out of the hospital or something. It was fun and funny. He let me wear panties for once so if the thing came sailing out I wouldn't be mortified!!!

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to miticantenslaved)

Post #: 5

RE: need advice on anal play - 1/6/2006 8:38:35 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

Personally, I always thought anal play would be a pain in the ass.

(in reply to classykindasassy)

Post #: 6

RE: need advice on anal play - 1/7/2006 7:46:32 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio

Personally, I always thought anal play would be a pain in the ass.

It is, unless you're doing it right.

One suggestions I have (along with all the others) is to be sure he's wearing a condom, along with plenty of lube like Anal-eaze or KY Jelly or any of the other sold specifically for anal penetration. It tends to slip in much more easily when covered with the slippery latex as opposed to bare skin, even with the lube.

Another is, when you've been fingered and plugged and loosened and gotten as relaxed as possible and you're ready to try the condom-covered penis....YOU have to be the one in charge. Let him enter you very very slowly, a millimeter at a time. As soon as it begins to hurt, you stay "stop!" and he MUST STOP....and freeze there...don't back out, just stop in place. You take deep breaths and try to relax. Eventually, you should....and tell him to go ahead. He should ease forward again, little by little, and if it begins to hurt again, tell him to "stop!", and he should freeze in place again. Once again, concentrate on relaxing. And then repeat the cycle until he slips all the way in. If it continues to hurt, try bearing down slightly like you were trying to push him out (but don't actually push him out!). That helps the sphincter to relax. He can keep easing forward and stopping as needed.

Deep breathing with your mouth open helps things down there to relax and be open, too. And he should be dependable enough NOT to try to force you to take more than you want to at the time. I don't care what degree of M/s dynamic you've achieved....rectal entry pain is a lot less desirable and tolerable than the pain of a whip or a slap. And knowing you CAN be in control here will also help you to relax and not fear the pain that you have no control over.

This works for me every time. Good luck!

chymes

(in reply to Petruchio)

Post #: 7

RE: need advice on anal play - 1/7/2006 8:05:26 AM

SelkiePet1

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline

my D. spent months preparing me when we first began ... didn't even let me know that is what we were going to be doing LOL - he linked pleasure with anal play by starting with just touching, gently, while stimulating me... then while we were making love, again ... slowly began introducing finger, first one, then two ... when we finally did have actual anal intercourse - it was ME who initiated (I thought! LOL) - it SHOULD not hurt - you need to be relaxed though and that means you need to take as much time as possible - and be VERY aroused to begin with ... not something to start the whole thing with - lots and lots of lube when you first begin (I don't like any lube now but that's me - at the beginning it was necessary).

good luck, sweetie - it truly is quite wonderful!

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 8

RE: need advice on anal play - 1/7/2006 4:40:16 PM

miticantenslaved

Posts: 195
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

nods to A/all...and just remember, madeline...once you have had pain, it is very hard to forget! so, forgive yourself if you still do not want to try it for a while, hmmmm?

because of the remembered pain, you will likely be tense and nervous, anytime anything is introduced or anal play occurs. this is normal.

just go slow!

~miti

_____________________________

~If that which you seek you do not find within, you will not find, without *D. Valiente*~

(in reply to MadelineSerenity)

Post #: 9

RE: need advice on anal play - 1/9/2006 8:24:03 AM

Heinz

Posts: 65
Joined: 4/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: miticantenslaved

nods to A/all...and just remember, madeline...once you have had pain, it is very hard to forget! so, forgive yourself if you still do not want to try it for a while, hmmmm?

because of the remembered pain, you will likely be tense and nervous, anytime anything is introduced or anal play occurs. this is normal.

just go slow!

~miti

Afterpain can also be enjoyeble !!! :)

But.......................

When yopu are training with a butplug, use some gel. You will enjoy it.

_____________________________

Heinz, from Holland (Europe)

(in reply to miticantenslaved)

Post #: 10

RE: need advice on anal play - 1/9/2006 9:43:39 AM

cravinspankin

Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

I absoluely love anal sex.
However, it can be a bit painful at times -- usually if the man is bigger than i'm accustomed to.. but most often if i'm not relaxed and aroused.
Both are key to this.
It is sheer pleasure for me if i'm already aroused.. is there something he can do for you, touching, kissing a particular erogenous zone that just makes your knees go weak and turns you on.
For me.. it's kissing and nibbling on my ear and on the side of my neck just below the ear, or on the back of my neck.
Also... try not to tense up when you know he's about to enter you. That's a mistake a lot of people make, i think.
The suggestions on lots and lots of lube, and a great deal of patience on his part are excellent and quite right. So are the ideas of getting accustomed to it using a butt plug. if you have trouble retaining it.. try slipping on a thong.. the little strap really helps hold it in place.
The idea of starting with fingers is also very good.
but here's another suggestion.
When he enters you.. try pushing backwards against him as he pushes forward.
That, too, helps relax the sphincter and makes penetration easier.
Good luck with this.... i hope you come to love it as i do.

(in reply to MadelineSerenity)

Post #: 11

RE: need advice on anal play - 1/9/2006 12:42:49 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Fastlane peels back the adhesive and places the sticker just above his back pants pockets, "Exit Only."

All the advice you have recieved is good and should help you on your way. If not, I can tell you where to purchase one of my stickers.

Peace, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 12

RE: need advice on anal play - 1/9/2006 1:10:39 PM

miticantenslaved

Posts: 195
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Fastlane peels back the adhesive and places the sticker just above his back pants pockets, "Exit Only."

*blinks innocently* tongues, too???

'The thing is that Mr. Dibbler can even sell sausages to people who have bought them off him before.'
Now that's marketing. [Moving Pictures]

~miti

_____________________________

~If that which you seek you do not find within, you will not find, without *D. Valiente*~

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 13

RE: need advice on anal play - 1/9/2006 2:16:19 PM

LaMalinche

Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

Fastlane peels back the adhesive and places the sticker just above his back pants pockets, "Exit Only."

All the advice you have recieved is good and should help you on your way. If not, I can tell you where to purchase one of my stickers.

Peace, Kevin

Hmmmmm. . . . thinking about purchasing a sticker. Now where do you buy them? Stickers-R-Us?

Although I think miti has a point, tongues are a whole other matter.

Madaline, just remember, lube is your friend. . . lube is your friend. . . too bad you can't buy it in the economy size at Sam's club. Now that would be worth a membership.

One other suggestion if you are having pain, is to check with your Dr. and make sure that you don't have internal hemmerhoids (however you spell that). That can cause lots of pain, and you cannot see them.

Good Luck,

LaMalinche

------------------------------------------------------------------

Patience is the virtue of asses.
French Proverb

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 14

RE: need advice on anal play - 1/9/2006 6:33:13 PM

MadelineSerenity

Posts: 24
Joined: 1/6/2006
Status: offline

thanks for the advice, everyone. i will try everything, and just go with what works best. thanks again!

_____________________________

"there is no god. there is only what you want."

(in reply to LaMalinche)

Post #: 15

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