Fantasy vs. Reality

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yourMissTress -> Fantasy vs. Reality (1/14/2009 9:27:14 PM)
During a recent discussion with a sub; the subject was fantasies becoming reality, and how the reality is never the same as the fantasy. He remarked that the reality is not always as good as the fantasy. He went on to explain that the fantasy always proceeds from beginning to end flawlessly, without misstep, exactly as he wants it to be and there is no disappointment in fantasy. While I see his point, I had to disagree that making the fantasy a reality is almost always better than the fantasy because it's a real experience and I usually learn something from that experience. After having said it, I thought, when did that change for me? When did fantasy change from a simply enjoyable thought or daydream and become a plan or a blueprint that needed to be experimented and improved upon? I remember being 16 and fantasizing about my first threesome, that was a very hot fantasy. When I made it reality, it was hot and I loved it and while I was in the middle of it I wasn't thinking about how I could make it better, it just was what it was. I continued to fantasize about it afterwards, and I had some experience so the fantasy was slightly altered, but still relatively the same. Today, the things that I fantasize about seem to be so much more complicated, and for the most part, they are more like ideas. Ideas that require real life experience to develop, tweak, and perfect. How would this work, wouldn't it be great to do this, how could I do this without ripping the skin? So for me, the reality is always better because I can try and adapt and create and whether or not it works the way I envisioned, I learn something for the next time. Don't get me wrong, I still have some very hot fantasies that don't require a drawing board, but they are less frequent than the ones that do. How about you? Is fantasy better than reality? What's your experience and what are your thoughts?

shivermetimbers -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/14/2009 9:47:28 PM)
Reality always tops fantasy. I harken back to fantasizing about being tied up and having wonderful things done to me. When that became a reality, I found that fantasizing could not remotely produce the feeling of utter helplessness and being at someone's mercy. Also, in the fantasy, you have no concerns over trust, in reality, you have to give that over to someone, and that's a huge step.

YoursMistress -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/14/2009 10:00:49 PM)
I have just recently completed my 180 degree turn on this one. When I first started therapy (..remembering wistfully as if it were only yesterday..) I told my therapist that imagined sex was definitely better than real sex. Just take the best sex ever, add a cherry on top and.. Voila! It's better. Now after thinking it through for a long time, I realized that it was such a false idea, since I was not imagining a wonderful scenario, but only doing a "what if?" after the fact. Actually, I think I am much more limited in my own imagination than when I add in the possibility of someone else's ideas and feelings, the emotions experienced during a wonderful physical and spiritual experience and even the intervention of providence, resulting in infinitely more depth and complexity than I could ever imagine on my own. And how timely, I've just realized the vast superiority of an intimate relationship with someone as the one I have comes to an end :( yours

bound4more -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/14/2009 10:47:33 PM)
Depends on the fantasy. I can think of things that seem hot, but I'm sure I wouldn't really want to experience them in real life. I actually have found at times that fantasy is better than reality. Like I said before, depends on the fantasy.

Lockit -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/14/2009 10:48:07 PM)
A fantasy life is an isolated thing... self controlled and self centered and I do think that men and woman may fantasize differently. I am not sure on that, but it is something I have wondered about. Personally, I like little imperfect scenes where something funny happens even in a fantasy and we burst out in laughter. Maybe I have a laughter fetish or something... but I am very realistic in my fantasy... lot's of hot stuff... things I would like to try... getting comfortable with something new... breaking out in laughter over something and then back to the hot stuff again. My fantasy isn't just something to get off on... but a plot or storyline I might like to live out that gets me through until there is an actual someone there to do it with. I do believe that too much fantasy can be a hindrence though. If one spends a lot of time in fantasy... I do have to wonder if it is an escape or isolation type thing. I guess I am always looking for a balance in life and too much pretend seems like it would be a problem to the reality and someone who finds the fantasy better than the real thing... might be proving to me, what I think on this. Fantasy may include other people, but they don't always seem to include the emotions or intimacy that a real encounter would. In a real encounter there is much more to think about and feel and do and sometimes jaded as I can be... I think that makes it easier for some.

Vendaval -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 12:09:24 AM)
For me it is about 50/50, some fantasies are best left to the imagination and others are mind-blowing when done in real life.

Coupleofwhats -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 12:10:53 AM)
A fantasy is unobtainable: I'd rather have the real thing than nothing at all.

LadyPact -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 1:46:31 AM)
I think I'm with you, Tress. Somewhere along the line, My philosophy changed. I got a different way of thinking about it. Why have fantasies when you can have goals? Real life is always just so much better. I can come up with great things in My mind, but no matter what it is, there's always some element in the way it plays out in reality that just adds something more to it. I can't pin down what that thing is. It could be the smell of the air or the setting of the light. It could be a lighthearted laugh. It could be a hundred things or all of those things. I don't know what it is about it, but it's something.

femmetasia -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 2:09:01 AM)
i once comforted myself within the restraints of a vanilla marriage that my fantasies were best kept just that...fantasies...cold comfort really, the fantasies just got hotter as i began to feel increasingly caged and denied the full palette of my creative side. now i stand before my Master in paint covered shirt with a silly grin...damn....reality is so much better and now my forays into masturbation include mental films of actual events and planned upcoming events that in no way have to be curtailed when my my Master keeps handing me new colours to play with.... Pure fantasy is overrated in my opinion, the reality of having the courage to make real what one once only dared to fantasise about, is powerful and freeing beyond measure.

Maxwell67 -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 2:29:57 AM)
FR This is a very tricky question. I think the answer depends on who you are as a person and I am not sure that there is any "correct" answer. In fact, I think there is not. Some of my fantasies could never be translated into reality. They are very dark and must remain fantasies for the good of everyone involved. Some of the fantasies I have made reality suffered in translation. But, then reality has surprised me also in the amazing confluence of events which I have been fortunate to experience, things have happened which were better that I could have fantasized them. Reality can be better than fantasy if you are one of those people who are fortunate enough to put aside your expectations and simply experience what life has to offer. Some people just can't do that for one reason or another. Others will need a great deal of help first. Reality is unpredictable and there are many people who just don't manage well with that. Too much can go wrong. People who do not feel secure, whose personalities are driven by fear.. there are a lot of people out there like that and for them a fantasy is safe, predictable and always has a happy ending. Of course they will feel it is preferable, and from their perspective on the world they are right. Plato claimed that this life is an illusion, the Gnostics claim the same, so do Buddhists.. from their perspective it is ALL fantasy. Some of it is shared with others and we call it reality, and it contains a lot of suffering (not the good kind) and heartache. I create fantasies for a living, on a stage or in virtual reality, for an audience or interactive participants. These also contain a lot of suffering and heartache and I have, over time become convinced that those fantasies are more valuable than the safe, predictable things that I create alone in my head. Whether they are better than reality depends entirely on the effect they have on everyone involved. It is my hope that those fantasies make reality better. So as a result, and probably becuase I am an artist, (one of those people who Plato felt should be abolished because we create illusions within this illusion we call reality, so they cannot possibly be as good) I remain on the fence about this.

Daenok -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 2:31:38 AM)
I think they both have a place. Fantasy is good because there are a number of things that sound exciting in my mind, but I know that I wouldn't enjoy it even if given the chance. Fantasies are great for things that just aren't practical either, but you can enjoy imagining every once in a while.

agirl -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 2:38:17 AM)
I see my fantasies as different to reality. To me they are different animals and I wouldn't compare them at all. I enjoy my fantasies for what they are and enjoy reality for what it is. When M puts into practise something I've fantasised about, I don't compare it to the fantasy....the fantasy stays intact and stands alone. I do have the same experience of the fantasy altering after experiencing it in reality.........it adds a dimension to it that I didn't previously have and which relied on imagination, especially in terms of sound and scent. agirl

IronBear -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 2:41:07 AM)
Fantasy vs. Reality is, in my opinion, the same argument that truth is often more fantastic than lies and often less believable for those who have not a wide experience base. I have found that most fantacies can be analysed and looked at a case of OK lets see if this can be made to work without mass destruction of property and without a body count.

odd0bob0tie0up -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 2:53:18 AM)
my belief is fantasies being turned to reality is like trying to predict the future. you can accurately guess a couple of seconds forward, your fantasy can be simple as a shiela in a school girl out fit. easy to accomplish, bigger fantasy the harder to turn to reality. good sex with a shiela in a school girls outfit, that would depend on you and the chicka, the degrees get greater, so fantasy to reality is an awesome gamble with the best pay off if you get it right, 90% right or even 10% right, its all good

stardancer00 -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 4:40:43 AM)
Fantasy is creative thought which to a great extent interacts with reality to create experience. The fantasies we fashion which seem like scenarios help us to know much more about our deeper feelings and needs. We do need a balance between living out fantasies and knowing which ones to leave as entertainment, comforts, and other ways to understand ourselves.

chezzy71 -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 4:46:57 AM)
i don't think anything can replace a real life situation.i have fantasized a zillion times already about being with Mistress but until that happens and a scene happens,then it is all just a pipedream.with that said,i do like Miss Lockit's take on it.Laughing your head off during a scene.Makes me fantasize that i am tethered and gagged and being flogged or paddled by Mistress and having to say thank you Mistress may i have another and it comes out dnakglumtressglaydihabaglover...and Mistress is laughing her head off...maybe there is something to this fantasy thing afterall..smiles.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 6:23:17 AM)
For me, it isn't a question of better or worse. I have fantasies, and some of them are pretty hot, but it's interesting... having my fantasies brought into the real world almost made them a different experience completely than the one in my head... and both were amazing. Each had its own particular nuances that made it just what I needed at the time, and when the real experience was over, I noticed that my fantasy hadn't changed... but now I had a -memory-, too, of an experience that I could draw on. Maybe it has something to do with being a writer. My stepdaughter, who is a visual artist, tells me she has the same experience. The fantasies in her head are separate entities from even experiences that closely resemble them, like the fantasies have a life and existence of their own that isn't really -touched- by what goes on in the real world. I like the flexibility of having, and cherishing both, without having to set them in competition to one another.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 7:37:37 AM)
It depends on how you fantasize (and tends to be a male/female dichotomy issue). If you really flesh out the fantasy in detail and make a story out of it, it will be very hard to recreate in detail how that will happen in reality (unless you're really just that good at creating from thought). But if you just have fantasy ideas, flashes of scenes, and want to evoke more a particular feeling rather than an actual physical set up, then you can certainly get to that.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 7:39:49 AM)
Count me in the camp of considering them two different entities. When they can be intertwined...bringing a fantasy to reality and living it for what it is, being "there" and enjoying what is there instead of constantly harking back to the fantasy and comparing the two while in the middle of the reality...bringing the reality experience to the fantasy and "tweaking" the fantasy by adding sights, sounds, scents, tastes...it can be wonderful. I agree that living too much in fantasy can be harmful but I have also found that those folks who say they don't fantasize about things that can't come true or that they "know" they can't make come true can often be seen to be living their lives in either a frenetic fashion, trying to make every encounter a "happening" OR in what seems...to me, anyway...a deadly, dull fashion. Fantasy is not reality...and sometimes, thank GOD it is not. But then again, reality is not fantasy...and sometimes, when you think about it, thank GOD it is not.

Padriag -> RE: Fantasy vs. Reality (1/15/2009 7:58:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Why have fantasies when you can have goals? Give yourself a gold star for cutting very close to the crux of the matter. The reason some find fantasy better than reality, while others prefer reality over fantasy deals with why they fantasize. For some, fantasies are a means of mentally exploring goals, things they want to physically pursue. For others, fantasies are a way of escaping reality. Because of the difference in goals, the expectations and how the fantasy develops will be very different. Those escaping reality will seek to create a perfect fantasy world where all their wishes come true without unpleasant consequences. Those who instead are exploring ideas they intend to act upon, will instead have fantasies more connected to likely consequences, both pleasant and unpleasant. To answer the OPs question, my fantasies are reality seeking, I use them as a means of mentally exploring ideas I might wish to actually pursue. Some ideas get discarded while others eventually get tried. This applies to every aspect of my life, not just BDSM.

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