desiring to feel "slave like" outside of a scene

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desiring to feel "slave like" outside of a scene - 1/15/2009 2:46:05 AM

femmetasia

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Having been owned by my Master for just under a year i

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RE: desiring to feel "slave like" outside of ... - 1/15/2009 2:59:09 AM

femmetasia

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oh well that so didn't make sense....hit the send button before i had licked the envelope...anyways my question....

i have been collared for just under a year, and the headspace within a scene connects me beautifully with my slave self (this is not intended as a debate as to what is a slave or not...i don't want to hear that i should "always" be in a slave headspace for accepting my collar in the first place).

i find that little actions such as hair pulling (discretely) in public really put me there as do other little triggers...i crave more of these and hesitate to ask my Master for i would not be satisfied in my service to Him if he were required to micro-manage me.

i am interested to know what triggers you use for your slave/sub in a non-scene environment and also if her need for frequent reminders motivates you or irks you...i do understand that the my personal dynamic with my Master is unique to us and communication is key, but would love to hear some of your responses on this.

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RE: desiring to feel "slave like" outside of ... - 1/15/2009 3:11:48 AM

DesFIP

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First off. asking him is not the same as demanding he micromanage you. If while walking he occasionally puts his hand up to your hair and takes a fistful, dropping you into a more submissive headspace that is not something so onerous that you need to spare him the effort.

In fact not telling him is you taking control. It is his decision to make and he needs this info to make it.

Some people develop discreet hand signals to instruct a sub/slave what to do. Others find the occasional hard look to be enough. Me? He has this habit of playing with the back of my neck. He starts that and I'm likely to get so dazed I'll walk into walls. But he doesn't always want me in that condition, I can't choose which chicken to buy for dinner if he's doing that. So it's his decision to do it or not.

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RE: desiring to feel "slave like" outside of ... - 1/15/2009 3:43:44 AM

Aileen1968

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When he says Good Girl to me....
Does it every time.

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RE: desiring to feel "slave like" outside of ... - 1/15/2009 6:38:40 AM

VeryNastyDom

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Its a little like being married, and you are still in the honeymoon period. Over time you, and he, will learn what signals are tied to your D/s dynamic and which are just casual vanilla conversation. There is nothing wrong with discussing the triggers with Master and letting him know what effects these subtle actions have on you; maybe he likes it too! I know certain phrases that yield an immediate result, and I use them to great effect, but I had to learn from the lady exactly which phrases did that to her. Give your Master the same courtesy.

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RE: desiring to feel "slave like" outside of ... - 1/15/2009 7:40:37 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Most people have to find a balance between the external expressions of closeness and their internal motivation. Expecting all of one or the other from anyone in the relationship will lead to failure. It's good that you are aware that your hunger for external reinforcement might become a strain on him, but you should consider that they may just as likely reenergize him just as they do to you.

Talk about it with him, recognize that it's not the feeling "slave like" it's simply the delicious sub fuzzies you want to experience more regularly. Figure out a few extra things you can have with you and do quickly together. That's the best part of having a partner- you don't have to do all the work on your own.

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RE: desiring to feel "slave like" outside of ... - 1/15/2009 8:44:00 AM

BrutalMasterOne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: femmetasia

i find that little actions such as hair pulling (discretely) in public really put me there as do other little triggers...i crave more of these and hesitate to ask my Master for i would not be satisfied in my service to Him if he were required to micro-manage me.

i am interested to know what triggers you use for your slave/sub in a non-scene environment and also if her need for frequent reminders motivates you or irks you...i do understand that the my personal dynamic with my Master is unique to us and communication is key, but would love to hear some of your responses on this.

Well there are so many things that one's head spins with possibilities. It is really as you have said unique to who and what you are. I find it interesting that you mention micro-management. For some that is a pleasure and for others a chore.

You did ask for some examples? This list is not in any way comprehensive, nor have I done all of these with just one slave. So here goes with a few ideas.

Diapers. Wearing one in public is private and yet humiliating in the extreem. I have never understooed why many dislike this.
The wearing of a locked collar goes without saying.
Public displays are nice, from the blow job in the parking lot behind a car door, to wearing a very short skirt.
Not being permitted to place food in your mouth without permission, it can be a nod as well as a word.
Opening doors for your Master is another thing that most don't do but that will not raise eyebrows.

Of course the list is endless. But I agree that each and every couple must find the things that they are happy with. As for me, well I always change what I want and do in an effort to keep that honeymoon period going for years. Best of luck to you and yours.

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RE: desiring to feel "slave like" outside of ... - 1/15/2009 12:16:11 PM

Jeptha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: femmetasia

...i crave more of these and hesitate to ask my Master for i would not be satisfied in my service to Him if he were required to micro-manage me.

Instead of asking for them, I would simply give him positive feedback regarding them.
It doesn't have to be at the exact moment the event occurs, either - that might make it a more self-conscious moment, actually. (Which is neither good nor bad, but some people do not prefer it.)

I think you can give someone positive feedback anytime and it will be effective. We all have egos, like to be valued by others, etc.

quote:

...i am interested to know what triggers you use for your slave/sub in a non-scene environment...

In public triggers would be simple touches like you mention, or maybe grabbing her arm firmly, moving her physically, simple orders at odd times to "turn around", "stand here", etc, while I check out her outfit, adjust her clothing, etc. I might just ask for her thoughts about anything. Do a mock 5 second interrogation scene about her association with jelly donuts while we're at the bakery. It could be anything.

quote:

...and also if her need for frequent reminders motivates you or irks you...

I suppose if she needed constant reassurance, or it otherwise became a very high maintainance kind of thing, then it could be irksome. But in general, I would be flattered and would enjoy taking the dynamic (subtly) into different spheres of activity like that.

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 1/15/2009 12:20:00 PM >

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RE: desiring to feel "slave like" outside of ... - 1/15/2009 2:28:07 PM

cagliostro

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Barring some rule in your relationship, you're allowed to ask for things. The trick to getting what you want is to present it in a way he will best respond to it. Use the word 'I' as much as possible, and 'you' as little as possible. Talk about how it makes you feel, be positive about it. I feel. I like. Blah blah blah. I would like to feel that way more. What do you think? Pretty simple. And generally we respond well to "more," it's less we sometimes have trouble with. Unless you're talking about a 24/7 thing. That's kinda a big step.

What you can do discretely, is a basically just up to how creative you two are. It doesn't even have to happen while you're out. I do this thing where I just give a look and hold up a couple of fingers. That's how many more lashes when we get home. So there's nothing to see. There's no buzzing from the remote control panties. No lock at your throat. No leash. But you know what's coming. Or I can drag you into the restroom and spank you right there. It's all what you're comfortable doing. The limit is really just your imagination. Have fun ;)

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RE: desiring to feel "slave like" outside of ... - 1/15/2009 7:02:20 PM

femmetasia

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Thank you everyone for your positive replies, i've found them very helpful. i feel validated that you all understood the nature of what i am craving. It seems to be a natural progression of things that as i grow into this D/s relationship to desire the D/s to infiltrate aspects of our lives in the vanilla world.

The first hair tugging in public occurred while shopping and i wanted to argue over the cereal he had chosen...suffice to say i shut up over the damned cereal, in fact i could no longer think except to stand there in delicious mute wonder at how powerful this little action was and how i adored him for knowing it.

@ LuckyAlbatross, to quote you.... "It's good that you are aware that your hunger for external reinforcement might become a strain on him, but you should consider that they may just as likely reenergize him just as they do to you"...excellent advice and gives me a whole new perspective when i consider the effects are as likely to be as positive for him. Thanks for your insight.

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RE: desiring to feel "slave like" outside of ... - 1/19/2009 12:51:07 AM

Petruchio

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A few suggestions:

Sometimes I'll stop and wait for her to open the door for me. I find little ways of letting her serve me.

I once demanded a girlfriend step out of her panties in ladies' department of a store and hand them to me.

She had a black collar and I had a thin black leash. I snapped it on her and had her drop it down her cleavage.

Don't be passive, though. Look for little things you can do. A girlfriend used to find an excuse to retie my shoelace. That was potent by itself, but when she'd rise, she'd brush her lips against my fly. Very sexy.

Long ago in college, my girlfriend wore miniskirts even in winter. When we'd get in the car, she'd place my right hand high between her thighs to warm my hand.

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