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First time playing with new sub - 1/15/2009 8:12:57 PM

Sexycelticlady

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I am a Switch and have been in the lifestyle a relatively short time. I have been lucky enough to casually play as a Top (very mild scenes only, however) and a bottom in clubs and also undergo training with a Dom with whom I am currently under consideration with (yes, I know this is not in my profile for those of you whore particular good at spotting such things, I have chosen not to put that in my profile until we decide one way or the other). My Dom has no problems with me either playing as a sub casually or Topping others. I am not at the stage where I am ready to take on the role of being a Domme to a sub, but I am interested in Topping subs I have been speaking to in a more private setting than clubs.

First point, if I haven't already met them I would always meet the subs in a vanilla setting and see if chemistry and the usual things are compatible. Second, I am very safety aware, having been in an unsafe situation when I first became interested in submitting, which lead to a very unpleasant experience. Third, I have been attending munches, demos etc to learn about both of my sides and developing my skill set. I am serious about this.

My questions to You all are thus;
First - when You first decide to play with a sub, how do You approach the situation/prepare?

Second - bearing in mind limits have been discussed etc, what level of play do You take things to? for example, how long the session is, what combinations of play do You engage in (not specifics, generalisations)? There is an arbitrary rule stated in SM 101 about not providing too many different forms of sensations the first time played and I will stick to that for now but I am curious as to what others do.

Third - Do You have any advice for me with regard to this?

< Message edited by Sexycelticlady -- 1/15/2009 8:13:42 PM >

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RE: First time playing with new sub - 1/15/2009 9:28:11 PM

Coupleofwhats

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When I play with someone for the first time, I try to feel them out, and base my approach on what I detect.

Some people are very pliant and give themselves over very easily, so I might feel comfortable doing things that might usually freak out a first time partner. (For example, sometimes people freak out when they're rendered immobile: but if I get an extra surrendering vibe, I'll go for plastic wrap mummification or heavy bondage.) Unless you guys have tight schedules, I would say that the scene should go on until you feel it start to taper off. Just bring it to a nice close.

I think there can only be "too many" sensations if they're somehow cancelling each other out. Sort of like how tickling ends up being ineffective if you do it for too long in the same spot. If you jump around from thing to thing, it might be kind of jarring.

I wouldn't worry about it so much though! If there is something in particular that you want to try on them, you might want to bone up on technique or safety guidelines. But other than that, go in there and have fun. It's really about having chemistry with the other person. Once that's in place, you're good to go.

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RE: First time playing with new sub - 1/15/2009 10:44:10 PM

Sexycelticlady

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Thank you Coupleofwhats and yes, I agree about chemistry being very important.

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RE: First time playing with new sub - 1/16/2009 12:26:45 AM

MaamJay

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OK, this is how I tackle it. First off, preliminary talks will have revealed some key things I need to know, beyond the usual limits etc. I am interested in what might trigger a particularly subby reaction ... for some it's getting naked while I am dressed, for others it's kneeling, some go gooey at the touch of rope, chain etc. I make sure to trip that trigger sooner rather than later. However, this would be a general "first scene":

1. Pleasant chat for a few minutes, showing him around the play area, where the toilet is, where refreshments are (so he knows where to go should I tell him to fetch something for Me). I try to put him at some ease.
2. Then I order him to get naked for Me, and exercise some control by telling him how and where his clothes should be organised.
3. Then I tell him to present himself standing *basically anatomical position* and I take the time to inspect him and go over My medical check (which will have been discussed previously). I like to touch him and watch his skin response, also watch what he does when I move behind him so he can't see Me or what I might do.
4. Then I will have him kneel and greet Me appropriately and if he is pleasing to Me I might then lift his face to Mine and kiss his forehead (or lips if he's really lucky!)
5. I move to a position for initial impact play ... flogging or spanking ... depending on what I feel like and also what I surmise might be good for his subbyness. I like to do the impact play early on so I can watch the skin's response as it fades.
6. After that, it depends. I might move to more gentle sensation play, I might apply a rope harness (I rarely do restrictive bondage on a first session unless the sub is experienced and knows it's fine with him), I might do wax painting ... whatever I'm in the mood for. Or it may get a bit more sexual depending on how I'm feeling about that too.
7. I try to build the scene to some sort of climax and then move into aftercare (My need to give aftercare will have already been discussed).
8. Afterwards I like the sub to eat and drink before driving off, so typically have them assist in the kitchen under My direction ie a bit of service.

I do try to avoid too many sensations at one time, I also avoid the temptation to try out all My toys at once LOL! I try to think about the transitions so that it flows, although I know in My early scenes I'd get the sub into one position ... and then decide I wanted to do something that required a different position! I definitely feel that I have got better at that over time and experience.

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: First time playing with new sub - 1/16/2009 11:24:34 AM

Sexycelticlady

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Thank you Maam Jay for that detailed post, I appreciate it and am considering a similar protocol but with service being the focus initially, progressing to sensation play later on. It was good to read your thoughts.

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RE: First time playing with new sub - 1/17/2009 8:02:14 PM

AcademyForSlaves

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Hi.

I wait for subs to come to me. This way I know their really interested and serious about being my sub. When their serious they email me to apply and I reply asking for a list of what they want or hope to do, their fetishes, their limits, and their abilities of servitude. In bdsm it's recommended to meet in a public place first and not to do any bdsm play until you both hit it off and know each other, but subs come to me to be my sub right away and I don't mind that.

Hope this helps.

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