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RE: teaching your submissive/slave - 1/18/2009 4:21:27 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

pretty much everyone is "hoplessly flawed"

I'm not convinced with this. Yes, we all have our quirks, particulars and weaknesses, but 'hopelessy flawed' is stretching it. It is possible to help someone improve; I'd estimate most of us improve through experience and learning from our mistakes.

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RE: teaching your submissive/slave - 1/18/2009 4:30:06 AM

colouredin

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I dont think anyone ends up being flawless, but the quote is meant to be melodramatic I guess I should have sourced it (little women) but even then I spect people may not understand the context.

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RE: teaching your submissive/slave - 1/18/2009 4:38:23 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I dont think anyone ends up being flawless, but the quote is meant to be melodramatic I guess I should have sourced it (little women) but even then I spect people may not understand the context.

Well, I suppose 'better person' is subjective, but I'd like to think I've improved as a person under the guidance of parents and bosses at work. It does happen! Let's say someone has a tendancy toward negativity and a belief that he/she can't achieve his/her vision - well, I've personally seen improvements in this type of mindset. I'd estimate most of us would see a transition from negative to positive and self-belief, as an improvement.

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RE: teaching your submissive/slave - 1/18/2009 4:43:13 AM

colouredin

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Im not saying that people never improve of course they do. Sometimes however what we view as improvements others dont, as you say a lot is subjective, there will always be things though that do change for the better we grow and learn throughout our lives. But we will never be without flaw.

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RE: teaching your submissive/slave - 1/18/2009 4:47:18 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Im not saying that people never improve of course they do. Sometimes however what we view as improvements others dont, as you say a lot is subjective, there will always be things though that do change for the better we grow and learn throughout our lives. But we will never be without flaw.

Oh I agree, Colouredin. I think anxiety is a characteristic that certainly can't be eradicated. I suppose it's a matter of making the best of the cards that you're dealt.

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RE: teaching your submissive/slave - 1/19/2009 11:51:48 AM

atypicalsub

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That has truely been the best part of living with my Mistress. This is the first time in my life I have been *allowed* to be who I am. No pressure to fit into anyone else's ideas. She is the first one who has accepted that while I am not a woman, I also am not a man.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrSysAdmin

One can only teach what a student is truly willing to learn. Often, the first thing is to be who they are - accept themselves knowing that I will not judge them badly for their needs and desires. That is the first step to a level of comfort and trust.

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RE: teaching your submissive/slave - 1/19/2009 12:40:49 PM

VeryNastyDom

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The first step in training is when the Master learns all the important things about his sub like how to communicate effectively with her and what makes her happy and gratified. Sometimes you need to be the student before you can be the Master.

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RE: teaching your submissive/slave - 1/19/2009 1:10:34 PM

atypicalsub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Its one of my pet hates when Dominants say how they will make me a better person as though they are in a position of ultimate knowledge with which to do that when as you say pretty much everyone is "hoplessly flawed" once that is accepted then you can start having a relationship. When both parties realise they both have something to bring to the table.

My Mistress does stress helping all who serve her to reach their full potential. She does not do this acting as some omnipotent goddess. She acts more like a mother who encourages her children to try new things, take chances and continue to build on their acheivements.

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RE: teaching your submissive/slave - 1/19/2009 4:04:45 PM

Huntertn

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As you can see there are as many different ideals on training as there are ways to the lifestyle..lol

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RE: teaching your submissive/slave - 1/20/2009 9:01:23 PM

hallieB

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Thanks to everyone who replied to my post. I have gathered the answer is different in every relationship.

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RE: teaching your submissive/slave - 1/21/2009 3:21:38 PM

ArthurMasters

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'Training' is a nice word that some Doms and Masters enjoy using. In reality it is merely the initial period in a D/s relationship in which the partners become used to each other. Even in slave training, which involves total power exchange, the style and content of any training will depend on the personality of the Dominant. Programmes may resemble adult education seminars or they may be like brain washing at boot camp. It depends who's doing it.

There are also training sessions in which the Master and the sub are not going to be partners. The sub is being prepared for some future relationship. If the training is for or on behalf of a specific Dominant then the sessions can be tailored to suit that person. If there is no identified Dominant, than the sessions need to be much more general, for the sub is being prepared for a range of possibilities. This sort of training is actually very useful as it helps subs or slaves discover their own levels and expectations, as well as introducing them to some of the attitudes and practices that they may come across in the future. It is interesting that Mistresses seem quite prepared to do substantial amounts of this sort of training, but it is rare to find a Master that does. Is this to do with prevalent male attitudes, I wonder?

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RE: teaching your submissive/slave - 1/21/2009 3:45:24 PM

Godhand502

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From: Louisville, Kentucky, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Im not saying that people never improve of course they do. Sometimes however what we view as improvements others dont, as you say a lot is subjective, there will always be things though that do change for the better we grow and learn throughout our lives. But we will never be without flaw.

Furthermore, who wants perfection in the first place? Perfection is boring. Once you reach perfection what more fun and adventure can you experience? True, we always seek to become better and improve upon ourselves and our actions. But to say that you seek perfection is a flaw in and of itself. Life is more about the journey than the destination.

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RE: teaching your submissive/slave - 1/21/2009 3:46:07 PM

feydeplume

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There is one common thread in all the "training" definitions; that both (or more) parties learn about each other. It may be mostly about sex or how to sit or stand, but more often it is about the strengths, weaknesses, desires, fears, assumptions, and the ground rules of the relationship (mono or poly, bedroom or TPE, shaken or stirred) that they are entering into. So any training is really a two way street with both sides of the whip (you know what i mean) learning about the other person.

One other thing, it tends to work a whole lot better if at least one of those people has some clear idea what they want, who they are, and where they want the relationship to go!

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Post #: 33