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to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/16/2009 6:05:44 PM   
hallieB


Posts: 63
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline 		can someone explain to me what it means exactly to teach or train a sub/slave? If you have a submissive personality you will naturally be submissive. What exactly does a Master want to train you to do? In my past vanilla relationships i always wanted my partner to be happy. i would go above and beyond to do things that pleased them even to the extent to give up my happiness in some cases but all this was because i truly loved or cared for this person and his happiness ment everything to me. i ask this question only to gather a little more understanding of the lifestyle itself.
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/16/2009 6:57:21 PM   
ashyflower


Posts: 23
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		From what i have learned is that each and every Master has His own preference in what He wants. He is molding you into his own personal toy....one that He desires to own. Being submissive or naturally submissive in the lifestyle is what makes it the dynamic.

ashyflower

(in reply to hallieB)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/17/2009 12:36:57 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Personality DOES NOT equal orientation, so the first thing I'd train is to not make assumptions or false connections.

Then I'd have to figure out if they knew adaptability, self awareness, flexibility and introspection.  If they didn't have those basics down, any further training would be meaningless.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ashyflower)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/17/2009 2:11:42 AM   
ashyflower


Posts: 23
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 
Personality DOES NOT equal orientation, so the first thing I'd train is to not make assumptions or false connections.


LA.....you are correct,.....i was not trying to generalize orientation. just making a statement from my own personal experiences and views from being a female sub/slave.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/17/2009 2:18:14 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hallieB

can someone explain to me what it means exactly to teach or train a sub/slave? If you have a submissive personality you will naturally be submissive. What exactly does a Master want to train you to do? In my past vanilla relationships i always wanted my partner to be happy. i would go above and beyond to do things that pleased them even to the extent to give up my happiness in some cases but all this was because i truly loved or cared for this person and his happiness ment everything to me. i ask this question only to gather a little more understanding of the lifestyle itself.

Izzat all you wanna know...?  lol
 
Let's see, every woman I've ever known has clothes I like and clothes I don't - my girl won't be wearing the latter around me; unless it's a work uniform etc....  I'm picky about her hair and general grooming, so I'll be teaching her what *I* require there, too.
 
She'll also need to know the difference between when I'm her equal adult partner and when I'm "Sir", and how to react accordingly.  When "Sir" is giving instruction, she'll learn to stand directly in front of me and close enough that I can easily grasp her hair at the nape of her neck but not so close as to infringe on my personal space. 
She'll learn where to put her hands and gaze when I'm speaking and not to speak herself unless answering or invited to do so.
She'll learn never to speak to me while wearing sunnies.
She'll learn NEVER to hold positions of attitude such as folded arms or hands on hips.
As submissive and willing as she may be, she'll learn there are many things I simply prefer to do myself.
She'll learn that serving a hundred other doms in fifty previous lives still doesn't qualify her to know what *I* want or prefer.
She'll learn that there's at least a hundred other personal choices she'll need to know and still we haven't gotten to anything requiring naked bodies.
After a reasonable familiarisation period, she'll learn that getting those "little things" wrong will sting.

I'm an unashamed "control freak" - the best way to please me and make me happy is to know my needs and do as she's told and to the best of her ability.
And finally, she'll learn that there's almost nothing she can't ask me - as long as she asks respectfully.
 
You still think just being submissive is enough?  While I appreciate a submissive has that need to please etc, the Dominant in me isn't about to just sit back and passively watch you do what you do.  Just because you'll gladly do something doesn't necessarily mean I'm always gonna make it easy for you to do so - I have uniquely Dom/sado needs you'll need to accommodate, too.  Those, you don't get from within so someone has to teach you....
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to hallieB)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/20/2009 9:08:05 PM   
hallieB


Posts: 63
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your replies you have been very helpfull.

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/21/2009 6:40:17 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Its as simple as whites get washed on warm, jeans never get washed on hot--or as complex as chaining them at night.

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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to hallieB)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/21/2009 6:58:55 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

If you have a submissive personality you will naturally be submissive. What exactly does a Master want to train you to do?

The only training I've ever given beth is to accept herself. To be 'free' in her submission, to not think of herself as a 'freak' as she has been accused in past relationships. To not feel down or depressed because her body enjoys things that 'normal society' would deem, 'sick', extreme and bazaar. To allow her mind to go deeper into herself and to be true to whatever she discovers.

Any activity or 'skill development' assignment is incidental and fun. The global focus and goal I have for her 'training' is the freedom that comes from enjoying her life as my slave without guilt.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/21/2009 8:32:01 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		others have already mentioned that much of training will include learning a Master's likes and dislikes, general rules, etc. one rule that my Master has in place is that i am never to presume anything...which means that he would consider it an act of disobedience and defiance if i were to attempt to "surprise" him or "go above and beyond" by taking it entirely upon myself to do something to please him.

you refer to being naturally submissive...well this makes some things much easier along this path. obedience, for one. but sometimes a Master wants more than just your obedience. my Master knows that i will always submit to his will, that i will always do whatever he commands of me, whenever he pleases, just like that. that is because i obey reflexively, the way one sneezes when their nose is tickled by a feather. it requires no real effort on my part. and don't get me wrong, he absolutely looooves this aspect of my nature. however he wants more than just my obedience, he wants me to grow to truly accept and embrace his needs and desires as well. that is where the struggles have been for me.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/21/2009 1:36:17 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Before i met Master i was trained.  I was trained in the basics i had to be retrained to Master preference.  No matter how many others you have served not eveyone wants hings to be di\one the same way.  I think one of the worst things a sub can say when she does something and her Master corects her in the way he want it is : but my old master...  I am sure you get the point.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to daddysprop247)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/21/2009 4:28:29 PM   
faithfulfemme


Posts: 113
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Personality DOES NOT equal orientation, so the first thing I'd train is to not make assumptions or false connections.

Then I'd have to figure out if they knew adaptability, self awareness, flexibility and introspection.  If they didn't have those basics down, any further training would be meaningless.



LA, this is very close, not quite, to how i understand what training a submissive is.  i see training as having two halves:  one half is training a submissive to those likes and dislikes that a Dominant has, and the other half....hhmmm...i have such difficulty expressing this.....the other half is training a submissive on the basics of submission--like how to act, how to respond. 
 
If a person has never surrendered to someone, it can be hard to find that mindset.  i knew i was submissive most of my life.  i knew that being a submissive in this lifestyle was exactly where i wanted to be, but i had absolutely no idea what i was supposed to do regards showing my submission to a Dominant.  Being submissive and showing submission are different and on different places of the learning curve. 
 
Then i met the Dominant that i wanted to be with.  Through this relationship i found out what the basics were.  Through this relationship i learned what surrender was.  Surrendering to another person was not a feeling i had ever felt.  When it finally happened it was simply wonderful.  Through this relationship i found out what humility was.  i had felt humility before, but not to the degree i felt towards this Dom.  Through this relationship i found out about appropriate tone of voice was.  This was the most difficult, as i tend to bounce sometimes, and forget who i'm talking to.  Through this relationship i found out the differences between telling, and asking (those of you out there who have been submissives for a while do know there is a difference........some of us newbies didn't/don't know).  This one i picked up fairly fast.  It only takes a couple times at being corrected and i got the difference.  All these little nuamces Hy taught me even BEFORE we got to what it was that Hy wanted from me in the way of Hys likes and dislikes.
 
So, i see training as having two separate parts. 
 
i have learned most of the basics, but by no means all of them.  i'm positive that there are degrees and variations to the basics of submission that are still unknown to me, but i also know i'll learn them at some point in time.  i'm open to learning, because i know i don't understand all of what i need to know......
 
 
Edited for typoitis.... 

< Message edited by faithfulfemme -- 1/21/2009 4:31:36 PM >

_____________________________

Trust is neither wishing nor hoping; it is a deep sense of honor in another.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/21/2009 6:24:49 PM   
hallieB


Posts: 63
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline 		faithfulfemme, thank you for putting into words for me exactly how i feel. i have expressed this to my Master so many times, i wanted to attend munches and things of that nature, to be in the pressence of experienced submissives that do know how to act and know the right tone of voice, the correct body language, and how to respond. The best way i can describe it would be.... its like reading the book vs. watching the movie. Sometimes i just dont understand, i know i am whinning, i should punish my ownself for this. He has told me what he wants and i think all i can see is what i want.........he told me not to think and here i am doing it again, does that mean i am hopless?

(in reply to faithfulfemme)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/21/2009 6:33:12 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		it doesn't mean you are hopeless. If anything it means there is real hope for you! Submission is not a mindless act. Just to clear something up for you, there isn't "A" right way to anything. the submission isnt in the act itself, but in the way that you do the act, where the words and thoughts come from. Wanting a sense of community is not strange or bad, but be careful not to try to compare yourself to other subs. They are the way they are and you are the way you are. 

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to hallieB)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/21/2009 11:48:29 PM   
faithfulfemme


Posts: 113
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hallieB

faithfulfemme, thank you for putting into words for me exactly how i feel. i have expressed this to my Master so many times, i wanted to attend munches and things of that nature, to be in the pressence of experienced submissives that do know how to act and know the right tone of voice, the correct body language, and how to respond. The best way i can describe it would be.... its like reading the book vs. watching the movie. Sometimes i just dont understand, i know i am whinning, i should punish my ownself for this. He has told me what he wants and i think all i can see is what i want.........he told me not to think and here i am doing it again, does that mean i am hopless?



i know exactly what you're feeling, hallie.  There are basics and then there are the likes and dislikes that a Dominant has.  In my opinion, and my opinion only, there is a difference between these two areas.  However, having said this, following what your Dominant wants is really the best way. 
 
Maybe there's a submissive meeting in your area.  Most are on a monthly basis, and then you could be around some submissive-type people on a R/T basis.  At the meetings you could ask away.  This would depend upon approval of your Dominant, of course.
 
Good luck, hallie, everything will eventually become second-nature to you, it just takes time.
 
And no, you aren't hopeless.   

_____________________________

Trust is neither wishing nor hoping; it is a deep sense of honor in another.

(in reply to hallieB)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/22/2009 5:58:56 AM   
jen182


Posts: 495
Joined: 11/29/2008
Status: offline 		each Dom/me has thier preferences, training teaches you what they like, and dont like and thier specific rules ect.

(in reply to faithfulfemme)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/22/2009 8:57:03 PM   
Suvet


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/22/2009
Status: offline 		I am very new to this lifestyle. I found this site thanks to someone e-mailing me randomly. I looked into it more and found some form of an answer for the question that I have been asking myself for a long time. What do I want? The answer, someone who uses me, calls me his pet, someone who I can pleasure. I read these posts, and I get excited. I want that special someone. I want my master. Then I read some more and it just seems TOO "master/slave" esque. This sort of turns me off, in the end of the day I want someone there to comfort me when i am sad, and to make sure I am safe as well. So, more questions are now being asked. What is it really that I want? Anyone , please have any comments. I would appreciate it.

(in reply to jen182)
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RE: to teach or train a sub/slave - 1/23/2009 6:02:35 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		The same as you would have to be trained for a job.  You need to learn the rules, what is expected of you, what rewards/punishments follow certain behaviors.  A good slave wants training, and a good slave owner will train in what he/she expects.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to hallieB)
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