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Hand Fasting? - 1/7/2006 9:00:38 AM

sub4hire

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This coming March, Doug and I will celebrate our 7th year together. We've been engaged to be married since Valentines day on the first year.
Because of issues, I don't really care to get into with the general masses. We have put off our wedding for 3 year's now.

Anyway, we are both bound and determined to be married this summer. However, if we have it the way we want it our ceremony will be in a different state.
LOTS of people here will be disappointed they aren't invited..etc.
Since many are within the community here not all but many. We've been considering a hand fasting.
I've been to two over the year's. Always a spectator. Never real interested in the proceedings. Does anyone know anything about them, without me having to go to my friend who handles the ceremony?
If I go to him he will pressure me to do it. Rather not have the pressure when it is only a thought at the moment.

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RE: Hand Fasting? - 1/7/2006 9:31:17 AM

siamsa24

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I know of a few books, two I have read and enjoyed, two I have never read.

I have read these:

Handfasting: A Practical Guide by Mary Neasham (this one is very, very good, I even took notes)

Handfasted and Heartjoined: Rituals for Uniting a Couple's Hearts and Lives by Maeve Rhea

These I have not, but their reviews sounds pretty good:
A Romantic Guide to Handfasting: Rituals, Recipes and Lore by Anna Franklin and Andrea Neff

Handfasting and Pagan Weddings: Vows, Ceremonies, Recipes and Resources by Robin B. May

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RE: Hand Fasting? - 1/7/2006 10:50:35 AM

Chaingang

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handfasting

As you may know, weddings were originally held at the church steps - outside the church proper. Most marriages were deemed a trial of fertility, if children were had within the year usually a couple stayed together. If the year long honeymoon ended without offspring, then a man was free to return his wife to her family. Marriage was a deeply private matter with specific desired outcomes. That's pretty much all there is to say about it.

Of course, in more recent times the church and state have both chosen to enter into this deeply private space and thereby control what people are doing with themselves.

Handfasting in modern times is very free form - the ceremonies are actually non-traditional, or at best attempt to recreate a probably fictive past in a bid for perceived legitimacy. But the whole point to me would seem that you are declaring a vow of love and companionship with someone while simultaneously asking no one else's permission for your bold act of love. So really what's cool about this is that you are free to make up your ceremony for yourselves. I would simply try to say certain things and perform ceremonial actions that held profound symbolic meaning for myself and my partner. You can't go far wrong speaking from your hearts. And if words fail, maybe some symbolic action can speak for your heart's intent.

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RE: Hand Fasting? - 1/7/2006 11:12:52 AM

perverseangelic

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I have a couple pagan handfasting ritutals saved in my e-mail. They're geared at neo-pagan/witch spirituality, but might be something you're interested in. If you'd like, I can e-mail them to you (but you'd have to remind me of your e-mail addy)

I've read about several individuals handfastings, adn it sounds beautiful. One thing I like about handfasting is that you can specify the length of the relationship (traditional is "a year and a day" romantic is "untill the stars fall from the sky and in our all future reincarnations") :)

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RE: Hand Fasting? - 1/7/2006 7:44:26 PM

Chaingang

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quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic
... romantic is "untill the stars fall from the sky and in our all future reincarnations"...

Yikes! Why not just become Mormon and be married for "time and all eternity"?

I hate it when paganism or Wicca is made into xtianity lite...blech!

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RE: Hand Fasting? - 1/7/2006 8:18:33 PM

perverseangelic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic
... romantic is "untill the stars fall from the sky and in our all future reincarnations"...

Yikes! Why not just become Mormon and be married for "time and all eternity"?

I hate it when paganism or Wicca is made into xtianity lite...blech!

~shrug~
I find it rather romantic.

I'm about as anti-fluffy-bunny as you'll find, but I think that sometimes silly, sweet, romanticism is written off as fluff instead of what it is. :)

Granted, I'd never have the words "future reincarnations" in my ceremony, anywhere, ever, but the thought's what counts right?

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RE: Hand Fasting? - 1/7/2006 8:40:31 PM

SirKenin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic
... romantic is "untill the stars fall from the sky and in our all future reincarnations"...

Yikes! Why not just become Mormon and be married for "time and all eternity"?

I hate it when paganism or Wicca is made into xtianity lite...blech!

I agree there. Either jump into the damn boat or stay on the dock.

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RE: Hand Fasting? - 1/10/2006 6:12:25 PM

IronBear

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I'm not sure what you are seeking, but I've been an "ordaned" Pagan/Wiccan Priest for some 37 years and probably do a dozen or more handffastings a year. If you want bto contact me privately (via the internal messanger here) I may be able to help in some small way.

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RE: Hand Fasting? - 1/11/2006 1:44:04 PM

fergus

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I highly recommend checking out http://www.witchvox.com and look at the pages local for your state.

You will find TONS of listings for legally ordained clergy and lots of other resources to help you with this.

Congrats :)
fergus

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RE: Hand Fasting? - 1/11/2006 9:50:10 PM

jawnhenry

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Sara and I were Handfasted for eternity. OUr ceremony was simple yet beautiful I think. If you are interested PM me and I will share a copy of our ceremony to give you some ideas of what one can be like.

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