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Rewards - 1/17/2009 12:21:05 AM

dombrs

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Joined: 10/4/2008
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So I've been reading the various posts for awhile now and there seems to enough on Punishments/funishments but what about rewards. How do you reward your sub/slave?

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 12:23:52 AM

GimpinDenial

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uhmmm...
You mean a punishment is not reward enough??

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 12:29:42 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Anything that is considered desireable and increases the likelihood of a repeated behavior = reward

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 12:31:22 AM

dreamerdreaming

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I don't have a punishment/reward dynamic with my slave. Funishment yes, but...

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 3:28:01 AM

DesFIP

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We don't do rewards. He does tell me when he's happy with what I've done. Positive reinforcement.

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 6:49:21 AM

DarkSteven

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"Good girl".

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 7:12:54 AM

kallisto

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

"Good girl".

Coming from a sub ... those two words have a lot of meaning and power to them.

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 7:19:12 AM

sheezamystry

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/28/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kallisto

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

"Good girl".

Coming from a sub ... those two words have a lot of meaning and power to them.

NO kidding.. it is amazing the power of those two words! Such a reward!

i've read that subs are not supposed to 'need' reinforcement or rewards.. well not being a serving sub, but a babygirlsub, i could not disagree more regarding my own needy self. If i am left to my own devices with no positive reinforcement, no good girl, no rewards as it were, i drift and lose focus. The guidance and control are rewards in themselves, but i sure do need to be told and shown that i am approved of and have pleased!

funishment! i lub that word, thank you dreamerdreaming!

regards,
mystry

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 7:21:39 AM

sheezamystry

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oops this is ask a M... am i not supposed to answer/post here? sowwy the depth of my confusion comes more naturally than the gold of my locks

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 7:51:13 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
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From: California
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Sheez, you can post anywhere. Forums are not restricted.

Vanilla or kink, everyone needs rewards of some sort. Think of having a job where there is never a reward... never being told you did a good job, never a kind word, no pay... uhh, yeah.

My favorite rewards (other than the sort of play time that I like) are verbal acknowledgments such as "good girl" or "I'm proud of you".

Cali

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 8:51:32 AM

MRandme

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He may reward me for good service with a kiss, or by cupping my cheek and telling me i am a good girl, with a hug, or once in a while allowing me a couple of orgasms at night (since i'm not honored to live with Him). i do consider them rewards, as they make me feel happy and appreciated, especially when He has done something to me that i had trouble accepting in a scene. Anything that makes this girl feel happy is a reward.

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 8:55:34 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dombrs

How do you reward your sub/slave?

I don't!

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 9:01:20 AM

servantheart

Posts: 960
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From: Houston, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kallisto

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

"Good girl".

Coming from a sub ... those two words have a lot of meaning and power to them.

There is nothing better imo :)

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 9:08:54 AM

Celene

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I feel the reward is being able to serve.
I do enjoy positive communication, but that is more what I'd consider reenforcing good behavior (or training if you prefer).

What is more rewarding for a submissive than to be of service?

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 9:15:59 AM

littlewonder

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Master gives rewards and punishments. It just depends on the event. It could be anything from telling me "nice job" to buying me something or allowing me a part of himself he never allowed before.

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 9:34:09 AM

DrSysAdmin

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Joined: 12/6/2008
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The reward varies with the person - some may respond better with a word, a touch, a smile, etc. We have to understand what drives you - and give you the positive reinforcement that keeps you performing at the pinnacle of your ability.

For those who say there is only a punishment dynamic - your missing half the equation - and you will get better service when the desire a pet has - is fed - vs simply demanded. Sure it works - but you push them to be better. Its not hard - and it makes them trust and appreciate you so much more. Positive and negative reinforcement each have their place.

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 11:53:45 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dombrs

How do you reward your sub/slave?

(Note: this isn't meant to sounds snippy, but, rather, to the point.)

A Dom/me who is attentive and knowledgeable of his/her sub should know the answer to this question long before it is even voiced.

It's like asking: "What should I buy my mom for her birthday?"

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 12:00:18 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Vanilla or kink, everyone needs rewards of some sort. Think of having a job where there is never a reward... never being told you did a good job, never a kind word, no pay... uhh, yeah.

Cali

I don't define this as a reward. To me a reward would be the opposite of a punishment, a quid pro quo thing. "Because you washed my car, you may have a chocolate ice cream or ten spanks". Something that is directly linked to one specific act.

And the problem with teaching people to respond to treats is that when the treat is not forthcoming, they may no longer do the wanted thing. "He isn't spanking me anymore so I won't do his laundry for him".

I don't want a relationship where people keep score. But positive reinforcement: telling someone thank you; cuddling with them; telling them how much you appreciate them - this sort of thing not tied to one specific act will permeate the whole relationship.

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 12:02:20 PM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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Attention, praise, gifts, more attention, sometimes a scene (we're really not SM partners much anyway). she's oriented such that attention and praise really work well for her, as does the simply acknowledgment that she's met my exact order. The tough part about the latter is that I must GIVE and exact order.

Master Fire

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RE: Rewards - 1/17/2009 1:09:12 PM

chamberqueen

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From: Kalamazoo, MI
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I love it when I get a "good gurl", a "thank you", "you did an excellent job", anything along those lines. I send my Master an email after a session telling him my favorite parts of what went on and when he feels like giving me a reward he will again put me in that position. That's a very lovely reward.

He told me a couple of times within a week that I was entitled to something. I asked what "entitled" meant to him. He said that the way that he uses it is when he gives something as part gift, part reward. For instance, if I am cleaning his home I am "entitled" to eat while I am there. In his mind it goes beyond being "allowed" to eat, more than watching over me (because I have low blood sugar and can get very sick if I need to eat), but is a gift/reward to me for the excellent service I have provided him. Simply being entitled to things, whether I take advantage of them or not, makes me feel very rewarded.

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