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Savior's Responsibility? - 1/7/2006 4:22:55 PM

shigglyboom

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There's an old proverb (a quick Google search seems to say it's Chinese) that states if you save a person's life you're responsible for him/her forever. Intuitively, this has always seemed odd to me. Wouldn't the person that had been saved be the one required to carry the debt? Specifically, a debt of gratitude that would cause the saved to be irretrievably tied to the hero, not vice versa?

Since lots of saving - figurative if not literal - goes on in D/s relationships, I thought I'd throw it out here as a question and see if folks could give me some insight borne of experience. Why would ancient wisdom lay the burden on the hero and not the recipient?

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RE: Savior's Responsibility? - 1/7/2006 6:21:13 PM

samwise213

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My guess would be that it has something to do with taking responsibility for that person. By saving their life, you are saying that they are important to you, and so to fail to protect them later casts poor light on your honor... But I could be wrong...

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Strange Old Proverb - 1/8/2006 8:40:11 AM

shigglyboom

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Sam,
Thanks for your interesting response. If that were true, spontaneously saving a drowning stranger would make them important to you, where they likely weren't before... which actually ADDS to the burden of saving someone. Wouldn't that make many people think twice about jumping in the river?

Was the purpose of the proverb to make people reconsider whether someone is "worth" saving?

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RE: Strange Old Proverb - 1/8/2006 8:48:15 AM

shigglyboom

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I want to clarify why I posted this here.

Say a dom saves his sub's life. For instance, perhaps she's got a drug problem that he helps her get control of. Is he then responsible for her because of feelings this engenders in him? Or because she's gotten in the habit of depending on him? Or because there's some kind of psychic bond created in the act? Or is the proverb just a load of bull?

Then, take an example where the saving is figurative. A domme saves her sub from a life unfulfilled. Does the proverb apply then?

Obviously D/s relationships can create long term feelings, but is it inescapable that when one person saves another there is a permanent pull on the savior's mind?

shig

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RE: Strange Old Proverb - 1/8/2006 9:25:09 AM

Chaingang

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Maybe all it means is that despair and fate are not easily thwarted. If person was intending to kill themselves you owe them more than your mere temporary save - you owe them a way out of despair or they are no better off than they were before. If you save someone from a crisis I think the suggestion is that you are tampering with the workings of fate and therefore owe the person a new lease on life as fate had intended to take them away so they have no predetermined life script.

What I find to be more realistic is that people sometimes save each other for all kinds of reasons and that each situation is unique. Life doesn't provide ready made answers to each case, you have to figure them out for yourself using your own ethical compass.

My final observation is that "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink." So yeah, some people are not prepared to be saved and it's a heavy load for the savior to bear. For many problems people really have to save themselves ultimately - and nothing else will do.

I just finished stating that there were no ready answers, but the problem of substance abuse is most likely a problem a person has to resolve for themselves. You can show them the light, but they have to walk all the way there on their own two feet. All you can do is take away their car keys from time to time, but I would hardly consider that saving their life - that's more of a social good.

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"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

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RE: Strange Old Proverb - 1/8/2006 6:03:40 PM

Tristan

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Didn't Gilligan have this problem once? If I remember correctly, he just put his life in danger so the other person could save him and wipe the slate clean.

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RE: Strange Old Proverb - 1/8/2006 7:31:32 PM

samwise213

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I would probably say that the responsibility comes from a bond formed by the act... I doubt the proverb is a load of bull... most proverbs have some importance. Of course, oftentimes that importance comes from the culture where the proverb originates.

Perhaps the debt comes from the expectation to not do a half assed job of saving them...

On a side note, since we are talking about proverbs, and others have been mentioned (the horse and water one)... Another good proverb is "Give a man a fish, and he eat's for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he eats for a lifetime"

Or there's my brother's variation:
"Give a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he's warm the rest of his life..."